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WHAT EVERY IS SAYING An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-
Reading People JOE NAVARRO with Marvin Karlins , Ph.D.
https://www.8freebooks.net
mn HarperCollins e-books https://www.8freebooks.net
WHAT EVERY IS SAYING An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-
Reading People JOE NAVARRO FBI Special Agent (Ret.) with Marvin
Karlins, Ph.D. https://www.8freebooks.net
To my grandmother, Adelina, whose withered hands lovingly
molded a child into a man. —JOE NAVARRO To my wife, Edyth, who has
blessed me with her love and taught me what it means to be a caring human
being. — MARVIN KARLINS https://www.8freebooks.net
CONTENTS Foreword: I See What You’re Thinking vi
Acknowledgments x ONE Mastering the Secrets of Nonverbal
Communication 1 TWO Living Our Limbic Legacy 21 THREE Getting a
Leg Up on Body Language: Nonverbals of the Feet and Legs 53 FOUR
Torso Tips: Nonverbals of the Torso, Hips, Chest, and Shoulders 85 FIVE
Knowledge Within Reach: Nonverbals of the Arms 109 SIX Getting a Grip:
Nonverbals of the Hands and Fingers 133 https://www.8freebooks.net
V CONTENTS SEVEN The Mind’s Canvas: Nonverbals of the
Face 165 EIGHT Detecting Deception: Proceed with Caution! 205 NINE
Some Final Thoughts 233 Bibliography 235 Index 239 About the Authors
Other Books by Joe Navarro with Marvin Karlins Credits Cover Copyright
About the Publisher https://www.8freebooks.net
FOREWORD I See What You’re Thinking Marvin Karlins, Ph.D.
The man sat stoically at one end of the table, carefully crafting his replies to
the FBI agent’s inquiries. He wasn’t considered a major suspect in the
murder case. His alibi was believable and he sounded sincere, but the agent
pressed on nevertheless. With the suspect’s consent, he was asked a series
of questions about the murder weapon: “If you had committed this crime,
would you have used a gun?” “If you had committed this crime, would you
have used a knife?” “If you had committed this crime, would you have used
an ice pick?” “If you had committed this crime, would you have used a
hammer?” One of the weapons, the ice pick, had actually been used in the
commission of the crime, but that information had been kept from the
public. Thus, only the killer would know which object was the real murder
weapon. As the FBI agent went down the list of weapons, he
https://www.8freebooks.net
VII FOREWORD observed the suspect carefully. When the ice
pick was mentioned, the man’s eyelids came down hard and stayed down
until the next weapon was named. The agent instantly understood the
significance of the eyelid behavior he had witnessed, and from that moment
forward the “minor” suspect became the primary person of interest in the
investigation. He later confessed to the crime. Chalk one up for Joe
Navarro, a remarkable human being who, in addition to unmasking the ice -
pick killer, is credited with catching scores of criminals, including “master
spies,” in a distinguished twenty-fiveyear career with the FBI. How was he
able to do this? If you asked him, he quietly would say, “I owe it to being
able to read people.” Joe, it turns out, has spent his entire professional life
studying, refining, and applying the science of nonverbal communications
— facial expressions, gestures, physical movements (kinesics), body
distance (proxemics), touching (haptics), posture, even clothing — to
decipher what people are thinking, how they intend to act, and whether their
pronouncements are true or false. This is not good news for criminals,
terrorists, and spies, who, under his careful scrutiny, usually give off more
than enough nonverbal body signals (“tells”) to make their thoughts and
intentions transparent and detectable. It is, however, very good news for
you, the reader, because the very same nonverbal knowledge Joe relied on
to become a master “Spycatcher,” "human lie detector,” and instructor at the
FBI is what he will be sharing with you so you can better understand the
feelings, thoughts, and intentions of those around you. As a renowned
author and educator, Joe will teach you how to observe like an expert,
detecting and deciphering the nonverbal behaviors of others so you can
interact with them more successfully. For business or for pleasure, this
knowledge will enrich and magnify your life. Much of what Joe will be
sharing with you in this book was not even recognized fifteen years ago by
the scientific community. It is only through recent advances in brain-scan
technology and neural imaging that scientists have been able to establish the
validity of the behaviors Joe will be describing. Drawing from the latest
discoveries in psychology, https://www.8freebooks.net
FOREWORD viii neurobiology, medicine, sociology,
criminology, communication studies, and anthropology — plus his quarter
century of experience using nonverbal behavior in his work as an FBI
Special Agent — Joe is uniquely qualified to help you succeed in your
understanding of nonverbal communications. His expertise is recognized
and sought worldwide. Besides being interviewed regularly on programs
such as NBC’s Today Show, CNN Headline News, Fox Cable News, and
ABC’s Good Morning America, he continues to conduct seminars on
nonverbal communication for the FBI and the CIA, as well as for other
members of the intelligence community. He is a consultant to the banking
and insurance industries as well as to major law firms in the United States
and abroad. Joe also teaches at Saint Leo University and at various medical
schools throughout the United States, where his unique insights into
nonverbal communication have found a receptive audience among many,
including physicians desiring to assess patients with greater speed and
accuracy. Joe’s combination of academic skills and occupational credentials
— coupled with his masterful analysis of nonverbal communications in
reallife, high-stakes situations — has placed him apart and in the forefront
of nonverbal expertise, as you will discover in this book. After working
with Joe, attending his seminars, and putting his ideas to work in my own
life, I firmly believe that the material in these pages represents a major
advance in our understanding of all things nonverbal. I say this as a trained
psychologist who got involved in this writing project because I was excited
by Joe’s pioneering work in harnessing the scientific knowledge of
nonverbal communications to achieve professional objectives and personal
success. I was also impressed by his reasoned, careful approach to the topic.
For example, while observing nonverbals allows us to get an “accurate
read” on many kinds of behavior, Joe warns us that using body language to
detect deception is a particularly difficult and challenging task. This is a
significant insight — rarely recognized by laypeople or by the law
enforcement community — and serves as a critical and poignant reminder
to be very careful before you declare a person to be honest or dishonest
based on his nonverbal behaviors. https://www.8freebooks.net
IX FOREWORD Unlike many other books on nonverbal
behavior, the information presented herein is based on scientific facts and
field-tested findings rather than on personal opinion and armchair
speculations. Further, the text highlights what other published works often
ignore: the critical role played by the limbic system of the human brain in
understanding and using nonverbal cues effectively. The silent language of
the body can be yours to master. Whether you are studying nonverbals
because you want to get ahead in your job or simply want to get along
better with friends and family, this book is designed for you. Gaining
proficiency will require a careful examination of the chapters that follow,
plus a commitment to spend some serious time and energy learning and
applying Joe’s teachings in your daily routines. Reading people successfully
— learning, decoding, and utilizing nonverbal behavior to predict human
actions — is a task well worth your attention, one that offers ample rewards
for the effort expended. So plant your feet firmly on the floor, turn to the
next page, and get ready to learn and watch for those all-important
nonverbal behaviors that Joe will be teaching you. It won’t be long before
you discover, with just a glance, what every body is saying.
https://www.8freebooks.net
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS When I started writing the early drafts
of this book, I realized that this project had been long in the making. It did
not start with my interest in reading about nonverbal behavior, nor in
pursuing it academically, nor in the FBI. Rather, in a real sense, it started
with my family many years earlier. I learned to read others primarily from
the teachings of my parents, Albert and Mariana Lopez, and my
grandmother, Adelina Paniagua Espino. Each in his or her own way taught
me something different about the significance and power of nonverbal
communications. From my mother, I learned that nonverbals are invaluable
in dealing with others. A subtle behavior, she taught me, can avert an
awkward situation or can make someone completely comfortable — a skill
she has performed effortlessly all of her life. From my father, I learned the
power of expression; https://www.8freebooks.net
XI ACKNOWLEDGMENTS with one look he can communicate
volumes with exquisite clarity. He is a man who commands respect, just by
being. And from my grandmother, to whom I dedicate this book, I learned
that small behaviors have great significance: a smile, a head tilt, a gentle
touch at the right time can convey so much; it can even heal. These things
they taught me every day, and in so doing, prepared me to observe more
aptly the world around me. Their teachings as well as those of many others
are found in these pages. While I was at Brigham Young University, }.
Wesley Sherwood, Richard Townsend, and Dean Clive Winn II taught me
much about police work and observing criminals. Later, in the FBI, people
such as Doug Gregory, Tom Riley, Julian “Jay” Koerner, Dr. Richard Ault,
and David G. Major taught me the subtle nuances of counterintelligence
and espionage behavior. To them I am grateful for sharpening my
peoplewatching skills. Similarly, I have to thank Dr. John Schafer, former
FBI agent and fellow member of the bureau’s elite Behavioral Analysis
Program, who encouraged me to write and allowed me to be his coauthor
on multiple occasions. Marc Reeser, who was with me in the trenches
catching spies for so long, also deserves my recognition. To my other
colleagues, and there were many in the National Security Division of the
FBI, I thank you for all your support. Over the years, the FBI ensured we
were taught by the best, and so at the hands of professors Joe Kulis, Paul
Ekman, Maureen O’Sullivan, Mark Frank, Bella M. DePaulo, Aldert Vrij,
Reid Meloy, and Judy Burgoon I learned about the research on nonverbal
communications directly or through their writings. I developed a friendship
with many of these individuals, including David Givens, who heads the
Center for Nonverbal Studies in Spokane, Washington, and whose writings,
teachings, and admonitions I have taken to heart. Their research and
writings have enriched my life, and I have included their work in this
volume as well as that of other giants such as Desmond Morris, Edward
Hall, and Charles Darwin, who started it all with his seminal book The
expression of the emotions in man and animals. While these people
provided the academic framework, others contributed in their own ways to
this project, and I must recognize them https://www.8freebooks.net
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS XII individually. My dear friend
Elizabeth Lee Barron, at the University of Tampa, is a godsend when it
comes to research. I am also indebted to Dr. Phil Quinn at the University of
Tampa and to Professor Barry Glover, at Saint Leo University, for their
years of friendship and willingness to accommodate my busy travel
schedule. This book would not be the same without photographs, and for
that I am grateful for the work of renowned photographer Mark Wemple.
My gratitude also goes out to Ashlee B. Castle, my administrative assistant,
who, when asked if she was willing to make faces for a book, merely said,
“Sure, why not?” You guys are great. I also want to thank Tampa artist
David R. Andrade for his illustrations. Matthew Benjamin, my ever-patient
editor at HarperCollins, put this project together and deserves my praise for
being a gentleman and a consummate professional. My praise also goes to
Executive Editor Toni Sciarra, who worked so diligently to finalize this
project. Matthew and Toni work with a wonderful team of people at
HarperCollins, including copy editor Paula Cooper, to whom I owe many
thanks. And as before, I want to thank Dr. Marvin Karlins for once again
shaping my ideas into this book and for his kind words in the foreword. My
gratitude goes out to my dear friend Dr. Elizabeth A. Murray, a true
scientist and educator, who took time out from her busy teaching schedule
to edit the early drafts of this manuscript and share her voluminous
knowledge of the human body. To my family — all of my family, near and
far — I thank you for tolerating me and my writing when I should have
been relaxing with you. To Luca, muito obrigado. To my daughter,
Stephanie, I give thanks every day for your loving soul. All of these
individuals have contributed to this book in some way; their knowledge and
insight, small and large, is shared with you herein. I wrote this book with
the sober knowledge that many of you will use this information in your
daily lives. To that end, I have worked assiduously to present both the
science and the empirical information with diligence and clarity. If there are
any errors in this book, they are my responsibility and mine alone.
https://www.8freebooks.net
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS xiii There is an old Latin saying, “Qui
docet, discit” (He who teaches, learns). In many ways, writing is no
different; it is a process of learning and discerning, which at the end of the
day has been a pleasure. It is my hope that when you come to the end of this
book, you too will have gained a profound knowledge of how we
communicate nonverbally — and that your life will be enriched, as mine
has been, by knowing what every body is saying. Joe Navarro Tampa,
Florida August 2007 https://www.8freebooks.net
ONE Mastering the Secrets of Nonverbal Communication
Whenever I’m teaching people about “body language,” this question is
invariably asked. “Joe, what got you interested in studying nonverbal
behavior in the first place?” It wasn’t something I had planned to do, nor
was it the result of some long-term fascination with the topic. It was much
more down-to-earth than that. It was an interest born of necessity, the need
to adapt successfully to a totally new way of life. When I was eight years
old, I came to America as an exile from Cuba. We left just a few months
after the Bay of Pigs invasion, and we honestly thought we would be here
only for a short while as refugees. Unable to speak English at first, I did
what thousands of other immigrants coming to this country have done. I
quickly learned that to fit in with my new classmates at school, I needed to
be aware of — and sensitive to — the “other” language around me, the
language of nonverbal https://www.8freebooks.net
2 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING behavior. I found that was
a language I could translate and understand immediately. In my young
mind, I saw the human body as a kind of billboard that transmitted
(advertised) what a person was thinking via gestures, facial expressions,
and physical movements that I could read. Over time, obviously, I learned
English — and even lost some skill with the Spanish language — but the
nonverbals, I never forgot. I discovered at an early age that I could always
rely on nonverbal communications. I learned to use body language to
decipher what my classmates and teachers were trying to communicate to
me and how they felt about me. One of the first things I noticed was that
students or teachers who genuinely liked me would raise (or arch) their
eyebrows when they first saw me walk into the room. On the other hand,
those individuals who weren’t too friendly toward me would squint their
eyes slightly when I appeared — a behavior that once observed is never
forgotten. I used this nonverbal information, as so many other immigrants
have, quickly to evaluate and develop friendships, to communicate despite
the obvious language barrier, to avoid enemies, and in nurturing healthy
relationships. Many years later I would use these same nonverbal eye
behaviors to solve crimes as a special agent at the Federal Bureau of
Investigation (FBI) (see box 1). Based on my background, education, and
training, I want to teach you to see the world as an FBI expert on nonverbal
communication views it: as a vivid, dynamic environment where every
human interaction resonates with information, and as an opportunity to use
the silent language of the body to enrich your knowledge of what people are
thinking, feeling, and intending to do. Using this knowledge will help you
stand out among others. It will also protect you and give you previously
hidden insight into human behavior. WHAT EXACTLY IS NONVERBAL
COMMUNICATION? Nonverbal communication, often referred to as
nonverbal behavior or body language, is a means of transmitting
information — just like the spoken word — except it is achieved through
facial expressions, gestures, https://www.8freebooks.net
MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL
COMMUNICATION 3 BOX 1: IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE “Eye-
blocking" is a nonverbal behavior that can occur when we feel threatened
and/or don’t like what we see. Squinting (as in the case with my classmates,
described above) and closing or shielding our eyes are actions that have
evolved to protect the brain from “seeing” undesirable images and to
communicate our disdain toward others. As an investigator, I used eye-
blocking behaviors to assist in the arson investigation of a tragic hotel fire
in Puerto Rico that claimed ninety-seven lives. A security guard came under
immediate suspicion because the blaze broke out in an area where he was
assigned. One of the ways we determined he had nothing to do with starting
the fire was by asking him some very specific questions as to where he was
before the fire, at the time of the fire, and whether or not he set the fire.
After each question I observed his face for any telltale signs of eye-block
behavior. His eyes blocked only when questioned about where he was when
the fire started. Oddly, in contrast, he did not seem troubled by the question,
“Did you set the fire?” This told me the real issue was his location at the
time of the fire, not his possible involvement in setting the fire. He was
questioned further on this topic by the lead investigators and eventually
admitted to leaving his post to visit his girlfriend, who also worked at the
hotel. Unfortunately, while he was gone, the arsonists entered the area he
should have been guarding and started the fire. In this case, the guard’s eye-
blocking behavior gave us the insight we needed to pursue a line of
questioning that eventually broke the case open. In the end, three arsonists
responsible for the tragic blaze were arrested and convicted of the crime.
The security guard, while woefully negligent and burdened with
tremendous guilt, was not, however, the culprit. https://www.8freebooks.net
4 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING touching (haptics),
physical movements (kinesics), posture, body adornment (clothes, jewelry,
hairstyle, tattoos, etc.), and even the tone, timbre, and volume of an
individual’s voice (rather than spoken content). Nonverbal behaviors
comprise approximately 60 to 65 percent of all interpersonal
communication and, during lovemaking, can constitute 100 percent of
communication between partners (Burgoon, 1994, 229-285). Nonverbal
communication can also reveal a person’s true thoughts, feelings, and
intentions. For this reason, nonverbal behaviors are sometimes referred to
as tells (they tell us about the person’s true state of mind). Because people
are not always aware they are communicating nonverbally, body language
is often more honest than an individual’s verbal pronouncements, which are
consciously crafted to accomplish the speakers objectives (see box 2).
BOX 2: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS A memorable
example of how body language can sometimes be more truthful than verbal
language involved the rape of a young woman on the Parker Indian
Reservation in Arizona. A suspect in the case was brought in for
questioning. His words sounded convincing and his story was plausible. He
claimed he hadn’t seen the victim and while out in a field had gone down a
row of cotton, turned left, and then walked straight to his house. While my
colleagues jotted down notes about what they were hearing, I kept my eyes
on the suspect and saw that as he told the story about turning left and going
home, his hand gestured to his right, which was exactly the direction that
led to the rape scene. If I hadn’t been watching him, I wouldn't have caught
the discrepancy between his verbal (“I went left”) and nonverbal (hand
gesturing to the right) behavior. But once I saw it I suspected he was lying. I
waited a while and then confronted him again, and in the end he confessed
to the crime. https://www.8freebooks.net
MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL
COMMUNICATION 5 Whenever your observation of another person’s
nonverbal behavior helps you understand that person’s feelings, intentions,
or actions — or clarifies his or her spoken words — then you have
successfully decoded and used this silent medium. USING NONVERBAL
BEHAVIOR TO ENHANCE YOUR LIFE It has been well established by
researchers that those who can effectively read and interpret nonverbal
communication, and manage how others perceive them, will enjoy greater
success in life than individuals who lack this skill (Goleman, 1995, 13—
92). It is the goal of this book to teach you how to observe the world around
you and to determine the meaning of nonverbals in any setting. This
powerful knowledge will enhance your personal interactions and enrich
your life, as it has mine. One of the fascinating things about an appreciation
for nonverbal behavior is its universal applicability. It works everywhere
humans interact. Nonverbals are ubiquitous and reliable. Once you know
what a specific nonverbal behavior means, you can use that information in
any number of different circumstances and in all types of environments. In
fact, it is difficult to interact effectively without nonverbals. If you ever
wondered why people still fly to meetings in the age of computers, text
messages, e-mails, telephones, and video conferencing, it is because of the
need to express and observe nonverbal communications in person. Nothing
beats seeing the nonverbals up close and personal. Why? Because
nonverbals are powerful and they have meaning. Whatever you learn from
this book, you will be able to apply to any situation, in any setting. Case in
point (see box 3 on next page): https://www.8freebooks.net
6 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 3: GIVING A
DOCTOR THE UPPER HAND Several months ago I presented a seminar
to a group of poker players on how to use nonverbal behavior to read their
opponents’ hands and win more money at the tables. Because poker is a
game that emphasizes bluffing and deception, players have a keen interest
in being able to read the tells of their opponents. For them, decoding
nonverbal communications is critical to success. While many were grateful
for the insights I provided, what startled me was how many seminar
participants were able to see the value of understanding and utilizing
nonverbal behavior beyond the poker table. Two weeks after the session
ended I received an e-mail from one of the participants, a physician from
Texas. “What I find most amazing,” he wrote me, “is that what I learned in
your seminar has also helped me in my practice. The nonverbals you taught
us in order to read poker players have helped me read my patients, too.
Now I can sense when they are uncomfortable, confident, or not being
entirely truthful.” The doctors note speaks to the universality of nonverbals
and their value in all facets of life. MASTERING NONVERBAL
COMMUNICATIONS REQUIRES A PARTNERSHIP I am convinced that
any person possessing normal intelligence can learn to use nonverbal
communication to better themselves. I know this because for the past two
decades I have taught thousands of people, just like you, how to
successfully decode nonverbal behavior and use that information to enrich
their lives, the lives of their loved ones, and to achieve their personal and
professional goals. Accomplishing this, however, requires that you and I
establish a working partnership, each contributing something of
significance to our mutual effort. https://www.8freebooks.net
MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL
COMMUNICATION 7 Following the Ten Commandments for Observing
and Decoding Nonverbal Communications Successfully Reading people
successfully — collecting nonverbal intelligence to assess their thoughts,
feelings, and intentions — is a skill that requires constant practice and
proper training. To help you on the training side, I want to provide you with
some important guidelines — or commandments — to maximize your
effectiveness in reading nonverbals. As you incorporate these
commandments into your everyday life and make them part of your routine,
they soon will become second nature to you, needing little, if any, conscious
thought. It’s a lot like learning to drive. Do you remember the first time you
gave that a go? If you were like me, you were so concerned with operating
the vehicle that it was difficult to track what you were doing inside the car
and concentrate on what was happening on the road outside at the same
time. It was only when you felt comfortable behind the wheel that you were
able to expand your focus to encompass the total driving environment.
That’s the way it is with nonverbal behavior. Once you master the
mechanics of using nonverbal communication effectively, it will become
automatic and you can focus your full attention on decoding the world
around you. Commandment 1: Be a competent observer of your
environment. This is the most basic requirement for anyone wishing to
decode and use nonverbal communications. Imagine the foolishness of
trying to listen to someone with plugs in our ears. We couldn’t hear the
message and whatever was said would be lost on us. Thus, most intent
listeners don’t go around wearing earplugs! Yet, when it comes to seeing
the silent language of nonverbal behavior, many viewers might as well be
wearing blindfolds, as oblivious as they are to the body signals around
them. Consider this. Just as careful listening is critical to understanding our
verbal pronouncements, so careful observation is vital to comprehending
our body language. Whoa! Don’t just breeze past that sentence and continue
https://www.8freebooks.net
8 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING reading. What it states is
critical. Concerted (effortful) observation — is absolutely essential to
reading people and detecting their nonverbal tells successfully. The problem
is that most people spend their lives looking but not truly seeing, or, as
Sherlock Holmes, the meticulous English detective, declared to his partner,
Dr. Watson, “You see, but you do not observe.” Sadly, the majority of
individuals view their surroundings with a minimal amount of observational
effort. Such people are oblivious to subtle changes in their world. They are
unaware of the rich tapestry of details that surrounds them, such as the
subtle movement of a person’s hand or foot that might betray his thoughts
or intentions. In fact, various scientific studies have demonstrated people to
be poor observers of their world. For example, when a man dressed in a
gorilla suit walked in front of a group of students while other activities were
taking place, half the students didn’t even notice the gorilla in their midst
(Simons & Chabris, 1999, 1059—1074)! Observation-impoverished
individuals lack what airline pilots refer to as “situational awareness,”
which is a sense of where one is at all times; they don’t have a solid mental
picture of exactly what is going on around them or even in front of them.
Ask them to go into a strange room filled with people, give them a chance
to look around, and then tell them to close their eyes and report what they
saw. You would be astounded by their inability to recall even the most
obvious features in the room. I find it disheartening how often we run into
somebody or read about someone who always seems to be blindsided by
life’s events. The complaints of these individuals are nearly always the
same: “My wife just filed for divorce. I never had a clue she was unhappy
with our marriage.” “The guidance counselor tells me my son has been
using cocaine for three years. I had no idea he had a drug problem.”
https://www.8freebooks.net
MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL
COMMUNICATION 9 “I was arguing with this guy and out of nowhere he
sucker punched me. I never saw it coming.” “I thought the boss was pretty
happy with my job performance. I had no idea I was going to be fired.”
These are the kinds of statements made by men and women who have never
learned how to observe the world around them effectively. Such
inadequacies are not surprising, really. After all, as we grow from children
to adults, we’re never instructed on how to observe the nonverbal clues of
others. There are no classes in elementary school, high school, or college
that teach people situational awareness. If you’re lucky, you teach yourself
to be more observant. If you don’t, you miss out on an incredible amount of
useful information that could help you avoid problems and make your life
more fulfilling, be it when dating, at work, or with family. Fortunately,
observation is a skill that can be learned. We don’t have to go through life
being blindsided. Furthermore, because it is a skill, we can get better at it
with the right kind of training and practice. If you are observationally
“challenged,” do not despair. You can overcome your weakness in this area
if you are willing to devote time and effort to observing your world more
conscientiously. What you need to do is make observation — concerted
observation — a way of life. Becoming aware of the world around you is
not a passive act. It is a conscious, deliberate behavior — something that
takes effort, energy, and concentration to achieve, and constant practice to
maintain. Observation is like a muscle. It grows stronger with use and
atrophies without use. Exercise your observation muscle and you will
become a more powerful decoder of the world around you. By the way,
when I speak of concerted observation, I am asking you to utilize all your
senses, not just your sense of sight. Whenever I walk into my apartment, I
take a deep breath. If things don’t smell “normal” I become concerned. One
time I detected the slight odor ot lingering cigarette smoke when I returned
home from a trip. My nose alerted me to possible danger well before my
eyes could scan my apartment. It turned https://www.8freebooks.net
10 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING out that the apartment
maintenance man had been by to fix a leaky pipe, and the smoke on his
clothes and skin were still lingering in the air several hours later.
Fortunately, he was a welcome intruder, but there could just as easily have
been a burglar lurking in the next room. The point is, by using all my
senses, I was better able to assess my environment and contribute to my
own safety and well-being. Commandment 2: Observing in context is key
to understanding nonverbal behavior. When trying to understand nonverbal
behavior in real-life situations, the more you understand the context in
which it takes place, the better you will be at understanding what it means.
For example, after a traffic accident, I expect people to be in shock and to
walk around looking dazed. I expect their hands to shake and even for them
to make poor decisions like walking into oncoming traffic. (This is why
officers ask you to stay in your car.) Why? After an accident, people are
suffering the effects of a complete hijacking of the “thinking” brain by a
region of the brain known as the limbic system. The result of this hijacking
includes behaviors such as trembling, disorientation, nervousness, and
discomfort. In context, these actions are to be expected and confirm the
stress from the accident. During a job interview, I expect applicants to be
nervous initially and for that nervousness to dissipate. If it shows up again
when I ask specific questions, then I have to wonder why these nervous
behaviors have suddenly presented again. Commandment 3: Learn to
recognize and decode nonverbal behaviors that are universal. Some body
behaviors are considered universal because they are exhibited similarly by
most people. For instance, when people press their lips together in a manner
that seems to make them disappear, it is a clear and common sign that they
are troubled and something is wrong. This nonverbal behavior, known as lip
compression, is one of the universal tells that I will be describing in the
chapters to follow (see box 4). The more of these universal nonverbals you
can recognize and accurately interpret, the more effective you will be in
assessing the thoughts, feelings, and intentions of those around you.
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MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL
COMMUNICATION 11 BOX 4: A PURSING OF LIPS LEADS TO
SAVINGS ON SHIPS Universal tells of the lips were very helpful to me
during a consulting assignment with a British shipping company. My
British client had asked me to sit through their contract negotiations with a
huge multinational corporation that would be outfitting their vessels. I
agreed and suggested that the proposed contract be presented point by
point, with agreement being reached on each item before moving forward.
That way I could more closely watch the corporate negotiator for any
nonverbals that might reveal information helpful to my client. “I’ll pass you
a note if I spot something that needs your attention,” I told my client and
then settled back to watch the parties review the contract clause by clause. I
didn’t have long to wait before I saw an important tell. When a clause
detailing the outfitting of a specific part of the vessel was read — a
construction phase involving millions of dollars — the chief negotiator
from the multinational corporation pursed his lips, a clear indication that
something in this part of the contract was not to his liking. I passed a note to
my client, warning him that this particular clause in the contract was
contentious or problematic and should be revisited and discussed
thoroughly while we were all still together. By confronting the issue then
and there — and focusing on the details of the clause in question — the two
negotiators were able to hammer out an agreement face-to-face, which
ended up saving my client 13.5 million dollars. The negotiators nonverbal
signal of displeasure was the key evidence needed to spot a specific
problem and deal with it immediately and effectively.
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12 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Commandment 4: Learn
to recognize and decode idiosyncratic nonverbal behaviors. Universal
nonverbal behaviors constitute one group of body cues: those that are
relatively the same for everyone. There is a second type of body cue called
an idiosyncratic nonverbal behavior, which is a signal that is relatively
unique to a particular individual. In attempting to identify idiosyncratic
signals, you’ll want to be on the lookout for behavioral patterns in people
you interact with on a regular basis (friends, family, coworkers, persons
who provide goods or services to you on a consistent basis). The better you
know an individual, or the longer you interact with him or her, the easier it
will be to discover this information because you will have a larger database
upon which to make your judgments. For example, if you note your
teenager scratches his head and bites his lip when he is about to take a test,
this may be a reliable idiosyncratic tell that speaks of his nervousness or
lack of preparation. No doubt this has become part of his repertoire for
dealing with stress, and you will see it again and again because “the best
predictor of future behavior is past behavior.” Commandment 5: When you
interact with others, try to establish their baseline behaviors. In order to get
a handle on the baseline behaviors of the people with whom you regularly
interact, you need to note how they look normally, how they typically sit,
where they place their hands, the usual position of their feet, their posture
and common facial expressions, the tilt of their heads, and even where they
generally place or hold their possessions, such as a purse (see figures 1 and
2). You need to be able to differentiate between their “normal” face and
their “stressed” face. Not getting a baseline puts you in the same position as
parents who never look down their child’s throat until the youngster gets
sick. They call the doctor and try to describe what they see inside, but they
have no means of making a comparison because they never looked at the
child’s throat when he or she was healthy. By examining what’s normal, we
begin to recognize and identify what’s abnormal. Even in a single encounter
with someone, you should attempt to note https://www.8freebooks.net
MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL
COMMUNICATION 13 Note features of face when not stressed. A stressed
face is tense and slightly Eyes are relaxed and the lips should be contorted,
eyebrows are knitted, and the full. forehead is furrowed. his or her “starting
position” at the beginning of your interaction. Establishing a person’s
baseline behavior is critical because it allows you to determine when he or
she deviates from it, which can be very important and informative (see box
5). Commandment 6: Always try to watch people for multiple tells —
behaviors that occur in clusters or in succession. Your accuracy in reading
people will be enhanced when you observe multiple tells, or clusters of
behavior body signals on which to rely. These signals work together like the
parts of a jigsaw puzzle. The more pieces of the puzzle you possess, the
better your chances of putting them all together and seeing the picture they
portray. To illustrate, if I see a business competitor display a pattern of
stress behaviors, followed closely by pacifying behaviors, I can be more
confident that she is bargaining from a position of weakness.
Commandment 7: It’s important to look for changes in a person’s behavior
that can signal changes in thoughts, emotions, interest, or intent Sudden
changes in behavior can help reveal how a person is
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14 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 5: IT’S A
RELATIVE MATTER Imagine for a moment that you’re the parent of an
eight-year-old boy who is waiting in line to greet relatives at a large family
reunion. As this is a yearly ritual, you have stood with your son on
numerous occasions while he waited his turn to say hello to everyone. He
has never hesitated to run up and give family members a big hug. However,
on this occasion, when it comes time to embrace his Uncle Harry, he stands
stiff and frozen in place. "What’s the matter?” you whisper to him, pushing
him toward his waiting uncle. Your son doesn’t say anything, but he is very
reluctant to respond to your physical signal. What should you do? The
important thing to note here is that your son's behavior is a deviation from
his baseline behavior. In the past, he has never hesitated to greet his uncle
with a hug. Why the change in behavior? His “freeze” response suggests he
feels threatened or something negative. Perhaps there is no justified reason
for his fear, but to the observant and sensibly cautious parent, a warning
signal should go off. Your son’s deviation from his previous behavior
suggests that something negative might have occurred between him and his
uncle since their last meeting. Perhaps it was a simple disagreement, the
awkwardness of youth, or a reaction to the uncle’s preferential treatment of
others. Then again, this behavior might indicate something much more
sinister. The point is that a change in a person’s baseline behavior suggests
that something might be amiss and, in this particular case, probably
warrants further attention. https://www.8freebooks.net
MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL
COMMUNICATION 15 processing information or adapting to emotional
events. A child who is exhibiting giddiness and delight at the prospect of
entering a theme park will change his behavior immediately upon learning
the park is closed. Adults are no different. When we get bad news over the
phone or see something that can hurt us, our bodies reflect that change
immediately. Changes in a person’s behavior can also reveal his or her
interest or intentions in certain circumstances. Careful observation of such
changes can allow you to predict things before they happen, clearly giving
you an advantage — particularly if the impending action could cause harm
to you or others (see box 6). Commandment 8: Learning to detect false or
misleading nonverbal signals is also critical The ability to differentiate
between authentic and misleading cues takes practice and experience. It
requires not only concerted observation, but also some careful judgment. In
the chapters to come, I will teach you the subtle differences in a person’s
actions that reveal whether a behavior is honest or dishonest, increasing
your chances of getting an accurate read on the person with whom you are
dealing. Commandment 9: Knowing how to distinguish between comfort
and discomfort will help you to focus on the most important behaviors for
decoding nonverbal communications. Having studied nonverbal behavior
most of my adult life, I have come to realize that there are two principal
things we should look for and focus on: comfort and discomfort. This is
fundamental to how I teach nonverbal communications. Learning to read
comfort and discomfort cues (behaviors) in others accurately will help you
to decipher what their bodies and minds are truly saying. If in doubt as to
what a behavior means, ask yourself if this looks like a comfort behavior
(e.g., contentment, happiness, relaxation) or if it looks like a discomfort
behavior (e.g., displeasure, unhappiness, stress, anxiety, tension). Most of
the time you will be able to place observed behaviors in one of these two
domains (comfort vs. discomfort). https://www.8freebooks.net
16 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 6= A NOSE FOR
TROUBLE Among the most important nonverbal clues to a person’s
thoughts are changes in body language that constitute intention cues. These
are behaviors that reveal what a person is about to do and provide the
competent observer with extra time to prepare for the anticipated action
before it takes place. One personal example of how critical it is to watch for
changes in people’s behavior — particularly when the changes involve
intention cues — involves an attempted robbery of a store where I worked.
In this particular situation, I noticed a man standing near the cash register at
the checkout counter, a behavior that caught my attention because he
seemed to have no reason to be there; he wasn't waiting in line and he
hadn’t purchased any items. Moreover, the entire time he stood there, his
eyes were fixed on the cash register. If he had just remained quietly where
he was, I eventually would have lost interest in him and focused my
attention elsewhere. However, while I was still observing him, his behavior
changed. Specifically, his nostrils starting flaring (nasal wing dilation),
which was a giveaway that he was oxygenating in advance of taking some
action. I guessed what that action was going to be about a second before it
occurred. And a second was all I had to sound a warning. I yelled to the
cashier, “Watch out!” as three things happened at once: (a) the clerk
finished ringing up a sale, causing the cash drawer to open; (b) the man near
the register lunged forward, plunging his hand into the drawer to grab some
cash; and (c) alerted by my shouted warning, the cashier grabbed the man’s
hand and twisted it, causing the would-be robber to drop the money and run
out of the store. Had I not spotted his intention cue, I am sure the thief
would have succeeded in his efforts. Incidentally, the cashier was my father,
who was running a small hardware store in Miami back in 1974. 1 was his
summer hire. https://www.8freebooks.net
MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL
COMMUNICATION 17 Commandment 10: When observing others, be
subtle about it. Using nonverbal behavior requires you to observe people
carefully and decode their nonverbal behaviors accurately. However, one
thing you don’t want to do when observing others is to make your
intentions obvious. Many individuals tend to stare at people when they first
try to spot nonverbal cues. Such intrusive observation is not advisable. Your
ideal goal is to observe others without their knowing it, in other words,
unobtrusively. Work at perfecting your observational skills, and you will
reach a point where your efforts will be both successful and subtle. It’s all a
matter of practice and persistence. You have now been introduced to your
part of our partnership, the ten commandments you need to follow to
decode nonverbal communication successfully. The question now becomes
“What nonverbal behaviors should I be looking for, and what important
information do they reveal?” This is where I come in. Identifying Important
Nonverbal Behaviors and Their Meanings Consider this. The human body
is capable of giving off literally thousands of nonverbal “signals” or
messages. Which ones are most important and how do you decode them?
The problem is that it could take a lifetime of painstaking observation,
evaluation, and validation to identify and interpret important nonverbal
communications accurately. Fortunately, with the help of some very gifted
researchers and my practical experience as an FBI expert on nonverbal
behavior, we can take a more direct approach to get you on your way. I have
already identified those nonverbal behaviors that are most important, so you
can put this unique knowledge to immediate use. We have also developed a
paradigm or model that makes reading nonverbals easier. Even if you forget
exactly what a specific body signal means, you will still be able to decipher
it. As you read through these pages, you will learn certain information
about nonverbal behavior that has never been revealed in any other text
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18 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING on body language
(including examples of nonverbal behavioral clues used to solve actual FBI
cases). Some of the material will surprise you. For example, if you had to
choose the most “honest” part of a person’s body — the part that would
most likely reveal an individual’s true feeling or intentions — which part
would you select? Take a guess. Once I reveal the answer, you’ll know a
prime place to look when attempting to decide what a business associate,
family member, date, or total stranger is thinking, feeling, or intending. I
will also explain the physiological basis for nonverbal behavior, the role the
brain plays in nonverbal behavior. I will also reveal the truth about
detecting deception as no counterintelligence agent has done before. I
firmly believe that understanding the biological basis for body language
will help you appreciate how nonverbal behavior works and why it is such a
potent predictor of human thoughts, feelings, and intentions. Therefore, I
start the next chapter with a look at that magnificent organ, the human
brain, and show how it governs every facet of our body language. Before I
do so, however, I will share an observation concerning the validity of using
body language to understand and assess human behavior. FOR WHOM
THE TELLS TOLL On a fateful date in 1963, in Cleveland, Ohio, thirty-
nine-year veteran Detective Martin McFadden watched two men walk back
and forth in front of a store window. They took turns peeking into the shop
and then walking away. After multiple passes, the two men huddled at the
end of the street looking over their shoulders as they spoke to a third
person. Concerned that the men were “casing” the business and intending to
rob the store, the detective moved in, patted down one of the men, and
found a concealed handgun. Detective McFadden arrested the three men,
thus thwarting a robbery and averting potential loss of life. Officer
McFadden’s detailed observations became the basis for a landmark U.S.
Supreme Court decision ( Terry v. Ohio, 1968, 392 U.S. 1)
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MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL
COMMUNICATION 19 known to every police officer in the United States.
Since 1968, this ruling has allowed police officers to stop and frisk
individuals without a warrant when their behaviors telegraph their intention
to commit a crime. With this decision, the Supreme Court acknowledged
that nonverbal behaviors presage criminality if those behaviors are observed
and decoded properly. Terry v. Ohio provided a clear demonstration of the
relationship between our thoughts, intentions, and nonverbal behaviors.
Most important, this decision provided legal recognition that such a
relationship exists and is valid (Navarro & Schafer, 2003, 22—24). So the
next time someone says to you that nonverbal behavior does not have
meaning or is not reliable, remember this case, as it says otherwise and has
stood the test of time. https://www.8freebooks.net
https://www.8freebooks.net
TWO Living Our Limbic Legacy Take a moment and bite your
lip. Really, take a second and actually do it. Now, rub your forehead.
Finally, stroke the back of your neck. These are things we do all the time.
Spend some time around other people and you’ll see them engaging in these
behaviors on a regular basis. Do you ever wonder why they do it? Do you
ever wonder why you do it? The answer can be found hidden away in a
vault — the cranial vault — where the human brain resides. Once we learn
why and how our brain recruits our body to express its emotions
nonverbally, we’ll also discover how to interpret these behaviors. So, let’s
take a closer look inside that vault and examine the most amazing three
pounds of matter found in the human body. Most people think of
themselves as having one brain and recognize that brain as the seat of their
cognitive abilities. In reality, there are three https://www.8freebooks.net
22 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING “brains” inside the human
skull, each performing specialized functions that work together as the
“command-and-control center” that regulates everything our body does.
Back in 1952, a pioneering scientist named Paul MacLean began to speak
of the human brain as a triune brain consisting of a “reptilian (stem) brain,”
“mammalian (limbic) brain,” and “human (neocortex) brain” (see diagram
of the limbic brain). In this book, we will be concentrating on the limbic
system of the brain (the part MacLean called the mammalian brain),
because it plays the largest role in the expression of our nonverbal behavior.
However, we will use our neocortex (our human brain or thinking brain) to
analyze critically the limbic reactions of those around us in order to decode
what other people are thinking, feeling, or intending (LeDoux, 1996, 184—
189; Goleman, 1995, 10-21). It is critical to understand that the brain
controls all behaviors, whether conscious or subconscious. This premise is
the cornerstone of understanding all nonverbal communications. From
simply scratching your head to composing a symphony, there is nothing you
do (except for some involuntary muscle reflexes) that is not governed or
directed by the brain. By this Diagram of the limbic brain with major
features such as the amygdala and the hippocampus.
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LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 23 logic, we can use these
behaviors to interpret what the brain is choosing to communicate externally.
THE VERY ELEGANT LIMBIC BRAIN In our study of nonverbal
communications, the limbic brain is where the action is. Why? Because it is
the part of the brain that reacts to the world around us reflexively and
instantaneously, in real time, and without thought. For that reason, it gives
off a true response to information coming in from the environment (Myers,
1993, 35—39). Because it is uniquely responsible for our survival, the
limbic brain does not take breaks. It is always “on.” The limbic brain is also
our emotional center. It is from there that signals go out to various other
parts of the brain, which in turn orchestrate our behaviors as they relate to
emotions or our survival (LeDoux, 1996, 104—137). These behaviors can
be observed and decoded as they manifest physically in our feet, torso,
arms, hands, and faces. Since these reactions occur without thought, unlike
words, they are genuine. Thus, the limbic brain is considered the "honest
brain” when we think of nonverbals (Goleman, 1995, 13—29). These
limbic survival responses go back not only to our own infancy, but also to
our ancestry as a human species. They are hardwired into our nervous
system, making them difficult to disguise or eliminate — like trying to
suppress a startle response even when we anticipate a loud noise. Therefore,
it is axiomatic that limbic behaviors are honest and reliable behaviors; they
are true manifestations of our thoughts, feelings, and intentions (see box 7).
The third part of our brain is a relatively recent addition to the cranial vault.
Thus it is called the neocortex, meaning new brain. This part of our brain is
also known as the “human,” “thinking,” or “intellectual” brain, because it is
responsible for higher-order cognition and memory. This is the part of the
brain that distinguishes us from other mammals due to the large amount of
its mass (cortex) used for thinking. This is the brain that got us to the moon.
With its ability to compute, analyze, https://www.8freebooks.net
24 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 7: HEAD-ING OFF
A BOMBER Since the limbic part of our brain cannot be cognitively
regulated, the behaviors it generates should be given greater importance
when interpreting nonverbal communications. You can use your thoughts to
try to disguise your true emotions all you want, but the limbic system will
selfregulate and give off clues. Observing these alarm reactions and
knowing that they are honest and significant is extremely important; it can
even save lives. An example of this occurred in December of 1999, when an
alert U.S. customs officer thwarted a terrorist who came to be known as the
“millennial bomber." Noting the nervousness and excessive sweating of
Ahmed Reesam as he entered the United States from Canada, Officer Diana
Dean asked him to step out of his car for further questioning. At that point
Reesam attempted to flee but was soon captured. In his car, officers found
explosives and timing devices. Reesam was eventually convicted of plotting
to bomb the Los Angeles Airport. The nervousness and sweating that
Officer Dean observed were regulated in the brain as a response to immense
stress. Because these limbic behaviors are genuine, Officer Dean could be
confident in pursuing Reesam, with the knowledge that her observations
had detected body language that justified further investigation. The Reesam
affair illustrates how one’s psychological state manifests nonverbally in the
body. In this case, the limbic system of a would-be bomber — who was
obviously extremely frightened by the possibility of being detected — gave
away his nervousness, despite all conscious attempts he made to hide his
underlying emotions. We owe Officer Dean our gratitude for being an astute
observer of nonverbal behavior and foiling a terrorist act.
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LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 25 interpret, and intuit at a
level unique to the human species, it is our critical and creative brain. It is
also, however, the part of the brain that is least honest; therefore, it is our
“lying brain.” Because it is capable of complex thought, this brain — unlike
its limbic counterpart — is the least reliable of the three major brain
components. This is the brain that can deceive, and it deceives often (Vrij,
2003, 1—17). Returning to our earlier example, while the limbic system
may compel the millennial bomber to sweat profusely while being
questioned by the customs officer, the neocortex is quite capable of
allowing him to lie about his true sentiments. The thinking part of the brain,
which is the part that governs our speech (specifically, Broca’s area), could
cause the bomber to say, “I have no explosives in the car,” should the
officer inquire as to what is in his automobile, even if that claim is an utter
falsehood. The neocortex can easily permit us to tell a friend that we like
her new haircut when we, in fact, do not, or it can facilitate the very
convincing statement, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms.
Lewinsky.” Because the neocortex (the thinking brain) is capable of
dishonesty, it is not a good source of reliable or accurate information (Ost,
2006, 259 — 291). In summary, when it comes to revealing honest
nonverbal behaviors that help us read people, the limbic system is the holy
grail of body language. Thus, this is the area of the brain where we want to
focus our attention. OUR LIMBIC RESPONSES— THE THREE F’S OF
NONVERBALS One of the classic ways the limbic brain has assured our
survival as a species — and produced a reliable number of nonverbal tells
in the process — is by regulating our behavior when confronting danger,
whether it be a prehistoric man facing a Stone Age beast or a modern-day
employee facing a stone-hearted boss. Over the millennia, we have retained
the competent, life-saving visceral reactions of our animal heritage. In order
to ensure our survival, the brain’s very elegant response to distress or
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26 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING threats, has taken three
forms: freeze, flight, and fight. Like other animal species whose limbic
brains protected them in this manner, humans possessing these limbic
reactions survived to propagate because these behaviors were already
hardwired into our nervous system. I am sure that many of you are familiar
with the phrase “fight-or-flight response,” which is common terminology
used to describe the way in which we respond to threatening or dangerous
situations. Unfortunately, this phrase is only two-thirds accurate and half-
assed backward! In reality, the way animals, including humans, react to
danger occurs in the following order: freeze, flight, fight. If the reaction
really were fight or flight, most of us would be bruised, battered, and
exhausted much of the time. Because we have retained and honed this
exquisitely successful process for dealing with stress and danger — and
because the resulting reactions generate nonverbal behaviors that help us
understand a person’s thoughts, feelings, and intentions — it is well worth
our time to examine each response in greater detail. The Freeze Response A
million years ago, as early hominids traversed the African savanna, they
were faced with many predators that could outrun and overpower them. For
early man to succeed, the limbic brain, which had evolved from our animal
forebearers, developed strategies to compensate for the power advantage
our predators had over us. That strategy, or first defense of the limbic
system, was to use xhc freeze response in the presence of a predator or
other danger. Movement attracts attention; by immediately holding still
upon sensing a threat, the limbic brain caused us to react in the most
effective manner possible to ensure our survival. Most animals, certainly
most predators, react to — and are attracted by — movement. This ability
to freeze in the face of danger makes sense. Many carnivores go after
moving targets and exercise the “chase, trip, and bite” mechanism exhibited
by large felines, the primary predators of our ancestors. Many animals not
only freeze their motion when confronted by
predahttps://www.8freebooks.net
LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 27 tors, but some even play
dead, which is the ultimate freeze reaction. This is a strategy that opossums
use, but they are not the only animals to do so. In fact, accounts of the
school shootings at Columbine and Virginia Tech demonstrate that students
used the freeze response to deal with deadly predators. By holding still and
playing dead, many students survived even though they were only a few
feet away from the killer. Instinctively, the students adopted ancient
behaviors that work very effectively. Freezing your movement can often
make you nearly invisible to others, a phenomenon every soldier and SWAT
team operator learns. Thus, the freeze response has been passed from
primitive man to modern man and remains with us today as our first line of
defense against a perceived threat or danger. In fact, you can still see this
ancient limbic reaction to large felines in the theaters of Las Vegas where
big cats are part of the show. As the tiger or lion walks onto the stage, you
can be sure that the people in the first row will not be making any
unnecessary arm or hand gestures. They will be frozen in their seats. These
people were not issued memos to remain still; they did so because the
limbic brain has prepared the human species to behave that way in the face
of danger for over five million years. In our modern society, the freeze
response is employed more subtly in everyday life. You can observe it when
people are caught bluffing or stealing, or sometimes when they are lying.
When people feel threatened or exposed, they react just like our ancestors
did a million years earlier; they freeze. Not only have we, as humans,
learned to freeze in the face of observed or perceived danger, but others
around us have learned to copy our behavior and freeze their behavior also,
even without seeing the threat. This mimicry or isopraxism (same
movement) evolved because it was critical to communal survival, as well as
social harmony, within the human species (see box 8 on next page). This
freezing action is sometimes termed the “deer-in-the-headlights” effect.
When suddenly caught in a potentially dangerous circumstance, we
immediately freeze before taking action. In our day-to-day life, this freeze
response manifests innocently, such as when a person walking down the
street stops suddenly, perhaps hitting himself on the forehead
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28 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 8: THE NIGHT
THE HANDS STOPPED MOVING I was at my mother's house a few
weeks ago watching television and eating ice cream with members of the
family. It was late at night and someone rang the doorbell (somethingthat is
veryunusual in her neighborhood). Suddenly, in the midst of eating,
everyone’s hands froze — adults and children alike — as if choreographed.
It was amazing to see how we all reacted with “hands flash frozen” at
precisely the same moment. It turned out that the visitor was my sister who
had forgotten her keys. But of course we didn't know it was her ringing the
bell. It was a beautiful example of the hardwired communal response to
perceived danger, and of the first limbic reaction, which is to freeze.
Soldiers in combat react the same way. When the “point man” freezes,
everyone freezes; nothing needs to be said. with the palm of his hand,
before turning around and heading back to his apartment to turn off the
stove. That momentary stop is enough for the brain to do some quick
assessing, whether the threat comes in the form of a predator or of a thought
remembered. Either way, the psyche must deal with a potentially dangerous
situation (Navarro, 2007, 141 — 163). We not only freeze when confronted
by physical and visual threats, but as in the example of the late-night
doorbell, threats from things we hear (aural threats) can also alert the limbic
system. For instance, when being chastised, most people hold very still. The
same behavior is observed when an individual is being questioned about
matters that he or she perceives could get them into trouble. The person will
freeze in his chair as if in an “ejector seat” (Gregory, 1999). A similar
manifestation of the limbic freeze occurs during interviews when people
hold their breath or their breathing becomes very shallow. Again, this is a
very ancient response to a threat. It is not noticed by the interviewee and yet
it is quite observable to anyone watching for it. I have
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LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 29 often had to tell an
interviewee to relax and take a deep breath during the middle of an
interview or deposition, as he was unaware of just how shallow his
breathing had become. Consistent with the need to freeze when confronted
by a threat, people being questioned about a crime will often fix their feet in
a position of security (interlocked behind the chair legs) and hold that
position for an inordinate period of time. When I see this type of behavior,
it tells me something is wrong; this is a limbic response that needs to be
further explored. The person may or may not be lying, since deceit cannot
be directly discerned. But I can be assured from their nonverbal behavior
that something is stressing them; therefore I will pursue the source of their
discomfort through my questioning or interaction. Another way the limbic
brain uses a modification of the freeze response is to attempt to protect us
by diminishing our exposure. During surveillance of shoplifters, one of the
things that stands out is how often thieves will try to hide their physical
presence by restricting their motions or hunching over as if trying to be
invisible. Ironically, this makes them stand out even further, since it is such
a deviation from normal shopping behavior. Most people walk around a
store with their arms quite active and their posture upright rather than
stooped. Psychologically, the shoplifters — or, your son and daughter as
they try to surreptitiously swipe a cookie from the pantry — are trying to
master their environment by attempting to “hide” in the open. Another way
people try to hide in the open is by limiting their head exposure. This is
done by raising the shoulders and lowering the head — the “turtle effect.”
Picture a losing football team walking off the field after the game and you
get the idea (see figure 4). Interestingly and sadly, abused children often
manifest these freezing limbic behaviors. In the presence of an abusive
parent or adult, their arms will go dormant at their sides and they avoid eye
contact as though that helps them not to be seen. In a way, they are hiding
in the open, which is a tool of survival for these helpless kids.
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30 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Fig. 4 The “turtle effect’
(shoulders rise toward the ears) is often seen when people are humbled or
suddenly lose confidence. The Flight Response One purpose of the freeze
response is to avoid detection by dangerous predators or in dangerous
situations. A second purpose is to give the threatened individual the
opportunity to assess the situation and determine the best course of action to
take. When the freeze response is not adequate to eliminate the danger or is
not the best course of action (e.g., the threat is too close), the second limbic
response is to get away by use of the. flight response. Obviously, the goal of
this choice is to escape the threat or, at a minimum, to distance oneself from
danger. Running, of course, is useful when it is practical, and as a survival
mechanism our brain dihttps://www.8freebooks.net
LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 31 rected our body to adopt
this tactic judiciously over millennia in order to escape from danger. In our
modern world, however, where we live in cities and not in the wild, it is
difficult to run from threats; therefore we have adapted the flight response
to meet our modern needs. The behaviors are not as obvious, but they serve
the same purpose — to either block or distance ourselves from the physical
presence of undesirable individuals or things. If you think back on the
social interactions you’ve had in your life, you’ll probably be able to recall
some of the “evasive” actions you took to distance yourself from the
unwanted attention of others. Just as a child turns away from undesirable
food at the dinner table and shifts her feet toward the exit, an individual
may turn away from someone she doesn’t like, or to avoid conversations
that threaten her. Blocking behaviors may manifest in the form of closing
the eyes, rubbing the eyes, or placing the hands in front of the face. The
person may also distance herself from someone by leaning away, placing
objects (a purse) on her lap, or turning her feet toward the nearest exit. All
of these behaviors are controlled by the limbic brain and indicate that
someone wants distance from one or more undesirable persons or any
perceived threat in the environment. Again, we undertake these behaviors
because, for millions of years, humans have withdrawn from things we
didn’t like or that could harm us. Therefore, to this day, we expedite our
exit from a deplorable party, distance ourselves from a bad relationship, or
lean away from those who are deemed undesirable or even with whom we
strongly disagree (see figure 5). Just as a man may turn away from his date,
an individual in negotiations may shift away from his counterpart if he
hears an unattractive offer or feels threatened as bargaining continues.
Blocking behaviors may also be manifested; the businessperson may close
or rub his eyes, or place his hands in front of his face (see figure 6). He may
lean away from the table or the other person and turn his feet away as well,
sometimes in the direction of the nearest exit. These are not behaviors of
deception, but rather actions that signal that a person feels uncomfortable.
These forms of the age-old flight response are distancing nonverbal
behttps://www.8freebooks.net
32 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING People lean away from
each other subconsciously when they disagree or feel uncomfortable around
each other. haviors that tell you the businessperson is unhappy with what is
occurring at the table. The Fight Response Th c fight response is the limbic
brain’s final tactic for survival through aggression. When a person
confronting danger cannot avoid detection by freezing and cannot save
himself by distancing or escaping (flight), the only alternative left is to
fight. In our evolution as a species, we — along with other mammals —
developed the strategy of turning fear into rage in order to fight off
attackers (Panksepp, 1998, 208). In the modern https://www.8freebooks.net
LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 33 Eye blocking is a very
powerful display of consternation, disbelief, or disagreement. world,
however, acting on our rage may not be practical or even legal, so the
limbic brain has developed other strategies beyond the more primitive
physical fight response. One form of modern aggression is an argument.
Although the original meaning of the term argument relates simply to a
debate or discussion, the word is increasingly used to describe a verbal
altercation. An overheated argument is essentially “fighting” by
nonphysical means. The use of insults, ad hominem phrases,
counterallegations, denigration of professional stature, goading, and
sarcasm are all, in their own ways, the modern equivalents of fighting,
because they are all torms of aggression. If you think about it, civil lawsuits
can even be construed as a modern and socially sanctioned type of fight or
aggression in which litigants aggressively argue two opposing viewpoints.
While humans probably engage in physical altercations far less now than in
other periods in our history, fighting is still a part of our limbic armory.
Although some people are more prone to violence than others, our limbic
response shows up in many ways other than punching, kicking, and biting.
You can be very aggressive without physical contact, for example, just by
using your posture, your eyes, by puffing out your chest,
https://www.8freebooks.net
34 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING or by violating anothers
personal space. Threats to our personal space elicit a limbic response on an
individual level. Interestingly, these territorial violations can also create
limbic responses on a collective level. When one country intrudes into the
space of another, it often results in economic sanctions, severing of
diplomatic relations, or even wars. Obviously, it is easy to recognize when
someone uses the fight response to commit a physical assault. What I want
to identify for you are the not-so-obvious ways in which individuals exhibit
some of the more subtle behaviors associated with the fight response. Just
as we have seen modified expressions of the freeze and flight limbic
reactions, modern decorum dictates that we refrain from acting on our
primitive inclinations to fight when threatened. In general, I advise people
to refrain from using aggression (verbal or physical) as a means of
achieving their objectives. Just as the fight response is the act of last resort
in dealing with a threat — used only after the freeze and flight tactics have
proven unworkable — so too should you avoid it whenever feasible. Aside
from the obvious legal and physical reasons for this recommendation,
aggressive tactics can lead to emotional turmoil, making it difficult to
concentrate and think clearly about the threatening situation at hand. When
we are emotionally aroused — and a good fight will do that — it affects our
ability to think effectively. This happens because our cognitive abilities are
hijacked so that the limbic brain can have full use of all available cerebral
resources (Goleman, 1995, 27, 204—207). One of the best reasons for
studying nonverbal behaviors is that they can sometimes warn you when a
person intends to harm you physically, giving you time to avoid a potential
conflict. COMFORT/DISCOMFORT AND PACIFIERS To borrow a
phrase from the old Star Tre\ series, the “prime directive” of the limbic
brain is to ensure our survival as a species. It does this by being
programmed to make us secure by avoiding danger or discomfort and
seeking safety or comfort whenever possible. It also allows us to
rememhttps://www.8freebooks.net
LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 35 ber experiences from our
past encounters and build upon them (see box 9). Thus far we have seen
how efficiently the limbic system helps us to deal with threats. Now let’s
look at how our brain and body work together to comfort us and give us
confidence in our personal safety. When we experience a sense of comfort
(well-being), the limbic brain “leaks” this information in the form of body
language congruent with our positive feelings. Observe someone resting in
a hammock on a breezy day. His body reflects the high comfort being
experienced by his brain. On the other hand, when we feel distressed
(discomfort), the limbic brain expresses nonverbal behavior that mirrors our
negative state of being. Just watch people at the airport when a flight is
canceled or delayed. Their bodies say it all. Therefore, we want to learn to
look more closely at the comfort and discomfort behaviors we see every
day and use them to assess for feelings, thoughts, and intentions. In general,
when the limbic brain is in a state of comfort, this mental and physiological
well-being is reflected in nonverbal displays of contentment and high
confidence. When, however, the limbic brain is experiencing discomfort,
the corresponding body language is characterized by behaviors emblematic
of stress or low confidence. Knowledge of these “behavioral markers” or
tells will help you determine what a person may be thinking, or how to act
or what to expect when dealing with other people in any social or work
context. The Importance of Pacifying Behaviors Understanding how the
limbic system’s freeze, flight, and fight responses influence nonverbal
behavior is only part of the equation. As you study nonverbal behavior, you
will discover that whenever there is a limbic response — especially to a
negative or threatening experience — it will be followed by what I call
pacifying behaviors (Navarro, 2007, 141—163). These actions, often
referred to in the literature as adapters, serve to calm us down after we
experience something unpleasant or downright nasty (Knapp & Hall, 2002,
41—42). In its attempt to restore itself to “normal conditions,” the brain
enlists the body to provide comforting https://www.8freebooks.net
36 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 9: A BRAIN THAT
DOESN’T FORGET The limbic brain is like a computer that receives and
retains data from the outside world. In doing so, it compiles and maintains a
record of negative events and experiences (a burned finger from a hot stove,
an assault by a human or animal predator, or even hurtful comments) as
well as pleasant encounters. Using this information, the limbic brain allows
us to navigate a dangerous and often unforgiving world (Goleman, 1995,
10-21). For example, once the limbic system registers an animal as
dangerous, that impression becomes embedded in our emotional memory so
that the next time we see that animal, we will react instantly. Likewise, if
we run into the “class bully” twenty years later, negative feelings of long
ago will percolate to the surface once more, thanks to the limbic brain. The
reason it is often difficult to forget when someone has hurt us is because
that experience registers in the more primitive limbic system, which is the
part of the brain designed not to reason but to react (Goleman, 1995, 207). I
recently encountered an individual with whom I was never on the best of
terms. It had been four years since I had last seen this person, yet my
visceral (limbic) reactions were just as negative as they had been years ago.
My brain was reminding me that this individual takes advantage of others,
so it was warning me to stay away. This phenomenon is precisely what
Gavin de Becker was talking about in his insightful book, The Gift of Fear.
Conversely, the limbic system also works efficiently to register and retain a
record of positive events and experiences (e.g., satisfaction of basic needs,
praise, and enjoyable interpersonal relationships). Thus, a friendly or
familiar face will cause an immediate reaction — a sense of pleasure and
well-being. The feelings of euphoria when we see an old friend or recognize
a pleasant smell from childhood occur because those encounters have been
registered in the “comfort zone” of the memory bank associated with our
limbic system. https://www.8freebooks.net
LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 37 (pacifying) behaviors.
Since these are outward signals that can be read in real time, we can
observe and decode them immediately and in context. Pacifying is not
unique to our species. For example, cats and dogs lick themselves and each
other to pacify. Humans engage in much more diverse pacification
behaviors. Some are very obvious, while others are much more subtle. Most
people would readily think of a child’s thumb sucking when asked to
identify a pacifying behavior, but do not realize that after we outgrow that
comfort display, we adopt more discreet and socially acceptable ways to
satisfy the need to calm ourselves (e.g., chewing gum, biting pencils). Most
people don’t notice the more subtle pacifying behaviors or are unaware of
their significance in revealing a person’s thoughts and feelings. That is
unfortunate. To be successful at reading nonverbal behavior, learning to
recognize and decode human pacifiers is absolutely critical. Why? Because
pacifying behaviors reveal so much about a person’s current state of mind,
and they do so with uncanny accuracy (see box 10). I look for pacifying
behaviors in people to tell me when they are not at ease or when they are
reacting negatively to something I have done or said. In an interview
situation, such a display might be in response to a specific question or
comment. Behaviors that signal discomfort (e.g., leaning away, a frown,
and crossed or tense arms) are usually followed by the brain enlisting the
hands to pacify (see figure 8). I look for these behaviors to confirm what is
going on in the mind of the person with whom I am dealing. As a specific
example, if every time I ask a subject, “Do you know Mr. Hillman?’’ he
responds, “No,” but then immediately touches his neck or mouth, I know he
is pacifying to that specific question (see figure 9). I don’t know if he is
lying, because deception is notoriously difficult to detect. But I do know
that he is bothered by the inquiry, so much so that he has to pacify himself
after he hears it. This will prompt me to probe further into this area of
inquiry. Pacifying behaviors are important for an investigator to note, since
sometimes they help uncover a lie or hidden information. I find pacifying
indicators of greater significance and reliability than trying to establish
veracity. They help to identify what specific https://www.8freebooks.net
38 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 10: CAPTURED
IN THE NECK OF TIME Neck touching and/or stroking is one of the most
significant and frequent pacifying behaviors we use in responding to stress.
When women pacify using the neck, they often do so by covering or
touching their suprasternal notch with their hand (see figure 7). The
suprasternal notch is the hollow area between the Adam’s apple and the
breastbone that is sometimes referred to as the neck dimple. When a woman
touches this part of her neck and/or covers it with her hand, it is typically
because she feels distressed, threatened, uncomfortable, insecure, or fearful.
This is a relatively significant behavioral clue that can be used to detect,
among other things, the discomfort experienced when a person is lying or
concealing important information. I once worked on an investigation where
we thought an armed and dangerous fugitive might be hiding out at his
mothers home. Another agent and I went to the woman’s house, and when
we knocked at the door, she agreed to let us in. We showed our
identification and began asking her a series of questions. When I inquired,
“Is your son in the house?” she put her hand to her suprasternal notch and
said, “No, he’s not.” I noted her behavior, and we continued with our
questioning. After a few minutes I asked, “Is it possible that while you were
at work, your son could have sneaked into the house?” Once again, she put
her hand up to her neck dimple and replied, “No, I’d know that.” I was now
confident that her son was in the house, because the only time she moved
her hand to her neck was when I suggested that possibility. To make
absolutely sure my assumption was correct, we continued to speak with the
woman until, as we prepared to leave, I made one last inquiry. "Just so I can
finalize my records, you’re positive he’s not in the house, right?” For a third
time, her hand went to her neck as she affirmed her earlier answer. I was
now certain the woman was lying. I asked for permission to search the
house and, sure enough, her son was hiding in a closet under some blankets.
She was lucky she was not charged with obstruction of justice. Her
https://www.8freebooks.net
LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 39 discomfort in lying to the
police about her fugitive son caused her limbic system to generate a
pacifying behavior that tipped her hand and gave her away. subjects trouble
or distress a person. Knowing these can often lead to evincing information
previously hidden that might give us new insights. Types of Pacifying
Behaviors Pacifying behaviors take many forms. When stressed, we might
soothe our necks with a gentle massage, stroke our faces, or play with our
hair. This is done automatically. Our brains send out the message, “Please
pacify me now,” and our hands respond immediately, providing an action
that will help make us comfortable again. Sometimes we pacify by rubbing
our cheeks or our lips from the inside with our tongues, or we exhale slowly
Fig. 7 Covering of the neck dimple pacifies insecurities, emotional
discomfort, fear, or concerns in real time. Playing with a necklace often
serves the same purpose. https://www.8freebooks.net
Rubbing of the forehead is usually a good indicator that a person
is struggling with something or is undergoing slight to severe discomfort.
Neck touching takes place when there is emotional discomfort, doubt, or
insecurity. https://www.8freebooks.net
LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 41 Fig. 10 Cheek or face
touching is a way to pacify when nervous, irritated, or concerned. Fig. 11
Exhaling with puffed out cheeks is a great way to release stress and to
pacify. Notice how often people do this after a near mishap. with puffed
cheeks to calm ourselves (see figures 10 and 1 1). If a stressed person is a
smoker, he or she will smoke more; if the person chews gum, he or she will
chew faster. All these pacifying behaviors satisfy the same requirement of
the brain; that is, the brain requires the body to do something that will
stimulate nerve endings, releasing calming endorphins in the brain, so that
the brain can be soothed (Panksepp, 1998, 272). For our purposes, any
touching of the face, head, neck, shoulder, arm, hand, or leg in response to a
negative stimulus (e.g., a difficult question, an embarrassing situation, or
stress as a result of something heard, seen, or thought) is a pacifying
behavior. These stroking behaviors don’t help us to solve problems; rather,
they help us to remain calm while we do. In other words, they soothe us.
Men prefer to touch their faces. Women prefer to touch their necks,
clothing, jewelry, arms, and hair. When it comes to pacifiers, people have
personal favorites, some choose to chew gum, smoke cigarettes, eat more
food, lick their lips, rub their chins, stroke their faces, play with objects
(pens, pencils, lipstick, or watches), pull their hair, or scratch their forearms.
Sometimes pacification is even more subtle, like a person brushing the front
of his shirt or adjusting his tie (see figure 12). He appears simply to be
preening himself, but in https://www.8freebooks.net
42 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Men adjust their ties to
deal with insecurities or discomfort. It also covers the suprasternal notch.
reality he is calming his nervousness by drawing his arm across his body
and giving his hands something to do. These, too, are pacifying behaviors
ultimately governed by the limbic system and exhibited in response to
stress. Below are some of the most common and pronounced pacifying
behaviors. When you see them, stop and ask yourself, “Why is this person
pacifying?” The ability to link a pacifying behavior with the specific
stressor that caused it can help you understand a person’s thoughts, feelings,
and intentions more accurately. Pacifying Behaviors Involving the Neck
Neck touching and/or stroking is one of the most significant and frequent
pacifying behaviors we use in responding to stress. One person may rub or
massage the back of his neck with his fingers; another may stroke the sides
of his neck or just under the chin above the Adam’s apple, tugging at the
fleshy area of the neck. This area is rich with nerve endings that, when
stroked, reduce blood pressure, lower the heart rate, and calm the individual
down (see figures 13 and 14). https://www.8freebooks.net
LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 43 Men tend to massage or
stroke their Men typically cover their necks more necks to pacify distress.
This area is rich robustly than women as a way to deal with nerves,
including the vagus nerve, with discomfort or insecurity, which when
massaged will slow down the heart rate. Over the decades that I have
studied nonverbal behaviors, I have observed that there are gender
differences in the way men and women use the neck to pacify themselves.
Typically, men are more robust in their pacifying behaviors, grasping or
cupping their necks just beneath the chin with their hands, thereby
stimulating the nerves (specifically, the vagus nerves or the carotid sinus) of
the neck, which in turn slow the heart rate down and have a calming effect.
Sometimes men will stroke the sides or the back of the neck with their
fingers, or adjust their tie knot or shirt collar (see figure 15). Women pacify
differently. For example, when women pacify using the neck, they will
sometimes touch, twist, or otherwise manipulate a necklace, if they are
wearing one (see box 11). As mentioned, the other major way women neck
pacify is by covering their suprasternal notch with their hand. Women touch
their hands to this part of their neck and/ or cover it when they feel stressed,
insecure, threatened, fearful, uncomfortable, or anxious. Interestingly, when
a woman is pregnant, I have observed that her hand will initially move
toward her neck but at the last moment will divert to her belly, as if to cover
the fetus. https://www.8freebooks.net
44 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 11 THE
PACIFYING PENDULUM Watch a couple as they converse at a table. If
the woman begins to play with her necklace, most likely she is a little
nervous. But if she transitions her fingers to her neck dimple (suprasternal
notch), chances are there is an issue of concern to her or she feels very
insecure. In most instances, if she is using her right hand on her suprasternal
notch, she will cup her right elbow with her left hand. When the stressful
situation is over or there is an intermission in the uncomfortable part of the
discussion, her right hand will lower and relax across her folded left arm. If
the situation again becomes tense, her right hand will rise, once again, to
the suprasternal notch. From a distance, the arm movement looks like the
needle on a stress meter, moving from resting (on the arm) to the neck
(upright) and back again, according to the level of stress experienced. Even
a brief touch of the neck will serve to assuage anxiety or discomfort. Neck
touching or massaging is a powerful and universal stress reliever and
pacifier. https://www.8freebooks.net
LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 45 Pacifying Behaviors
Involving the Face Touching or stroking the face is a frequent human
pacifying response to stress. Motions such as rubbing the forehead;
touching, rubbing, or licking the lip(s); pulling or massaging the earlobe
with thumb and forefinger; stroking the face or beard; and playing with the
hair all can serve to pacify an individual when confronting a stressful
situation. As mentioned before, some individuals will pacify by puffing out
their cheeks and then slowly exhaling. The plentiful supply of nerve
endings in the face make it an ideal area of the body for the limbic brain to
recruit to comfort itself. Pacifying Behaviors Involving Sounds Whistling
can be a pacifying behavior. Some people whistle to calm themselves when
they are walking in a strange area of a city or down a dark, deserted
corridor or road. Some people even talk to themselves in an attempt to
pacify during times of stress. I have a friend (as I am sure we all do) who
can talk a mile a minute when nervous or upset. Some behaviors combine
tactile and auditory pacification, such as the tapping of a pencil or the
drumming of fingers. Excessive Yawning Sometimes we see individuals
under stress yawning excessively. Yawning not only is a form of “taking a
deep breath,” but during stress, as the mouth gets dry, a yawn can put
pressure on the salivary glands. The stretch of various structures in and
around the mouth causes the glands to release moisture into a dry mouth
during times of anxiety. In these cases it’s not lack of sleep, but rather
stress, that causes the yawning. https://www.8freebooks.net
46 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING The Leg Cleanser Leg
cleansing is one pacification behavior that often goes unnoticed because it
frequently occurs under a desk or table. In this calming or pacifying
activity, a person places the hand (or hands) palm down on top of the leg (or
legs), and then slides them down the thighs toward the knee (see figure 16).
Some individuals will do the "leg cleanser” only once, but often it is done
repeatedly or the leg merely is massaged. It may also be done to dry off
sweaty palms associated with anxiety, but principally it is to get rid of
tension. This nonverbal behavior is worth looking for, because it is a good
indication that someone is under stress. One way to try and spot this When
stressed or nervous, people will “cleanse” their palms on their laps in order
to pacify themselves. Often missed under tables, it is a very accurate
indicator of discomfort or anxiety. https://www.8freebooks.net
LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 47 behavior is to watch people
who put one or both arms under the table. If they are doing leg cleansing,
you will normally see the upper arm and shoulder moving in conjunction
with the hand as it rubs along their leg. In my experience, I find the leg
cleanser to be very significant because it occurs so quickly in reaction to a
negative event. I have observed this action for years in cases when suspects
are presented with damning evidence, such as pictures of a crime scene with
which they are already familiar (guilty knowledge). This
cleansing/pacifying behavior accomplishes two things at once. It dries
sweaty palms and pacifies through tactile stroking. You can also see it when
a seated couple is bothered or interrupted by an unwelcome intruder, or
when someone is struggling to remember a name. In police work, watch for
the hand/leg pacifiers to appear when the interview session starts, and then
note if they progressively increase when difficult questions arise. An
increase in either the number or vigor of leg cleansers is a very good
indicator that a question has caused some sort of discomfort for the person,
either because he has guilty knowledge, is lying, or because you are getting
close to something he does not want to discuss (see box 12). The behavior
might also occur because the interviewee is distressed over what he is
required to answer in response to our questions. So, keep an eye on what
goes on under the table by monitoring the movement of the arms. You will
be surprised at how much you can glean from these behaviors. Heed this
cautionary note about leg cleansing. While it is certainly seen in people who
are being deceptive, I have also observed it in innocent individuals who are
merely nervous, so be careful not to jump to any conclusions too quickly
(Frank et ah, 2006, 248—249). The best way to interpret a leg cleanser is to
recognize that it reflects the brain’s need to pacify and, therefore, the
reasons for the individual’s behavior should be investigated further. The
Ventilator This behavior involves a person (usually a male) putting his
fingers between his shirt collar and neck and pulling the fabric away from
his skin https://www.8freebooks.net
48 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 12: FROM
FACEBOOK TO DISGRACEBOOK During an interview for a job, an
applicant was being questioned by his prospective employer. Everything
was going well until, toward the end of the interview, the candidate began
talking about networking and the importance of the Internet. The employer
complimented him on this comment and made an offhand remark about
how most college graduates used the Internet to network in a destructive
way, using sites like Facebook to post messages and pictures that would
prove to be an embarrassment later in the person’s life. At that point, the
employer noticed that the candidate did a vigorous leg cleansing with his
right hand, wiping it along his thigh several times. The employer said
nothing at the time, thanked the young man for the interview, and walked
him out of the office. He then returned to his computer — his suspicion
aroused by the candidate’s pacifying behavior — and checked to see if the
young man's profile was on Facebook. Sure enough, it was. And it was not
flattering! (see figure 17). This ventilating action is often a reaction to stress
and is a good indicator that the person is unhappy with something he is
thinking about or experiencing in his environment. A woman may perform
this nonverbal activity more subtly by merely ventilating the front of her
blouse or by tossing the back of her hair up in the air to ventilate her neck.
The Self-Administered Body-Hug When facing stressful circumstances,
some individuals will pacify by crossing their arms and rubbing their hands
against their shoulders, as if experiencing a chill. Watching a person employ
this pacifying behavior is reminiscent of the way a mother hugs a young
child. It is a protective and calming action we adopt to pacify ourselves
when we want to https://www.8freebooks.net
LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 49 Fig. 17 Ventilating of the
neck area relieves stress and emotional discomfort. Rodney Dangerfield, the
comedian, was famous for doing this when he wasn’t getting any “respect.”
feel safe. However, if you see a person with his arms crossed in front,
leaning forward, and giving you a defiant look, this is not a pacifying
behavior! USING PACIFIERS TO READ PEOPLE MORE
EFFECTIVELY In order to gain knowledge about a person through
nonverbal pacifiers, there are a few guidelines you need to follow: (1)
Recognize pacifying behaviors when they occur. I have provided you with
all of the major pacifiers. As you make a concerted effort to spot these body
signals, they will become increasingly easy to recognize in interactions with
other people. https://www.8freebooks.net
50 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING (2) Establish a pacifying
baseline for an individual. That way you can note any increase and/or
intensity in that person’s pacifying behaviors and react accordingly. (3)
When you see a person make a pacifying gesture, stop and ask yourself,
“What caused him to do that?” You know the individual feels uneasy about
something. Your job, as a collector of nonverbal intelligence, is to find out
what that something is. (4) Understand that pacifying behaviors almost
always are used to calm a person after a stressful event occurs. Thus, as a
general principle, you can assume that if an individual is engaged in
pacifying behavior, some stressful event or stimulus has preceded it and
caused it to happen. (5) The ability to link a pacifying behavior with the
specific stressor that caused it can help you better understand the person
with whom you are interacting. (6) In certain circumstances you can
actually say or do something to see if it stresses an individual (as reflected
in an increase in pacifying behaviors) to better understand his thoughts and
intentions. (7) Note what part of the body a person pacifies. This is
significant, because the higher the stress, the greater the amount of facial or
neck stroking is involved. (8) Remember, the greater the stress or
discomfort, the greater the likelihood of pacifying behaviors to follow.
Pacifiers are a great way to assess for comfort and discomfort. In a sense,
pacifying behaviors are “supporting players” in our limbic reactions. Yet
they reveal much about our emotional state and how we are truly feeling. A
FINAL NOTE ON OUR LIMBIC LEGACY You now are in possession of
information that is unknown to most people. You are aware that we have a
very robust survival mechanism (freeze, https://www.8freebooks.net
LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 51 flight, or fight) and possess
a pacifying system to deal with stress. We are fortunate to have these
mechanisms, not only for our own survival and success, but also to use in
assessing the sentiments and thoughts of others. In this chapter, we also
learned that (with the exception of certain reflexes) all behavior is governed
by the brain. We have examined two of the three major “brains” within our
cranial vault — the thinking neocortex brain and the more automatic limbic
brain — and how they differ in terms of their roles. Both brains perform
important functions. However, for our purposes, the limbic system is more
important because it is the most honest brain — responsible for producing
the most significant nonverbal signals for determining true thoughts and
feelings (Ratey, 2001, 147-242). Now that you are familiar with the basics
of how the brain reacts to the world, you might be wondering if detecting
and decoding nonverbal behaviors is all that easy to do. This is a frequently
asked question. The answer is yes and no. Once you’ve read this book,
some nonverbal body cues will stand out. They literally scream for
attention. On the other hand, there are many aspects of body language that
are more subtle and, therefore, more difficult to spot. We will focus on both
the more obvious and the more subtle behaviors that the limbic brain elicits
from the body. In time and with practice, decoding them will become
natural, like looking both ways before you cross a busy street. This brings
us to our legs and feet, which propel us across the intersection and provide
the focal point of our attention in the next chapter.
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THREE Getting a Leg Up on Body Language Nonverbals of the
Feet and Legs n the first chapter, I asked you to guess which is the most
honest part of the body — the part that is most likely to reveal a person’s
true intentions and, thus, be a prime place to look for nonverbal signals that
accurately reflect what he or she is thinking. It may surprise you, but the
answer is the feet! That’s right, your feet, along with your legs, win the
honesty award hands — or should I say — feet down. Now I will explain
how to gauge the sentiments and intentions of others by focusing on their
foot and leg actions. In addition, you will learn to look for telltale signs that
help disclose what’s going on under the table, even when you can’t directly
watch the lower limbs. First, however, I want to share with you why your
feet are the most honest part of your body, so you’ll gain a better
appreciation for why the feet are such good gauges of people’s true
sentiments and intentions. https://www.8freebooks.net
54 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING AN EVOLUTIONARY
“FOOT” NOTE For millions of years, the feet and legs have been the
primary means ol locomotion for the human species. They are the principal
means by which we have maneuvered, escaped, and survived. Since the
time our ancestors began to walk upright across the grasslands of Africa,
the human foot has carried us, quite literally, around the world. Marvels of
engineering, our feet allow us to feel, walk, turn, run, swivel, balance, kick,
climb, play, grasp, and even write. And while not as efficient at certain
tasks as our hands (we lack an opposable big toe), nevertheless, as
Leonardo da Vinci once commented, our feet and what they can perform are
a testament to exquisite engineering (Morris, 1985, 239). The writer and
zoologist Desmond Morris observed that our feet communicate exactly
what we think and feel more honestly than any other part of our bodies
(Morris, 1985, 244). Why are the feet and legs such accurate reflectors of
our sentiments? For millions of years, long before humans spoke, our legs
and feet reacted to environmental threats (e.g., hot sand, meandering
snakes, ill-tempered lions) instantaneously, without the need for conscious
thought. Our limbic brains made sure that our feet and legs reacted as
needed by either ceasing motion, running away, or kicking at a potential
threat. This survival regimen, retained from our ancestral heritage, has
served us well and continues to do so today. In fact, these age-old reactions
are still so hardwired in us that when we are presented with something
dangerous or even disagreeable, our feet and legs still react as they did in
prehistoric times. First they freeze, then they attempt to distance, and
finally, if no other alternative is available, they prepare to fight and kick.
This freeze, flight, or fight mechanism requires no high-order cognitive
processing. It is reactive. This important evolutionary development
benefited the individual as well as the group. Humans survived by seeing
and responding to the same threat simultaneously or by reacting to the
vigilant actions of others and behaving accordingly. When the group was
threatened, whether or not they all saw the danger, they were able to
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GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 55 react in
synchrony by noting each others movements. In our contemporary world,
soldiers on patrol will fix their attention on the “point man.” When he
freezes, they all freeze. When he lunges for the side of the road, they also
take cover. When he charges an ambush, they react in kind. With regard to
these life-saving group behaviors, little has changed in five million years.
This ability to communicate nonverbally has assured our survival as a
species, and even though today we often cover our legs with clothing and
our feet with shoes, our lower limbs still react — not only to threats and
stressors — but also to emotions, both negative and positive. Thus, our feet
and legs transmit information about what we are sensing, thinking, and
feeling. The dancing and jumping up and down we do today are extensions
of the celebratory exuberance people exhibited millions of years ago upon
the completion of a successful hunt. Be they Masai warriors jumping high
in place or couples dancing up a storm, throughout the world, the feet and
legs communicate happiness. We even stomp our feet in unison at ball
games to let our team know we are rooting for them. Other evidence of
these “foot feelings” abounds in our everyday life. For example, watch
children and their foot movements for a real education in feet honesty. A
child may be sitting down to eat, but if she wants to go out and play, notice
how her feet sway, how they stretch to reach the floor from a high chair
even when the child is not yet finished with her meal. A parent may try to
keep her in place, yet the girl’s feet will inch away from the table. Her torso
may be held by that loving parent, but the youngster will twist and squirm
her legs and feet ever so diligently in the direction of the door — an
accurate reflection of where she wants to go. This is an intention cue. As
adults, we are, of course, more restrained in these limbic exhibitions, but
just barely so. THE MOST HONEST PART OF OUR BODY When reading
body language, most individuals start their observation at the top of a
person (the face) and work their way down, despite the fact
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56 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING that the face is the one
part of the body that most often is used to bluff and conceal true sentiments.
My approach is the exact opposite. Having conducted thousands of
interviews for the FBI, I learned to concentrate on the suspect’s feet and
legs first, moving upward in my observations until I read the face last.
When it comes to honesty, truthfulness decreases as we move from the feet
to the head. Unfortunately, law enforcement literature over the last sixty
years, including some contemporary works, has emphasized a facial focus
when conducting interviews or attempting to read people. Further
complicating an honest read is the fact that most interviewers compound the
problem by allowing the interviewees to conceal their feet and legs under
tables and desks. When you give it some thought, there’s good reason for
the deceitful nature of our facial expressions. We he with our faces because
that’s what we’ve been taught to do since early childhood. “Don’t make that
face,” our parents growl when we honestly react to the food placed in front
of us. “At least loo\ happy when your cousins stop by,” they instruct, and
you learn to force a smile. Our parents — and society — are, in essence,
telling us to hide, deceive, and he with our faces for the sake of social
harmony. So it is no surprise that we tend to get pretty good at it, so good,
in fact, that when we put on a happy face at a family gathering, we might
look as if we love our in-laws when, in reality, we are fantasizing about
how to hasten their departure. Think about it. If we couldn’t control our
facial expressions, why would the term polder face have any meaning? We
know how to put on a so-called party face, but few pay any attention to
their own feet and legs, much less to those of others. Nervousness, stress,
fear, anxiety, caution, boredom, restlessness, happiness, joy, hurt, shyness,
coyness, humility, awkwardness, confidence, subservience, depression,
lethargy, playfulness, sensuality, and anger can all manifest through the feet
and legs. A meaningful touch of the legs between lovers, the shy feet of a
young boy meeting strangers, the stance of the angry, the nervous pacing of
an expectant father — all of these signal our emotional state and can be
readily observed in real time. If you want to decode the world around you
and interpret behavior https://www.8freebooks.net
GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 57 accurately,
watch the feet and the legs; they are truly remarkable and honest in the
information they convey. The lower limbs must be viewed as a significant
part of the entire body when collecting nonverbal intelligence.
SIGNIFICANT NONVERBAL BEHAVIORS INVOLVING THE FEET
AND LEGS Happy Feet Happy feet are feet and legs that wiggle and/or
bounce with joy. When people suddenly display happy feet — particularly
if this occurs right after they have heard or seen something of significance
— it’s because it has affected them in a positive emotional way. Happy feet
are a high-confidence tell, a signal that a person feels he is getting what he
wants or is in an advantageous position to gain something of value from
another person or from something else in his environment (see box 13).
Lovers seeing each other after a long separation will get happy feet at their
airport reunion. You don’t need to look under the table to see happy feet.
Just look at a person’s shirt and/or his shoulders. If his feet are wiggling or
bouncing, his shirt and shoulders will be vibrating or moving up and down.
These are not grossly exaggerated movements; in fact, they are relatively
subtle. But if you watch for them, they are discernible. Try this little
demonstration for yourself. Sit in a chair in front of a fulllength mirror and
begin wiggling or bouncing your feet. As you do, you’ll start to see your
shirt and/or shoulders move. While with others, if you’re not watching
carefully above the table for these telltale signs of lower-limb behaviors,
you might miss them. But if you’re willing to take the time and effort to
look, you’ll be able to detect them. The key to using happy feet as an
effective nonverbal signal is first to note a person’s foot behavior, and then
to watch for any sudden changes that take place (see box 14 on page 59).
Allow me to express two points of caution. First, as with all nonverbal
behavior, happy feet must be taken in context to determine if
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58 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 13 HAPPY FEET
MEAN LIFE IS SWEET A while back, I was watching a poker tournament
on television and I saw a guy dealt a flush (a powerful hand). Below the
table, his feet were going wild! They were wiggling and bouncing like the
feet of a child who's just learned he’s going to Disney World. The players
face was stoic, his demeanor above the table was calm, but down near the
floor there was a whole lot of shakin’ goin’ on! Meanwhile, I was pointing
at the TV set and urging the other players to fold their hands and get out of
the game. Too bad they couldn’t hear me, because two players called his
bets and lost their money to his unbeatable hand. This player has learned
how to put on his best poker face. Obviously, however, he has a long way to
go when it comes to putting on his best poker feet. Fortunately for him, his
opponents — like most people — have spent a lifetime ignoring three-
quarters of the human body (from the chest on down), paying no attention
to the critical nonverbal tells that can be found there. Poker rooms aren’t the
only place where you see happy feet. I have seen them in plenty of meeting
rooms and boardrooms and just about everywhere else. While writing this
chapter, I was at the airport and overheard a young mother sitting next to
me as she was talking on her cell phone to members of her family. At first,
her feet were flat on the ground, but when her son got on the phone, her feet
began bouncing up and down effusively. I did not need her to tell me how
she felt about her child or his priority in her life. Her feet shouted it to me.
Remember, whether you are playing cards, doing business, or simply are
engaged in a conversation with friends, happy feet are one of the most
honest ways our brains truthfully exclaim, “I am elated."
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GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 59 BOX 14: A
SIGN OF THE FEET Julie, a human resource executive for a major
corporation, told me she began noticing foot behaviors after attending one
of my seminars for bank executives. She put her new knowledge to good
use just a few days after returning to her job. “I was responsible for
selecting company employees for overseas assignments,” she explained.
“When I asked one potential candidate if she wanted to work abroad, she
responded with bouncing, happy feet and an affirmative, ‘Yes!’ However,
when I next mentioned that the destination was Mumbai, India, her feet
stopped moving altogether. Noting the change in her nonverbal behavior, I
asked why she didn't want to go there. The candidate was astounded. ‘Is it
that noticeable? I didn’t say anything. Did someone else say something to
you?’ she asked in a startled voice. I told the woman I could ‘sense’ she
wasn’t pleased with the intended work location. ‘You’re right,’ she
admitted, ‘I thought I was being considered for Hong Kong, where I have a
few friends.’ It was obvious she did not want to go to India, and her feet left
no doubt about her feelings on the matter." they represent a true tell or just
excess nervous behavior. For example, if a person has naturally jittery legs
(a kind of restless-leg syndrome), then it might be hard to distinguish happy
feet from an individual’s normal nervous energy. If the rate or intensity of
jiggling increases, however, particularly right after a person hears or
witnesses something of significance, I might view that as a potential signal
that he or she now feels more confident and satisfied with the current state
of affairs. Second, moving feet and legs may simply signify impatience.
Our feet often jiggle or bounce when we grow impatient or feel the need to
move things along. Watch a class full of students and notice how often their
legs and feet will twitch, jiggle, move, and kick throughout the class. This
activity usually increases as the class draws to a close. More often
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60 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING than not, this is a good
indicator of impatience and the need to speed things up, not a sign of happy
feet. Such activity reaches a crescendo as dismissal time approaches in my
classes. Perhaps the students are trying to tell me something. When Feet
Shift Direction, Particularly Toward or Away from a Person or Object We
tend to turn toward things we like or are agreeable to us, and that includes
individuals with whom we are interacting. In fact, we can use this
information to determine whether others are happy to see us or would prefer
that we leave them alone. Assume you are approaching two people engaged
in a conversation. These are individuals you have met before, and you want
to join in the discussion, so you walk up to them and say “hi.” The problem
is that you’re not sure if they really want your company. Is there a way to
find out? Yes. Watch their feet and torso behavior. If they move their feet —
along with their torsos — to admit you, then the welcome is full and
genuine. However, if they don’t move their feet to welcome you but,
instead, only swivel at the hips to say hello, then they’d rather be left alone.
We tend to turn away from things that we don’t like or that are disagreeable
to us. Studies of courtroom behavior reveal that when jurors don’t like a
witness, they turn their feet toward the nearest exit (Dimitrius &
Mazzarella, 2002, 193). From the waist up, the jurors politely face the
witness who is speaking, but will turn their feet toward the natural “escape
route” — such as the door leading to the hallway or the jury room. What is
true for jurors in a courtroom is also true for person-to-person interactions
in general. From the hips up, we will face the person with whom we are
talking. But if we are displeased with the conversation, our feet will shift
away, toward the nearest exit. When a person turns his feet away, it is
normally a sign of disengagement, a desire to distance himself from where
he is currently positioned. When you are talking with someone and you note
that he gradually or suddenly shifts his https://www.8freebooks.net
GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 61 feet away
from you, this is information you need to process. Why did the behavior
take place? Sometimes it is a signal that the person is late for an
appointment and really has to go; other times it is a sign that the person no
longer wants to be around you. Perhaps you have said something offensive
or done something annoying. The shifting foot behavior is a sign that the
person wants to depart (see figure 18). However, now it is up to you —
based on the circumstances surrounding the behavior — to determine why
the individual is anxious to go (see box 15). BOX 15: HOW FEET WAVE
GOODBYE When two people talk to each other, they normally speak toe to
toe. If, however, one of the individuals turns his feet slightly away or
repeatedly moves one foot in an outward direction (in an L formation with
one foot toward you and one away from you), you can be assured he wants
to take leave or wishes he were somewhere else. This type of foot behavior
is another example of an intention cue (Givens, 2005, 60-61). The person's
torso may remain facing you out of social diligence, but the feet may more
honestly reflect the limbic brain’s need or desire to escape (see figure 18).
Recently I was with a client who had spent almost five hours with me. As
we were parting for the evening, we reflected on what we had covered that
day. Even though our conversation was very collegial, I noticed that my
client was holding one leg at a right angle to his body, seemingly wanting to
take off on its own. At that point I said, “You really do have to leave now,
don’t you?” “Yes,” he admitted. “I am so sorry. I didn’t want to be rude but
I have to call London and I only have five minutes!” Here was a case where
my client’s language and most of his body revealed nothing but positive
feelings. His feet, however, were the most honest communicators, and they
clearly told me that as much as he wanted to stay, duty was calling.
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62 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Fig. 18 Where one foot
points and turns away during a conversation, this is a sign the person has to
leave, precisely in that direction. This is an intention cue. The Knee Clasp
There are other examples of intention movements of the legs that are
associated with an individual who wants to leave his current location. Take
note if a person who is sitting down places both hands on his knees in a
knee clasp (see figure 19). This is a very clear sign that in his mind, he is
ready to conclude the meeting and take leave. Usually this hands-onknees
gesture is followed by a forward lean of the torso and/or a shift of the lower
body to the edge of the chair, both intention movements. When
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GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 63 Clasping of
the knees and shifting of weight on the feet is an intention cue that the
person wants to get up and leave. you note these cues, particularly when
they come from your superiors, it’s time to end your interaction; be astute
and don’t linger. Gravity-Defying Behaviors of the Feet When we are happy
and excited, we walk as if we are floating on air. We see this with lovers
enthralled to be around each other as well as with children who are eager to
enter a theme park. Gravity seems to hold no boundaries for those who are
excited. These behaviors are quite obvious, and yet every day, all around us
, gravity-defying behaviors seemingly elude our observation. When we are
excited about something or feel very positive about our circumstances, we
tend to defy gravity by doing such things as rocking up and down on the
balls of our feet, or walking with a bit of a bounce in our step. This is the
limbic brain, once again, manifesting itself in our nonverbal behaviors.
Recently I was watching a stranger talk on his cell phone. As he listened,
his left foot, which had been resting flat on the ground, changed position.
The heel of the foot remained on the ground, but the rest of his shoe moved
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64 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING up, so that his toes were
pointing skyward (see Figure 20). To the average person, that behavior
would have gone unnoticed or been disregarded as insignificant. But to the
trained observer, that gravity-defying foot behavior can be readily decoded
to mean that the man on the phone had just heard something positive. Sure
enough, as I walked by I could hear him say, “Really — that’s terrific!” His
feet had already silently said the same thing. Even when standing still, a
person telling a story may inch up to a taller stance, elevating himself to
emphasize his points, and he may do so repeatedly. The individual does this
subconsciously; therefore these elevating behaviors are very honest cues,
since they tend to be true expresWhen the toes point upward as in this
photograph, it usually means the person is in a good mood or is thinking or
hearing something positive. https://www.8freebooks.net
GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 65 sions of the
emotion attached to the story. They appear in real time along with the story
line and relate his feelings along with his words. Just as we move our feet to
the beat and tempo of a song we like, so too will we move our feet and legs
in congruence with something positive we say. Interestingly, gravity-
defying behaviors of the feet and legs are rarely seen in people suffering
from clinical depression. The body reflects precisely the emotional state of
the individual. So when people are excited we tend to see many more
gravity-defying behaviors. Can gravity-defying behaviors be faked? I
suppose they can be, particularly by really good actors and perennial liars,
but average people simply don’t know how to regulate their limbic
behaviors. When people try to control their limbic reactions or gravity-
defying behaviors, it looks contrived. Either they appear too passive or
restrained for the situation or not animated enough. A faked upward arm
greeting just doesn’t cut it. It looks fake because the arms are not up for
very long, and usually the elbows are bent. The gesture has all the
hallmarks of being contrived. True gravity-defying behaviors are usually a
very good barometer of a person’s positive emotional state and they look
genuine. One type of gravity-defying behavior that can be very informative
to the astute observer is known as the starters position (see figure 21). This
is an action in which a person moves his or her feet from a resting position
(flat on the ground) to a ready or “starters” position with heel elevated and
weight on the balls of the feet. This is an intention cue that tells us the
person is getting ready to do something physical, requiring foot movement.
It could mean the individual intends to engage you further, is really
interested, or wants to leave. As with all nonverbal intention cues, once you
learn a person is about to do something, you need to rely on the context and
what you know about the individual to make your best assessment of what
that something is going to be. Leg Splay The most unmistakable and easily
spotted foot and leg behaviors are territorial displays. Most mammals,
human or not, can become territorial https://www.8freebooks.net
66 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING When feet shift from flat
footed to the “starter's position,” this is an intention cue that the person
wants to go. when they are stressed or upset, when they are being
threatened, or, conversely, when they are threatening others. In each case,
they will exhibit behaviors indicating they are trying to reestablish control
of their situation and their territory. Law enforcement and military
personnel use these behaviors because they are accustomed to being in
charge. Sometimes, they will try to outdo each other, at which point it
becomes farcical as each person tries to splay out wider than his colleagues
in a subconscious attempt to claim more territory. When people find
themselves in confrontational situations, their feet and legs will splay out,
not only for greater balance but also to claim greater territory. This sends
out a very strong message to the careful observer that at a minimum there
are issues afoot or that there is potential for real trouble. When two people
face off in disagreement, you will never see their legs crossed so that they
are off balance. The limbic brain simply will not allow this to take place. If
you observe a person’s feet going from being together to being spread apart,
you can be fairly confident that the individual is becoming increasingly
unhappy. This dominant stance communicates very clearly, “Something is
wrong and I am ready to deal with it.” Territorial leg
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GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 67 splays signal
the potential for tempers to flare; thus, whether you find yourself observing
or using this type of nonverbal behavior, you should be on the alert for
possible trouble. Because people often assume a more splayed posture when
an argument escalates, I tell executives as well as law enforcement officers
that one way to diffuse a confrontation is to avoid using such territorial
displays. If we catch ourselves in a leg-splay posture during a heated
exchange and immediately bring our legs together, it often lessens the
confrontation level and reduces the tension. A few years ago, while I was
conducting a seminar, a woman in the audience spoke about how her ex-
husband used to intimidate her during an argument by standing in the
doorway of their house, legs splayed, blocking her exit. This is not a
behavior to be taken lightly. It resonates visually as well as viscerally and
can be used to control, intimidate, and threaten. In fact, predators (e.g.,
psychopaths, antisocials) often use this leg-splay behavior in conjunction
with eye-gaze behavior to control others. As one prison inmate once told
me, “In here, it’s all about posture, how we stand, how we look. We can’t
look weak, not for one moment.” I suspect anywhere we might encounter
predators, we should be cognizant of our posture and stance. There are, of
course, times when a leg splay can be used to your advantage —
specifically, when you want to establish authority and control over others
for a positive reason. I have had to coach female law enforcement officers
to use the leg splay to establish a more aggressive stance when responding
to unruly crowds in the line of duty. Standing with their feet together
(which is perceived as submissive) sends the wrong kind of signal to a
would-be antagonist. By moving their feet apart, the female officers can
take a more dominant, “I am in charge” stance, which will be perceived as
more authoritarian and thus help them be more effective in controlling
unruly individuals. You may want to emphasize to a teenage son how you
feel about smoking not by raising your voice, but rather by using a
territorial display. https://www.8freebooks.net
68 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING The Territorial Imperative
When discussing leg splay and territorial claims, we must recognize the
work of Edward Hall, who studied the use of space in humans and other
animals. By studying what he termed the territorial imperative, he was able
to document our spatial needs, which he referred to as proxemics (Hall,
1969). Hall found that the more advantaged we are socioeconomically or
hierarchically, the more territory we demand. He also found that people
who tend to take up more space (territory) through their daily activities also
tend to be more self-assured, more confident, and of course more likely to
be of higher status. This phenomenon has been demonstrated throughout
human history and in most cultures. In fact, the conquistadores witnessed it
when they arrived in the new world. Once here, they saw the same
territorial displays in the people native to the Americas that they had seen in
Queen Isabella’s court; to wit, royalty — in any country — can command
and is afforded greater space (Diaz, 1988). While CEOs, presidents, and
high-status individuals can claim greater space, for the rest of us, it is not so
easy. All of us, however, are very protective of our personal space,
regardless of its size. We don’t like it when people stand too close. In his
research, Edward Hall found that each of us has a space requirement he
called proxemics, that is both personal and cultural in origin. When people
violate that space, we have powerful limbic reactions indicative of stress.
Violations of personal space cause us to become hypervigilant; our pulse
races and we may become flushed (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 146—147). Just
think about how you feel when someone gets too close, whether in a
crowded elevator or while you’re conducting a transaction at an ATM
machine. I mention these space issues so that the next time someone stands
too close or you violate someone’s space, you are aware of the negative
limbic arousal that will take place. Feet/Leg Displays of High Comfort
Careful observation of the legs and feet can help you determine how
comfortable you are around somebody else and vice versa. Leg crossing is
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GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 69 a particularly
accurate barometer of how comfortable we feel around another person; we
don’t use it if we feel uncomfortable (see figure 22). We also cross our legs
in the presence of others when we are confident — and confidence is part of
comfort. Let’s examine why this is such an honest and revealing lower limb
behavior. When you cross one leg in front of the other while standing, you
reduce your balance significantly. From a safety standpoint, if there were a
real threat, you could neither freeze very easily nor run away because, in
that stance, you are basically balanced on one foot. For this reason, the
limbic brain allows us to perform this behavior only when we feel
comfortable or confident. If a person is standing by herself in an elevator
with one leg crossed over the other, she will immediately uncross her legs
and plant both feet firmly on the floor when a stranger steps into the
elevator. This is a sign that the limbic brain is saying, “You can’t take any
chances; you may have to deal with a potential threat or problem now, so
put both feet firmly on the ground!” When I see two colleagues talking to
each other and they both have their legs crossed, I know they are
comfortable with each other. First, We normally cross our legs when we feel
comfortable. The sudden presence of someone we don’t like will cause us
to uncross our legs. https://www.8freebooks.net
70 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING this shows a mirroring of
behaviors between two individuals (a comfort sign known as isopraxisni)
and second, because leg crossing is a highcomfort display (see figure 23).
This leg-cross nonverbal can be used in interpersonal relationships to let the
other person know that things are good between the two of you, so good, in
fact, that you can afford to relax totally (limbically) around that individual.
Leg crossing, then, becomes a great way to communicate a positive
sentiment. Recently I attended a party in Coral Gables, Florida, where I was
introduced to two women, both of whom were in their early sixties. During
the introduction, one of the women suddenly crossed her legs so that she
When two people are talking and both have crossed their legs, this is an
indication that they are very comfortable around each other.
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GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 71 was on one
foot leaning toward her friend. I commented, “You ladies must have known
each other for a long time.” Their eyes and faces lit up, and one asked how I
knew this. I said, “Even though you were meeting me — a stranger — for
the first time, one of you crossed your legs to favor the other. That is very
unusual unless you really like and trust each other.” They both giggled and
one inquired, “Can you read minds, too?” To which I laughed and
answered, “No.” After I had explained what gave their long-term friendship
away, one of the two women confirmed they had known each other since
they were in grade school in Cuba in the forties. Once again, the leg cross
proved to be an accurate barometer of human sentiments. Here’s an
interesting feature of leg crossing. We usually do it subconsciously in favor
of the person we like the most. In other words, we cross our legs in such a
way so that we tilt toward the person we favor. This can provide some
interesting revelations during family gatherings. In families in which there
are multiple children, it is not unusual to have a parent reveal a preference
for one child over another by crossing legs so that they tilt toward the child
they favor. Be aware that sometimes criminals, when they are up to no
good, will lean against a wall with their legs crossed when they see police
driving by, pretending to be cool. Because this behavior goes counter to the
threat the limbic brain is sensing, these criminals usually don’t hold this
behavior for very long. Experienced officers on the beat can immediately
see that these subjects are posing, not reposing, but to the unknowing, they
may look erroneously benign. Feet/Leg Displays During Courtship During
high-comfort social interactions, our feet and legs will mirror those of the
other person we are with (isopraxis) and will remain playful. In fact, in the
extreme stages of comfort during courtship, the feet will also engage the
other person through subtle foot touches or caresses (see box 16). During
courtship, and particularly while seated, a woman will often
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72 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 16: GETTING A
TOEHOLD ON ROMANCE I was in Los Angeles this year giving
nonverbal communication training to a client who works in the television
industry. He was kind enough to take me to dinner at a popular Mexican
restaurant near his house. While there, he wanted to continue learning about
body language and pointed to a couple seated at a nearby table. He asked,
“Based on what you see, do you think they’re getting along with each
other?” As we observed the two diners, we noted that at first they were
leaning in to each other, but as the dinner and conversation progressed, they
both leaned back in their chairs away from each other, not really saying
much. My client thought things were going sour between them. I said,
“Don’t just look above the table, look under the table as well." This was
easy to do, as there was no table cloth or other obstacle blocking the
underside of the table. “Notice how their feet are very close to each other,” I
pointed out. If they weren’t getting along, their feet would not be that close
together. The limbic brain simply would not allow it. Now that I had him
focused on the couple’s feet, we noticed that every once in a while their feet
touched or brushed against each other and neither person's legs retracted.
“That behavior is important,” I noted. “It shows they still feel connected.”
When the couple got up to leave, the man put his arm around the woman’s
waist and they walked out without saying another word. The nonverbals
said it all, even though they were not in a talking mood. If you have ever
wondered why there is so much leg touching and flirting under tables or in
swimming pools, it is probably related to two phenomena. First, when our
body parts are out of sight, such as under a table or under water (or under
the covers), they seem out of mind — or at least out of the realm of
observation. We have all seen people act in a public pool as if they were in
private. Second, our feet contain a tremendous number of sensory receptors,
the pathways of which terminate in an area of the brain that is close to the
place in which sensations of the genitalia are registered (Givens, 2005, 92-
93). People play footsies under https://www.8freebooks.net
GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 73 the table
because it feels good and can be very sexually arousing. Conversely, when
we don’t like someone or don’t feel close to them, we move our feet away
immediately if they accidentally touch beneath the table. As a relationship
wanes, a very clear sign couples often miss is that there will be
progressively less foot touching of any kind. play with her shoes and dangle
them from the tips of her toes when she feels comfortable with her
companion. This behavior will, however, quickly cease if the woman
suddenly feels uncomfortable. A potential suitor can get a pretty good
reading on how things are going based on this “shoe -play” behavior. If,
upon approaching a woman (or after talking with her for a while), her shoe
play stops, she adjusts her shoe back on her foot, and especially if she
follows this by turning slightly away from the suitor and perhaps gathering
up her purse, well, in the language of baseball, that suitor has most likely
just struck out. Even when a woman is not touching her suitor with her foot,
this type of foot dangling and shoe play is movement, and movement draws
attention. Therefore, this nonverbal behavior says, “Notice me,” which is
just the opposite of the freeze response, and is part of the orienting reflex
that is instinctive and draws us near to the things and people we like or
desire and away from those things we don’t like, don’t trust, or of which we
are not sure. Seated leg crosses are also revealing. When people sit side by
side, the direction of their leg crosses become significant. If they are on
good terms, the top leg crossed over will point toward the other person. If a
person doesn’t like a topic his companion brings up, he will switch the
position of the legs so that the thigh becomes a barrier (see figures 24 and
25). Such blocking behavior is another meaningful example of the limbic
brain protecting us. If there is congruence in the way both parties are sitting
and crossing their legs, then there is harmony. https://www.8freebooks.net
In this photo the man has placed his right leg in such a way that
the knee acts as a barrier between himself and the woman. In this photo the
man has positioned his leg so that the knee is further away, removing
barriers between himself and the woman. https://www.8freebooks.net
GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 75 Our Need for
Space Ever wonder what kind of first impression you’ve made on someone?
Whether they seem to like you from the outset or, rather, if there could be
difficulties brewing? One way to find out is the “shake and wait” approach.
Here’s how it works. Foot and leg behavior is especially important to
observe when you first meet people. It reveals a lot about how they feel
about you. Personally, when I first meet someone, I typically lean in, give
the person a hearty handshake (depending on the appropriate cultural norms
in the situation), make good eye contact, and then take a step back and see
what happens next. One of three responses is likely to take place: (a) the
person will remain in place, which lets me know he or she is comfortable at
that distance; (b) the individual will take a step back or turn slightly away,
which lets me know he or she needs more space or wants to be elsewhere;
or (c) the person will actually take a step closer to me, which means he or
she feels comfortable and/or favorable toward me. I take no offense to the
individual’s behavior because I am simply using this opportunity to see how
he or she really feels about me. Remember, the feet are the most honest part
of the body. If a person needs extra space, I give it. If he or she is
comfortable, I don’t have to worry about dealing with a proximity issue. If
someone takes a step toward me, I know they feel more comfortable near
me. This is useful information in any social setting, but also remember you
should set limits as to what makes you comfortable when it comes to space.
Walking Style When it comes to the feet and legs, I would be remiss if I
didn’t mention the nonverbal cues given off by different styles of walking.
According to Desmond Morris, scientists recognize approximately forty
different styles of walking (Morris, 1985, 229—230). If that seems like a
lot, just recall what you know about the gait of these individuals as
portrayed in various films: Charlie Chaplin, John Wayne, Mae West, or
Groucho Marx. https://www.8freebooks.net
76 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Each of these movie
characters had a distinctive walking style, and their personalities were
revealed, in part, through their gaits. How we walk often reflects our moods
and attitudes. We can walk briskly and intentionally, or slowly in a
bewildered state. We can stroll, amble, saunter, plod, waddle, limp, shuffle,
prowl, bustle, march, promenade, tiptoe, swagger, and so on, to name just a
few of the recognized walking styles (Morris, 1985, 233-235). For
observers of nonverbals, these walking styles are important because
changes in the way people normally walk can reflect changes in their
thoughts and emotions. A person who is normally happy and gregarious
might suddenly change his or her walking style when told a loved one has
been injured. Bad or tragic news may cause a person to sprint out of a room
in desperation to help out or it may cause the individual to walk out
phlegmatically as though the weight of the world is on his or her shoulders.
Changes in walking style are important nonverbal behaviors because they
warn us that something might be amiss, that a problem might be lurking,
that circumstances might have changed — in short, that something
significant might have occurred. A change tells us that we need to assess
why the person’s gait has suddenly changed, particularly since such
information can often aid us in dealing more effectively with that individual
in upcoming interactions. A person’s walk can help us detect things he or
she is unknowingly revealing (see box 17). Cooperative vs. Noncooperative
Feet If you are dealing with a person who is socializing or cooperative with
you, his or her feet should mirror your own. If, however, someone’s feet are
pointed away from you while his body faces toward you, you should ask
yourself why. Despite the direction of the body, this is not a genuine
cooperation profile and is indicative of several things that must be explored.
Such a pose reflects either the person’s need to leave or get away soon, a
disinterest in what is being discussed, an unwillingness to further assist, or a
lack of commitment to what is being said. Note that when
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GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 77 BOX 17
CRIME SHOPPERS Criminals don’t always realize just how much
information they give away. When I worked in New York City, my fellow
agents and I often watched street predators as they tried to blend into the
crowd. One of the ways in which they were unsuccessful in doing so,
however, was that they frequently walked on the inside of the sidewalk,
habitually changing their walking speed as they aimlessly window shopped.
Most people have a place to go and a task to accomplish, so they walk with
purpose. Predators (muggers, drug dealers, thieves, con men) lurk about
waiting for their next victim; therefore their postures and pace are different.
There is no purposeful direction to their travel until they are about to strike.
When a predator vectors toward you, whether a beggar or a mugger, the
discomfort you sense is due to the calculations your limbic brain is
performing to try to prevent you from becoming the next target. So, next
time you’re in a big city, keep an eye out for predators. If you see a person
walking around with no purpose who suddenly makes a beeline for you,
look out! Better yet, get out — as quickly as possible. Even if you just sense
this is happening, listen to your inner voice (de Becker, 1997, 133).
someone we don’t know approaches us on the street, we usually turn our
attention to them from the hips up, but keep our feet pointed in the direction
of travel. The message we are sending is that socially I will be attentive
briefly; personally I am prepared to continue or flee. Over the years, I have
conducted training for customs inspectors in the United States and abroad. I
have learned an incredible amount from them, and I hope they have picked
up a few pointers from me. One thing I have taught them is to look for
passengers who point their feet toward the exit while turning to the officer
to make their customs declaration (see figure 26). While they could simply
be in a hurry to catch a flight, this behavior should make the inspector
suspicious. In studies, we found that people who
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78 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING When a person talks to
you with feet pointed away, it is a good indication this person wants to be
elsewhere. Watch for people who make formal declarations in this position,
as this is a form of distancing. make affirmative declarations such as “I have
nothing to declare, officer,” but have their feet turned away are more likely
to be concealing something they should have declared. In essence, their
faces are obliging, their words are definitive, but their feet reveal they are
being less than cooperative. Significant Change in Intensity of Foot and/or
Leg Movement Leg twitching and movement is normal; some people do it
all the time, others never. It is not indicative of lying — as some
erroneously believe — as both https://www.8freebooks.net
GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 79 honest and
dishonest people will twitch and jiggle. The key factor to consider is at
what point do these behaviors start or change. For instance, years ago
Barbara Walters was interviewing Academy Awards nominee Kim Basinger
prior to the awards ceremony. Throughout the interview, Ms. Basinger
jiggled her feet and her hands seemed to be very nervous. When Ms.
Walters began to ask Ms. Basinger about some financial difficulties and a
questionable investment she and her then husband had made, Ms.
Basingers foot went from jiggling to kicking. It was instantaneous and
remarkable. Again, this does not mean she was lying or even intended to he
in response to the question, but it was clearly a visceral reaction to a
negative stimulus (the question asked) and it reflected her disdain for the
inquiry. Anytime there is a shift from foot jiggling to foot kicking in a
seated person, according to Dr. Joe Kulis, it is a very good indicator that the
person has seen or heard something negative and is not happy about it (see
figure 27). While jiggling may be a show of nervousness, kicking is a
subconscious way of combating the unpleasant. The beauty of this behavior
is that it is automatic, and most people don’t even recognize they are doing
it. You can use this nonverbal body signal to your advantage by creating
questions that will evince the leg-\ic\ response (or any other dramatic
change in nonverbals) to determine what specific inquiries or When a foot
suddenly begins to kick, it is usually a good indicator of discomfort. You
see this with people being interviewed, as soon as a question is asked they
do not like. https://www.8freebooks.net
80 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING subjects are problematic.
In this manner, even hidden facts may be elicited from people, whether they
answer the question or not (see box 18). BOX 18: FORGET BONNIE,
FIND CLYDE I vividly recall an interview I conducted with a woman who
was thought to be a witness to a serious crime. For hours the interview
session was going nowhere; it was frustrating and tedious. The interviewee
revealed no significant behaviors; however, I did notice she jiggled her foot
all the time. Because it was a relative constant, this behavior was of no
consequence until I asked the question, “Do you know Clyde?”
Immediately upon hearing that question, and even though she didn't answer
(at least not verbally), the woman’s foot went from jiggling to an elevated
up-and-down kicking motion. This was a significant clue that this name had
a negative effect on her. In further questioning, she later admitted that
“Clyde” had involved her in stealing government documents from a base in
Germany. Her leg-kick reaction was a significant clue to us that there was
something more to explore, and in the end her confession proved that
suspicion to be accurate. Ironically, that betraying behavior probably made
her want to kick herself, because it ultimately cost her twenty-five years in
a federal prison. Foot Freeze If a person constantly wiggles or bounces his
or her feet or leg(s) and suddenly stops, you need to take notice. This
usually signifies that the individual is experiencing stress, an emotional
change, or feels threatened in some way. Ask yourself why the person’s
limbic system kicked their survival instincts into the “freeze” mode.
Perhaps something was said or asked that might lead to revealing
information the person doesn’t want you to know. Possibly the individual
has done something and is afraid you will find him
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GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 81 out. The foot
freeze is another example of a limbic -controlled response, the tendency of
an individual to stop activity when faced with danger. The Foot Lock and
Leave When an individual suddenly turns his toes inward or interlocks his
feet, it is a sign that he is insecure, anxious, and/or feels threatened. When
interviewing suspects in crimes, I often notice that they interlock their feet
and ankles when they are under stress. A lot of people, especially women,
have been taught to sit this way, especially when wearing a skirt (see figure
28). However, to lock the ankles in this way, especially over a prolonged
period, is unnatural and should be considered suspect, particularly when
done by males. A sudden interlocking of the legs may suggest discomfort or
insecurity. When people are comfortable, they tend to unlock their ankles.
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82 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Interlocking ankles is
again part of the limbic response to freeze in the face of a threat.
Experienced nonverbal observers have noted how often people who are
lying will not move their feet in an interview, seeming frozen, or they
interlock their feet in such a way as to restrict movement. This is consistent
with research indicating that people tend to restrict arm and leg movements
when lying (Vrij, 2003, 24—27). Having said this, I want to caution you
that lack of movement is not in itself indicative of deception; it is indicative
of self-restraint and caution, which both nervous and lying individuals
utilize to assuage their concerns. Some individuals take the interlocking feet
or ankles one step further; they actually lock their feet around the legs of
their chair (see figure 29). This is a restraining (freeze) behavior that tells
us, once again, that something is troubling the person (see box 19). The
sudden locking of ankles around the legs of a chair is part of the freeze
response and is indicative of discomfort, anxiety, or concern.
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GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 83 BOX 19:
MAKE THAT A DOUBLE FREEZE You should always be on the lookout
for multiple tells (tell clusters) that point to the same behavioral conclusion.
They strengthen the likelihood that your conclusion is correct. In the case of
the foot lock, watch for the individual who locks his feet around his chair
legs and then moves his hand along his pants leg (as if drying his hand on
his trousers). The foot lock is a freeze response and the leg rubbing is a
pacifying behavior. The two, taken together, make it more likely that the
person has been uncovered; he fears something he has done will be found
out and he is experiencing stress because of this. Sometimes a person will
signal stress by attempting to hide the feet altogether. When you are
speaking with someone, watch to see if that individual moves his or her feet
from in front of the chair to under the chair. There is no scientific research
(yet) to document what I am about to say. However, over the years, I have
observed that when a high-stress question is asked, the respondent will
often withdraw his or her feet beneath the chair, which could be seen as a
distancing reaction and one that attempts to minimize the exposed parts of
the body. This cue can be used to evince discomfort about particular issues
and help channel the investigative inquiry. As the observer watches, the
interviewee — through his feet and legs — will tell you those things about
which he does not wish to talk. As the subject changes and becomes less
stressful, the feet will emerge again, expressing the limbic brain’s relief that
the stressful topic is no longer being discussed. SUMMING IT UP Because
they have been so directly critical to our survival throughout human
evolution, our feet and legs are the most honest parts of the body.
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84 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Our lower limbs provide
the most accurate, uncensored information to the alert observer. Used
skillfully, this information can help you get a better read on others in all
manner of settings. When you combine your knowledge of foot and leg
nonverbals with signals from other parts of the body, you become even
more capable of understanding what people are thinking, feeling, and
intending to do. Therefore, let’s turn our attention to those other parts of the
body now. Next stop, the human torso. https://www.8freebooks.net
FOUR Torso Tips Nonverbals of the Torso, Hips, Chest, and
Shoulders This chapter will cover the hips, abdomen, chest, and shoulders,
collectively known as the torso , or trunk,. As with the legs and feet, many
of the behaviors associated with the torso reflect the true sentiments of the
emotional (limbic) brain. Because the torso houses many vital internal
organs, such as the heart, lungs, liver, and digestive tract, we can anticipate
that the brain will seek to diligently protect this area when threatened or
challenged. During times of danger, whether real or perceived, the brain
recruits the rest of the body to guard these crucial organs in ways that range
from the subtle to the more obvious. Let’s look at some of the more
common nonverbal signals of the torso and some examples of how these
behaviors project what is going on in the brain — particularly the limbic
brain. https://www.8freebooks.net
86 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING SIGNIFICANT
NONVERBAL BEHAVIORS INVOLVING THE TORSO, HIPS, CHEST,
AND SHOULDERS The Torso Lean Like much of our body, the torso will
react to perceived dangers by attempting to distance itself from anything
stressful or unwanted. For instance, when an object is thrown at us, our
limbic system sends signals to the torso to move away instantly from that
threat. Typically this will happen regardless of the nature of the object; if
we sense movement in our direction, we will pull away, whether from a
baseball or a moving car. In a similar fashion, when an individual is
standing next to someone who is being obnoxious or someone he does not
like, his torso will lean away from that individual (see box 20). Because the
torso carries a large portion of our weight and transmits it to the lower
limbs, any reorientation of our trunks requires energy and balance.
Therefore, when one’s torso does lean away from something, it is because
the brain demands it; so we can count on the honesty of these reactions.
Extra effort and energy are required to hold these positions. Just try to
maintain any offcenter position consciously, whether bowing down or
leaning away, and you will find that your body soon tires. However, when
such off-balance behavior is performed because your brain subconsciously
decides it’s a necessity, you will hardly feel it or notice it. Not only do we
lean away from people who make us uncomfortable, we may also blade
away (turn slightly) by degrees from that which does not appeal to us or we
grow to dislike. Not long after it opened, I took my daughter to the
Holocaust Museum in Washington, D.C., which is something every visitor
to D.C. should do. As we walked around the memorable exhibits, I noticed
how young and old first approached each exhibit. Some walked right up,
leaning into it while trying to absorb every nuance. Some approached
hesitantly, while others would draw near, then begin to turn slowly and
slightly away as the inhumanity of the Nazi regime encroached on their
senses. Some, stunned by the depravity they were witnessing, turned 180
degrees and faced the other way, as https://www.8freebooks.net
TORSO TIPS 87 BOX 20 WILY OR WEIRD? Years ago I was
stationed in the New York office of the FBI. During my tenure there, I had
numerous opportunities to ride the trains and subways in and out of the city.
It didn’t take long to recognize the many different techniques people used to
claim territory while on public transport. It seemed there was always
someone who sat on the seat but whose body would sway from side to side
so as to impose on others or whose arms would flail wildly at times while
holding one of the straps. These individuals always seemed to possess more
space around them because no one wanted to get near them. When forced to
sit or stand next to these “weirdos," people would lean at the torso as far as
possible so as not to come in contact with them. You have to ride the
subways in New York to appreciate this. I am convinced that some
passengers purposely acted strangely and exaggerated their body
movements to keep people at a distance, away from their torsos. In fact, a
long-time resident of New York once told me, “If you want to keep the
hordes at bay, act like you’re nuts!” Perhaps he was right. they waited for
their friends to finish examining the display. Their brains were, saying, “I
can’t handle this,” and so their bodies turned away. The human species has
evolved to the point that not only physical proximity to a person we dislike
can cause us to lean away, but even images of unpleasant things, such as
photographs, can cause a torso lean. As a careful observer of human
behavior, you need to be aware that distancing sometimes takes place
abruptly or very subtly; a mere shifting of body angle of just a few degrees
is enough to express negative sentiment. For example, couples who are
pulling apart emotionally will also begin to pull apart physically. Their
hands don’t touch as much, and their torsos actually avoid each other. When
they sit side by side, they will lean away from each other. They create a
silent space between them, and when they are forced to sit next to each
other, such as in the back of an automobile, they will only rotate toward
each other with their heads, not their bodies. https://www.8freebooks.net
88 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Ventral Denial and
Ventral Fronting These torso displays that reflect the limbic brain’s need to
distance and avoid are very good indicators of true sentiments. When one
person in a relationship feels that something is wrong with the way things
are going, he or she is most likely sensing a subtle degree of physical
distancing in his or her partner. The distancing can also take the form of
what I call ventral denial. Our ventral (front) side, where our eyes, mouth,
chest, breasts, genitals, etc. are located, is very sensitive to things we like
and dislike. When things are good, we expose our ventral sides toward what
we favor, including those people who make us feel good. When things go
wrong, relationships change, or even when topics are discussed that we
disfavor, we will engage in ventral denial, by shifting or turning away. The
ventral side is the most vulnerable side of the body, so the limbic brain has
an inherent need to protect it from the things that hurt or bother us. This is
the reason, for example, we immediately and subconsciously begin to turn
slightly to the side when someone we dislike approaches us at a party.
When it comes to courtship, an increase in ventral denial is one of the best
indicators that the relationship is in trouble. In addition to visual input, the
limbic brain can also have a reaction to conversations we find distasteful.
Watch any TV talk show with the volume off and notice how the guests will
lean away from each other as they present contrary arguments. Not long
ago, I was watching the Republican presidential debates and noted that even
though the candidates were spaced quite far apart, they still leaned away
from each other when issues were brought up with which they disagreed.
The opposite of ventral denial is ventral exposure or — as I like to call it —
ventral fronting. We display our ventral sides to those we favor. When our
children come running to us for a hug, we move objects, even our arms, out
of the way so that we can give them access to our ventral sides. We
ventrally front because this is where we feel the most warmth and comfort.
In fact, we use the phrase turning our bac\ to express negativity toward
someone or something, because we offer our ventral sides to those we care
for and our backs to those we don’t. https://www.8freebooks.net
TORSO TIPS 89 Similarly, we demonstrate comfort by using our
torsos and shoulders to lean in the direction of that which we favor. In a
classroom, it’s not unusual to see students leaning toward a favorite teacher
without realizing they are bent forward, almost out of their chairs, hanging
on every word. Remember the scene from the movie Raiders of the Lost Ar\
when the students were leaning forward to hear their professor? Their
nonverbal behavior clearly indicated they admired him. Lovers can be seen
leaning across a cafe table, their faces coming close to each other to gain
more intimate visual contact. They front their ventral selves toward each
other, exposing their most vulnerable parts. This is a natural, evolutionary
response of the limbic brain that has social benefit. By moving closer
together and exposing our ventral (weakest) side when we like someone or
something, we show that we are giving ourselves in an unrestrained manner.
Reciprocating this positioning by mirroring, or isopraxism, demonstrates
social harmony by rewarding the intimacy and showing it is appreciated.
Nonverbal limbic behaviors of the torso, such as leaning, distancing, and
ventral exposure or denial, happen all the time in boardrooms and other
meetings. Colleagues who share a similar point of view will sit closer
together, turn more toward each other ventrally, and will lean harmoniously
nearer each other. When people disagree, they will hold their bodies firm,
avoid ventral fronting (unless challenged), and will most likely lean away
from each other (see figures 30 and 31). This behavior subconsciously tells
others, “I am not in agreement with your idea.” As with all nonverbals,
these actions need to be analyzed in context. For example, people new to a
job may seem stiff and inflexible at a meeting. Rather than reflecting dislike
or disagreement, this rigid posture and limited arm activity may simply
indicate that they are nervous in a new environment. Not only can we use
this information to read the body language of others, but we must also
always remember that we are projecting our own nonverbals. During
conversations or meetings, as information and opinions flow, our feelings
about the news and viewpoints also will flow and be reflected in our ever-
changing nonverbal behaviors. If we hear https://www.8freebooks.net
People lean toward each other when there is high comfort and
agreement. This mirroring or isopraxis starts when we are babies. We lean
away from things and people we don't like, even from colleagues when they
say things with which we don’t agree. https://www.8freebooks.net
TORSO TIPS 91 something distasteful one minute and something
favorable the next, our bodies will reflect this shift in our feelings. A very
powerful way to let others know that you agree with them, or are
consciously contemplating what they are saying, is to lean toward them or
to ventrally front them. This tactic is especially effective when you are in a
meeting and you don’t have the opportunity to speak up. The Torso Shield
When it is impractical or socially unacceptable to lean away from someone
or something we dislike, we often subconsciously use our arms or objects to
act as barriers (see figure 32). Clothing or nearby objects A sudden crossing
of the arms during a conversation could indicate discomfort.
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92 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 21 PILLOW TALK
When we see individuals suddenly protecting their torsos, we can assume
they are not comfortable and that they sense themselves to be in some kind
of threatening or dangerous situation. In 1992, while working with the FBI,
I interviewed a young man and his father in a hotel room in the Boston area.
The father had agreed, reluctantly, to bring the young man to the interview.
While sitting on the hotel couch, the young man grabbed one of the couch
pillows and held it close to his chest for most of the three-hour interview.
Despite the presence of his father, this young man felt vulnerable and,
therefore, needed to tightly clutch a "security blanket.” While the barrier
was only a pillow, it must have been quite effective for this individual,
because there was just no getting through to him. I found it remarkable that
when the subject was neutral, such as when we talked about his
involvement in sports, he would put the pillow aside. However, when we
spoke of his possible complicity in a major crime, he would retrieve the
pillow and press it tightly against his torso. It was clear that the only time
his limbic brain felt the need to protect his torso was when he felt
threatened. He never did reveal anything at this meeting, but the next time
he was interviewed, the comforting pillows were conspicuously absent! (see
box 21) also serve the same purpose. For instance, a businessmen may
suddenly decide to button his jacket when talking to someone with whom
he is uncomfortable, only to undo the jacket as soon as the conversation is
over. Buttoning a jacket, of course, is not always an indication of
discomfort; often men will button their jackets to formalize a setting or to
show deference to their boss. It is not the kind of total comfort we might
find at, say, a barbecue, but neither does it indicate uneasiness. Clothing and
how we attend to our clothes can influence perceptions and are even
suggestive of how approachable or open we are to others (Knapp & Hall,
2002, 206—214). https://www.8freebooks.net
TORSO TIPS 93 It has always been my impression that
presidents often go to Camp David to accomplish in polo shirts what they
can’t seem to accomplish in business suits forty miles away at the White
House. By unveiling themselves ventrally (with the removal of coats) they
are saying, “I am open to you.” Presidential candidates send this same
nonverbal message at rallies when they get rid of their jackets (their shields,
if you will) and roll up their shirtsleeves in front of the “common folk.”
Perhaps not surprisingly, women tend to cover their torsos even more so
than men, especially when they feel insecure, nervous, or cautious. A
woman may cross her arms over her stomach, just under the breasts, in an
effort to shield her torso and comfort herself. She may cross one arm across
her front and grab the opposite arm at the elbow, forming a barrier to her
chest. Both behaviors subconsciously serve to protect and insulate,
especially in social situations where there is some discomfort. On campus, I
often see women place their notebooks across their chests as they walk into
class, particularly for the first few days. As their comfort level increases,
they will shift to carrying their notebooks at their sides. On test days, this
chest-shielding behavior tends to increase, even among male students.
Women will also use backpacks, briefcases, or purses to shield themselves,
especially when sitting alone. Just as you may pull a comforter on while
watching television, putting something across the ventral torso protects and
soothes us. Objects we draw toward us, especially ventrally, are usually
placed there to provide the comfort we need at that moment, whatever the
situation. When you witness people protecting their torsos in real time, you
can use it as an accurate indicator of discomfort on their parts. By carefully
assessing the circumstances, the source of that discomfort may allow you to
help them or at least better understand them. Men, for whatever the reason
(perhaps to be less conspicuous), will shield their torsos, but in more subtle
ways. A male may reach across the front of himself to play with his watch,
or, as Prince Charles of England often does when he is in public, reach over
and adjust his shirtsleeve or play with his cufflinks. A man may also fix his
tie knot, perhaps longer than usual, as this allows for the arm to cover the
ventral area of the chest https://www.8freebooks.net
94 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING and neck. These are
forms of shielding that transmit that the person is slightly insecure at that
moment. I was in a supermarket checkout line waiting for the woman in
front of me to conclude her transaction. She was evidently using a debit
card, and the machine kept rejecting it. Each time she swiped the card and
entered her pin number, she would await the machine’s response with her
arms crossed across her chest, until finally she gave up and walked away,
exasperated. Each time the card was rejected, her arms and grip got tighter,
a clear sign that her annoyance and discomfort were escalating (see figures
33 and 34). Children can be seen to cross or lock their arms across their
bodies when upset or being defiant, even at an early age. These shielding
behaviors come in a variety of forms — from arms crisscrossed over the
belly to crossing the arms high with hands grasping opposite shoulders.
Students often ask me if it means there is something wrong with them if
they sit in class and cross their arms in front of themselves. The question is
not whether something is wrong, nor does this posture mean they are
blocking the teacher out; arms intertwined across the front is a In public,
many of us comfortably cross our arms while waiting or listening to a
speaker. Around the house we rarely sit this way unless something is
bothering us, like waiting for a late ride. Crossed arms with hands tightly
gripping the arms is definitely an indication of discomfort.
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TORSO TIPS 95 very comfortable pose for many people.
However, when a person suddenly crosses arms and then interlocks them
tightly, with a tight hand grip, this is indicative of discomfort. Remember, it
is by gauging changes from baseline postures that we can note when
uneasiness arises. Watch to see if the person opens up ventrally as they
become more relaxed. I find that when I give lectures, many of the
participants initially will sit with their arms crossed, and then loosen them
over time. Obviously, something happens to elicit this behavior; probably
greater comfort with their surroundings and their instructor. It could be
argued that women (or men) cross their arms simply because they are cold.
But this does not negate the nonverbal meaning, since cold is a form of
discomfort. People who are uncomfortable while being interviewed (e.g.,
suspects in criminal investigations, children in trouble with their parents, or
an employee being questioned for improper conduct) often complain of
feeling cold during the interview. Regardless of the reason, when we are
distressed the limbic brain engages various systems of the body in
preparation for the freeze/flight-or-fight survival response. One of the
effects is that blood is channeled toward the large muscles of the limbs and
away from the skin, in case those muscles will need to be used to escape or
combat the threat. As blood is diverted to these vital areas, some people
lose their normal skin tone and will actually look pale or as if they are in
shock. Since blood is the main source of our body warmth, diverting blood
away from the skin and into deeper muscles makes the body’s surface feel
cooler (see box 22) (LeDoux, 1996, 131 — 133). For example, in the
interview mentioned earlier in which the young man clutched the pillow, he
complained of being cold the whole time we were there, even though I
turned the air conditioner off. Both his father and I were fine; he was the
only one complaining about the temperature. The Torso Bow Bowing at the
waist is performed almost universally as a sign of subservience, respect, or
humility when feeling honored, such as with applause. Notice, for example,
how the Japanese and, to a lesser extent in modern
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96 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 22: WHY YOU
CAN’T STOMACH CERTAIN TOPICS Did you ever wonder why you get
an upset stomach if there is an argument at the dinner table? When you are
upset, your digestive system no longer has as much blood as it needs for
proper digestion. Just as your limbic system’s freeze, flight, or fight
response shunts blood away from the skin, it likewise diverts blood from
your digestive system, sending blood to your heart and limb muscles
(especially the legs) to prepare for your escape. The upset stomach you feel
is a symptom of that limbic arousal. The next time an argument ensues
during a meal, you will recognize the limbic response of distress. A child
whose parents fight at the dinner table really can’t finish his meal; his
limbic system has trumped alimentation and digestion to prepare them for
escape and survival. Along these lines, it is interesting to note how many
people vomit after experiencing a traumatic event. In essence, during
emergencies the body is saying that there is no time for digestion; the
reaction is to lighten the load and prepare for escape or physical conflict
(Grossman, 1996, 67-73). times, the Chinese, bow out of respect and
deference. We show that we are subservient or of lower status when we
automatically assume a bowed or l$owtow position, achieved principally by
bending the torso. For Westerners, kowtowing does not come easily,
especially when it is a conscious act. However, as we expand our horizons
and interact with more and more people from various countries of the Near
East and Far East, it behooves us to learn to bow our torsos slightly,
particularly when meeting those who are elderly and have earned respect.
This simple gesture of reverence will be recognized by those whose cultures
show deference by such posture and will confer a social advantage upon
those Westerners willing to demonstrate it (see box 23). Incidentally,
eastern Europeans, especially older ones, still like to click their heels and
bow slightly out of respect. Every time I see this, I think how charming it is
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TORSO TIPS 97 BOX 23: A SUPREME KOWTOW The
universality of torso bows was dramatically illustrated to me in an old
newsreel of General Douglas MacArthur while he was assigned to the
Philippine government before World War II broke out. It shows a U.S.
Army officer exiting MacArthurs office after dropping off some
documents. As he leaves, the officer kowtows on his way out, backing out
of the room. No one asked him to do it; the behavior was automatically
prompted by the officers brain to let the higher-status person know that his
position was clear — it was a recognition that MacArthur was in charge.
(Gorillas, dogs, wolves, and other nonhuman animals also demonstrate this
subservient posturing.) Remarkably, the officer bowing out of the room was
none other than the man who one day would become the Supreme allied
commander of Europe, architect of the Normandy invasion, and our thirty-
fourth president: Dwight David Eisenhower. Incidentally, years later, upon
learning that Eisenhower was running for president, MacArthur commented
that Eisenhower was the “finest clerk" he’d ever had (Manchester, 1978,
166). that people still show graciousness and deference in today’s world.
Whether done consciously or subconsciously, the torso bow is a nonverbal
gesture of regard for others. Torso Embellishments Because nonverbal
communication also includes symbols, we have to give some attention to
clothing and other accoutrements that are worn on the torso (including the
body, in general). It is said that clothing makes the man, and I would agree,
at least in terms of appearances. Numerous studies have established that
what we wear, whether a suit or casual clothes — even the colors of our
outfits, a blue suit as opposed to a brown suit — will influence others
(Knapp & Hall, 2002, 206—214). https://www.8freebooks.net
98 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Clothing says a lot about
us and can do a lot for us. In a sense, our torsos are billboards upon which
we advertise our sentiments. During courtship, we dress up to enchant;
while working we dress for success. Similarly, the high school letter jacket,
the police badge, and the military decoration are all worn on the torso as a
way of calling attention to our achievements. If we want others to notice us,
the torso is where it’s at. When the president gives his State of the Union
address before Congress, the red-garbed women you notice in a sea of blue
and gray are those who, like birds displaying their plumage, are wearing
vibrant colors to be noticed. Clothing can be very subdued, very sinister
(consider “skinhead” attire or a “gothic” look), or very flamboyant (such as
that of musicians Liberace or Elton John), reflecting the mood and/or
personality of the wearer. We alternatively can use torso adornments or bare
parts of our torsos to attract others, to show off how muscular or fit we are,
or to advertise where we fit in socially, economically, or occupationally.
This may explain why so many people fret excessively about what to wear
when attending a high-profile function or going on a date. Our personal
adornments allow us to show our pedigree or our allegiance to a particular
group — for example, wearing the colors of our favorite team. Clothing can
be very descriptive, such as revealing when people are celebrating or
mourning, if they are of high or low status, whether they conform to social
norms or are part of a sect (e.g., Hasidic Jew, Amish farmer, or Hare
Krishna). In a way, we are what we wear (see box 24). For years people told
me I dressed like an FBI agent, and they were right. I wore the standard
agent uniform: navy blue suit, white shirt, burgundy tie, black shoes, and
short hair. Obviously, because we have certain employment roles that
require specific attire and since we make conscious choices when it comes
to clothing, we need to be careful in our assessment of what it signifies.
After all, the guy standing outside your door dressed in a telephone
repairman’s uniform just might be a criminal who purchased or stole the
outfit to gain access to your home (see box 25 on page 100). Even with the
caveats just mentioned, clothing needs to be considered
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TORSO TIPS 99 BOX 24: YOU ARE WHAT YOU WEAR
Imagine this scenario. You are walking down a sparsely populated street
one evening and you hear someone coming up behind you. You can’t see
the person's face or hands clearly in the dark, but you can determine he is
wearing a suit and tie and carrying a briefcase. Now, imagine the same dark
sidewalk, but this time picture that all you can see behind you is the outline
of a person wearing disheveled and baggy clothing, sagging pants, a tilted
cap, a stained T-shirt, and tennis shoes that are worn and raggedy. In either
case, you can’t see the person well enough to discern any other details —
and you are assuming it is a man, based simply on the clothing. But based
on the attire alone, you will likely draw different conclusions about the
potential threat each person poses to your safety. Even if the approaching
pace of each man is the same, as the person nears, your limbic brain will
activate, even though your reaction to these individuals will be based
exclusively on your reaction to their clothing. Your assessment of the
situation will either make you feel comfortable or uncomfortable, even
potentially frightened. I am not going to tell you which person would make
you feel more comfortable; that is for you to decide. But right or wrong, all
other things being equal, it is their clothing that often greatly influences
what we think of individuals. Although clothing, itself, cannot hurt us
physically, it can affect us socially. Consider how judgmental and
suspicious some Americans have become since September 11, 2001, when
they see a person in clothing that reflects a Middle Eastern background.
And furthermore, imagine how some Middle Eastern Americans have been
made to feel as a result. I tell college students that life is not always fair and
that, unfortunately, they will be judged by their attire; therefore they need to
think carefully about their clothing choices and the messages they are
sending to others. https://www.8freebooks.net
100 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 25; WE AREN’T
ALWAYS WHO WE APPEAR TO BE Clearly, we have to be careful when
we assess a person on the basis of clothing only, as it can sometimes lead to
the wrong conclusion. I was in London last year at a very nice hotel just
four blocks from Buckingham Palace where all of the staff, including the
maids, wore Armani suits. If I had seen them on the train going to work, I
could easily have been misled as to their relative social status. So
remember, because it is culturally prescribed and easily manipulated,
clothing is only part of the nonverbal picture. We assess clothing to
determine whether it is sending a message, not to judge people based on
their attire. in the overall scheme of nonverbal assessment. For that reason,
it is important that we wear clothes that are congruent with the messages we
want to send others, assuming we want to influence their behavior in a way
that is positive or beneficial to us. When choosing your wardrobe and
accessories, always remain cognizant of the message you are sending with
your clothing and the meaning that others may perceive from your dress.
Also consider that although you may deliberately want to use your attire to
send a signal to one person or group of people at a specific time and place,
you may have to pass a lot of other people who are not as receptive to your
message along the way! At seminars I frequently ask the question, “How
many of you were dressed by your mother today?” Of course everyone
laughs, and no one raises his hand. Then I say, “Well, then, you — all of
you — chose to dress the way you did.” That is when they all look around
them and, perhaps for the first time, realize that they could do a better job of
dressing and presenting themselves. After all, before two people first meet,
the only input each has to go on about the other is physical appearance and
other nonverbal communications. Perhaps it’s time to consider how you are
being perceived. https://www.8freebooks.net
TORSO TIPS 101 Preening When we are physically and mentally
well, we take care of our appearance, preening and grooming ourselves
accordingly. Humans are not unique in this regard, as birds and mammals
engage in like behaviors. When we are physically or mentally ill, on the
other hand, the posture of the torso and shoulders, as well as our overall
appearance, may signal our poor health (American Psychiatric Association,
2000, 304—307, 350—352). Many unfortunate homeless people are
afflicted with schizophrenia and rarely do they attend to their attire. Their
clothes are soiled and grimy, and many of these individuals will even fight
attempts by others to get them to bathe or wear clean clothing. The mentally
depressed person will stoop as he walks or stands, the weight of the world
seemingly bringing him down. The phenomenon of poor grooming during
illness and sadness has been noted around the world by anthropologists,
social workers, and health-care providers. When the brain is saddened or we
are ill, preening and presentation are among the first things to go (Darwin
1872, chap. 3, passim). For example, patients recovering from surgery may
walk down the hospital hallway with hair disheveled and in gowns with
their backsides exposed, not caring about personal appearance. When you
are really ill, you may he around the house looking more unkempt than you
ever would be normally. When a person is really sick or really traumatized,
the brain has other priorities, and preening is simply not one of them.
Therefore, within context, we can use an overall lack of personal hygiene
and/or grooming to make assumptions about a person’s state of mind or
state of health. Torso Splays Splaying out on a couch or a chair is normally
a sign of comfort. However, when there are serious issues to be discussed,
splaying out is a territorial or dominance display (see figure 35). Teenagers,
in particular, often will sit splayed out on a chair or bench, as a nonverbal
way of https://www.8freebooks.net
102 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING dominating their
environment while being chastised by their parents. This splay behavior is
disrespectful and shows indifference to those in authority. It is a territorial
display that should not be encouraged or tolerated. If you have a child who
does this every time he or she is in serious trouble, you need to neutralize
this behavior immediately by asking your child to sit up and, if that fails, by
nonverbally violating his or her space (by sitting next to or standing closely
behind him or her). In short order, your child will have a limbic response to
your spatial “invasion,” which will cause him or her to sit up. If you allow
your child to get away with torso splays during major disagreements, don’t
be surprised if he or she loses respect for you over time. And why not? By
allowing such displays, you are basically saying, “It’s OK to disrespect
me.” When these kids grow up, they may continue to splay out
inappropriately in the workplace when they should be sitting up attentively.
This is not conducive to IonSplaying out is a territorial display, which is
OK in your own home but not in the work place, especially during a job
interview. https://www.8freebooks.net
TORSO TIPS 103 gevity on the job, since it sends a strong
negative nonverbal message of disrespect for authority. Puffing Up the
Chest Humans, like many other creatures (including some lizards, birds,
dogs, and our fellow primates), puff up their chests when trying to establish
territorial dominance (Givens, 1998—2007). Watch two people who are
angry with each other; they will puff out their chests just like silverback
gorillas. Although it may seem almost comical when we see others do it,
puffing of the chest should not be ignored, because observation has shown
that when people are about to strike someone their chests will puff out. You
see this on the school grounds when kids are about to fight. It can also be
seen among professional boxers as they goad each other verbally before a
major fight — chest out, leaning into each other, proclaiming their certitude
of winning. The great Muhammad Ah did this better than anyone during
prefight events. Not only was he threatening he was also funny — all part
of the show — which made for good theater and, of course, ticket sales.
Baring the Torso Sometimes in street fights, people getting ready to strike
out at an opponent will disrobe — removing an article of clothing like a
shirt or hat. Whether this is done simply to flex one’s muscles, to protect the
discarded clothing, or to rob the opponent of some type of hold he can use
to his advantage, no one is sure. In any case, if you should get into an
argument with someone and he or she takes off a hat, shirt, or other article
of clothing, most likely a fight is in the offing (see box 26). Breathing
Behavior and the Torso When a person is under stress, the chest may be
seen to heave or expand and contract rapidly. When the limbic system is
aroused and engaged for https://www.8freebooks.net
104 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 26 ONE TIME
YOU DON’T WANT THE SHIRT OFF HIS BACK Years ago I witnessed
two neighbors verbally sparring over a sprinkler system that had
accidentally sprayed a freshly waxed vehicle. As things escalated, one of
the neighbors started unbuttoning his shirt. It was then that I knew fists
were going to fly. Sure enough, the shirt came off and the chest bumping
began between them. This was a mere precursor to the punching, which
soon followed. It seemed incredible that grown men would fight over water
spots on a car. What was really remarkable, however, was the chest
bumping between the two guys, as though they were gorillas. It was
actually embarrassing to watch them engage in such a ludicrous torso
display. It’s just something that shouldn’t happen. flight or fight, the body
attempts to take in as much oxygen as possible, either by breathing more
deeply or by panting. The stressed individual’s chest is heaving because the
limbic brain is saying, “Potential problem — step up oxygen consumption
in case we suddenly have to escape or fight!” When you see this type of
nonverbal behavior in an otherwise healthy person, you should consider
why he or she is so stressed. Shoulder Shrugs Full and slight shoulder
shrugs can mean a lot in context. When the boss asks an employee, “Do you
know anything about this customers complaint?” and the employee
answers, “No,” while giving a half shrug, chances are the speaker is not
committed to what was just said. An honest and true response will cause
both shoulders to rise sharply and equally. Expect people to give full (high)
shoulder shrugs when they confidently support what they are saying. There
is nothing wrong with saying, “I don’t know!” while both shoulders rise up
toward the ear. As discussed previously, this is a gravity-defying behavior
that normally signifies the https://www.8freebooks.net
TORSO TIPS 105 Partial shoulder shrugs indicate lack of
commitment or insecurity. We use shoulder shrugs to indicate lack of
knowledge or doubt. Look for both shoulders to rise; when only one side
rises, the message is dubious. person is comfortable and confident with his
or her actions. If you see a person’s shoulders only partially rise or if only
one shoulder rises, chances are the individual is not limbically committed to
what he or she is saying and is probably being evasive or even deceptive
(see figures 36 and 37). Weak Shoulder Displays Speaking of shoulders, be
aware of the person who, while conversing or in reaction to a negative
event, moves his or her body so the shoulders begin to slowly rise toward
the ears in a manner that makes the neck seem to disappear (see figure 38).
The key action here is that the shoulders rise slowly. The person displaying
this body language is basically trying to make his head disappear, like a
turtle. Such an individual is lacking confidence and is highly
uncomfortable. I have seen this behavior in business meetings when the
boss comes in and says, “OK, I want to hear what everyone has been
doing.” As different people around the room proudly talk about their
accomplishments, the marginal employees https://www.8freebooks.net
106 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Shoulders rising toward
the ears causes the “turtle effect’’; weakness, insecurity, and negative
emotions are the message. Think of losing athletes walking back to the
locker room. will seemingly sink lower and lower, their shoulders rising
higher and higher in a subconscious attempt to hide their heads. This
turtlelike behavior also shows up in families when the father says, “It really
hurt my feelings to find that someone broke my reading lamp without
telling me.” As the father looks at each of his children, one will be looking
down, shoulders rising toward the ears. You will also see these weak
shoulder displays demonstrated by a losing football team as they walk back
to the locker-room — their shoulders seeming to swallow up their heads.
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TORSO TIPS 107 ONE FINAL COMMENT ON THE TORSO
AND SHOULDERS There are a lot of books on nonverbal behavior that
neglect to mention the torso and the shoulders. That is unfortunate, because
a lot of valuable information comes to us from this portion of our physique.
If you have neglected to observe this area of the body for nonverbal clues, I
hope the material in this chapter has convinced you to expand your
observational range to include the “billboard” of the body. Its reactions are
particularly honest because, with so many of our vital organs housed there,
the limbic brain takes great care to protect our torsos.
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https://www.8freebooks.net
FIVE Knowledge Within Reach Nonverbals of the Arms n terms
of observing body language, the arms are largely underappreciated. We
typically place much more emphasis on the face and hands when seeking to
read nonverbal behavior. In observing for signs of comfort, discomfort,
confidence, or other displays of feeling, the arms serve well as emotive
transmitters. Since the time our primate ancestors began to walk upright,
human arms were free to be used in remarkable ways. Our arms are able to
carry loads, cast blows, grasp objects, and lift us off the ground. They are
streamlined, agile, and provide a formidable first response to any outside
threat, especially when used in conjunction with the lower limbs. If
someone throws an object at us, our arms rise to block it, instinctively and
accurately. Our arms, like our feet and legs, are so reactive and so oriented
to protect us that they will rise up to defend us even when doing so is
illogical or ill-advised. In my work in the FBI, I have seen
indihttps://www.8freebooks.net
110 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING viduals shot in the arm
as they used their upper limbs in an attempt to defend themselves from
handgun fire. The thinking brain would realize that an arm simply cannot
stop a bullet, yet the limbic brain will cause our arms to lift and precisely
block a projectile traveling at 900 feet per second. In forensic science, such
injuries are known as defense wounds. Every time you bump your arm —
especially if you run into something sharp — consider that it may have just
protected your torso from a potentially lethal blow. Once, while holding an
umbrella above my head during a Florida rainstorm, the sharp edge of my
car door swung back on me and struck me in the side, breaking a rib that
was left unprotected by my upraised arm. Since that time, I have a painful
memory that reminds me to appreciate my arms and how they protect me.
Because our arms — like our feet — are designed to assist with our
survival, they can be counted upon to reveal true sentiments or intentions.
Therefore, unlike the more variable and deceptive face, the upper limbs
provide solid nonverbal cues that more accurately portray what we — and
those around us — are thinking, feeling, or intending. In this chapter we
will examine the interpretation of some of the most common arm displays.
SIGNIFICANT NONVERBAL BEHAVIORS INVOLVING THE ARMS
Gravity-Related Arm Movements The degree to which we move our arms is
a significant and accurate indicator of our attitudes and sentiments. These
movements can range from subdued (restrained and constricted) to
exuberant (unrestrained and expansive). When we are happy and content,
our arms move freely, even joyfully. Watch children at play. Their arms
move effortlessly while they interact. You will see them pointing,
gesticulating, holding, lifting, hugging, and waving. When excited, we
don’t restrict our arm movements; in fact our natural tendency is to defy
gravity and raise our arms high above our heads (see
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KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 111 BOX 27 “GET YOUR
HANDS IN THE AIR!” You don’t need a gun to get people to raise their
hands above their heads. Make them happy and they’ll do it automatically.
In fact, during a holdup is probably the only time individuals will
simultaneously keep their hands high and be unhappy. Think of how
athletes exchange high fives after a good play; watch football fans raise
their arms skyward after the hometown team scores a touchdown. Gravity-
defying arm actions are a common response to joy and excitement. Whether
in Brazil, Belize, Belgium, or Botswana, arm waving is a truly universal
display of how elated we feel. box 27). When people are truly energized
and happy, their arm motions defy gravity. As previously mentioned,
gravity-defying behaviors are associated with positive feelings. When a
person feels good or confident, he swings his arms affirmatively, such as
while walking. It is the insecure person who subconsciously restrains his
arms, seemingly unable to defy the weight of gravity. Candidly tell a
colleague about a drastic and costly mistake she just made at work and her
shoulders and arms will sink down and droop. Ever have that “sinking
feeling”? It’s a limbic response to a negative event. Negative emotions
bring us down physically. Not only are these limbic responses honest, but
they happen in real time. We leap and thrust our arms in the air the moment
the point is scored, or our shoulders and arms sink when a referee rules
against us. These gravity-related behaviors communicate emotions
accurately and at the precise moment we are affected. Further, these
physical manifestations can be contagious, whether at a football stadium, a
rock concert, or in a gathering of great friends. Arm Withdrawal When we
are upset or fearful, we withdraw our arms. In fact, when we are injured,
threatened, abused, or worried, our arms come straight to our
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112 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING sides or they close
across our chests. This is a survival tactic that helps protect the individual
when a real or perceived danger is sensed. Take, for instance, the mother
who is worried about her son while he is playing with rougher children. She
will often cross her arms and fold them across her abdomen. She wants to
intervene but stands aside and restrains herself by holding her arms, hoping
the play proceeds without injury. When two people are arguing, they may
both engage in this armwithdrawal behavior, a very protective behavior of
which neither party may be aware. This restraint has survival value; it
protects the body while presenting a nonprovocative position. In essence,
they are holding themselves back, since extending the arms might be
construed as an attempt to strike and injure the other party, causing a fight
to ensue. Self-restraint can assist us not only in dealing with others but also
in dealing with ourselves when we need to be comforted. For instance,
injuries or pain in the torso and arms often cause us to restrict arm
movement in an attempt to self-soothe or pacify. We may withdraw the
arms toward the painful body region. If you have ever experienced severe
intestinal distress, your arms were most likely drawn to your abdomen for
comfort. At moments like this, the arms don’t move outward; the limbic
system requires that they attend to our needs closer to home. Restriction of
Arm Movement Restriction of arm movements, arm freeze, particularly
when it occurs in children, can sometimes have more sinister implications.
In studying indicators of child abuse, it has been my experience that these
children will restrict their arm movements in the presence of abusive
parents or other predators. This makes perfect survival sense, since all
animals, especially predators, orient toward movement. Instinctively, the
abused child learns that the more he moves, the more likely he is to be
noticed, and then potentially targeted by an abuser. So the child’s limbic
system instinctively selfregulates to make sure his arms do not attract
attention. Arm-freeze behavior can serve to warn caring adults, whether
teachers, neighbors, relatives, or friends, that a child might be the victim of
abuse (see box 28). https://www.8freebooks.net
KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 113 BOX 28: GUARDIANS
ALL For exercise, I swim regularly at a local pool. Years ago, I became
aware of a young girl who, while normally gregarious and outgoing, would
restrain her arms whenever her mother was around. I noticed this response
on several different days. In addition, I noted that the mother frequently
spoke to this young girl using stern, caustic, and demeaning words. In the
physical interactions I witnessed, she often handled her daughter roughly
rather than lovingly, which was very unsettling, but not to the degree of
being criminal. On the final day that I saw the girl, I noticed some bruises
just above her elbows on the ventral side of her arms (the part of the arm
that faces the torso when the arm is hanging normally at the side). At this
point, I could no longer keep my suspicions to myself. I notified members
of the pool staff that I suspected child abuse and asked them to please keep
an eye on the little girl. An employee told me she was a “special needs”
child, and the bruises might be caused by her lack of coordination. I sensed
that the gravity of my uneasiness wasn’t registering, so I went to the
director of the facility and expressed my concerns. I explained that defense
wounds from falling do not manifest on the ventral side of the upper arms,
but rather on the elbows or dorsal side (the outside) of the arms. Also, I
knew it was not coincidence that this child looked like an automaton every
time her mother came near. I was relieved to learn that this matter was later
referred to authorities, after others at the swim facility made the same
observations. Let me make a very important point. If you are a parent,
teacher, camp counselor, or school resource officer and you see children
severely change or restrain their arm behavior around their parents or other
adults, at a minimum it should arouse your interest and promote further
observation. Cessation of arm movement is part of the limbic system’s
freeze response. To the abused child, this adaptive behavior can mean
survival. https://www.8freebooks.net
114 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Maybe I just can’t get
the FBI out of me, but when I see children at a playground, I can’t help but
glance at their arms to note any bruises or injuries. Sadly, there is so much
child abuse in the world, and during my training I was instructed to look for
the signs of neglect and abuse in children and others. Not only as a result of
my career in law enforcement, but also from my years as a father, I know
what falling or bumping bruises look like and where they occur on the
body. Bruises received through abuse are not the same. Their locations and
appearance are different, and these differences can be detected by the
trained eye. As previously stated, humans use their arms to defend
themselves, a predictable limbic reaction. Because children use their arms
to block their bodies as their primary means of defense (adults may use
objects), a flailing arm is often the first thing an abusive parent will grab.
Parents who aggressively seize children in this way will leave pressure
marks on the ventral side (the inside) of the arms. Especially if the parent
shakes the child in this position, the marks will be deeper in color (from
greater pressure) and have the larger shape of the adult hand or the
elongated shape of the thumb or fingers. While physicians and public safety
officers routinely see marks such as this on young victims or patients, many
of us are just not aware of their prevalence or significance. If we all learn to
observe children carefully and look for the obvious signs of maltreatment,
we can all help to protect innocent children. In saying this, I am not trying
to make you paranoid or unreasonably suspicious, just aware. The more
knowledgeable all caring adults are about the appearance of defense
wounds and other abusive injuries in children, and the more we observe for
such injuries, the safer our children will be. We want them to be happy and
swing their arms with joy, not restrain them in fear. Restricted arm behavior
is not limited to children. It can also be seen in adults for a variety of
reasons (see, for example, box 29). A friend of mine, who was a customs
inspector in Yuma, Arizona, told me that one of the things he noticed at the
border was how people carried their handbags and purses when they came
into the country. A person who was worried about the contents of her
handbag — whether https://www.8freebooks.net
KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 115 BOX 29:
SHOPLIFTERS’ TELL One of my earliest experiences with restrained arm
behavior occurred more than thirty-five years ago at a bookstore where I
was employed to spot shoplifters. From a lofty perch above the sales floor, I
soon learned that these lawbreakers were relatively easy to spot. Once I
understood the typical body language of shoplifters, I could identify them
daily — surprisingly, even as they walked in the door. First, these
individuals tended to look around a lot. Second, they tended to use fewer
arm movements than regular shoppers. It was as though they were trying to
make themselves smaller targets as they moved about the store. However,
their lack of arm movements actually made them stand out more
prominently — and essentially allowed me to better focus on them as they
went about their larcenous ways. because of their value or their illegality —
tended to hold on to the bag tighter, especially as she neared the customs
desk. Not only do important items tend to be better protected with the arms,
but also those things we do not want noticed. USING ARM CUES TO
ASSESS FOR MOOD OR FEELINGS If you establish an adequate
baseline by observing a specific individual’s arm behaviors over a period of
time, you can detect how he is feeling by his arm movements. For instance,
arm movements can let you know how someone is feeling upon returning
home from work. After a tough day or when feeling dejected or sad, the
arms will be low at the person’s side, shoulders drooping. Armed with this
understanding, you can comfort the person and help him or her recover
from a hard day. In contrast, watch https://www.8freebooks.net
116 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING people being reunited
after a long absence. They hold their open arms straight out. The meaning is
clear, “Come here, I want to hold you!” This beautiful sight is reminiscent
of when our own parents warmly reached out to us and we responded in
kind. Our arms reach out, defying gravity and opening up our entire body,
because our feelings are so genuinely positive. What happens with our arm
movements when we don’t really feel positive emotions? Years ago, when
my daughter was young, we were attending a family get-together, and as a
relative approached me, rather than holding my arms straight out, they were
only outstretched from the elbows, with my upper arms close at my sides.
Interestingly, my daughter likewise adjusted her arms when this relative
reached out to hug her. Subconsciously, I had transmitted that this person
was welcome, but that I was not extremely excited to see her. My daughter
responded in kind, later telling me that she did not like this relative, either.
Whether my daughters feelings were original or whether she had picked up
on my sentiments toward this relative, we had both subconsciously
demonstrated, with our less-than-stretched-out arms, how we really felt.
Arm behaviors also help to communicate such everyday messages as:
“hello,” “so long,” “come here,” “I don’t know,” “over there,” “down here,”
“up there,” “stop,” “go back,” “get out of my sight,” and “I can’t believe
what just happened!” Many of these gestures could be understood anywhere
in the world and often are employed to overcome language barriers. There
are also numerous obscene gestures that involve the arms, some specific to
a given culture, and others that are universally understood. Arm Cues that
Isolate Certain arm behaviors relay the message, “Don’t come close to me;
don’t touch!” For instance, watch some university professors, doctors, or
lawyers as they walk down a hallway, or for that matter, look at the Queen
of England or her husband, Prince Philip. When people place their arms
behind their backs, first they are saying, “I am of higher status.” Second,
they are transmitting, “Please don’t come near me; I am not to be touched.”
This behavior is often misunderstood as merely a pensive or thinking pose,
but https://www.8freebooks.net
KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 117 unless seen in someone
studying a painting at a museum, for example, it is not. Putting the arms
behind the back is a clear signal that means, “Don’t get close; I don’t want
to make contact with you” (see figure 39). Adults can convey this message
to each other and to children — even pets are sensitive to segregating
gestures of the arms (see box 30). Imagine how isolating it must be for a
child growing up in a household where each time he yearns to be held, his
mother withdraws her arms behind her back. Such nonverbal messages,
unfortunately, have lasting effects on a youngster and, all too often, like
other forms of neglect and abuse, are later imitated and transmitted to the
next generation. Sometimes called the "regal stance,’’ arms behind the back
mean “don’t draw near.’’ You see royalty using this behavior to keep people
at a distance. https://www.8freebooks.net
118 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 30 A PET PEEVE
Animal trainers tell me that dogs can’t stand it when humans withdraw their
gaze and their arms. In essence, our behavior is telling the dog, “I will not
touch you.” If you own a dog, try this experiment. Stand in front of your pet
with your outstretched arms and hands in front of you, but not touching
him. Then withdraw your arms behind your back and watch what happens. I
think you’ll discover the dog will react negatively. Humans dislike it when
we feel unworthy of being touched. When a couple walks together and one
or the others arms are behind the back, they are restraining themselves.
Obviously, closeness or intimacy is not reflected by this behavior. Note how
you feel when you extend your arm to shake someone’s hand and he does
not respond. When we reach out for physical contact and it is not
reciprocated, we feel rejected and dejected. There is ample scientific
research that suggests that touch is very important for the well-being of
humans. Health, mood, mental development, and even longevity are said to
be influenced by how much physical contact we have with others and how
often positive touching takes place (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 290—301). We
have all read about studies where merely stroking a dog lowers a person’s
heart rate and serves as a calming agent. Perhaps this is true because pets
are typically so unconditional in their affections that we never have to
worry about reciprocation. As a species, we have learned to use touch as a
barometer of how we feel. We reach toward the things we really like and
hold unpleasant things at arm’s length. If you hand someone a dirty diaper
for disposal, notice how the immediate reaction is to grasp it with as few
fingers as possible and hold the arm away from the body. No one receives
training in this, yet we all do it, because the limbic brain limits contact with
objects that are disagreeable, unhealthy, or dangerous to us.
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KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 119 This arm-distancing
phenomenon occurs not only when we encounter objects we don’t like, but
also when we are around people we don’t enjoy. Our arms will act as either
barriers or blocking mechanisms (like a running back stiff-arming a would-
be tackier) to protect and/or distance us from threats or anything we deem
negative in our environment. You can learn a lot about how a person feels
about someone or something by noting whether the arm either engages or
distances from the individual or object in question. Watch people at the
airport or on a packed sidewalk and notice how they use their arms to
protect themselves or to block others from getting too close as they make
their way through the crowd. Then note how people with whom you interact
greet you in social or business situations. I think you’ll start to see that the
saying “keeping someone at arm’s length" has real meaning and practical
consequences. TERRITORIAL DISPLAYS OF THE ARMS In addition to
using our arms to protect us or keep people away, they can also be used to
mark territory. In fact, as I am writing this paragraph, I am on an Air
Canada flight to Calgary, and my very large seat neighbor and I have been
jockeying for armrest territory nearly the entire flight. At the moment, I
seem to be losing; I have a small corner of the armrest, but he dominates the
rest and therefore my whole left side. All I can do is lean toward the
window. Eventually, I decided to give up trying to carve out any additional
territory, so he won and I lost. But at least I salvaged an example for this
book from his territorial display. Incidents like this happen to all of us every
day in elevators, doorways, or classrooms. In the end, if there is no
accommodation or compromise, someone ends up being the “loser” and no
one likes to feel that way. You also see territorial displays in boardrooms or
meeting rooms where one person will spread his material about and use his
elbows to dominate a considerable piece of the conference table at the
expense of others. According to Edward Hall, territory, in essence, is power
(Hall, 1969; Knapp & Hall, 2002, 158—164). Claiming territory can have
very powerful and https://www.8freebooks.net
120 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING negative consequences
— both short-lived and long-term — and the resulting battles can range
from small to great. Territorial disputes encompass everything from a turf
issue on a crowded subway to the war fought between Argentina and
Britain over the Falkland Islands (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 157—159). Now,
here I sit, months after that flight to Calgary, and as I edit this chapter, I can
still sense the discomfort I felt when my seatmate hogged the armrest.
Clearly, territorial displays are significant to us, and our arms help assert
our dominance to others with whom we overlap in space. Notice how
confident or high-status individuals will claim more territory with their
arms than less confident, lower-status persons. A dominant man, for
example, may drape his arm around a chair to let everyone know that this is
his domain or, on a first date, might confidently throw an arm over a
woman’s shoulder as though she were his property. Further, with regard to
“table manners,” be aware that higher-status individuals will usually claim
as much territory as possible immediately upon sitting down, spreading
their arms or their objects (briefcase, purse, papers) on the table. If you are
new to an organization, watch for those individuals who either use their
personal material (notebooks, calendars) or their arms to claim a larger
piece of real estate than most. Even at the conference table, real estate is
equated with power and status; so be observant for this nonverbal behavior
and use it to assess an individual’s real or perceived status. Alternatively,
the person who sits at the conference table with his elbows against his waist
and arms draped between his legs sends a message of weakness and low
confidence. Arms Akimbo One territorial behavior used to assert
dominance and project an image of authority is known as arms a\imbo. This
nonverbal behavior involves a person extending both arms out in a V
pattern with the hands placed (thumbs backward) on the hips. Watch police
officers or military personnel in uniform when they are talking to each
other. They almost always assume the arms-akimbo posture. Although this
is part of their authorihttps://www.8freebooks.net
KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 121 tative training, it doesn’t
resonate well in the private sector. Military personnel leaving the service to
enter the business world would be well advised to soften up that image so
they don’t come across so authoritatively (see figure 40). Minimizing arms
akimbo can often ameliorate that military bearing that civilians often find
disconcerting (see box 31). For women, arms, akimbo may have particular
utility. I have taught women executives that it is a powerful nonverbal
display that they can employ when confronting males in the boardroom. It
is an effective way for anyone, especially a woman, to demonstrate that she
is standing her ground, confident, and unwilling to be bullied. Too often
young women enter the Arms akimbo is a powerful territorial display that
can be used to establish dominance or to communicate that there are
"issues." https://www.8freebooks.net
122 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 31 THE WRONG
ARMS OF THE LAW People who question the power of nonverbals to
affect the behaviors of others might want to consider what happens when
police use the armsakimbo display at the wrong times. There are situations
when using it can not only destroy police officers' effectiveness, but also
endanger their lives. Subconsciously, arms akimbo is a powerful display of
authority and dominance, as well as a claim to territory. During a domestic
dispute, if a police officer performs this display, it tends to exacerbate the
feelings of those in the house and may escalate the situation. This is
particularly true if the officer exhibits this posture in a doorway, blocking
the exit of the homeowners. Territorial displays such as arms akimbo arouse
passions, since “every man’s home is his castle,” and no “king” wants an
outsider controlling his space. Another potentially dangerous situation
relating to the use of the arms-akimbo display involves young police
officers who are taken off of their regular patrol duties to work undercover.
When these undercover neophytes enter an establishment for the first time,
such as a bar they are attempting to infiltrate, they may stand with arms
akimbo. While this is something they are accustomed to doing, they have
not earned the right to engage in such an authoritarian or territorial display
among those they don’t know. They advertise inadvertently that they are
cops or the heat. Interviews with numerous criminals have revealed that this
territorial arm display is one of the things they look for in trying to make
(identify) undercover officers. Except for those in authority, most civilians
rarely stand with arms akimbo. I always remind training officers and
supervisors to be aware of this and make sure that undercover officers are
broken of this habit so they do not give away who they are and place their
lives in peril. https://www.8freebooks.net
KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 123 workplace and are bullied
nonverbally by males who insist on talking to them with arms akimbo in a
show of territorial dominance (see figure 41). Aping this behavior — or
using it first — can serve to level the playing field for women who may be
reluctant to be assertive in other ways. Arms akimbo is a good way of
saying that there are “issues,” “things are not good,” or “I am standing my
ground” in a territorial display (Morris, 1985, 195). There is a variant to the
traditional arms akimbo (which is usually performed with hands on hips
with thumbs facing toward the back) in which the hands are placed on the
hips, but the thumbs face forward Fig. 41 Women tend to use arms akimbo
less than men. Note the position of the thumbs in this photograph. Fig. 42
Hk In this photo the arms are akimbo, but note that the thumbs are forward.
This is a more inquisitive, less authoritarian position than in the previous
photo, where the thumbs are back in the "there are issues’’ position.
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124 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING (see figure 41 and 42). It
is often seen when people are inquisitive, yet concerned. They may
approach a situation with this curious arms akimbo stance (thumbs forward,
hands on hips, elbows out) to assess what is going on, and then rotate their
hands to “thumbs backwards” to establish a more dominant stance of
concern if necessary. Hooding Effect Another territorial display — similar
to arms akimbo — can often be seen during business meetings and other
seated social encounters when a person leans back and interlaces his hands
behind his head (see figure 43). I spoke to a cultural anthropologist about
this behavior, and we both concluded that it is reminiscent of the way in
which a cobra "hoods” to alert other animals of his dominance and power.
This hooding effect makes us larger than life and tells others, “I am in
charge here.” There is also a Interlaced hands behind the head are indicative
of comfort and dominance. Usually the senior person at a meeting will pose
or “hood” this way. https://www.8freebooks.net
KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 125 pecking order to this and
other dominance displays. For instance, while waiting for a meeting to
begin, the office supervisor may assume the interlaced hands-behind-the-
head-elbows-out display. However, when the boss comes into the room, this
territorial hooding display will stop. Claiming territory is for those of high
status or those in charge. Thus it is the boss’s right to assume this behavior
while everyone else will be expected to bring their hands down to the table
in an appropriate show of deference. Dominant Pose Often, individuals will
use their arms to simultaneously emphasize a point and claim territory. This
happens frequently during interactions where people are in disagreement
over an issue. I recall a recent incident during a layover in New York
wherein a hotel guest approached the front desk with his arms close to his
body and asked the clerk on duty for a favor. When the favor was rejected,
the guest shifted his request to a demand, and his arms shifted as well —
spreading farther and farther apart, claiming more and more territory as the
conversation became increasingly heated. This arm spread behavior is a
powerful limbic response employed to establish dominance and emphasize
a person’s point of view (see figure 44). As a general rule, the meek will
pull in their arms; the strong, powerful, or indignant will spread them out to
claim more territory (see box 32). In business meetings, a speaker who
takes (and maintains) a large territorial footprint is likely very confident
about what is being discussed (see figure 45). Spread-out arms is one of
those nonverbals with high accuracy because it is limbic in origin and
proclaims, “I am confident.” Conversely, note how quickly someone who is
splayed out over several chairs will withdraw his arms when questioned
about something that makes him feel uncomfortable (see box 33). Arm
Behaviors in Courtship In courtship behavior, the man will often be the first
to put his arm around his date, particularly when there is a chance that other
males https://www.8freebooks.net
Fingertips planted spread apart on a surface are a significant
territorial display of confidence and authority. Arms spread out over chairs
tell the world you are feeling confident and comfortable.
https://www.8freebooks.net
KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 127 BOX 32: SPREADING
ARMS SHOULD SPREAD ALARMS Several years ago I was involved in
training American Airlines security personnel overseas. One of the
employees pointed out to me that ticket agents can often identify passengers
who will become problematic by how wide they position their arms when
they are at the counter. From that day forward I have looked for this
behavior and have witnessed it countless times during confrontations. I was
at the airport (yes, once again!) when I overheard a passenger being told of
a new regulation that required him to pay a surcharge for his overweight
luggage. Immediately — as if on cue — this man splayed his arms so far
apart on the counter that it actually forced him to bend at the waist. During
the argument that ensued, the airline employee stepped back and crossed his
arms in front of his chest and informed the passenger that unless he
cooperated and calmed down he wouldn’t be allowed on the airplane.
Incidentally, it’s not every day one gets to see two remarkable arm
behaviors all at once, in what became an arm wrestling match, at a distance.
might try to encroach on his woman. Or he will plant an arm behind his
date and pivot around her so that no one can claim or violate this territory.
Watching courtship rituals can be very enlightening and entertaining —
particularly when you see males subconsciously staking out their territory
and their date, all at once. Another example of courtship behaviors of the
arms involves how closely a couple will (or will not) place their arms next
to one another when they are seated together at a table. There are large
numbers of sensory receptors in our arms, so arm touching can generate
sensuous pleasure. In fact, even brushing against the hairs on our bare arms
or a touch through clothing can stimulate nerve endings. So when we place
our arms near someone else’s, the limbic brain is demonstrating overtly that
we are so comfortable, physical contact is permissible. The flip side of
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128 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 33 THE SWAT
COMMANDER WHO PUT DOWN HIS ARMS Years ago, I was involved
in planning a SWAT operation that was to take place in Lakeland, Florida.
As the mission planner was describing the operation order, he seemed to
have everything covered. His arms were outstretched over two chairs as he
confidently went through the very detailed arrest plan. Suddenly someone
asked, "What about the Lakeland paramedics, have they been contacted?"
Instantly the mission planner withdrew his arms and dropped them between
his knees, palms together. This was a significant change in territorial
behavior. He went from dominating a large space to being as narrow as
possible, all because he had not made the necessary arrangements. His
confidence level suddenly vaporized. This is a striking example of how
quickly our behaviors ebb and flow depending on our mood, level of
confidence, or thoughts. These nonverbals occur in real time and
immediately transmit data. When we are confident we spread out, when we
are less confident we withdraw. this behavior is that we will remove our
arms from the vicinity of our companion’s arms when the relationship is
changing for the worse or when the individual with whom we are seated
(whether a date or a stranger) is making us feel uncomfortable. Adornments
and Artifacts on the Arms Around the globe, wealth is often demonstrated
through the wearing of precious items or adornments on the arms. In many
parts of the Middle East, it is still common for women to wear their wealth
in the form of gold rings or bands on their arms, indicating relative worth
and status. Men, too, will wear expensive watches to demonstrate their
socioeconomic status or level of wealth. In the 1980s, men in Miami were
fanatical about wearing Rolex watches; they were the status symbol du jour
and were ubiquitous among drug traffickers and nouveau riche alike.
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KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 129 Other social emblems,
including manifestations of one’s personal or career history, can also be
displayed in various ways on our arms. People who work in construction,
athletes, and soldiers will sometimes reveal the scars of their profession.
Uniforms may carry patches on the upper arms. Like the torso, the arms can
be billboards to advertise aspects of our personality. Just look at the variety
of tattoos people have emblazoned on their arms or the muscles that
bodybuilders proudly display with tight-fitting tank tops. To the skilled
observer, a careful scrutiny of people’s arms can sometimes reveal
information about their lifestyles. The smooth, well-manicured elbows of
the pampered differ greatly from those who are scarred or tanned from daily
outdoor work. People who have been in the military or in prison may have
artifacts of their experiences on their arms, including scars and tattoos.
Individuals who espouse hatred toward a certain group or subject will often
script or tattoo evidence of that hatred on their arms. Those who use
intravenous drugs may have track lines along the veins of their arms.
Troubled individuals with a psychological disorder known as borderline
personality may have cuts and slashes where they have done intentional
injury to their arms (American Psychological Association, 2000, 706-707).
With specific regard to tattoos, this style of body adornment has increased
in the last fifteen years, particularly in more “modernized” countries.
However, this method of personal decoration has been used around the
world for at least thirteen thousand years. As part of our “body billboard,”
the message tattoos convey in current culture should be discussed.
Concurrent with the relatively recent increase in tattooing, I was involved in
surveying potential jurors, specifically with regard to how a witness or a
defendant would be perceived if he had tattoos. The surveys, conducted
multiple times with multiple groups of men and women, concluded that
tattoos were perceived by jurors as being low-status (lowclass) adornments
and/or vestiges of youthful indiscretion, which, in general, were not very
well liked. I tell students that if they have tattoos, they should hide them,
especially when applying for a job — and particularly if going to work in
the https://www.8freebooks.net
130 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING food industry or the
medical profession. Celebrities may be able to get away with tattoos, but
even they have them masked when working. The bottom line on the subject
of tattoos is that surveys show most people don’t like to see them. While
that may change one day, for now, if you are trying to influence others in a
positive way, you should conceal them. Arms as Conduits of Affection
Children need to be lovingly touched so that they can grow up feeling safe
and nurtured, but even adults can use a good hug every once in a while. I
give hugs freely because they transmit caring and affection so much more
effectively than mere words. I feel sorry for those who are not huggers; they
are missing so much in their lives. As powerful and effective as a hug can
be in gaining favor and achieving interpersonal effectiveness with others,
however, it can also be seen by some as an unwanted intrusion of their
personal space. In the litigious age in which we live — where a well-
meaning hug can be misconstrued as a sexual advance — one must be
careful not to give out hugs where they are unwelcome. As always, careful
observation and interpretation of people’s behavior as you interact with
them will be your best indicator as to whether a hug is appropriate or
inappropriate in any given circumstance. Nevertheless, even without giving
a hug, people can use their arms to demonstrate warmth and, in so doing,
increase their chances of being viewed favorably by others. When
approaching a stranger for the first time, try demonstrating warmth by
leaving your arms relaxed, preferably with the ventral side exposed and
perhaps even with the palms of your hands clearly visible. This is a very
powerful way of sending the message, “Hello, I mean no harm” to the other
person’s limbic system. It is a great way of putting the other person at ease
and facilitating any interaction that follows. In Latin America, an abrazo (a
brief hug) is part of the culture among https://www.8freebooks.net
KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 131 BOX 34: DON’T GET
BUGGED IF YOU GET HUGGED Years ago at an espionage trial in
Tampa, Florida, the defense attorney put me on the stand and, wishing to
embarrass or discredit me, asked somewhat sarcastically, “Mr. Navarro, isn't
it true that you used to hug my client, the defendant, every time you met
with him?" I then replied, “It wasn’t a hug, counselor, it was an abrazo, and
there is a difference." I paused dramatically for a second and then
continued, “It was also an opportunity for me to see if your client was
armed, since he once robbed a bank." The startled defense attorney ended
the provocative line of inquiry then and there, since he was not aware that
his client had previously committed a bank robbery with a gun.
Interestingly, this abrazo story made the papers as though the people of
Tampa and nearby Ybor City (settled by Latinos) had never heard of an
abrazo. Since this trial, the attorney in question and I have become close
friends and he is now a federal judge. After nearly twenty years, we still
laugh about the “abrazo incident." males. It is a way of saying, “I like you.”
In performing an abrazo, the chests come together and the arms engulf the
back of the other person. Unfortunately, I know a lot of people who are
reluctant to do this and/or feel very awkward when they do. I have seen
American businessmen in Latin America who will either refuse to give an
abrazo or when they do it, appear as though they’re dancing with their
grandmother. My advice is to do it and get it right, since little courtesies
mean a lot in any culture. Learning a proper abrazo is no different than
learning to shake hands correctly and feeling comfortable doing it. If you
are a businessman and will be working in Latin America, you will be
perceived as cold or aloof if you fail to learn this familiar greeting. There’s
no need for that when a simple gesture can engender so much good will and
make you simpatico (see box 34). https://www.8freebooks.net
132 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING SOME CONCLUDING
REMARKS ABOUT NONVERBALS OF THE ARMS Our arms can
transmit a lot of information in decoding the intentions and sentiments of
others. From my perspective, one of the best ways to establish rapport with
someone is to touch that person on the arm, somewhere between the elbow
and the shoulder. Of course, it is always wise to assess the person’s personal
and cultural preferences before you proceed. Generally, however, the brief
touch I have just described is usually a good and safe place to initiate
human contact and to let others know you are getting along. In the
Mediterranean, South American, and Arab worlds, touching is an important
component of communication and social harmony. Don’t be shocked,
startled, or threatened as you travel if people touch you on the arm
(assuming they do so appropriately, as I have described). It’s their powerful
way of saying, “We are OK.” In fact, since human touch is so intimately
involved in communication, when there is no touching between people, you
should be concerned and wonder why. https://www.8freebooks.net
SIX Getting a Grip Nonverbals of the Hands and Fingers Among
all species, our human hands are unique — not only in what they can
accomplish, but also in how they communicate. Human hands can paint the
Sistine Chapel, pluck a guitar, maneuver surgical instruments, chisel a
David, forge steel, and write poetry. They can grasp, scratch, poke, punch,
feel, sense, evaluate, hold, and mold the world around us. Our hands are
extremely expressive; they can sign for the deaf, help tell a story, or reveal
our innermost thoughts. No other species has appendages with such a
remarkable range of capabilities. Because our hands can execute very
delicate movements, they can reflect very subtle nuances within the brain.
An understanding of hand behavior is crucial to decoding nonverbal
behaviors, for there is practically nothing your hands do that is not directed
— either consciously or subconsciously — by your brain. Despite the
acquisition of spoken language over millions of years of human evolution,
our brains are still https://www.8freebooks.net
134 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING hardwired to engage our
hands in accurately communicating our emotions, thoughts, and sentiments.
Therefore, whether people are speaking or not, hand gestures merit our
attention as a rich source of nonverbal behavior to help us understand the
thoughts and feelings of others. HOW APPEARANCE AND
NONVERBALS OF THE HANDS AFFECT INTERPERSONAL
PERCEPTION Not only do others’ hands communicate important
information to us, but our own hand movements influence how others
perceive us. Therefore, the way we use our hands — as well as what we
learn from the hand behaviors of others — contribute to our overall
interpersonal effectiveness. Let’s start by examining how our hand actions
affect what others think of us. Effective Hand Movements Enhance Our
Credibility and Persuasiveness The human brain is programmed to sense
the slightest hand and finger movement. In fact, our brains give a
disproportionate amount of attention to the wrists, palms, fingers, and
hands, as compared to the rest of the body (Givens, 2005, 31, 76; Ratey,
2001, 162—165). From an evolutionary standpoint, this makes sense. As
our species adopted an upright posture and our human brain grew ever
larger, our hands became more skilled, more expressive, and also more
dangerous. We have a survival need to assess each others hands quickly to
see what they are saying or if they portend ill (as in holding a weapon).
Because our brains have a natural bias to focus on the hands, successful
entertainers, magicians, and great speakers have capitalized on this
phenomenon to make their presentations more exciting or to distract us (see
box 35). People respond positively to effective hand movements. If you
wish to enhance your effectiveness as a persuasive speaker — at home, at
work, even with friends — attempt to become more expressive in your use
of https://www.8freebooks.net
GETTING A GRIP 135 BOX 35 KEEPING SUCCESS WELL
IN HAND Most successful speakers use very powerful hand gestures.
Unfortunately, one of the best examples I can offer of an individual who
developed his hand gestures to improve his communication skills is that of
Adolf Hitler. A mere private in the First World War, a painter of greeting
cards, and slight of stature, Hitler had no prequalifications or stage presence
that would normally be associated with a gifted, credible orator. On his
own, Hitler began to practice speaking in front of mirrors. Later, he filmed
himself while practicing hand gestures to better hone a dramatic style of
speaking. The rest is history. An evil human being was able to rise to
prominence as leader of the Third Reich through his use of rhetorical skills.
Some of the movies of Hitler practicing his hand gestures still exist in the
archives. They attest to his development as a speaker who capitalized on
using his hands to enthrall and control his audience. hand movements. For
some individuals, effective hand communication comes naturally; it is a gift
that takes no real thought or education. For others, however, it takes
concentrated effort and training. Whether you naturally speak with your
hands or not, recognize that we communicate our ideas more effectively
when we employ our hands. Hiding Your Hands Creates a Negative
Impression: Keep Them Visible People may regard you with suspicion if
they can’t see your hands while you are talking. Therefore, always be sure
to keep your hands visible during face-to-face communication with others.
If you’ve ever talked to someone whose hands are underneath a table, I
think you will quickly sense how uncomfortable the conversation feels (see
box 36). When we interact in person with other individuals, we expect to
see their hands, because the brain depends on them as an integral part of the
communication process. https://www.8freebooks.net
136 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 36 AN
UNDERHANDED EXPERIMENT Years ago I conducted an informal
study in three of my classes. I asked students to interview each other,
instructing half of the class to keep their hands under their desks during the
conversation, while the other half was told to leave their hands visible.
After a fifteen-minute interview, we discovered that the people with their
hands under the desk were generally perceived as being uncomfortable,
withdrawn (holding back), sneaky, or even deceptive by those with whom
they were speaking. Those interviewers with their hands in plain view on
top of the desk were perceived as being more open and friendly, and none
was perceived as deceptive. Not a very scientific experiment, but quite
instructive. When conducting jury surveys, one thing that stands out is how
much jurors dislike it when attorneys hide behind the lectern. Jurors want to
see the attorney’s hands so they can gauge the presentation more accurately.
Jurors also don’t like it when witnesses hide their hands; they perceive this
negatively, commenting that the witness must be holding back, or perhaps
even lying. While these behaviors have nothing to do with deception per se,
the perception of the jurors is significant, reminding us that concealment of
the hands should be avoided. When the hands are out of sight or less
expressive, it detracts from the perceived quality and honesty of the
information being transmitted. The Power of a Handshake A handshake is
usually the first — and possibly only — physical contact we have with
another person. How we do it, including its strength and how long it is
maintained, can affect how we are perceived by the person we are greeting.
We can all remember someone who shook our hand and left us feeling
uncomfortable about them or about the situation. Don’t dismiss the power
of a handshake to leave an impression. It is very significant.
https://www.8freebooks.net
GETTING A GRIP 137 Around the world, it is common to use
the hands to greet others, although culture dictates variations on how hand
greetings are performed, for how long, and how strong. When I first moved
to Utah to attend Brigham Young University, I was introduced to what
fellow BYU students called the “Mormon handshake.” This is a very strong
and lengthy handshake used extensively not only by the university students,
but also by members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
(Mormons). Over the years that I was there, I noticed how foreign students,
in particular, were often taken aback by this rather overzealous handshake,
because in many cultures, especially in Latin America, the handshake is
mild (some preferring to give an abrazo, as previously mentioned). Since
handshaking is usually the first time that two people actually touch, it can
be a defining moment in their relationship. In addition to being used to meet
and greet, certain people use it to establish dominance. In the 1980s, much
was written about how you could use the handshake to establish control and
dominance by maneuvering the hand this way and that way, making sure
yours was always on top. What a waste of energy! I don’t recommend hand
jousting to create dominance, as our intentions should be to leave positive
impressions when we meet others, not negative ones. If you feel the need to
establish dominance, the hands are not the right way to do so. There are
other more powerful tactics, including violation of space and eye-gaze
behavior, that are more subtle. I have shaken hands with people who try to
establish dominance through this greeting, and I have always come away
with negative feelings. They didn’t succeed in making me feel inferior, just
uncomfortable. There are also those who insist on touching the inside
(ventral) side of your wrist with their index finger when they shake hands.
If it is done to you and you feel uncomfortable, don’t feel surprised,
because most people react that way. Similarly, you will typically feel
uncomfortable if someone gives you what is referred to as a “politician’s
handshake,” in which the other party covers the top of the handshake with
his left hand. I suppose politicians think they are being friendlier with this
two-handed gesture, not realizing that many people don’t like being touched
that way. I know people (mostly men) who insist on shaking hands this way
and end up creating negative https://www.8freebooks.net
138 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING feelings in the people
they meet. Obviously, you should avoid giving any of these discomforting
handshakes unless you want to alienate someone. As foreign as it may seem
to Westerners, in many cultures men engage in hand-holding behavior. This
is very common in the Muslim world as well as in Asia, especially in
Vietnam and Laos. Men in the United States often are uncomfortable
holding hands with each other because this is not common to our culture
beyond childhood or perhaps in certain religious rituals. When I teach at the
FBI Academy, I ask the young agents to stand and shake hands with each
other. They don’t have a problem doing so, even when asked to engage in a
prolonged handshake. However, when I ask them to hold hands together
side-by-side, sneers and objections quickly arise; they cringe at the thought,
and only do so with much hesitation. Then I remind the new agents that we
deal with people from many cultures and these individuals often show their
comfort level with us by holding our hands. It is something we, as
Americans, need to learn to accept, especially when dealing with human
assets (informants) from other countries (see box 37). Many cultures use
touch to cement positive sentiments between men, something that is not
widespread in the United States. The story of the Bulgarian gentleman not
only reveals cultural differences but also illustrates the importance of
physical contact for our species. In interpersonal relationships — whether
between men, women, parents and children, or lovers — it is critical to
have physical contact and to assess it to determine how the relationship
stands. One of the signs that a relationship has soured or is compromised is
a sudden decrease in the amount of touching (assuming it existed). In any
relationship, when there is trust there is more tactile activity. If you
currently travel abroad, or plan to in the future, make sure you understand
the cultural conventions of the country that you are visiting, particularly
with regard to greetings. If someone gives you a weak handshake, don’t
grimace. If anyone takes your arm, don’t wince. If you are in the Middle
East and a person wants to hold your hand, hold it. If you are a man visiting
Russia, don’t be surprised when your male host kisses your cheek, rather
than shakes your hand. All of these greetings are as natural a
https://www.8freebooks.net
GETTING A GRIP 139 BOX 37 WHEN CUSTOMS AND
INTELLIGENCE GATHERING GO HAND IN HAND When I was
assigned to the Manhattan office of the FBI, I worked with an informant
(asset) who had defected from Bulgaria. He was an older gentleman, and as
time went on we became friends. I remember being at his home one
afternoon, having tea, which he favored late in the day. We sat on the couch,
and as he told me stories of his work and life behind the iron curtain, he
took my left hand and just held it, for practically a half hour. As he spoke of
his life under Soviet oppression, I could tell this encounter was more about
therapy than it was about work. It was clear that this gentleman took great
delight and derived much comfort from holding the hand of another person.
This behavior was a sign of his trust in me as we spoke; it was much more
than a routine FBI debriefing of a former intelligence officer. My
acceptance of his hand was highly conducive to his coming forth with
additional and vital information. I always wonder how much less
information I would have received if I had moved my hand because I feared
touching or holding another man’s hand. way to express genuine sentiments
as an American handshake. I am honored when an Arab or Asian man
offers to take my hand because I know that it’s a sign of high respect and
trust. Accepting these cultural differences is the first step to better
understanding and embracing diversity. Avoid Using Hand Gestures that
Offend Others In many countries throughout the world, finger pointing is
viewed as one of the most offensive gestures a person can display. Studies
show that people don’t like it when someone points a finger at them (see
figure 46). In schools as well as prison yards, finger pointing is often the
precursor to many fights. When talking with their children, parents should
be careful to avoid pointing at them while saying things like “I know you
https://www.8freebooks.net
140 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Fig. 46 Perhaps one of
the most offensive gestures we possess is finger pointing. It has negative
connotations around the globe. did it.” The finger pointing is so distasteful
that it may actually divert the child’s attention from what is being said as
they process the hostile message of the gesture (see box 38). Finger
pointing is just one of many offensive gestures a person can make with the
hand or fingers. Obviously, some are so well known they need no further
comment, such as “the bird.” Snapping your fingers at someone is also
considered rude; you should never attempt to get someone’s attention with
the same gesture you may use to call your dog. In the Michael Jackson trial
in 2005, the jurors did not appreciate the mother of one of the victims
snapping her fingers at the jury; this had a very negative effect. For those of
you interested in further readings on hand gestures around the world, I
would highly recommend Bodytal\: The Meaning of Human Gestures, by
Desmond Morris, and Gestures : The Do’s and Taboos of Body Language
Around the World, by Roger E. Axtell. These two wonderful books will
open your eyes to the diversity of gestures around the world and the
eloquence of the hands in expressing human emotions.
https://www.8freebooks.net
GETTING A GRIP 141 BOX 38: I DON’T GET YOUR POINT
Research with focus groups has shown that a prosecuting attorney needs to
be very careful when pointing at the defendant with the index finger during
opening statements. Jurors don’t like to see such behavior because, in their
view, the prosecutor has not earned the right to point until he or she has
proven the case. It is far better to gesture with an open hand (palm up) at the
defendant than with a finger. Once the case is proven, the prosecutor can
then point at the defendant with the index finger during closing arguments.
This may seem trivial. However, dozens of surveys with mock jurors have
shown they are sticklers on this point. So I simply tell attorneys not to
engage in finger pointing in the courtroom. As for the rest of us, we should
not point fingers when dealing with our spouses or children, nor with our
colleagues at work. Pointing is just plain offensive. Be Cautious When
Using Preening Behaviors Involving the Hands We use our fingers to preen
our clothing, hair, and body when we are concerned with how we look.
During courtship, humans engage in increased amounts of preening — not
only with regard to our own appearance, but we also groom our mates.
Intimacy permits the lover to gently remove a spot of lint from her male
counterpart’s sleeve even as he may gently dab a spot of food from the
corner of her mouth. These behaviors are also seen between mother and
child — not only in humans, but also in other mammals and in birds — and
are indicative of caring and close intimacy. When observed within a
relationship, the amount of grooming between the partners is a good
barometer of their rapport and the level of intimacy permitted. Preening,
however, can also create negative perceptions. For example, it is rude and
disrespectful for one person to preen herself in a
https://www.8freebooks.net
142 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Self-preening is
acceptable, but not when others are talking to you. This is a sign of
dismissiveness. self-attentive, dismissive way, when she is supposed to be
listening to someone else (see figure 47). In addition, there are some acts of
grooming that are seen as more socially acceptable in public than others. It
is fine to pick a piece of lint off your sweater on the bus, but clipping your
fingernails in public is another matter. Further, what is socially acceptable
preening in one setting or culture may not be seen as such in another. It is
also inappropriate for a person to preen another individual when they have
not reached the level of intimacy to warrant that behavior. The Physical
Appearance of Your Hands By looking at people’s hands, it is sometimes
possible to assess the kind of work they do or activities in which they
engage. The hands of individuals who perform manual labor will have a
certain rough, calloused appearance. Scars may indicate working on a farm
or athletic wounds received on the playing field. Standing with hands at the
side with fingers curled https://www.8freebooks.net
GETTING A GRIP 143 may indicate prior military experience. A
guitar player may have calluses on the tips of the fingers on one hand.
Hands also indicate how much we care for ourselves and how we view
social convention. Hands may be tended to or they may be filthy. Nails may
be manicured or look ratty. Long nails on men are seen as odd or
effeminate, and people typically interpret nail-biting as a sign of
nervousness or insecurity (see figure 48). Because our brains focus so much
on the hands, you should pay extra attention to hand hygiene, since others
will. Learn How to Manage Sweaty Hands No one really enjoys shaking a
hand that is moist, so I advise people who develop sweaty hands when
meeting others (particularly important people like potential employers,
future in-laws, or individuals in a position to grant favors) to dry off their
hands before they attempt a handshake. Hand sweating not only occurs
when we are excessively warm, it also happens when we are nervous or
under stress. When you make contact Nail-biting is generally perceived as a
sign of insecurity or nervousness. https://www.8freebooks.net
144 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING with someone who has
sweaty hands, you can assume he or she is under stress (since limbic
arousal causes sweating). Use this opportunity to win some interpersonal
points by unobtrusively doing what you can to help the person calm down.
Putting people at ease when they are stressed is one of the best ways to
insure more honest, effective, and successful interactions. There are people
who erroneously believe that if you have sweaty palms, you must be lying.
This is simply not accurate. The same part of the nervous system that is
activated during the limbic freeze, flight, or fight response (the sympathetic
nervous system) also governs our sweat glands. Since something as simple
as meeting someone new can cause sweaty hands, this phenomenon must
not be construed as indicative of deception. Approximately 5 percent of the
population sweats profusely, and chronic perspiration makes the palms
uncomfortably sweaty (a condition known as hyperhidrosis) (Collett, 2003,
11). Sweaty palms are not indicative of deception. They are only indicative
of stress or, in some cases, a genetic disorder. Be careful when evaluating
the reasons for moist hands. Although some sources state that a person is
lying if his palms are sweaty, this is simply not true. READING
NONVERBALS OF THE HANDS Up to this point, we have been
examining how our hand behaviors and appearance can influence the way
others perceive us. Now let’s examine some nonverbals of the hands that
will help us read what other people are thinking and feeling. I’ll start with a
few general comments about how our hands reveal information and then
turn to some specific hand behaviors of high and low confidence that can be
useful in understanding the people we encounter. Nervousness in the Hands
Sends an Important Message The muscles that control our hands and fingers
are designed for precise and fine movements. When the limbic brain is
aroused and we are https://www.8freebooks.net
GETTING A GRIP 145 stressed and nervous, surges of
neurotransmitters and hormones such as adrenalin (epinephrine) cause
uncontrollable quivering of the hands. Our hands will also shake when we
hear, see, or think of something that has negative consequences. Any
objects held in the hands may appear to magnify this trembling,
telegraphing a message that says, “I am under stress” (see box 39). This
shaking behavior is particularly noticeable when a person is holding an
elongated object such as a pencil or a cigarette, or something relatively
large but lightweight like a piece of paper. The object will begin to shake or
quiver immediately following the statement or event that created the
stressful circumstances. Positive emotions can also cause our hands to
shake, whether we’re holding a winning lottery ticket or a winning hand in
poker. When we are genuinely excited, our hands will quiver, sometimes
uncontrollably. These are limbic-driven reactions. At an airport, as parents,
spouses, and other family members excitedly wait for their returning soldier
or relative, their hands will often shake in excitement. They may restrain
their hands by grabbing and holding someone else’s hand, or by tucking
their hands in their underarms or clasping them and holding them at chest
level. Old videos of the Beatles’ first visit to America are replete with
young girls clasping their hands to combat the shaking that accompanied
their extreme excitement. Obviously, you must first determine whether
shaky hands are due to fear or joy by putting the behavior in context —
examining the circumstances in which it occurred. If the shaky hands are
accompanied by pacifying actions, like touching the neck or pressing the
lips together, I’d be more likely to suspect that the shaking was related to
stress (something negative) rather than something positive. It should be
noted that trembling hands are only relevant as a nonverbal communication
when they represent a change from someone’s normal hand movements. If a
person’s hands always shake because, for example, he is a heavy coffee
drinker or is drug or alcohol addicted, the tremor, while informative,
becomes part of that individual’s baseline in terms of nonverbal behavior.
Likewise in people with certain neurological disorders (e.g., Parkinson’s
disease), hand tremor may not indicate https://www.8freebooks.net
146 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 39 WHERE
THERE’S (JITTERY) SMOKE, THERE’S FIRE During my work on a
major espionage investigation, I was interviewing a man of interest in the
case. As I watched him, he lit a cigarette and began smoking. I had no real
clues with regard to his possible connection to the case; there were no
witnesses to the crime, no significant leads, and only vague ideas of who
might be involved. During the interview I brought up many names of
people who were of interest to the FBI and the army in this matter.
Whenever I mentioned the name of one particular individual named
Conrad, the man’s cigarette shook in his hand like the needle on a
polygraph machine. To see if this was a random event or something more
significant, I mentioned additional names to test his reactions; there were
none. Yet, on four separate occasions, when I mentioned Conrad, the
subject’s cigarette repeatedly shook. For me that was enough to verify there
was more to the relationship between the interviewee and Conrad than we
knew. The shaking of the cigarette was a limbic reaction to a threat. It was
also an indication to me that this individual felt somehow endangered by
the revelation of that name; therefore he likely either had knowledge of
something nefarious or was directly involved in the crime. During that
initial interview with the subject, I did not know whether or not he was
actually involved in the crime because, frankly, I did not know enough
about the case. The only thing that spurred us to pursue the investigation
and additional interviews was the fact that he had reacted to one name with
the “shaky hand" response. Perhaps but for that one behavior, he would
have escaped justice. In the end, after many voluntary interviews over a
year, he admitted his involvement with Conrad in espionage activities and
eventually gave a full confession of his crimes. their emotional state. In
fact, if such a person suddenly ceases to tremble for a moment, it may
indicate a deliberate attempt to focus more deeply on the particular subject
just mentioned (Murray, 2007). Remember, it is change in behavior that is
most significant. https://www.8freebooks.net
GETTING A GRIP 147 As a general guideline, any shaking
behavior that starts or stops suddenly, or is somehow markedly different
from baseline behavior, deserves further scrutiny. Considering the context
in which the shaking occurs, when it occurs, and any other tells that might
support a specific interpretation will improve your ability to read a person
correctly. HAND DISPLAYS OF HIGH CONFIDENCE A high-confidence
display reflects a high degree of brain comfort and self-assurance. Several
confidence demonstrations associated with the hands alert us that the person
feels good about, and comfortable with, his current state of affairs.
Steepling Hand steepling may well be the most powerful high-confidence
tell (see figure 49). It involves touching the spread fingertips of both hands,
in a gesture similar to “praying hands,” but the fingers are not interlocked
and the palms may not be touching. It is called steepling because the hands
look like the pointed top of a church steeple. In the United States, women
tend to steeple low (perhaps at the waist), which sometimes makes the
behavior more difficult to observe. Men tend to steeple higher, at chest
level, which makes their steepling more visible and powerful. Steepling
signifies that you are confident of your thoughts or position. It lets others
know precisely how you feel about something and how dedicated you are to
your point of view (see box 40). High-status people (lawyers, judges,
medical doctors) often use steepling as part of their daily behavioral
repertoire because of their confidence in themselves and their status. All of
us have steepled at one time or another, but we do so to varying degrees and
using a variety of styles. Some do it all the time; some rarely do it; others
perform modified steeples (such as with only the extended index finger and
thumb touching each https://www.8freebooks.net
148 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Fig. 49 Steepling of
hands, fingertip to fingertip, is one of the most powerful displays of
confidence we possess. other while remaining fingers are interlaced). Some
steeple under the table; others do it high in front of them; some even steeple
above their heads. In people who are unaware of the powerful nonverbal
meaning of steepling, the response can persist for significant periods of
time, particularly if circumstances stay positive for them. Even when people
are aware that steepling is a tell, they still have difficulty concealing it. In
these individuals, the limbic brain has made it such an automatic response
that steepling displays are difficult to overcome, because particularly when
an individual is excited, he or she forgets to monitor and control the
reaction. Circumstances can change quickly and alter our reactions to things
and people. When this happens, we can transition from a high-confidence
steepling display to a low-confidence hand gesture in milliseconds. When
our confidence is shaken or doubt has entered our minds, our steepled
fingers may interlace as in prayer (see figure 50). These changes
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GETTING A GRIP 149 Fig. 50 Hand-wringing is a universal way
of showing we are stressed or concerned. in nonverbal behavior happen
quickly and very accurately reflect and define our real-time internal
reactions to changing events. A person can go from steepling (high
confidence) to fingers interlaced (low confidence) and back to steepling
(high confidence) — reflecting the ebb and flow of assurance and doubt.
You, too, can harness proper steepling and hand placement for positive
impact. Steepling can be such a powerful purveyor of confidence and self-
assurance that it is hard to challenge a person displaying such a nonverbal
signal. Steepling is a very useful behavior to adopt; speakers and
salespeople should use it often for emphasis, as should anyone trying to
convey an important point. Consider the confidence of your hand gestures
when you are being interviewed by a prospective employer, presenting
material at a meeting, or simply discussing issues with your friends. Far too
often during professional meetings, I see women steepling under the table
or very low, undermining the confidence they genuinely
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150 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 40: WHEN IT
COMES TO STEEPLING, THE JURY /S/VTOUT The power of nonverbal
behavior can be documented by studying the impact of steepling in various
social settings. Steepling is useful, for example, when testifying in court; its
use is advocated when training expert witnesses. Witnesses should steeple
to emphasize a point or to indicate their high confidence in what they are
saying. In doing so, their testimony will be perceived more powerfully by
the jury than if they were merely to place their hands on their laps or
interlace their fingers. Interestingly, when a prosecutor steeples as his
witness testifies, the value of the testimony is enhanced because the
attorney is perceived as being confident of the witness’s statements. When
jurors see witnesses who interlace their fingers or wring their hands, they
tend to associate such behavior with nervousness or too often,
unfortunately, with deception. It is important to note that both honest and
dishonest individuals display these behaviors, and they should not be
automatically associated with lying. It is recommended that when testifying,
individuals should either steeple or cup their hands together without
interlacing their fingers, as these are gestures that are perceived as being
more authoritative, more confident, and more genuine. possess. I hope that
as they recognize the power of the steeple as an indicator of self-assurance,
competence, and confidence — traits most individuals would want to be
recognized as possessing — more women will embrace this gesture and
display it above the table. THUMB DISPLAYS It is interesting how verbal
language sometimes mirrors nonverbal language. When movie critics give a
film two thumbs up, it indicates their https://www.8freebooks.net
GETTING A GRIP 151 Often seen with high-status individuals,
the thumb sticking out of the pocket is a high-confidence display.
confidence in its quality. Thumbs up is almost always a nonverbal sign of
high confidence. Interestingly, it is also associated with high status. Look at
photographs of John F. Kennedy and notice how often he carried his hands
in his coat pocket, thumbs sticking out (see figure 51). His brother Bobby
did the same thing. Lawyers, college professors, and doctors are often seen
grasping their lapels simultaneously with their thumbs up in the air. There is
a national chain of fashion/portrait studios that invariably has females
photographed with at least one hand clutching their collar with a thumb in
the air. Apparently the marketing team at this company also recognizes that
thumbs up is a high-confidence or high-status display.
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152 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING High-Confidence, High-
Status Thumb Displays When individuals carry their thumbs high, it is a
sign that they think highly of themselves and/or are confident in their
thoughts or present circumstances (see figures 52 and 53). Thumbs up is
another example of a gravity-defying gesture, a type of nonverbal behavior
normally associated with comfort and high confidence. Normally, the
interlacing of the fingers is a low-confidence gesture, except when the
thumbs are extended straight up. It has been noted that people who use
thumb displays generally tend to be more aware of their environment, more
acute in their thinking, and sharper in their observations. Observe those
individuals who manifest thumbs-up behavior and notice how they fit this
profile. Normally, people don’t posture with their thumbs up, so when they
do, you can be relatively certain that this is a significant behavior indicative
of positive feelings. Thumbs up is usually a good indication of positive
thoughts. This can be very fluid during a conversation. The thumbs can
suddenly disappear, as in this photo, when there is less emphasis or
emotions turn negative. https://www.8freebooks.net
GETTING A GRIP 153 Low-Confidence, Low-Status Thumb
Displays Feelings of low confidence can be evidenced when a person
(usually a male) puts his thumbs in his pocket and lets the fingers hang out
on the side (see figure 54). Particularly in an employment setting, this
signal says, “I am very unsure of myself.” People who are leaders or who
are otherwise in control don’t manifest this behavior when they are working
or performing. A high-status individual who is casually relaxing may
exhibit this behavior briefly, but never while he is “on.” This is nearly
always a low-confidence or low-status display. Thumb displays are so
accurate that they can help you effectively assess who is feeling good about
himself and who is struggling. I have seen men make a potent presentation
punctuated by steepling, but when a listener revealed an error in the speech,
the thumbs went into Thumbs in the pocket indicate low status and
confidence. People in authority should avoid this display because it sends
the wrong message. https://www.8freebooks.net
154 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING their pockets. These
types of thumb displays are reminiscent of a child standing in front of a
disappointed mother. This behavior conveys that someone has transitioned
from high confidence to low confidence very quickly (see box 41). BOX 41
THUMB-THING IS WRONG HERE While I was staying at a world-
renowned hotel in Bogota, Colombia, the general manager commented to
me that he had recently hired some new hotel guards, and although he
couldn’t put his finger on it, there was something about them he didn’t like.
He knew that I had worked in law enforcement for the FBI, and he asked
whether I noticed anything bothersome about his new staff members. We
walked outside where the guards were posted and took a quick glance. The
manager noted that although they had new uniforms and their boots were
shined, something wasn’t right. I agreed that the uniforms looked
professional, but pointed out that the guards were standing with their
thumbs in their pockets, making them look weak and incompetent. At first
the manager didn’t seem to grasp what I was saying until I had him
demonstrate the posture himself. Immediately he said, “You are right. They
look like little kids waiting for their mother to tell them what to do.” The
next day the guards were shown how to stand and look authoritative (hands
behind back, chin up) without looking menacing to the guests. Sometimes
little things mean a lot. In this case, the disappearing thumbs became
powerful purveyors of low confidence — not exactly what you want from a
security force, especially in Bogota, Colombia. Try this experiment on your
own. Stand with your thumbs in your pockets and ask people what they
think of you. Their comments will confirm the unflattering and weak
attitude this posture projects. You will never see a presidential candidate or
a leader of a country with his thumbs in his pockets. This behavior is not
seen in confident individuals (see figure 55). https://www.8freebooks.net
GETTING A GRIP 155 Often used as a sign of insecurity or
social discomfort, thumbs in the pocket transmit this message readily and
thus should be avoided. Genital Framing Men sometimes, subconsciously,
will hook their thumbs inside their waistbands on either side of the zipper
and either pull up their pants or even let their thumbs hang there, as their
dangling fingers frame their genitals (see figure 56). Genital framing is a
powerful dominance display. In essence, it is saying, “Check me out, I am a
virile male.” Not long after starting to write this book, I discussed this
nonverbal behavior when teaching a class at the FBI in Quantico, Virginia.
The students scoffed, saying that no man, especially subconsciously,
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156 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Using the hands to
frame the genitals is often seen with young males and females during the
courtship years. It is a dominance display. would be that blatant about his
sexuality. The very next day, one of the students came back and told the
class that he had observed a student in the bathroom who stood in front of
the mirror, preened himself, put on his sunglasses, and just for a moment
did some genital framing before he proudly exited the bathroom. I am sure
that the guy wasn’t even thinking about what he was doing. But in fact,
genital framing occurs more often than we think, and not only in country
western videos! Remember the Fonz in the TV series Happy Days ?
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GETTING A GRIP 157 HAND DISPLAYS OF LOW
CONFIDENCE OR STRESS Low-confidence displays are the flip side of
their high-confidence counterparts. They reflect brain discomfort,
insecurity, and self-doubt. Low-confidence displays should alert us that the
individual is experiencing negative emotions that may be caused by being
in an uncomfortable situation or by thoughts that induce self-doubt or
limited confidence. Frozen Hands Research tells us liars tend to gesture
less, touch less, and move their arms and legs less than honest people (Vrij,
2003, 65). This is consistent with limbic reactions. In the face of a threat (in
this case having a he detected), we move less or freeze so as not to attract
attention. This behavior is often quite observable during conversation
because a person’s arms become very restrained while telling a he and
otherwise are animated when telling the truth. Because such changes are
controlled by the limbic system rather than the thinking brain, they are more
reliable and useful than spoken words; they indicate what is really going on
in the mind of the individual who is speaking (see box 42). So look for hand
and arm movements that are suddenly restrained; they say a lot about what
is going on in that person’s brain. Hand-wringing When people wring their
hands or interlace their fingers, particularly in response to a significant
comment, event, or change in their environment, it is normally indicative of
stress or low confidence (see figure 50 on page 149). This common pacifier,
seen in people around the world, actually makes it look like they are
engaged in prayer — and perhaps, subconsciously or otherwise, they are.
As the intensity of the hand-wringing increases, the color of the fingers may
change as areas blanch due to https://www.8freebooks.net
158 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 42: A LESS
THAN MOVING EXPERIENCE The tendency for liars to be less animated
in their gestures was a major reason I didn’t believe a young woman who
had told local sheriffs deputies that her six-month-old son had been
kidnapped in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart in Tampa, Florida. As the
woman told her story, I observed her from a monitoring room. After
witnessing her behavior, I told the investigators that I didn't believe the
totality of her story; her demeanor was too subdued. When people tell the
truth, they make every effort to ensure that you understand them. They
gesticulate with their arms and face and are emphatically expressive. Not so
with this suspect. The retelling of a horrific kidnapping story by a loving
and distraught mother would have been accompanied by more
demonstrative, ardent behaviors. Their absence was alerting to us.
Eventually the woman confessed that she had actually killed her child by
stuffing him in a plastic garbage bag. The kidnapping story was a total
fabrication. The freeze response of her limbic system that restrained her
movements betrayed the lie. blood being forced away from the tension
points. Matters clearly are getting worse as this behavior manifests.
Interlaced Stroking or Rubbing of the Hands A person who is in doubt (a
lesser degree of lowered confidence) or under low stress will only slightly
rub the palms of his hands together (see figure 57). However, if the situation
becomes more stressful or if his confidence level continues to fall, watch
how suddenly gentle finger-to-palm stroking transitions to more dramatic
rubbing of interlaced fingers (see figure 58). The interlacing of fingers is a
very accurate indicator of high distress that I have seen in the most acute of
interviews — both in the FBI and in people testifying before Congress. As
soon as an extremely delicate subject comes up, the fingers straighten and
intertwine, as the hands https://www.8freebooks.net
GETTING A GRIP 159 We often pacify anxiety or nervousness
by stroking our fingers across the palm or rubbing our hands together. Fig.
58 When the fingers interlace to rub up and down, as in this photo, the brain
is asking for extra hand contact to pacify more serious concerns or anxiety.
begin to rub up and down. I speculate that the increased tactile contact
between the hands provides the brain with more pacifying messages. Neck
Touching I am discussing neck touching in this chapter on hand behaviors
because if you keep an eye on the hands, they eventually take you to the
neck. People who touch their necks (anywhere) while speaking are, in fact,
rellecting lower- than-normal confidence or are relieving stress. The
covering of the neck area, throat, and/or the suprasternal notch during times
of stress is a universal and strong indicator that the brain is actively
processing something that is threatening, objectionable, unsettling,
questionable, or emotional. It has nothing to do with deception, although
deceptive people may demonstrate such behavior if they are troubled. So
again, keep your eyes on the hands, and as feelings of discomfort and
distress surface in people, their hands will rise to the occasion, and cover or
touch their neck. https://www.8freebooks.net
160 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 43: UP TO HER
NECK IN LIES Sometimes not covering the neck can be a telltale clue that
something is amiss. I once assisted a local law enforcement agency with a
case involving an alleged rape. The woman who reported this assault had
reported three separate rapes in a five-year period, a statistically unlikely
history. As I watched her videotaped interview, I noticed that while she
spoke of how frightened she was and how terrible she felt, she was
extremely passive and never once covered her suprasternal notch as she told
the story. I found her “lack of behavior” suspicious and pointed it out to the
investigators. The woman simply was not showing typical signs of distress.
In fact, I have investigated other rape cases in which women will cover
their suprasternal notch while recounting the crime even decades after it
occurred. Upon further investigation, the impassive woman’s case fell apart.
In the end, we learned she had fabricated all her allegations — costing the
city thousands of dollars — merely because she thrived on the attention
given to her by responding officers, investigating detectives, and victim
advocates, all of whom initially believed her and wanted to help. I can’t tell
you how many thousands of times I have seen this behavior, yet most
people are unaware of its significance (see box 43). Just recently I was
chatting with a friend outside a conference room when a female associate
walked out with one hand over her neck dimple and the other holding a cell
phone. My friend continued to converse as if nothing were wrong. When
the woman on the cell phone ended her call, I said, “We’d better go check
on her, something’s not right.” Sure enough, one of her kids had come down
with a high fever at school and needed to go home as soon as possible.
Neck touching is one of those behaviors that is so reliable and accurate that
it truly merits our close attention. https://www.8freebooks.net
GETTING A GRIP 161 Microexpressions of the Hands A
microgesture is a very brief nonverbal behavior that occurs when a person
is attempting to suppress a normal response to a negative stimulus (Ekman,
2003, 15). In these circumstances, the more reflexive and shortlived the
behavior is, the more truthful it tends to be. For instance, let’s imagine the
boss tells an employee he has to help out and work this weekend because
someone is sick. On hearing the news, the employee’s nose crinkles or a
slight smirk appears suddenly but briefly. These microgestures of dislike are
very accurate displays of how the person truly feels. Similarly, our hands
can display microexpressions that may surprise you (see box 44).
CHANGES IN HAND BEHAVIORS CAN REVEAL IMPORTANT
INFORMATION As with all nonverbal behaviors, sudden alterations in
hand motion suggest an abrupt change in someone’s thoughts and feelings.
When lovers rapidly move their hands away from each other during a meal,
it is a sign that something negative has just happened. Hand withdrawal
may happen in seconds, but it is a very accurate real-time indicator of the
person’s feelings. Gradual hand withdrawals are also worthy of note. A
while ago I was invited to dinner by a married couple with whom I had
been friends since our college days. We were chatting around the table at
the end of the meal when the topic of finances arose. My friends revealed
that they were experiencing money problems. As the wife complained about
how “the money seemed to just disappear,” likewise, her husband’s hands
simultaneously and gradually disappeared from the tabletop. As she spoke,
I watched him slowly withdraw his hands until they rested, finally, on his
lap. This sort of distancing is a cue indicative of psychological flight (part
of our limbic survival mechanism) that often occurs when we are
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162 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 44: THE BIRD
AS A WORD In his remarkable book Telling Lies, Dr. Paul Ekman
describes his research using high-speed cameras to reveal microgestures
that subconsciously communicate an individual's disfavor or true emotions
(Ekman, 1991, 129-131). One such microgesture noted by Dr. Ekman is
giving the bird. In a major national security case in which I was personally
involved as an observer, a subject repeatedly used his middle (“bird”) finger
to push his glasses into position whenever the lead Justice Department
interviewer (whom he despised) asked him questions. This behavior was
not observed with other interviewers, but only with the interviewer the
subject plainly did not like. At first we did not believe we were seeing such
an obvious but fleeting gesture that was so clearly limited to a single
interviewer. Fortunately, the interviews were videotaped as part of a legal
proffer (i.e., the subject agrees to cooperate in consideration for a lighter
sentence), so we could review the tape to confirm what we were seeing.
Perhaps equally interesting, the chief interviewer never saw the "bird”
behavior and, when told about it, refused to accept that it was indicative of
the interviewee's antipathy. When it was all over, however, the interviewee
commented harshly on how much he despised the chief interviewer, and it
was quite evident that he tried to subvert the interview because of this clash
of personalities. Microgestures of the hands come in many forms, including
pushing the hands downward along the legs and then lifting the bird finger
at the moment the palms reach the knees. This has been observed in both
men and women. Again, these microgestures occur very quickly and can be
obscured easily by other activities. Watch for these behaviors and do not
dismiss them, if observed. At a minimum, microgestures should be
examined in context as indicators of enmity, dislike, contempt, or disdain.
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GETTING A GRIP 163 threatened. The behavior suggested to me
that the husband was concealing something. As it turned out, he had been
pilfering money from the couple’s joint checking account to support a
gambling habit, a vice that eventually cost him his marriage. His guilty
knowledge of the covert withdrawals explained the reason his hands
withdrew from the table. Although the motion was a gradual change, it was
sufficient to cause me to suspect that something was wrong. One of the
most important observations you can make in relation to the hands is
noticing when they go dormant. When the hands stop illustrating and
emphasizing, it is usually a clue to a change in brain activity (perhaps
because of a lack of commitment) and is cause for heightened awareness
and assessment. Although, as we’ve noted, hand restriction can signal
deception, do not immediately jump to this conclusion. The only inference
you can draw at the moment the hands go dormant is that the brain is
communicating a different sentiment or thought. The change may simply
reflect less confidence or less attachment to what is being said for a variety
of reasons. Remember, any deviation from normal hand behavior — be it an
increase, a decrease, or just something unusual — should be considered for
its significance. SOME CONCLUDING REMARKS ABOUT
NONVERBALS OF THE HANDS AND FINGERS Most of us spend so
much time studying people’s faces that we underutilize the information
provided by their hands. The sensitive hands of humans not only feel and
sense the world around us, they also reflect our responses to that world. We
sit in front of a banker wondering if our loan will be approved, with our
hands in front of us, fingers intertwined (prayerlike), reflecting the tension
and nervousness within us. Or, in a business meeting, the hands may
assume a steepling position, letting others know we are confident. Our
hands may quiver at the mention of someone who betrayed us in our past.
Hands and fingers can provide a https://www.8freebooks.net
164 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING great deal of significant
information. We just need to observe and decode their actions correctly and
in context. You can know how someone feels about you from a single
touch. The hands are powerful transmitters of our emotional state. Use them
in your own nonverbal communications and count on them to provide
valuable nonverbal intelligence about others. https://www.8freebooks.net
SEVEN The Mind’s Canvas Nonverbals of the Face When it
comes to emotions, our faces are the mind’s canvas. What we feel is
exquisitely communicated through a smile, a frown, or immeasurable
nuances in between. This is an evolutionary blessing that sets us apart from
all other species and makes us the most expressive animals on this planet.
Our facial expressions, more than anything else, serve as our universal
language — our human crosscultural lingua franca — whether here
(wherever "here” is for you) or in Borneo. This international language has
served as a practical means of communication since the dawn of man, to
facilitate understanding among people lacking a common language. When
observing others, we can quickly recognize when someone appears
surprised, interested, bored, fatigued, anxious, or frustrated. We can look at
our friends’ faces and see when they are displeased, doubtful, contented,
anguished, disappointed, incredulous, or concerned. The
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166 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING expressions of children
let us know if they are sad, excited, perplexed, or nervous. We were never
specifically taught how to generate or translate these facial behaviors, and
yet we all know them, perform them, interpret them, and communicate
through them. With all the various muscles that precisely control the mouth,
lips, eyes, nose, forehead, and jaw, human faces are richly endowed to
produce an immense variety of expressions. It is estimated that humans are
capable of more than ten thousand different facial expressions (Ekman,
2003, 14—15). This versatility makes nonverbals of the face very effective,
extremely efficient, and, when not interfered with, quite honest. Happiness,
sadness, anger, fear, surprise, disgust, joy, rage, shame, anguish, and interest
are universally recognized facial expressions (Ekman, 2003, 1—37).
Discomfort — whether on the face of a baby, a child, a teenager, an adult,
or the elderly — is recognized around the globe; likewise we can
distinguish the expressions that let us know all is well. While our faces can
be very honest in displaying how we feel, they do not always necessarily
represent our true sentiments. This is because we can, to a degree, control
our facial expressions and, thus, put on a false front. From an early age, we
are taught by our parents not to make faces when we don’t like the food in
front of us, or we are compelled to fake a smile when greeting someone we
don’t like. In essence, we are taught to he with our faces, and so we become
quite adept at hiding our true sentiments facially, even though they
occasionally do leak out. When we lie using our faces, we are often said to
be acting; obviously, world-class actors can adopt any number of faces to
create fictional feelings on demand. Unfortunately, many people, especially
con men and other more serious social predators, can do the same thing.
They can put on a false face when they are lying, conniving, or trying to
influence the perception of others through false smiles, fake tears, or
deceiving looks. Facial expressions can still provide meaningful insights
into what a person is thinking and feeling. We simply have to be mindful
that these signals can be faked, so the best evidence of true sentiment is
derived from clusters of behaviors, including facial and body cues, that
buttress https://www.8freebooks.net
THE MIND'S CANVAS 167 or complement each other. By
assessing facial behaviors in context and comparing them to other
nonverbal behaviors, we can use them to help reveal what the brain is
processing, feeling, and/or intending. Since the brain tends to use
everything above the shoulders as a single canvas for expression and
communication, we are going to refer to the face and its mantle, the neck, as
one: our public face. NEGATIVE AND POSITIVE EMOTIONAL
DISPLAYS OF THE FACE Negative emotions — displeasure, disgust,
antipathy, fear, and anger — make us tense. That tension manifests in many
ways in and on the body. Our faces may show a constellation of tension-
revealing cues simultaneously: tightening of jaw muscles, flaring of nose
wings (naral wing dilation), squinting of the eyes, quivering of the mouth,
or lip occlusion (in which lips seemingly disappear). On closer
examination, you might note that eye focus is fixed, the neck is stiff, and
head tilt is nonexistent. An individual might not say anything about being
tense, but if these manifestations are present there is no doubt that he is
upset and that his brain is processing some negative emotional issue. These
negative emotional cues are displayed similarly throughout the world, and
there is real value in looking for them. When someone is upset, either all or
only a few of these nonverbal behaviors may be present, and they may
manifest as mild and fleeting or may be acute and pronounced, lasting for
minutes or even longer. Think of Clint Eastwood in the old spaghetti
westerns, squinting at his opponents before a gun battle. That look said it
all. Of course actors are trained to make their facial expressions particularly
easy to recognize. However, in the real world, these nonverbal cues are
sometimes more difficult to spot, either because they are subtle,
intentionally obfuscated, or simply overlooked (see figure 59). Consider, for
example, jaw tightening as an indication of tension. After a business
meeting, an executive might say to a colleague, “Did you
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168 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Squinting, furrowing of
the forehead, and facial contortions are indicative of distress or discomfort.
see how tense Bill’s jaw got when I made that proposal?” Only to hear his
partner respond, “No, I didn’t catch that” (see box 45). We miss facial cues
because we have been taught not to stare and/or because we concentrate
more on what is being said than on how it is being said. Keep in mind that
people often work at hiding their emotions, making them more difficult to
detect if we are not conscientious observers. In addition, facial cues may be
so fleeting — microgestures — that they are difficult to pick up. In a casual
conversation, these subtle behaviors may not be of much significance, but
in an important interpersonal interaction (between lovers, parents and
children, business associates, or at an employment interview), such
seemingly minor displays of tension may reflect deep emotional conflict.
Since our conscious brains may try to mask our limbic emotions, any
signals that reach the surface are critical to detect, as they may yield a more
accurate picture of a person’s deep-rooted thoughts and intentions.
Although many joyous facial expressions are easily and universally
recognized, these nonverbal tells may also be suppressed or concealed for
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THE MIND'S CANVAS 169 BOX 45: MY LIPS SAY I LOVE
YOU, BUT MY LOOKS SAY OTHERWISE I am amazed at how many
times positive words pour from people’s mouths while their faces gives off
negative nonverbals that clearly contradict what is being said. At a recent
party, one of the guests was commenting how pleased he was that his kids
had good jobs. He said this, with a less-than-generous smile and tight jaw
muscles, as those standing around congratulated him. Later, his wife told
me privately that her husband was, in fact, extremely upset that the kids
were just barely getting by in their meaningless jobs that were going
nowhere. His words said one thing, but his face said quite another. a variety
of reasons, making them more difficult to detect. For example, we certainly
don’t want to show elation when we are dealt a powerful hand of cards in a
poker game, or we may not want our colleagues to know we received a
larger financial bonus then they did. We learn to try to conceal our
happiness and excitement in circumstances where we deem it unwise to
reveal our good fortune. Nevertheless, as with negative body cues, subtle or
restrained positive nonverbals can be detected through careful observation
and assessment of other subtle corroborative behaviors. For instance, our
faces may leak a twinge of excitement that by itself, might not be enough to
convince an astute observer that we are truly happy. However, our feet
might provide additional corroborative evidence of excitement, helping to
validate the belief that the positive emotion is genuine (see box 46).
Genuine and unrestrained feelings of happiness are reflected in the face and
neck. Positive emotions are revealed by the loosening of the furrowed lines
on the forehead, relaxation of muscles around the mouth, emergence of full
lips (they are not compressed or tight lipped), and widening of the eye area
as surrounding muscles relax. When we are truly
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170 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 46: THE FACE
AND FEET SHOW LIFE IS SWEET Not long ago I was waiting for a
flight out of Baltimore when the man next to me at the ticket counter
received the good news that he was being upgraded to first class. As he sat
down he tried to suppress a smile, since to gloat over his good fortune
would be seen as rude by other passengers waiting for an upgrade. Based on
his facial expression alone, to declare he was happy would have been a
marginal call. Then, however, I overheard him call his wife to tell her the
good news, and although he spoke quietly so those seated nearby couldn’t
hear the conversation, his feet were bouncing up and down like those of a
young child waiting to open his birthday gifts. His happy feet provided
collaborative evidence of his joyful state. Remember, look for clusters of
behavior to solidify your observations. relaxed and comfortable, facial
muscles relax and the head will tilt to the side, exposing our most
vulnerable area, the neck (see figure 60). This is a high-comfort display —
often seen during courtship — that is nearly impossible to mimic when we
are uncomfortable, tense, suspicious, or threatened (see box 47).
INTERPRETING NONVERBAL BEHAVIORS OF THE EYES Our eyes
have been called the windows of the soul, so it seems appropriate to
examine these two portals for nonverbal messages of emotions or thoughts.
Despite music lyrics such as “your lyin’ eyes,” our eyes do express a lot of
useful information. In fact, the eyes can be very accurate barometers of our
feelings because, to some degree, we have very little control over them.
Unlike other areas of the face that are far less reflexive in their movements,
evolution has modified muscles in and around the
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THE MIND'S CANVAS 171 BOX 47 WHAT YOU WON’T SEE
IN AN ELEVATOR Try to tilt your head in an elevator full of strangers and
leave it that way for the complete duration of the ride. For most people this
is extremely difficult to accomplish, because head tilt is a behavior reserved
for times when we are truly comfortable — and standing in an elevator
surrounded by strangers is certainly not one of those times. Try tilting your
head while looking directly at someone in the elevator. You will find that
even more difficult, if not impossible. eyes to protect them from hazards.
For example, muscles inside the eyeball protect the delicate receptors from
excessive light by constricting the pupil, and muscles around the eyes will
close them immediately if a dangerous object comes near. These automatic
responses help make the eyes a very honest part of our face, so let’s
examine some specific eye behaviors Fig. 60 Head tilt says in a powerful
way, “I am comfortable, I am receptive, I am friendly.” It is very difficult to
do this around people we don’t like. https://www.8freebooks.net
172 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING that can help us achieve
insight into what people are thinking and how they intend to act. Pupilary
Constriction and Squinting as a Form of Eye Blocking Research has shown
that once we move beyond a startle response, when we like something we
see, our pupils dilate; when we don’t, they constrict (see figure 61) (Hess,
1975a; Hess, 1975b). We have no conscious control over our pupils, and
they respond to both external stimuli (for example, changes in light) and
internal stimuli (such as thoughts) in fractions of a second. Because the
pupils are small and difficult to see, particularly in dark eyes, and since
changes in their size occur rapidly, pupil reactions are difficult to observe.
Although these eye behaviors are very useful, people often don’t look for
them, ignore them, or, when they see them, undervalue their utility in
assessing a person’s likes and dislikes. When we become aroused, are
surprised, or are suddenly confronted, our eyes open up — not only do they
widen, but the pupils also quickly dilate to let in the maximum amount of
available light, thus sending the maximum amount of visual information to
the brain. Obviously, this startle response has served us well over millennia.
However, once we have a moment to process the information and if it is
perceived negatively (it is an unpleasant surprise or an actual threat), in a
fraction of a second the pupils will constrict (Ekman, 2003, 151) (see box
48). By constricting the In this diagram you can see pupil dilation and
constriction. From birth we find comfort in dilated pupils, especially those
with whom we are emotionally attached. https://www.8freebooks.net
THE MIND'S CANVAS 173 BOX 48: IF THEY CONSTRICT,
YOU CAN CONVICT In 1989, while working with the FBI on a matter
involving national security, we repeatedly interviewed a spy who, while
being cooperative, was nevertheless reluctant to name his co-conspirators
involved in espionage. Attempts to appeal to his sense of patriotism and his
concern for the millions of people he was placing in harm’s way got us
nowhere; things were at an impasse. It was essential that this man’s other
associates be identified; they were still at large and presented a serious
threat to the United States. Left with no alternatives, Marc Reeser, a friend
and brilliant intelligence analyst with the FBI, suggested using nonverbals
in an attempt to glean the information we needed. We presented this spy
with thirty-two three-by-five-inch cards prepared by Mr. Reeser, each with
the name of someone with whom the felon had worked, and who potentially
could have assisted him. As he looked at each card, the man was asked to
tell, in general terms, what he knew about each individual. We weren’t
specifically interested in the man’s answers, since clearly words can be
dishonest; rather, we were watching his face. When he saw two names in
particular, his eyes first widened in recognition, and then his pupils quickly
constricted and he squinted slightly. Subconsciously, he clearly did not like
seeing these two names and somehow felt in danger. Perhaps those
individuals had threatened him not to reveal their names. This pupilary
constriction and slight squinting were the only clues we had as to the
identity of his co-conspirators. He was not aware of his nonverbal signals,
and we did not comment on them. However, had we not looked for this eye
behavior, we never would have identified those two individuals. The two
accomplices were eventually located and interviewed, at which time they
confessed their involvement in the crime. To this day, the subject of that
interview does not know how we were able to identify his fellow culprits.
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174 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING pupils, everything in
front of us thus becomes precisely focused so that we can see clearly and
accurately in order to defend ourselves or effectively escape (Nolte, 1999,
431—432). This is very similar to how a camera aperture (opening) works:
the smaller the aperture, the greater the focal length, and the clearer the
focus on everything near and far. Incidentally, if you ever need an
emergency pair of reading glasses and none are available, just make a small
pinhole in a piece of paper and hold it up to your eye; the small aperture
will bring what you are reading into focus. If maximal pupil constriction
isn’t sufficient, then we squint to make the aperture as small as possible
while simultaneously protecting the eye (see figure 62). While walking with
my daughter a few years back, we passed someone she recognized. She
squinted slightly as she gave the girl a low wave. I suspected something
negative had transpired between them, so I asked my daughter how she
knew the girl. She replied that the girl had been a high school classmate
with whom she had previously had words. The low-hand wave was done
out of social convention; however, the eye squint was an honest and
betraying display of negative emotions We squint to block out light or
objectionable things. We squint when we are angry or even when we hear
voices, sounds, or music we don't like. https://www.8freebooks.net
THE MIND'S CANVAS 175 Fig. 63 Squinting can be very brief
— 1/8 of second — but in real time may reflect a negative thought or
emotion. and dislike (seven years in the making). My daughter was unaware
that her squinting behavior had given away her true feelings about the girl,
yet the information stood out like a beacon to me (see figure 63). The same
phenomenon is seen in the business world. When customers or clients
suddenly squint while reading a contract, they are likely struggling with
something in the wording of the text, the discomfort or doubt registering
immediately in their eyes. Most likely these business associates will be
totally unaware they are transmitting this very clear message of
disagreement or dislike. In addition to squinting when ill at ease, some
individuals will lower their eyebrows after observing something unsettling
in their environment. Arched eyebrows signify high confidence and positive
feelings (a gravity-defying behavior), whereas lowered eyebrows are
usually a sign of low confidence and negative feelings, a behavior that
indicates weakness and insecurity in a person (see box 49).
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176 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 49: THE
EYEBROW SQUINT: HOW LOW DO YOU GO? Eyebrow squints can
have several different meanings. In order to differentiate among these, you
need to assess the degree of the eyebrow movement and the context in
which it takes place. For instance, we sometimes lower our eyebrows and
squint when being aggressive or confrontational. Likewise, we lower the
eyebrows in the face of real or imagined danger or threats. We also do this
when we are annoyed, feel displeasure, or are angry. If, however, we drop
the eyebrows too low, as may be seen in a very defeated child, it is a
universal sign of weakness and insecurity. It is a behavior of
obsequiousness, fawning, or submissiveness — consistent with kowtowing
or cowering — and may be capitalized upon by social predators, such as
psychopaths. In studies, prisoners have reported that when new inmates
arrive at jail, they look for this troubled, lowered-eyebrow behavior in the
newcomers to reveal which ones are weak and insecure. In your social and
business interactions, you can watch for these eyebrow movements to probe
for weakness or strength in others. Eye Blocking, or How the Brain Spares
Itself Our eyes, more remarkable than any camera, have evolved as the
primary means by which humans receive information. In fact, we often
attempt to censor incoming data through a limbic survival mechanism
known as eye blocking, which evolved to protect the brain from “seeing”
undesirable images. Any decrease in the size of the eyes, whether through
squinting or pupilary constriction, is a form of subconscious blocking
behavior. And all blocking behaviors are indicative of concern, dislike,
disagreement, or the perception of a potential threat. The many forms of eye
blocking are such a common and natural part of our nonverbal repertoire
that most people either miss them completely or ignore their meaning (see
figures 64—67). For example, think about a time when someone told you
bad news. Perhaps you didn’t notice, but https://www.8freebooks.net
Eye blocking with the hands is an A brief touch of the eyes during
a effective way of saying, “I don’t like what conversation may give you a
clue to a I just heard, saw, or learned.” person’s negative perception of what
is being discussed. A delay in opening of the eyelids upon hearing
information or a lengthy closure is indicative of negative emotions or
displeasure. Where the lids compress tightly as in this photo, the person is
trying to block out totally some negative news or event.
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178 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING most likely as you heard
the information your eyelids closed for a few moments. This type of
blocking behavior is very ancient in origin and hardwired in our brains;
even babies innately eye block within the womb when confronted with loud
sounds. Even more amazing is the fact that children who are born blind will
cover their eyes when they hear bad news (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 42—52).
Throughout our lives we employ this limbic-driven eye-blocking behavior
when we hear something terrible, despite the fact that it neither blocks our
hearing nor the thoughts that follow. Perhaps it simply serves to give the
brain a temporary respite or to communicate our deepest sentiments, but
regardless of the reason, the brain still compels us to perform this behavior.
Eye blocking takes many forms and can be observed at any tragic event,
whether bad news is being broadcast or as tragedy is about to befall us.
People may cup a hand completely over both eyes, put one open hand over
each eye, or block the entire face with an object, such as a newspaper or
book. Even internal information in the form of a thought can compel this
response. A person who suddenly remembers he forgot something
important may momentarily close his eyes and take a deep breath as he
ponders his blunder. When interpreted in context, eye-blocking behaviors
can be powerful indicators of a person’s thoughts and feelings. These
distancing clues occur in real time as soon as something negative is heard.
During conversation, this is one of the best signals to let us know that
something spoken did not sit well with the person hearing the information. I
have repeatedly used eye-blocking behavior as a tell in my work with the
FBI. The “ice-pick” murder and the hotel fire in Puerto Rico, discussed
earlier in this book, are only two of the many, many times I witnessed the
significance of this eye behavior. I still watch for eye -blocking behavior on
a daily basis to assess the feelings and thoughts of others. While eye-
blocking behaviors are usually associated with seeing or hearing something
negative that causes us discomfort, they can also be an indication of low
confidence. As with most other tells, the eye-blocking response is most
reliable and valuable when it happens immediately after a significant event
that you can identify. If an eye block occurs right after
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THE MIND'S CANVAS 179 you tell a person a specific piece of
information, or upon making some type of an offer, it should tell you that
something is amiss and the individual is troubled. At this point, you might
want to rethink how you wish to proceed if your goal is to enhance your
chances of interpersonal success with this person. Pupilary Dilation,
Eyebrow Arching, and Flashbulb Eyes There are plenty of eye behaviors
that show positive feelings. At a very young age, our eyes register comfort
when we see our mothers. A baby will follow his mothers face within
seventy-two hours of birth, and his eyes will widen when she enters the
room, demonstrating interest and contentment. The loving mother will
likewise exhibit a relaxed opening of her eyes, and the baby will gaze into
them and take comfort from her. Widened eyes are a positive sign; they
indicate that someone is observing something that makes her feel good.
Contrary to pupil constriction, contentment and positive emotions are
indicated by pupil dilation. The brain is essentially saying, “I like what I
see; let me see it better!” When people are truly pleased by what they see,
not only do their pupils dilate, but their eyebrows rise (arch), widening their
eye area and making their eyes look larger (see figures 68, 69, 70) (Knapp
& Hall, 2002, 62—64). In addition, some people dramatically expand the
aperture of their eyes by opening their eyes as big and wide as possible,
creating an appearance known as flashbulb eyes. This is the wide-eyed look
normally associated with surprise or positive events (see box 50). This is
also another form of the gravity-defying behaviors usually associated with
good feelings. Eye Flash A variant on the flashbulb eyes is the eyebrow
raise or eye flash that takes place very quickly, staccato-like, during a
positive emotional event. Not only is this behavior universally recognized
as indicative of a pleasant surprise (think of someone arriving at a surprise
party), but it is also used for https://www.8freebooks.net
When we are content, our eyes are Here the eyebrows are arched
slightly, relaxed and show little tension. defying gravity, a sure sign of
positive feelings. Flashbulb eyes can be seen when we are excited to see
someone or are full of positive emotions we just can’t hold back.
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THE MIND'S CANVAS 181 BOX 50: WHEN THE
FLASHBULB GOES OFF When we see someone we like or are surprised
by running into a person we haven’t seen in a while, we tend to expand our
eyes to make them as big as possible, concurrent with pupilary dilation. In a
work environment, you can assume the boss really likes you or that you did
something really well if his or her eyes open very wide when looking at
you. You can use this affirming behavior to determine if you are on the right
track, whether courting, doing business, or just trying to make friends. For
example, picture the exaggerated dreamy eyes of a young girl in love as she
stares at her date with adoration. In short, watch the eyes — the bigger they
get, the better things are! On the other hand, when you start to see eye
shrinkage, such as squinting, eyebrows dropping, or pupils constricting, you
may want to rethink and change your behavioral tactics. I will express a
note of caution. Pupil dilation and constriction can be caused by factors
unrelated to emotions or events, such as variation in lighting, some medical
conditions, and certain drugs. Be careful to consider these factors, or you
could be misled. emphasis, and to show intensity. It is very common to see
people saying, “Wow!” as they raise their eyebrows and flash their eyes.
This is a very genuine positive display. When someone is excitedly
emphasizing a point or telling a story, the brow raise should occur. It
reflects the true mood of the individual, and it also clears the way for
greater visual clarity. Perhaps the best utility of the brow raise is to note
when someone stops doing it while telling a story. Often, when we are not
emotionally attached to something being said, there will be no eye
emphasis. Such an observed lack of attachment may simply reflect
decreased interest or may occur because what is being said is not the truth.
Distinguishing between https://www.8freebooks.net
182 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING these causes is difficult;
essentially all you can do is look for a decrease in brow raises, or their
sudden absence, to alert you that something has changed. It is remarkable
how often people will change their facial emphasis (their eyebrow flashes)
as they become less and less committed to what they are saying or doing.
Eye-Gaze Behavior It is universal that when we look directly at others, we
either like them, are curious about them, or want to threaten them. Lovers
stare into each others eyes with great frequency, as do mother and child;
but so do predators who use a direct gaze to either mesmerize or threaten
(think of stares of Ted Bundy and Charles Manson). In other words, the
brain employs a single eye behavior — a strong gaze — to communicate
love, interest, or hate. Therefore, we must rely on other facial displays that
accompany eye-gaze behavior to determine liking (a relaxed smile) or
dislike (tightened jaws, compressed lips). Conversely, when we gaze away
during a conversation, we tend to do so to engage a thought more clearly
without the distraction of looking at the person with whom we are talking.
This behavior is often mistaken as rudeness or as personal rejection, which
it is not. Nor is it a sign of deception or disinterest; in fact, it is actually a
comfort display (Vrij, 2003, 88—89). When talking to friends, we routinely
look in the distance as we converse. We do this because we feel comfortable
enough to do so; the limbic brain detects no threats from this person. Do not
assume someone is being deceptive, disinterested, or displeased just
because he or she looks away. Clarity of thought is often enhanced by
looking away, and that is the reason we do it. There are many other reasons
for looking away from a speaker. A downward gaze may demonstrate that
we are processing a sentiment or a feeling, conducting an internal dialogue,
or perhaps demonstrating submissiveness. In many cultures, a downward
gaze or other form of eye aversion is expected in the face of authority or in
the presence of a high-status individual. Often children are taught to look
down humbly when being chastised by a parent or adult (Johnson, 2007,
277—290). https://www.8freebooks.net
THE MIND'S CANVAS 183 In embarrassing situations,
onlookers may avert their eyes out of courtesy. Never assume that a
downward gaze is a sign of deception. In all cultures in which it has been
studied, science validates that those who are dominant have more freedom
in using eye-gaze behavior. In essence, these individuals are entitled to look
wherever they want. Subordinates, however, are more restricted in where
they can look and when. Humility dictates that in the presence of royalty, as
in church, heads are bowed. As a general rule, dominants tend to ignore
subordinates visually while subordinates tend to gaze at dominant
individuals at a distance. In other words, higher-status individuals can be
indifferent while lower-status persons are required to be attentive with their
gaze. The king is free to look at anyone he wants; but all subjects face the
king, even as they back out of a room. Many employers have told me that
they dislike it during an interview when applicants’ eyes are wandering all
over the room “as though they own the place.” Because roving eyes make a
person look disinterested or superior, doing so always leaves a bad
impression. Even if you are attempting to ascertain whether or not you
would like to work there, you will likely never get the chance if your eyes
do not focus on the person speaking during a job interview. Eye-Blink /
Eye-Flutter Behavior Our blink rate increases when we are aroused,
troubled, nervous, or concerned, and it returns to normal when we are
relaxed. A series of rapid eye blinks may reflect an inner struggle. For
instance, if someone says something we don’t like, we may actually flutter
our eyelids. Similarly, we might also do so if we are having trouble
expressing ourselves in a conversation (see box 51). Eyelid flutter is very
much indicative of a struggle either with our performance or with the
delivery or acceptance of information. Perhaps more than any other actor,
British actor Hugh Grant uses eyelid flutter to communicate that he is
befuddled, nonplussed, struggling, or otherwise in trouble. Students of
nonverbal communication often note how President
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184 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 51 FLUTTER
FOCUS Observing for eyelid flutter can help you read people and adjust
your behavior accordingly. For instance, in a social gathering or business
meeting, the socially adept will look for this behavior to assess participants’
comfort. Something is troubling the individual whose lids are quivering.
This nonverbal is very accurate, and in some people it will start precisely at
the moment an issue arises. For instance, in conversation, an onset of eyelid
flutter indicates the subject has become controversial or unacceptable and a
change of topic is probably in order. The sudden appearance of this
nonverbal signal is important and should not be ignored, if you want your
guests to be comfortable. Since people vary in their blink rate or eyelid
fluttering — particularly if they are adjusting to new contact lenses — you
should look for changes in flutter rate, such as a sudden absence or increase
in flutter, to gain insight into a person's thoughts and feelings. Richard
Nixon’s blink rate increased when he made his “I am not a crook” speech.
The fact is eye -blink frequency will likely increase in anyone under stress
whether he is lying or not. I reviewed President Bill Clinton’s eye-blink rate
during his deposition, and it increased fivefold as a result of the stress he
was under. Though it’s tempting to do so, I would be very reluctant to label
anyone a liar just because their blink rate increases, since any stress,
including being asked questions in public, can cause the blink rate to
increase. Looking Askance Looking askance at others is a behavior that is
performed with the head and eyes (see figure 71). It can take the form of a
sideways or tilted head motion accompanied by a side glance or a brief roll
of the eyes. Looking askance is a display that is seen when we are
suspicious of others or https://www.8freebooks.net
THE MIND'S CANVAS 185 Fig. 71 We look askance at people
when we are distrustful or unconvinced, as in this photo. question the
validity of what they are saying. Sometimes this body signal is very quick;
at other times it may be almost sarcastically exaggerated and last
throughout an encounter. While more curious or wary than clearly
disrespectful, this nonverbal is fairly easy to spot and its message is, “I am
listening to you but I am not buying what you’re saying — at least not yet.”
UNDERSTANDING NONVERBAL BEHAVIORS OF THE MOUTH Like
the eyes, the mouth provides a number of relatively reliable and noteworthy
tells that can assist you in dealing more effectively with people. Like the
eyes, the mouth can also be manipulated by the thinking brain to send out
false signals, so caution must be exercised in interpretation. That said here
are some focal points of interest with regard to the body language of the
mouth. https://www.8freebooks.net
186 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING A False Smile and a
Real Smile It is well known by researchers that humans have both a fake
and a real smile (Ekman, 2003, 205—207). The fake smile is used almost as
a social obligation toward those who are not close to us, while the real smile
is reserved for those people and events we truly care about (see box 52). A
real smile appears primarily because of the action of two muscles: the
zygomaticus major, which stretches from the corner of the mouth to the
cheekbone, and the orbicularis oculi, which surrounds the eye. When
working together bilaterally, these draw the corners of the mouth up and
crinkle the outer edges of the eyes, causing the crow’s feet of a familiar
warm and honest smile (see figure 72). BOX 52: THE SMILE
BAROMETER With practice, it won’t take you long to distinguish between
a fake smile and the real thing. One easy way to speed the learning process
is to watch how people you know greet others based on how they feel about
them. For example, if you know your business partner feels good about
individual A and dislikes individual B and both have been invited to an
office party he is hosting, watch his face as he meets each person at the
door. You’ll be able to distinguish the two types of smiles in no time at all!
Once you can distinguish between a false and real smile, you can use it as a
barometer of how people really feel about you and you can respond
accordingly. You can also look for the different types of smiles to gauge
how your ideas or suggestions are coming across to the listener. Ideas that
are greeted with genuine smiles should be explored further and put on the
fast-track to-do list. Suggestions that are met with the fake smile should be
reevaluated or put on the back burner. This smile barometer works with
friends, spouses, co-workers, children, and even your boss. It provides
information about people’s feelings in all types and phases of interpersonal
interaction. https://www.8freebooks.net
THE MIND'S CANVAS 187 A real smile forces the corners of
the This is a fake or "polite smile’’: the corners mouth up toward the eyes.
of the mouth move toward the ears and there is little emotion in the eyes.
When we exhibit a social or false smile, the lip corner stretches sideways
through the use of a muscle called the risorius. When used bilaterally, these
effectively pull the corners of the mouth sideways but cannot lift them
upward, as is the case with a true smile (see figure 73). Interestingly, babies
several weeks old will already reserve the full zygomatic smile for their
mothers and utilize the risorius smile for all others. If you are unhappy, it is
unlikely that you will be able to smile fully using both the zygomaticus
majoris and the orbicularis oculi muscles. Real smiles are difficult to fake
when we have a sincere lack of emotion. Disappearing Lips, Lip
Compression, and the Upside-Down U If it seems like the lips have
disappeared from every photograph you have seen recently of anyone
testifying before Congress, it is because https://www.8freebooks.net
188 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING When the lips disappear,
there is usually stress or anxiety driving this behavior. of stress. I say this
with assurance, because when it comes to stress (like testifying before
Congress), nothing is more universal than disappearing lips. When we are
stressed, we tend to make our lips disappear subconsciously. When we press
our lips together, it is as if the limbic brain is telling us to shut down and not
allow anything into our bodies (see figure 74), because at this moment we
are consumed with serious issues. Lip compression is very indicative of true
negative sentiment that manifests quite vividly in real time (see box 53). It
is a clear sign that a person is troubled and that something is wrong. It
rarely, if ever, has a positive connotation. This does not mean the person is
being deceptive. It just means that they are stressed at the moment. In the
following series of photographs (see figures 75—78), I demonstrate how
the lips progressively go from full (things are OK) to disappearing or
compressed lips (things are not OK). Note especially on the final
photograph (figure 78) how the corner of the mouth turns down, making the
mouth look like an upside-down U. This behavior
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THE MIND'S CANVAS 189 BOX 53: WHEN DISAPPEARING
LIPS AREN’T THE ONLY THINGS BEING HIDDEN I look for lip
compression or disappearing lips during interviews or when someone is
making a declarative statement. This is such a reliable cue that it will show
up precisely at the moment a difficult question is asked. If you see it, that
doesn’t necessarily mean the person is lying. Instead, it indicates that a very
specific question served as a negative stimulus and really bothered the
person. For example, if I ask someone, “Are you hiding something from
me?” and he compresses his lips as I ask the question, he is hiding
something. This is especially accurate if it is the only time he has concealed
or compressed his lips during our discussion. It is a signal that I need to
push further in questioning this person. is indicative of high distress
(discomfort). This is a formidable cue or signal that the person is
experiencing an extreme amount of stress. In my classes (you might want to
try this with friends), I tell students to make their lips disappear or compress
them and to look around at each other. What they soon realize, when I point
it out to them, is they can make their lips disappear, but usually it is in a
straight line. Most people who try this cannot force the corners of the mouth
down into an upsidedown U shape. Why? Because this is a limbic response
that is hard to mimic unless we are really distressed or grieving. Do keep in
mind that for some people, the turned-down corners of the mouth is a
normal behavior and as such is not an accurate sign of distress. However,
for the large majority of us, this is a very accurate tell of negative thoughts
or sentiments. The Lip Purse Be sure to look for individuals who purse their
lips while you or someone else is talking (see figure 79). This behavior
usually means they disagree with https://www.8freebooks.net
Note that when the lips are full, usually When there is stress, the
lips will begin the person is content. to disappear and tighten. Lip
compression, reflecting stress or When the lips disappear and the corners
anxiety, may progress to the point where of the mouth turn down, emotions
and the lips disappear, as in this photo. confidence are at a low point, while
anxiety, stress, and concerns are running high. https://www.8freebooks.net
THE MIND'S CANVAS 191 We purse our lips or pucker them
when we are in disagreement with something or someone, or we are
thinking of a possible alternative. what is being said or they are considering
an alternative thought or idea. Knowing this information can be very
valuable in helping you determine how to present your case, modify your
offer, or guide the conversation. To ascertain whether the lip purse means
disagreement or rather that the person is considering an alternative point of
view, you should monitor the ongoing conversation long enough to gather
additional clues. Lip pursing is often seen during closing arguments at a
trial. While one attorney speaks, the opposing counsel will purse his or her
lips in disagreement. Judges also do it as they disagree with attorneys
during side-bar conferences. While reviewing contracts, watching for —
and spotting — lip-pursing behaviors can help attorneys decipher the
concerns or issues of opposing counsel. Lip pursing can be seen during
police interviews, especially when confronting a suspect with the wrong
information. The suspect will purse his lips in disagreement because he
knows the investigator has the facts wrong. In business settings, lip pursing
occurs all the time and should be considered an effective means of
gathering information about a situation. For https://www.8freebooks.net
192 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING example, as a paragraph
is being read from a contract, those opposed to a particular item or sentence
will purse their lips at the very moment the words are uttered. Or, as
individuals are being mentioned for promotion, you will see lip pursing as
the name of someone less desirable is being mentioned. Lip pursing is so
accurate that it really should be given greater attention. It shows up in
numerous settings and circumstances and is a very reliable indicator that a
person is thinking alternatively or is completely rejecting what is being
said. The Sneer The sneer, like the rolling of the eyes, is a universal act of
contempt. It is disrespectful and reflects a lack of caring or empathy on the
part of the person doing the sneering. When we sneer, the buccinator
muscles (on the sides of our face) contract to draw the lip corners sideward
toward the ears and produce a sneering dimple in the cheeks. This
expression is very visible and meaningful even if it is flashed for just a
moment (see A sneer fleetingly signifies disrespect or disdain. It says “I
care little for you or your thoughts.” https://www.8freebooks.net
THE MIND'S CANVAS 193 BOX 54 NOTHING TO SNEER AT
At the University of Washington, researcher John Gottman discovered
during therapy with married couples that if one or both partners sneered,
this was a significant and “potent signal" for predicting the likelihood of a
breakup. Once disregard or contempt has entered the psyche, as indicated
by a sneer, the relationship is troubled or even terminal. I have noted during
FBI investigations that suspects will sneer during interviews when they
think they know more than the interviewer or sense that the officer does not
know the full picture. In either circumstance, a sneer is a distinct sign of
disrespect or contempt for another person. figure 80). A sneer can be very
illuminating with regard to what is going on in a person’s mind and what
that may portend (see box 54). Tongue Displays There are numerous tongue
signals that can provide us with valuable insights into a person’s thoughts or
moods. When we are stressed, causing our mouth to be dry, it is normal to
lick our lips to moisten them. Also, during times of discomfort, we tend to
rub our tongues back and forth across our lips to pacify and calm ourselves.
We may stick out the tongue (usually to the side) as we focus assiduously
on a task (for example when basketball great Michael Jordan goes up for a
dunk) or we may poke out our tongue to antagonize someone we dislike or
to show disgust (children do this all the time). When an individual displays
other mouth cues associated with stress, such as lip biting, mouth touching,
lip licking, or object biting, it further bolsters a careful observers belief that
the person is insecure (see figure 81). Additionally, if people touch and/or
lick their lips while pondering their options, particularly when they take an
unusual amount of time, these are signs of insecurity.
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194 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Lip licking is a
pacifying behavior that tends to soothe and calm us down. You see it in
class just before a test. Tongue-jutting behavior is a gesture used by people
who think they have gotten away with something or are caught doing
something. I have seen this behavior in flea markets both here and in
Russia, among street vendors in Lower Manhattan, at poker tables in Las
Vegas, during interviews at the FBI, and in business meetings. In each case,
the person made the gesture — tongue between the teeth without touching
the lips — at the conclusion of some sort of a deal or as a final nonverbal
statement (see figure 82). This, in its own way, is a transactional behavior. It
seems to present subconsciously at the end of social interactions and has a
variety of meanings that must be taken in context. Its several meanings
include: I got caught, gleeful excitement, I got away with something, I did
something foolish, or I am naughty. Just today, as I was going over some
notes for this book, the attendant at the university cafeteria placed the
wrong vegetables on the plate of the student directly in front of me. When
the student spoke up to correct the error, the attendant jutted her tongue out
between her teeth and raised her shoulders as if to say, “Oops, I made a
mistake.” https://www.8freebooks.net
THE MIND'S CANVAS 195 Tongue jutting is seen when people
get caught doing something they shouldn’t, they screw up, or they are
getting away with something. It is very brief. In social or business
discussions, this tongue -jut behavior is usually seen toward the end of the
dialogue, when one person feels he has gotten away with something and the
other party has failed to detect or pursue the matter. If you see tongue -
jutting behavior, ask yourself what just transpired. Consider whether you
may have been fooled or cheated, or that you or someone else just made a
mistake. This is the time to assess whether someone is putting one over on
you. OTHER NONVERBAL BEHAVIORS OF THE FACE Furrowed
Forehead Frowning, by furrowing the forehead (and brow), usually occurs
when a person is anxious, sad, concentrating, concerned, bewildered, or
angry (see figure 83). A forehead furrow needs to be examined in context to
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196 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING A furrowed forehead is
an easy way to assess for discomfort or anxiety. When we are happy and
content, you hardly see this behavior. determine its true meaning. For
instance, I saw a supermarket cashier closing out her register drawer,
frowning as she went about counting her cash. You could see the intensity
and concentration of her expression, as she tried to square the totals at the
end of her shift. The same frown can be observed in someone who has just
been arrested and is being led out past reporters. The furrowed forehead is
usually present when someone finds himself in an untenable or disagreeable
situation but can’t escape, which is why you usually see it on arrest mug
shots. Incidentally, this frowning behavior is so ancient and so common to
mammals that even dogs will recognize it when we look at them with a
furrowed brow. Dogs themselves can exhibit a similar expression when they
are anxious, sad, or concentrating. Another interesting fact with regard to
frowning is that as we get older and add to our life experiences, our
foreheads develop deeper and deeper furrows that eventually become
permanent wrinkles. Just as permanent smile lines may develop from a
lifetime of positive nonverbals and signify a happy life, a person with a
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THE MIND'S CANVAS 197 wrinkled brow likely has had a
challenging life in which he engaged in frequent frowning. Nasal Wing
Dilation (Nose Flare) As discussed previously, the flaring of nostrils is a
facial cue that signals that a person is aroused. Lovers can often be seen
hovering around each other, their nostrils subtly flaring in excitement and
anticipation. Most likely, lovers engage in this subconscious behavior as
they absorb each others scents of sexual attraction known as pheromones
(Givens, 2005, 191—208). Nose flaring is also an intention cue, a potent
indicator of the intent to do something physical, and not necessarily sexual.
It can be anything from getting ready to climb some steep stairs to
preparing to move a bookcase. As people prepare to act physically, they
will oxygenate, which causes the nostrils to flare. As a law enforcement
officer, if I encounter a person on the street looking down, his feet in the
ready or “pugilistic position,” with his nose flaring, I suspect that he is
probably preparing to do one of three things: argue, run, or fight. Nasal
wing dilation is something you should always be watching for if you are
around someone who might have reason either to attack or run away from
you. It is just one of many suspicious behaviors we should teach our
children to watch for. That way they will be more aware when people are
becoming dangerous, especially at school or on playgrounds. Nail-Biting
and Related Signs of Stress If you see a person biting his nails while
waiting to close a deal, he probably does not impress you as being very
confident. Nail-biting is an indication of stress, insecurity, or discomfort.
When you see it in a bargaining session, even if just for a moment, it is safe
to assume that the nail-biter is unsure of himself and/or is bargaining from a
position of weakness. People interviewing for jobs or young men waiting
for their dates to arrive should avoid biting their nails, not only because it
looks https://www.8freebooks.net
198 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING unsightly, but also
because nail-biting shouts, “I am insecure.” We bite our nails not because
they need trimming primarily, but rather because it pacifies us. Facial
Blushing and Blanching Sometimes we will involuntarily blush or blanch
based on deep emotional states. To demonstrate blushing behavior in my
classes, I will make a student stand in front of the group and then I will
come up behind and get very close to the back of his or her neck. Usually
this violation of the person’s space will be enough to cause a limbic
reaction, making the face blush. On some people, especially fair-skinned
individuals, this can be very noticeable. People will also blush when they
are caught doing something they know is wrong. Then there is the blushing
that occurs when a person likes someone but doesn’t want him or her to
know it. Teenagers who harbor a secret crush on someone will often blush
when that particular person draws near. This is a true limbic response that is
transmitted by the body and is relatively easy to spot. Conversely, blanching
(turning pale) can take place when we are in the sustained limbic reaction
known as shock. I have seen blanching as a result of a traffic accident or in
an interview in which person was suddenly presented with overwhelming
evidence of his guilt. Blanching takes place as the involuntary nervous
system hijacks all the surface vessels and channels the blood to our larger
muscles to prepare for escape or attack. I know of at least one case where
an individual was so surprised to be arrested that he suddenly blanched and
had a fatal heart attack. Although these behaviors are only skin deep, we
should not ignore them, as they are indicative of high stress and will present
differently according to the nature and the duration of the circumstances.
Disapproval Cues through Facial Expressions Disapproval cues vary around
the world and reflect a specific culture’s social norms. In Russia, I have had
people look at me with scorn because https://www.8freebooks.net
THE MIND'S CANVAS 199 I was whistling while walking down
the hallway of an art museum. It seems that whistling indoors is a no-no in
Russia. In Montevideo, I was among a group that was sanctioned with
squinting eyes followed by a dismissive turn of the face away. Apparently
our group was talking too loudly and locals did not appreciate our
boisterous humor. In the United States, because the country is so large and
diverse, different locales will have different disapproval displays; what you
see in the Midwest is different from what you see in New England or New
York. Most disapproval displays show on the face and are among the
earliest messages we learn from our parents and siblings. Those who care
for us will give us “that face” to let us know if we are doing something
wrong or getting out of line. My father, who is very stoic, had “the look”
down pat; all he had to do was glance at me sternly and that was enough. It
was a look that even my friends feared. The man never had to castigate us
verbally. He just gave us that unmistakable glance, and that was it. For the
most part, we are fairly adept at understanding disapproval cues, although at
times they can be very subtle (see box 55). Recognizing censure is a key to
learning the unwritten rules and conventions of a country or area, as it
conveys when we have broken them. These signals help us know when we
are being rude. Undeserved and inappropriate displays of disapproval or
censure, however, are likewise rude. One nonverbal of disapproval too
commonly seen in America is rolling of the eyes. This is a sign of
disrespect and must not be tolerated, especially from subordinates, staff, or
children. Facial displays of disgust or disapproval are very honest and are
reflective of what is going on in the brain. Disgust likely registers primarily
on the face because this is the part of our anatomy that was adapted, over
millions of years, to reject spoiled food or anything else that might harm us.
Although these facial displays may range from muted to obvious —
whether confronted with negative or displeasing information or when
tasting bad food — as far as the brain is concerned, the sentiment is the
same. “I don’t like this, get it away from me.” No matter how slight the
grimace or look of distaste or displeasure, we can be confident in
interpreting these behaviors accurately because they are governed by the
limbic system (see box 56). https://www.8freebooks.net
200 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 55: A WATERED-
DOWN SALES PITCH Not long ago, I was approached by a saleswoman
for a major chain of gyms in central Florida. The young lady was very
enthusiastic to have me join the gym, stating it would only cost me a dollar
a day for the rest of the year. As I listened, she became even more animated,
as I think she saw me as a good prospect. When it was my turn to speak I
asked if the gym had a pool. She said no, but that it had other great features.
I then mentioned that currently I paid twenty-two dollars per month to
attend my gym and that it had an Olympic-size pool. As I spoke, she looked
down at her feet while making a microgesture of disgust (her nose and the
left side of her mouth lifted upward) (see figure 84). It was a short and
fleeting gesture, and if it had lasted longer, it would have looked like a
snarl. This microgesture was enough for me to know that she was
displeased with what I said, and after a second or two she made an excuse
to leave me and approach someone else. Sales pitch over. That was neither
the first nor the last time I observed such behavior. In fact, I have often seen
it in negotiations, where an offer is made and one of the participants
involved suddenly and without conscious thought made a similar
microgesture of disgust. When rejecting food being tendered in Latin
America, it is very common to perform this behavior while shaking the
head side to side, without saying a word. Interestingly, what is seen as rude
in one setting or country may be a perfectly acceptable gesture in another.
The key to successful travel is to know the customs in advance, so you
know what to do and what to expect. https://www.8freebooks.net
THE MIND'S CANVAS 201 BOX 56: TILL DISGUST DO US
PART Just how accurate is this disgust gesture in revealing our inner
thoughts and intentions? Here’s a personal example. While I was visiting
with a friend and his fiancee, he spoke of their upcoming marriage and
honeymoon plans. Unbeknownst to him, I witnessed her make a facial
microgesture of disgust as he uttered the word marriage. It was an
extremely fleeting gesture, and I thought it odd since the topic appeared to
be something about which both of them should have been excited. Months
later, my friend called to tell me that his fiancee had backed out of the
wedding. I had seen, in that single gesture, her brain registering its true
sentiments without equivocation. The thought of going through with the
marriage was repulsive to her. We crinkle our noses to indicate dislike or
disgust. This is very accurate but at times fleeting. In some cultures it is
really pronounced. https://www.8freebooks.net
202 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING GRAVITY-DEFYING
BEHAVIORS OF THE FACE The old adage “Keep your chin up” is a
remark directed at someone who is in the doldrums or experiencing
misfortune (see figures 85 and 86). This bit of folk wisdom accurately
reflects our limbic response to adversity. A person with his chin down is
seen as lacking confidence and experiencing negative sentiments while a
person with his chin up is perceived as being in a positive frame of mind.
What is true with the chin is also true for the nose. A nose-up gravity-
defying gesture is a high-confidence nonverbal tell, while a nosedown
position is a display of low confidence. When people are stressed or upset,
the chin (and nose, since it must follow along) tends not to be held high.
Tucking the chin is a form of withdrawal or distancing and can be very
accurate in discerning true negative sentiment. In Europe, in particular, you
see a lot more of these behaviors, especially holding the nose high when
looking down on those of lower class or snubbing someone. I was watching
French television while traveling Fig. 85 Fig. 86 When confidence is low or
we are When we feel positive, the chin comes concerned for ourselves, the
chin will out and the nose is high: both signs of tuck in, forcing the nose
down. comfort and confidence. https://www.8freebooks.net
THE MIND'S CANVAS 203 abroad and noted how one
politician, when asked a question he deemed beneath him, merely raised his
nose high, looking down on the reporter, and answered “No, I will not
answer that.” The nose reflected his status and attitude of contempt for the
reporter. Charles de Gaulle, a rather complex individual who eventually
became the president of France, was famous for projecting this kind of
haughty attitude and image. The Rule of Mixed Signals Sometimes we
don’t say what we’re really thinking, but our faces reflect it anyway. For
example, someone who is looking repeatedly at his watch or at the nearest
exit is letting you know he is either running late, has an appointment, or
would rather be elsewhere. This kind of look is an intention cue. Other
times, we say one thing but really believe otherwise. This brings us to a
general rule when it comes to interpreting emotions and/ or words by
looking at facial expressions. When confronted with mixed signals from the
face (such as happiness cues along with anxiety signals or pleasure
behaviors seen alongside displeasure displays), or if the verbal and
nonverbal facial messages are not in agreement, always side with the
negative emotion as the more honest of the two. The negative sentiment
will almost always be the more accurate and genuine of the person’s
feelings and emotions. For instance, if someone says, “So happy to see
you,” with jaws tightened, the statement is false. The tension in the face
reveals the true emotion the person is feeling. Why side with the negative
emotion? Because our most immediate reaction to an objectionable
situation is usually the most accurate; it is only after a moment when we
realize that others might see us that we mask that initial response with some
facial behavior that is more socially acceptable. So when confronted with
both, go with the first emotion observed, especially if it is a negative
emotion. https://www.8freebooks.net
204 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING CONCLUDING
THOUGHTS ON THE FACE Because the face can convey so many
different expressions and because we are taught to mask our facial displays
at an early age, anything you observe on the face should be compared with
the nonverbals of the rest of the body. In addition, because facial-cue
behaviors are so complex, it may be difficult to interpret whether they
reflect comfort or discomfort. If you are confused as to the meaning of a
facial expression, reenact it and sense how it makes you feel. You will find
this little trick may help you decipher what you just observed. The face can
reveal a great deal of information but it can also mislead. You need to look
for clusters of behaviors, constantly evaluate what you see in its context,
and note whether the facial expression agrees with — or is in contrast to —
signals from other parts of the body. Only by performing all of these
observations can you confidently validate your assessment of a person’s
emotions and intentions. https://www.8freebooks.net
EIGHT Detecting Deception Proceed with Caution! Throughout
the book, we’ve touched on many examples of nonverbal behavior, the
body signals we can utilize to better understand the feelings, thoughts, and
intentions of others. By now, I hope you have been persuaded that with
these nonverbal clues, you can accurately assess what every body is saying,
in any setting. There is, however, one type of human behavior that is
difficult to read, and that is deception. You might assume that as a career
FBI agent who has at times been called a human lie detector, I can spot
deceit with relative ease, and even teach you to become a personal
polygraph in short order. Nothing could be further from the truth! In reality,
it is extremely difficult to detect deception — far more so than getting an
accurate read on the other behaviors we have discussed throughout this
book. It is precisely because of my experience as an FBI agent involved in
behavioral analysis — a person who has spent his entire career attempting
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206 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING to detect lies — that I
recognize and appreciate the difficulties in accurately assessing deceptive
behavior. It is also for that reason that I have chosen to devote an entire
chapter — and to end this book — with a realistic appraisal and application
of nonverbal behaviors in detecting deception. Lots of books have been
written on this subject that make it sound easy, even for amateurs. I assure
you, it is not! I believe this is the first time a career law enforcement and
counterintelligence officer with a considerable background in this field, and
who still teaches in the intelligence community, has stepped forward to
sound this warning: most people — both laypersons and professionals —
are not very good at detecting lies. Why make this statement? Because,
unfortunately, I have seen too many investigators misinterpret nonverbal
behaviors over the years, making innocent people feel culpable or
unnecessarily uncomfortable. I have also seen both amateurs and
professionals make claims that are outrageous, ruining lives in the process.
Too many people have gone to jail for giving false confessions just because
an officer mistook a stress response for a he. Newspapers are replete with
horror stories, including the one about the New York Central Park jogger,
wherein officers mistook nonverbals of stress for deception and pressured
the innocent into confessions (Kassin, 2004, 172—194; Kassin, 2006, 207
—227). It is my hope that readers of this book will have a more realistic
and honest picture of what can and cannot be achieved through the
nonverbal approach to detecting deception, and, armed with this
knowledge, they will take a more reasoned, cautious approach to declaring
when a person is or is not telling the truth. DECEPTION: A TOPIC
WORTHY OF STUDY We all have a stake in the truth. Society functions
based on an assumption that people will abide by their word — that truth
prevails over mendacity. For the most part, it does. If it didn’t, relationships
would have a short shelf life, commerce would cease, and trust between
parents and children would be destroyed. All of us depend on honesty,
because when https://www.8freebooks.net
DETECTING DECEPTION 207 truth is lacking we suffer, and
society suffers. When Adolf Hitler lied to Neville Chamberlain, there was
not peace in our time, and over fifty million people paid the price with their
lives. When Richard Nixon lied to the nation, it destroyed the respect many
had for the office of the president. When Enron executives lied to their
employees, thousands of lives were ruined overnight. We count on our
government and commercial institutions to be honest and truthful. We need
and expect our friends and family to be truthful. Truth is essential for all
relations be they personal, professional, or civic. We are fortunate that, for
the most part, people are honest and that most of the lies we hear daily are
actually social or “white” lies, meant to protect us from the true answer to
questions such as “Do I look fat in this outfit?” Unquestionably, when it
comes to more serious matters, it is in our own sell-interest to assess and
determine the truth of what we are told. Achieving this, however, is not
easy. For thousands of years, people have been using soothsayers and all
manner of dubious techniques — such as putting a hot knife on a person’s
tongue — to detect deception. Even today, some organizations use
handwriting samples, voice-stress analysis, or the polygraph to spot liars.
All of these methods have questionable results. There is no method, no
machine, no test, no person that is 100 percent accurate at uncovering
deception. Even the vaunted polygraph is accurate only 60 to 80 percent of
the time, depending on the operator of the instrument (Ford, 1996, 230—
232; Cumming, 2007). Looking For Liars The truth is that identifying
deceit is so difficult that repeated studies begun in the 1980s show that most
of us — including judges, attorneys, clinicians, police officers, FBI agents,
politicians, teachers, mothers, fathers, and spouses — are no better than
chance (fifty-fifty) when it comes to detecting deception (Ford, 1996, 217,
Ekman, 1991, 162). It is disturbing but true. Most people, including
professionals, do no better than a coin toss at correctly perceiving
dishonesty (Ekman & O’Sullivan, 1991, https://www.8freebooks.net
208 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING 913—920). Even those
who are truly gifted at detecting deception (probably less than 1 percent of
the general population) seldom are right more than 60 percent of the time.
Consider the countless jurors who must determine honesty or dishonesty,
guilt or innocence, based on what they think are deceptive behaviors.
Unfortunately, those behaviors most often mistaken for dishonesty are
primarily manifestations of stress, not deception (Ekman, 1991, 187—188).
That’s why I live by the motto taught to me by those who know that there is
no single behavior that is indicative of deception — not one (Ekman, 1991,
162—189). This does not mean that we should abandon our efforts to study
deception and observe for behaviors that, in context, are suggestive of it.
My advice is to set a realistic goal: to be able to read nonverbal behaviors
with clarity and reliability, and let the human body speak to you as to what
it is thinking, feeling, or intending. These are more reasonable objectives
that, in the end, will not only help you understand others more effectively
(lying isn’t the only behavior worth detecting!), but will also give you clues
to deception as a byproduct of your observations. What Makes Deception
So Difficult to Detect? If you’re wondering why identifying deception is so
difficult, consider the old adage “Practice makes perfect.” We learn to lie at
such an early age — and we do it so often — that we become skillful at
telling falsehoods convincingly. To illustrate, think of how often you have
heard something like, “Tell them we are not home,” or “Put on a party
smile,” or “Don’t tell your dad what happened or we’ll both be in trouble.”
Because we are social animals, we not only lie for our own benefit, but we
he for the benefit of each other (Vrij, 2003, 3—11). Lying can be a way to
avoid giving a lengthy explanation, an attempt to avoid punishment, a
shortcut to a bogus doctoral degree, or it can simply be used to be nice.
Even our cosmetics and padded clothing help us to deceive. In essence, for
us humans, lying is a “tool for social survival” (St-Yves, 2007).
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DETECTING DECEPTION 209 A NEW APPROACH TO
UNCOVERING DECEPTION During my last year at the FBI, I submitted
my research and findings on deception, including a review of the literature
for the previous forty years. This led to the FBI publication of an article
entitled “A Four-Domain Model of Detecting Deception: An Alternative
Paradigm for Interviewing” (Navarro, 2003, 19—24). This paper presented
a new model lor identifying dishonesty based on the concept of limbic
arousal and our displays of comfort and discomfort, or the
comfort/discomfort domain. Simply put, I suggested that when we are
telling the truth and have no worries, we tend to be more comfortable than
when we are lying or concerned about getting caught because we harbor
“guilty knowledge.” The model also shows how we tend to display more
emphatic behaviors when we are comfortable and truthful, and when we are
uncomfortable, we don’t. This model is currently being used worldwide.
Although its purpose was to train law enforcement officers to detect
deception during criminal investigations, it is applicable to any type of
interpersonal interaction — at work, at home, or anywhere in which
differentiating dishonesty from truth is important. As I present it to you
here, you’ll be uniquely prepared to understand it because of what you have
learned in previous chapters. The Critical Role of the Comfort/Discomfort
Equation in Detecting Deception Those who are lying or are guilty and
must carry the knowledge of their lies and/or crimes with them find it
difficult to achieve comfort, and their tension and distress may be readily
observed. Attempting to disguise their guilt or deception places a very
distressing cognitive load on them as they struggle to fabricate answers to
what would otherwise be simple questions (DePaulo et al., 1985, 323—
370). The more comfortable a person is when speaking with us, the easier it
will be to detect the critical nonverbals of discomfort associated with
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210 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING deception. Your goal is
to establish high comfort during the early part of any interaction or during
“rapport building.’’ This helps you to establish a baseline of behaviors
during that period when the person, hopefully, does not feel threatened.
Establishing a Comfort Zone for Detecting Deception In pursuing the
detection of deception, you must realize your impact on the actions of a
suspected liar, and recognize that how you behave will affect the other
person’s behavior (Ekman, 1991, 170—173). How you ask the questions
(accusingly), how you sit (too close), how you look upon the person
(suspiciously), will either support or disrupt their comfort level. It is well
established that if you violate people’s space, if you act suspicious, if you
look at them the wrong way, or ask questions with a prosecutorial tone, it
negatively intrudes on the interview. First and foremost, unmasking liars is
not about identifying dishonesty, but rather it is about how you observe and
question others in order to detect deception. Then, it is about the collection
of nonverbal intelligence. The more you see (clusters of behavior), the more
confidence you can have in your observations, and the greater your chances
for perceiving when someone is being untruthful. Even if you are actively
looking for deception during a discussion or interview, your role should be
neutral , to the extent possible, not suspicious. Remember that the moment
you become suspicious, you are affecting how a person will respond to you.
If you say, “You are lying” or “I think you are not telling the truth,” or even
simply look at him or her suspiciously, you will influence the person’s
behaviors (Vrij, 2003, 67). The best way to proceed is just to ask for ever-
more clarifying details about the matter, such as a simple “I don’t
understand” or “Can you explain how that happened again?” Often merely
getting someone to expand on his or her statement will suffice in eventually
sorting deceit from truth. Whether you are attempting to ascertain the
validity of someone’s credentials during an employment interview, the truth
about a theft at work, or especially if you are engaged in a serious
discussion https://www.8freebooks.net
DETECTING DECEPTION 211 regarding finances or potential
infidelity with your spouse, keeping your cool is essential. Try to remain
calm as you ask questions, don’t act suspicious, and appear comfortable and
nonjudgmental. That way the person you are speaking with will be less
likely to be defensive and/or unwilling to divulge information. Defining
Signs of Comfort Comfort is readily apparent in conversations with family
and friends. We sense when people are having a good time and are
comfortable in our presence. While seated at a table, people who are
comfortable with each other will move objects aside so that nothing blocks
their view. Over time, they may draw closer so they do not have to talk as
loudly. Individuals who are comfortable display their bodies more openly,
showing more of their torsos and the insides of their arms and legs (they
allow ventral access or fronting). In the presence of strangers, comfort is
more difficult to achieve, especially in stressful situations such as a formal
interview or a deposition. That is why it’s so important that you do your
best to create a comfort zone from the very outset of your interaction with
another individual. When we are comfortable, there should be synchrony in
our nonverbal behavior. The breathing rhythm of two comfortable people
will be similar, as will the tone and pitch of their speech and their general
demeanor. Just think of a couple leaning toward each other at a cafe as they
sit in full comfort. If one leans forward, the other follows, the phenomenon
known as isopraxism. If a person is standing while talking to us, leaning to
the side with hands in the pockets and feet crossed, most likely we will do
the same (see figure 87). By mirroring another person’s behavior, we are
subconsciously saying, “I am comfortable with you.” In an interview setting
or any situation where a difficult topic is being discussed, the tone of each
party should mirror the other over time if there is synchrony (Cialdini,
1993, 167—207). If harmony does not exist between the people involved,
this synchrony will be missing and discernible. They may sit differently,
talk in a manner or tone different from https://www.8freebooks.net
212 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Here is an example of
isopraxis: Both people are mirroring each other and leaning toward each
other, showing signs of high comfort. each other, or at the least their
expressions will be at odds, if not totally disparate. Asynchrony is a barrier
to effective communication and is a serious obstacle to a successful
interview or discussion. If you are relaxed and poised during a conversation
or interview, while the other party continually looks at the clock or sits in a
way that is tense or lacks movement (referred to as flash frozen), this is
suggestive that there is no comfort, even though to the untrained eye it may
appear that everything is all right (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 321; Schafer &
Navarro, 2004, 66). If the other person seeks disruptions or talks repeatedly
of finalizing the conversation, these too are signs of discomfort. Obviously,
displays of comfort are more common in people speaking
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DETECTING DECEPTION 213 the truth; there is no stress to
conceal, and no guilty knowledge to make them uncomfortable (Ekman,
1991, 185). Thus, you should be looking for signs of discomfort — when
they occur and in what context — to assess for possible deception. Signs of
Discomfort in an Interaction We show discomfort when we do not like what
is happening to us, when we do not like what we are seeing or hearing, or
when we are compelled to talk about things we would prefer to keep
hidden. We display discomfort first in our physiology, due to arousal of the
limbic brain. Our heart rate quickens, our hairs stand on end, we perspire
more, and we breathe faster. Beyond the physiological responses, which are
autonomic (automatic) and require no thinking on our part, our bodies
manifest discomfort nonverbally. We tend to move our bodies in an attempt
to block or distance, we rearrange ourselves, jiggle our feet, fidget, twist at
the hips, or drum our fingers when we are scared, nervous, or significantly
uncomfortable (de Becker, 1997, 133). We have all noticed such discomfort
behaviors in others — whether at a job interview, on a date, or when being
questioned about a serious matter at work or home. Remember that these
actions do not automatically indicate deception; however, they do indicate
that a person is uncomfortable in the current situation for any number of
reasons. If you are attempting to observe discomfort as a potential indicator
of deception, the best setting is one that has no objects (such as furniture,
tables, desks, or chairs) between you and the person you are observing or
interviewing. Because we have noted that the lower limbs are particularly
honest, if the person is behind a desk or table, try to move it or convene
away from it, as such an obstacle will block the vast majority (nearly 80
percent) of the body surfaces that should be observed. In fact, watch for
liars to use obstacles or objects (such as a pillow, a drinking glass, or a
chair) to form a barrier between you and them (see box 57). The use of
objects is a sign that an individual wants distance, separation, and partial
concealment, because he or she is behttps://www.8freebooks.net
214 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 57 BUILDING
THE WALL In my role with the FBI years ago, I conducted a joint
interview of a subject along with an officer from a fellow law enforcement
agency. During the interview, a very uncomfortable and dishonest man
gradually built a barrier in front of himself using soda cans, pencil holders,
and various documents that were on the desk of my interviewing partner.
He ultimately planted a backpack on the table between himself and the
interviewers. The building of this barrier was so gradual that we did not
realize it until we later looked at the video. This nonverbal behavior
occurred because the subject was attempting to derive comfort by hiding
behind a wall of materials, thus distancing himself. Obviously, we got little
information or cooperation, and for the most part, he lied. ing less open —
which goes hand in hand with being uncomfortable or even deceitful.
Incidentally, when it comes to interviewing, or any conversation in which
you are interested in ascertaining the truth or genuineness of a person’s
statements, you may gain more nonverbal information if you are standing;
you can pick up on a lot of behaviors standing that simply go unnoticed
while sitting. While a lengthy period of standing may be impractical or
unnatural in some settings, such as at a formal job interview, there are often
still opportunities to observe standing behaviors, such as when greeting or
conversing while waiting for a table at lunch. When we are uncomfortable
with those around us, we tend to distance ourselves from them. This is
especially true of individuals trying to deceive us. Even while sitting side
by side, we will lean away from those with whom we feel uncomfortable,
often moving either our torsos or our feet away or toward an exit. These
behaviors can occur during conversations either because of the difficult,
unnerving, or sour relationship between the parties involved or because of
the subject matter being discussed. https://www.8freebooks.net
DETECTING DECEPTION 215 Other clear signs of discomfort
seen in people during a difficult or troubling conversation include rubbing
the forehead near the temple region, squeezing the face, rubbing the neck,
or stroking the back of the head with the hand. People may show their
displeasure by rolling their eyes in disrespect, picking lint off themselves
(preening), or talking down to the person asking the questions — giving
short answers, becoming resistant, hostile, or sarcastic, or even displaying
microgestures with indecent connotations such as giving the finger (Ekman,
1991, 101—103). Envision a snotty and indignant teenager who is being
questioned about a new and expensive sweater her mother suspects was
stolen from the mall and you’ll have a clear idea of all the defensive
maneuvers an uncomfortable person can display. When making false
statements, liars will rarely touch or engage in other physical contact with
you. I found this to be particularly true of informants who had gone bad and
were giving false information for money. Since touching is more often
performed by the truthful person for emphasis, this distancing helps to
alleviate the level of anxiety a dishonest person is feeling. Any diminution
of touching observed in a person engaged in conversation, especially while
hearing or answering critical questions, is more likely than not to be
indicative of deception (Lieberman, 1998, 24). If possible and appropriate,
you may consider sitting close to a loved one when questioning him or her
about something serious, or even holding your child’s hand while you
discuss a difficult matter. In this way you may more readily note changes in
touch throughout the conversation. A failure to touch does not
automatically indicate someone is deceptive, however, and physical contact
is clearly more appropriate and expected in some of our interpersonal
relationships than others. It is true that a lack of touch may signify that
someone does not like you, since we also don’t touch those we don’t respect
or for whom we have contempt. The bottom line is that assessing the nature
and length of the relationship is also important in discerning the meaning of
such distancing behavior. When looking at the face for signs of comfort or
discomfort, look for subtle behaviors such as a grimace or a look of
contempt (Ekman, 1991, 158—169). Also watch for a person’s mouth to
quiver or squirm in dishttps://www.8freebooks.net
216 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING comfort during a serious
discussion. Any facial expression that lasts too long or lingers is not
normal, whether a smile, a frown, or a surprised look. Such contrived
behavior during a conversation or an interview is intended to influence
opinion and lacks authenticity. Often when people are caught doing
something wrong or lying, they will hold a smile for what seems an eternity.
Rather than indicating comfort, this type of false smile is actually a
discomfort display. When we do not like something we hear, whether a
question or an answer, we often close our eyes as if to block out what was
just heard. The various forms of eye-blocking mechanisms are analogous to
folding our hands tightly across our chest or turning away from those with
whom we disagree. These blocking displays are performed subconsciously
and occur often, especially during a formal interview, and are usually
related to a specific topic. Eyelid flutter is also observed at times when a
particular subject causes distress (Navarro & Schafer, 2001, 10). All of
these eye manifestations are powerful clues as to how information is
registering or what questions are problematic for the recipient. However,
they are not necessarily direct indicators of deceit. Little or no eye contact
is not indicative of deception (Vrij, 2003, 38—39). This is rubbish for
reasons discussed in the previous chapter. Keep in mind that predators and
habitual liars actually engage in greater eye contact than most individuals,
and will lock eyes with you. Research clearly shows that Machiavellian
people (for example, psychopaths, con men, and habitual liars) will actually
increase eye contact during deception (Ekman, 1991, 141—142). Perhaps
this increase in eye contact is consciously employed by such individuals
because it is so commonly (but erroneously) believed that looking someone
straight in the eye is a sign of truthfulness. Be aware that there are cultural
differences in eye contact and eyegaze behavior that must be considered in
any attempt to detect deception. For example, individuals belonging to
certain groups of people (African Americans and Latin Americans, for
instance) may be taught to look down or away from parental authority out
of respect when questioned or being scolded (Johnson, 2007, 280—281).
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DETECTING DECEPTION 217 Take note of the head
movements of those with whom you are speaking. If a person’s head begins
to shake either in the affirmative or in the negative as he is speaking, and
the movement occurs simultaneously with what he is saying, then the
statement can typically be relied upon as being truthful. If, however, the
head shake or head movement is delayed or occurs after the speech, then
most likely the statement is contrived and not truthful. Although it may be
very subtle, the delayed movement of the head is an attempt to further
validate what has been stated and is not part of the natural flow of
communication. In addition, honest head movements should be consistent
with verbal denials or affirmations. If a head movement is inconsistent with
or contrary to a person’s statement, it may indicate deception. While
typically involving more subtle than exaggerated head movements, this
incongruity of verbal and nonverbal signals happens more often than we
think. For example, someone may say, “I didn’t do it,” while his head is
slightly nodding in the affirmative. During discomfort, the limbic brain
takes over, and a person’s face can conversely either flush or lighten in
color. During difficult conversations, you may also see increased
perspiration or breathing; note whether the person is noticeably wiping off
sweat or trying to control his or her breathing in an effort to remain calm.
Any trembling of the body, whether of the hands, fingers, or lips, or any
attempt to hide or restrain the hands or lips (through disappearing or
compressed lips), may be indicative of discomfort and/or deception,
especially if it occurs after normal nervousness should have worn off. A
person’s voice may crack or may seem inconsistent during deceptive
speech; swallowing becomes difficult as the throat becomes dry from stress,
so look for hard swallows. These can be evidenced by a sudden bob or jump
of the Adam’s apple and may be accompanied by the clearing or repeated
clearings of the throat — all indicative of discomfort. Keep in mind that
these behaviors are indicators of distress, not guarantees of deception. I
have seen very honest people testify in court displaying all these behaviors
simply because they were nervous, not because they were lying. Even after
years of testifying in federal and state courts, https://www.8freebooks.net
218 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING I still get nervous when
I am on the stand, so signs of tension and stress always need to be
deciphered in context. Pacifiers and Discomfort When interviewing
suspects during my years with the FBI, I looked for pacifying behaviors to
help guide me in my questioning and to assess what was particularly
stressful to the interviewee. Although pacifiers alone are not definitive
proof of deception (since they can manifest in innocent people who are
nervous), they do provide another piece of the puzzle in determining what a
person is truly thinking and feeling. The following is a list of twelve things
I do — and the points I keep in mind — when I want to read pacifying
nonverbals in interpersonal interactions. You might consider using a similar
strategy when you interview or converse with others, be it a formal inquiry,
a serious conversation with a family member, or an interaction with a
business associate. (1) Get a clear view. When I conduct interviews or
interact with others, I don’t want anything blocking my total view of the
person, as I don’t want to miss any pacifying behaviors. If, for example, the
person pacifies by wiping his hands on his lap, I want to be able to see it —
which is difficult if there is a desk in the way. Human resource personnel
should be aware that the best way to interview is in a physically open space
— with nothing blocking your view of the candidate — so you may fully
observe the person you are interviewing. (2) Expect some pacifying
behaviors. A certain level of pacifying behavior is normal in everyday
nonverbal displays; people do this to calm themselves. When my daughter
was young, she would soothe herself to sleep by playing with her hair,
curling the strands in her fingers, seemingly oblivious to the world. So I
expect people to pacify more or less, throughout the day, just as I expect
them to breathe, as they adapt to an ever-changing environment.
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DETECTING DECEPTION 219 (3) Expect initial nervousness.
Initial nervousness in an interview or serious conversation is normal,
particularly when circumstances surrounding the meeting are stressful. For
example, a father asking his son about his homework assignment will not be
as stressful as asking the boy why he was expelled from school for
disruptive behavior. (4) Get the person with whom you’re interacting to
relax first. As an interview, important meeting, or significant discussion
progresses, eventually those involved should calm down and become more
comfortable. In fact, a good interviewer will make sure this happens by
taking time to let the person become more relaxed before asking questions
or exploring topics that might be stressful. (5) Establish a baseline. Once a
person’s pacifying behaviors have decreased and stabilized to normal (for
that person), the interviewer can use that pacifying level as a baseline for
assessing future behavior. (6) Look for increased use of pacifiers. As the
interview or conversation continues, you should be observant of pacifying
behaviors and/or an increase (spike) in their frequency, particularly when
they occur in response to a specific question or piece of information. Such
an increase is a clue that something about the question or information has
troubled the person pacifying, and that topic likely deserves further
attention and focus. It is important to identify correctly the specific stimulus
(whether a question, information, or event) that caused the pacifying
response; otherwise you might draw the wrong conclusions or move the
discussion in the wrong direction. For example, if during an employment
interview the candidate starts to ventilate his shirt collar (a pacifier) when
asked a certain question about his former position, that specific inquiry has
caused sufficient stress that his brain is requiring pacification. This
indicates the issue needs to be pursued further. The behavior does not
necessarily mean that deception is involved, but simply that the topic is
causing the interviewee stress. https://www.8freebooks.net
220 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING (7) Ask, pause, and
observe. Good interviewers, like good conversationalists, do not machine
gun questions by firing one right after the other in a staccato fashion. You
will be hardpressed to detect deception accurately if your impatience or
impertinence antagonizes the person with whom you are speaking. Ask a
question and then wait to observe all the reactions. Give the interviewee
time to think and respond, and build in pregnant pauses to achieve this
objective. Also, questions should be crafted in such a way as to elicit
specific answers in order to better zero in on facts and fiction. The more
specific the question, the more likely you are to elicit precise nonverbals,
and now that you have better understanding of the meaning of subconscious
actions, the more accurate your assessments will be. In law enforcement
interviews, unfortunately, many false confessions have been obtained
through sustained staccato-like questioning, which causes high stress and
obfuscates nonverbal cues. We now know that innocent people will confess
to crimes, and even give written statements, in order to terminate a stressful
interview wherein pressure is applied (Kassin, 2006, 207—228). The same
holds true for sons, daughters, spouses, friends, and employees when grilled
by an overzealous person, be it a parent, husband, wife, companion, or boss.
(8) Keep the person you are interviewing focused. Interviewers should keep
in mind that many times when people are simply talking — when they are
telling their side of the story — there will be fewer useful nonverbals
performed than when the interviewer controls the scope of the topic.
Pointed questions elicit behavioral manifestations that are useful in
assessing a person’s honesty. (9) Chatter is not truth. One mistake made by
both novice and experienced interviewers is the tendency to equate talking
with truth. When interviewees are talking, we tend to believe them; when
they are reserved, we assume they are lying. During conversation, people
who provide an overwhelming https://www.8freebooks.net
DETECTING DECEPTION 221 BOX 58: IT’S ALL A LIE I
remember one case in which I interviewed a woman in Macon, Georgia. For
three days she voluntarily provided us with page after page of information. I
really felt we were on to something when the interview was finally over,
until it came time to corroborate what this woman had said. For over a year
we investigated her claims (both in the United States and in Europe), but in
the end, after expending significant effort and resources, we discovered that
everything she had told us was a lie. She had provided us pages and pages
of plausible lies, even implicating her innocent husband. Had I remembered
that cooperation does not always equal truth, and had I scrutinized her more
carefully, we would have been spared wasting a great deal of time and
money. The information this woman had given sounded good and seemed
plausible, but it was all trash. I wish I could say this incident happened to
me early in my career, but it did not. I am neither the first — nor will I be
the last — interviewer to be bamboozled this way. Though some people
naturally talk more than others, you should always be on the lookout for
this kind of chatty ploy. amount of information and detail about an event or
situation may appear to be telling the truth; however, they may be
presenting a fabricated smoke screen they hope will obfuscate the facts or
lead the conversation in another direction. The truth is revealed not in the
volume of material spoken but through the verification of facts provided by
the speaker. Until the information is verified, it is self-reported and perhaps
meaningless data (see box 58). (10) Stress coming in and going out. Based
on years of studying interviewee behavior, I have concluded that a person
with guilty knowledge will present two distinct behavior patterns, in
sequence, when asked a difficult question such as, “Did you ever go inside
the home of Mr. Jones?” The first behavior will
rehttps://www.8freebooks.net
222 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING fleet the stress
experienced when hearing the question. The interviewee will
subconsciously respond with various distancing behaviors including foot
withdrawal (moving them away from the investigator); he may lean away or
may tighten his jaw and lips. This will be followed by the second set of
related behaviors, pacifying responses to the stress that may include signals
such as neck touching, nose stroking, or neck massaging as he ponders the
question or answer. (11) Isolate the cause of the stress. Two behavior
patterns in series — the stress indicators followed by pacifying behaviors
— have traditionally been erroneously associated with deception. This is
unfortunate, because these manifestations need to be explained more simply
as what they are — indicators of stress and stress relief — not necessarily
dishonesty. No doubt someone who is lying may display these same
behaviors, but individuals who are nervous also show them. Occasionally I
will hear someone say, “If people talk while touching their nose, they are
lying.” It may be true that people who are deceptive touch their nose while
speaking, but so do individuals who are honest but under stress. The nose
touching is a pacifying behavior to relieve internal tension — regardless of
the source of that discomfort. Even a retired FBI agent who is stopped for
speeding with no legitimate explanation will touch his nose when pulled
over (yes, I paid the ticket). My point is this. Don’t be so hasty to assume
deception when you see someone touching his or her nose. For everyone
who does it while lying, you will find a hundred who do it out of habit to
relieve stress. (12) Pacifiers say so much. By helping us identify when a
person is stressed, pacifying behaviors help us identify issues that need
further focus and exploration. Through effective questioning we can both
elicit and identify these pacifiers in any interpersonal interaction to achieve
a better understanding of a person’s thoughts and intentions.
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DETECTING DECEPTION 223 TWO PRINCIPAL
NONVERBAL BEHAVIORAL PATTERNS TO CONSIDER IN
DETECTING DECEPTION When it comes to body signals that alert us to
the possibility of deception, you should be watching for nonverbal
behaviors involving synchrony and emphasis. Synchrony Earlier in this
chapter, I discussed the importance of synchrony as a way to assess for
comfort in interpersonal interaction. Synchrony is also important, however,
in assessing for deception. Look for synchrony between what is being said
verbally and nonverbally, between the circumstances of the moment and
what the subject is saying, between events and emotions, and even
synchrony of time and space. When being questioned, a person answering
in the affirmative should have congruent head movement that immediately
supports what is said; it should not be delayed. Lack of synchrony is
exhibited when a person states, “I did not do it,” while her head is nodding
in an affirmative motion. Likewise, asynchrony is demonstrated when a
man is asked, “Would you he about this?” and his head gives a slight nod
while he answers, “No.” Upon catching themselves in this faux pas, people
will reverse their head movements in an attempt to do damage control.
When asynchronous behavior is observed, it looks contrived and pathetic.
More often a mendacious statement, such as an untruthful “I did not do it,”
is followed by a noticeably delayed and less emphatic negative head
movement. These behaviors are not synchronous and therefore more likely
to be equated with deception because they show discomfort in their
production. There should also be synchrony between what is being said and
the events of the moment. Lor instance, when parents are reporting the
alleged kidnapping of their infant, there should be synchrony between the
event (kidnapping) and their emotions. The distraught mother and father
should be clamoring for law enforcement assistance, emphasizing
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224 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING every detail, feeling the
depths of despair, eager to help, and willing to tell and retell the story, even
at personal risk. When such reports are made by placid individuals, more
concerned with getting one particular version of the story out and lacking in
consistent emotional displays, or who are more concerned about their own
well-being and how they are perceived, it is behavior that is totally out of
synchrony with circumstances and inconsistent with honesty. Lastly, there
should be synchrony between events, time, and place. A person who delays
reporting a significant event, such as the drowning of a friend, spouse, or
child, or who travels to another jurisdiction to report the event should
rightfully come under suspicion. Furthermore, the reporting of events that
would have been impossible to observe from the person’s vantage point is
asynchronous, and therefore suspect. People who he do not consider how
synchrony fits into the equation, and their nonverbals and stories will
eventually fail them. Achieving synchrony is a form of comfort and, as we
have seen, plays a major role during police interviews and the reporting of
crimes; but it will also set the stage for successful and meaningful
conversations about all manner of serious issues in which detecting deceit is
important. Emphasis When we speak, we naturally utilize various parts of
our body — such as the eyebrows, head, hands, arms, torso, legs, and feet
— to emphasize a point about which we feel deeply or emotionally.
Observing emphasis is important because emphasis is universal when
people are being genuine. Emphasis is the limbic brain’s contribution to
communication, a way to let others know just how potently we feel.
Conversely, when the limbic brain does not back up what we say, we
emphasize less or not at all. For the most part, in my experience and that of
others, liars do not emphasize (Lieberman, 1998, 37). Liars will engage
their cognitive brains in order to decide what to say and how to deceive, but
rarely do they think about the presentation of the he. When compelled to he,
most people are not aware of how much emphasis or accentuation enters
into everyday https://www.8freebooks.net
DETECTING DECEPTION 225 conversations. When liars
attempt to fabricate an answer, their emphasis looks unnatural or is delayed;
rarely do they emphasize where appropriate, or they choose to do so only
on relatively unimportant matters. We emphasize both verbally and
nonverbally. Verbally, we emphasize through voice, pitch, or tone, or
through repetition. We also emphasize nonverbally, and these behaviors can
be even more accurate and useful than words when attempting to detect the
truth or dishonesty in a conversation or interview. People who typically use
their hands while speaking punctuate their remarks with hand gestures, even
going so far as pounding on a desk as they emphasize. Other individuals
accentuate with the tips of the fingers by either gesturing with them or
touching things. Hand behaviors complement honest speech, thoughts, and
true sentiments (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 277—284). Raising our eyebrows
(eyebrow flash) and widening our eyes are also ways of emphasizing a
point (Morris, 1985, 61; Knapp & Hall, 2002, 68). Another manifestation of
emphasis is seen when someone leans forward with the torso, showing
interest. We employ gravity-defying gestures such as rising up on the balls
of our feet when we make a significant or emotionally charged point. When
seated, people emphasize by raising the knee (staccato-like) while
highlighting important points, and added emphasis can be shown by
slapping the knee as it comes up, indicating emotional exuberance. Gravity-
defying gestures are emblematic of emphasis and true sentiment, something
liars rarely display. In contrast, people de-emphasize or show lack of
commitment to their own speech by speaking behind their hands (talking
while covering their mouths) or showing limited facial expression. People
control their countenance and engage in other movement restriction and
withdrawal behaviors when they are not committed to what they are saying
(Knapp & Hall, 2002, 320; Lieberman, 1998, 37). Deceptive people often
show deliberative, pensive displays, such as fingers to the chin or stroking
of cheeks, as though they are still thinking about what to say; this is in stark
contrast to honest people who emphasize the point they are making.
Deceptive people spend time evaluating what they say and how it is being
received, which is inconsistent with honest behavior.
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226 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING SPECIFIC
NONVERBAL BEHAVIORS TO CONSIDER IN DETECTING
DECEPTION Below are some specific things you’ll want to watch for
when examining emphasis as a means for detecting possible deception.
Lack of Emphasis in Hand Behaviors As Aldert Vrij and others have
reported, lack of arm movement and lack of emphasis are suggestive of
deception. The problem is there is no way of measuring this, especially in a
public or social setting. Nevertheless, strive to note when it occurs and in
what context, especially if it comes after a significant topic is brought up
(Vrij, 2003, 25—27). Any sudden change in movement reflects brain
activity. When arms shift from being animated to being still, there must be a
reason, be it dejection or (possibly) deception. In my own interviewing
experiences, I have noticed that liars will tend to display less steepling. I
also look for the white knuckles of the individual who grabs the chair
armrest in a fixed manner as though in an “ejector seat.” Unfortunately, for
this uncomfortable person, ejection from the discussion is often impossible.
Many criminal investigators have found that when the head, neck, arms,
and legs are held in place with little movement and the hands and arms are
clutching the armrest, such behavior is very much consistent with those
who are about to deceive, but again, it is not definitive (Schafer & Navarro,
2003, 66) (see figure 88). Interestingly, as individuals make declarative
statements that are false, they will avoid touching not only other people, but
objects such as a podium or table as well. I have never seen or heard a
person who is lying yell affirmatively, “I didn’t do it,” while pounding his
fist on the table. Usually what I have seen are very weak, nonemphatic
statements, with gestures that are equally mild. People who are being
deceptive lack commitment and confidence in what they are saying.
Although their thinking brain (neocortex) will decide what to say in order to
mislead, their https://www.8freebooks.net
DETECTING DECEPTION 227 Sitting for long periods in a
chair, as though flash frozen in an ejector seat, is evidence of high stress
and discomfort. emotive brain (the limbic system — the honest part of the
brain) simply will not be committed to the ruse, and therefore will not
emphasize their statements using nonverbal behaviors (such as gestures).
The sentiments of the limbic brain are hard to override. Try to smile fully at
someone you dislike. It is extremely difficult to do. As with a false or fake
smile, false statements come with weak or passive nonverbals. The
Rogatory Position When a person places his outstretched arms in front of
his body, with palms up, this is known as the rogatory (or “prayerful”)
display (see figure 89). Those who worship will turn their palms up to God
to ask for mercy. Likewise, captured soldiers will turn up their palms as
they aphttps://www.8freebooks.net
228 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING The palms-up or
“rogatory" position usually indicates the person wants to be believed or
wants to be accepted. It is not a dominant, confident display. proach their
captors. This behavior is also seen in individuals who say something when
they want you to believe them. During a discussion, observe the person
with whom you are speaking. When she makes a declarative statement, note
whether her hands are palm up or palm down. During regular conversation
in which ideas are being discussed and neither party is vehemently
committed to a particular point, I expect to see both palm-up and palm-
down displays. However, when a person is making a passionate and
assertive declaration such as, “You have to believe me, I did not kill her,”
those hands should be face down (see figure 90). If the statement is made
palms up, the individual supplicating to be believed, I would find such a
statement highly suspect. While this is not definitive, I would question any
declarative statement made with the palms up. The palm-up position is not
very affirmative and suggests that the person is asking to be believed. The
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DETECTING DECEPTION 229 Statements made palm down are
more emphatic and more confident than statements made with hands palm
up in the rogatory position. truthful don’t have to plead to be believed; they
make a statement and it stands. Territorial Displays and Deception When
we are confident and comfortable, we spread out. When we are less secure,
we tend to take up less space. In extreme circumstances, distressed people
may fold their arms and legs into their own body, assuming an almost fetal
position. Uncomfortable conversations and interviews can evoke a variety
of withdrawn postures: arms that are intertwined like a pretzel and/or ankles
that are locked in place, sometimes to the point of being almost painful to
the observer. Look especially for dramatic changes in body position that
could be indicative of deception, particularly when they occur concurrently
with a specific change of topic. https://www.8freebooks.net
230 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING When we are confident
about what we believe or what we are saying, we tend to sit up, with
shoulders and back wide, exhibiting an erect posture indicative of security.
When people are being deceitful or are outright lying, they subconsciously
tend to stoop or sink into the furniture as if they are attempting to escape
what is being said — even if they, themselves, are saying it. Those who are
insecure, or are unsure of themselves, their thoughts, or their beliefs, are
likely to reflect this in their posture — usually by stooping slightly, but
sometimes dramatically by lowering their heads and drawing the shoulders
up to the ears. Look for this “turtle effect” whenever people are
uncomfortable and are trying to hide in the open. It is definitely a display of
insecurity and discomfort. Shoulder Shrugs Although we all shrug at one
time or another when we are not sure of something, liars will give a
modified shrug when they are unsure of themselves. The liars shrug is
abnormal in that it is abridged and customized because the person
manifesting it is not fully committed to what is being expressed. If only one
shoulder comes up, or if the shoulders rise nearly to the ears and the
person’s head seems to disappear, it is a sign of high discomfort and
sometimes seen in an individual preparing to answer a question deceptively.
CONCLUDING REMARKS As I stated at the beginning of the chapter, the
research over the last twenty years is unequivocal. There are no nonverbal
behaviors that, in and of themselves, are clearly indicative of deception
(Ekman, 1991, 98; Ford, 1996, 217). As my friend and researcher Dr. Mark
G. Frank repeatedly has told me, “Joe, unfortunately, there is no ‘Pinocchio
effect,’ when it comes to deception” (Frank, 2006). With that I must humbly
concur. Therefore, in order to sort fact from fiction, our only realistic
recourse is to rely on those behaviors indicative of comfort/discomfort,
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DETECTING DECEPTION 231 synchrony, and emphasis to
guide us. They are a guide or paradigm, and that is all. A person who is not
comfortable, not emphasizing, and whose communication is out of
synchrony is, at best, communicating poorly or, at worst, being deceptive.
Discomfort may originate from many sources, including antipathy between
those involved in the discussion, the setting in which the conversation is
held, or nervousness during an interview process. It can also, obviously, be
a result of culpability, guilty knowledge, having to hide information, or
plain lying. The possibilities are many, but now that you know how better to
question others, recognize their signs of discomfort, and the importance of
putting their behaviors into context, at least you have a starting point. Only
further inquiry, observation, and corroboration can assure us of veracity.
There is no way we can prevent people from lying to us, but at least we can
be on guard when they attempt to deceive us. Last, be careful not to label
someone a liar with limited information or based on one observation. Many
good relationships have been ruined this way. Remember, when it comes to
detecting deception, even the best experts, including myself, are only a
blink away from chance, and have a fifty-fifty probability of being right or
wrong. Plainly put, that’s just not good enough! https://www.8freebooks.net
https://www.8freebooks.net
NINE Some Final Thoughts A friend recently told me a story that
speaks to the theme of this book and, incidentally, can save you significant
hassles if you’re ever trying to find an address in Coral Gables, Florida.
This friend was driving her daughter to a photo shoot in Coral Gables,
several hours from their home in Tampa. Because she had never been to
Coral Gables before, she checked a map to determine the best route to
follow. All went well until she arrived in town and started looking for street
signs. There were none. She drove for twenty minutes through unmarked
intersections, no signs in sight. Finally, in desperation, she stopped at a gas
station and asked how anyone knew which street was which. The proprietor
wasn’t surprised by her question. “You’re not the first to ask,” he nodded
sympathetically. “When you reach the intersection, you need to look down,
not up. The street signs are six-inch weathered stone blocks with painted
names and they are placed on the ground just off the pavement.” My friend
heeded his https://www.8freebooks.net
234 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING advice and within
minutes located her destination. “Obviously,” she noted, “I was looking for
street signs six feet or more above the ground, not six inches off the ground.
. . . What was most incredible,” she added, “was once I knew what to look
for and where to look, the signs were obvious and unmistakable. I had no
trouble finding my way.” This book is about signs, too. When it comes to
human behavior, there are basically two kinds of signs, verbal and
nonverbal. All of us have been taught to look for and identify the verbal
signs. By analogy, those are the ones that are located on poles, clearly
visible as we drive down the streets of a strange city. Then there are the
nonverbal signs, the ones that have always been there but that many of us
have not learned to spot because we haven’t been trained to look for and
identify signs located at ground level. What’s interesting is that once we
learn to attend to and read nonverbal signs, our reactions will mirror that of
my friend. “Once I knew what to look for and where to look, the signs were
obvious and unmistakable. I had no trouble finding my way.” It is my hope
that through an understanding of nonverbal behavior, you will achieve a
deeper, more meaningful view of the world around you — able to hear and
see the two languages, spoken and silent, that combine to present the full,
rich tapestry of human experience in all of its delightful complexity. This is
a goal well worth pursuing, and one that with effort I know you can
achieve. You now possess something powerful. You possess knowledge that
will enrich your interpersonal relationships for the rest of your life. Enjoy
knowing what every body is saying, for to that end I have dedicated myself
and this book. Joe Navarro Tampa, Florida USA
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BIBLIOGRAPHY American Psychiatric Association. (2000).
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236 BIBLIOGRAPHY Diaz, B. (1988). The conquest of new
Spain. New York: Penguin Books. Dimitrius, J., & Mazzarella, M. (2002).
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faces and feelings to improve communication and emotional life. New
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marketplace, politics, and marriage. New York: W. W. Norton & Co.
Ekman, P., & O’Sullivan, M. (1991). Who can catch a liar? American
Psychologist 46, 913-920. Ford, C. V. (1996). Lies! lies!! lies!!! The
psychology of deceit. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Press, Inc.
Frank, M. G., et al. (2006). Investigative interviewing and the detection of
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research, regulation. Devon, UK: Willian Publishing. Givens, D. B. (2005).
Love signals: A practical guide to the body language of courtship. New
York: St. Martin’s Press. - (1998—2007). The nonverbal dictionary of
gestures, signs & body language cues. Retrieved 11/18/07 from Spokane
Center for Nonverbal Studies Web site: http://
members.aol.com/nonverbal2/diction 1 .htm. Goleman, D. (1995).
Emotional intelligence. New York: Bantam Books. Gregory, D. (1999).
Personal conversation with Joe Navarro, FBI F1Q, Washington, DC.
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in war and society. New York: Back Bay Books. Hall, E. T. (1969). The
hidden dimension . Garden City, NY: Anchor. Hess, E. H. (1975a). The tell-
tale eye: How your eyes reveal hidden thoughts and emotions. New York:
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A critical appraisal of modern police interrogations. In Tom Williamson
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saw one.” In Par Anders Granhag & Leif A. Stromwall (Eds.), The
detection of deception in forensic contexts. Cambridge, UK: Cambridge
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BIBLIOGRAPHY 237 Leakey, R. E., & Lewin, R. (1977).
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mysterious underpinnings of emotional life. New York: Touchstone.
Lieberman, D. J. (1998). Never be lied to again. New York: St. Martin’s
Press. Manchester, W. (1978). American Caesar: Douglas MacArthur 1880
—1964. Boston: Little, Brown, & Company. Morris, D. (1985). Body
watching. New York: Crown Publishers. Murray, E. (2007). Interviewed by
Joe Navarro, August 18, Ontario, Canada. Myers, D. G. (1993). Exploring
psychology (2nd ed). New York: Worth Publishers. Navarro, J. (2007).
Psychologie de la communication non verbale. In M. St-Yues & M.
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verite. Cowansville, Quebec: Les Editions Yvon Blais: 141—163. - (2006).
Read ’em and reap: A career FBI agent’s guide to decoding polder tells.
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deception. FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin (June), 19—24. Navarro, J., &
Schafer, J. R. (2003). Universal principles of criminal behavior: A tool for
analyzing criminal intent. FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin (January), 22-24.
- (2001). Detecting deception. FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin (July), 9—
13. Nolte, J. (1999). The human brain: An introduction to its functional
anatomy. St. Louis, MO: Mosby. Ost, J. (2006). Recovered memories. In
Tom Williamson (Ed.), Investigative interviewing: Rights, research,
regulation. Devon, UK: Willian Publishing. Panksepp, J. (1998). Affective
neuroscience: The foundations of human and animal emotions. New York:
Oxford University Press, Inc. Prkachin, K. M., & Craig, K. D. (1995).
Expressing pain: The communication and interpretation of facial pain
signals. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior 9 (4), Winter, 181-205. Ratey, J. J.
(2001). A users guide to the brain: Perception, attention, and the four
theaters of the brain. New York: Pantheon Books. Schafer, J. R., & Navarro,
J. (2004). Advanced interviewing techniques. Springfield, IL: Charles C.
Thomas Publisher. Simons, D. J., & Chabris, C. F. (1999). Gorillas in our
midst: Sustained inattentional blindness for dynamic events. Perception 28,
1059—1074. St-Yves, M., & Tanguay, M. (Eds.) (2007). Psychologie de
I’enquete criminelle: La recherche de la verite. Cowansville, Quebec: Les
Editions Yvon Blais. Vrij, A. (2003). Detecting lies and deceit: The
psychology of lying and the implications for professional practice.
Chichester, UK: John Wiley & Sons, Ltd. https://www.8freebooks.net
https://www.8freebooks.net
INDEX (page numbers in italics refer to illustrations) abrazo, 130
—31 adapters, 35 adornments on arms, 128—30 body tattoo, 129 on torso,
98 affection, arms showing, 130—31 aggression, 32—33, 176 akimbo
display, 120—24, 121, 122, 123 Ali, Muhammad, 103 animal heritage, 25
—26 argument, 33 arm-freeze behavior, 112 the arms adornments on, 128
—30 affection shown with, 130—31 akimbo display of, 120—24, 121, 122,
123 behind the back, 117 courtship behavior of, 125—28 crossing, 91, 94
distancing, 119 as emotive transmitters, 109—10 everyday messages
communicated by, 116 gravity-related movements of, 110-11 movement
cessation of, 113 movements of, 115—16 restrained, 157 restricted
movement of, 112—15 spread behavior, 125, 126, 127
https://www.8freebooks.net
240 INDEX the arms ( continued ) territorial displays of, 119—31
withdrawal of, 111-12 askance, looking, 184—85, 185 asynchrony, 212
authoritative posture, 120—24 Axtell, Roger E., 140 barriers, 74, 119
asynchrony as, 212 dishonesty building, 214 baseline behaviors, 12—13,
219 Basinger, Kim, 79 Becker, Gavin de, 36 behaviors. See also foot
behavior; gravity-defying behaviors; nonverbal behaviors; pacifying
behaviors arm-freeze, 112 baseline, 12—13, 219 blocking, 31, 73, 74, 119
breathing, 103—4 chest-shielding, 93 clusters of, 204 cultural, 138—39
deception, 205—6 human brain governing, 50—51 isopraxism mirrored,
211 limbic system regulating, 24 sudden changes in, 13—15 behind the
back, arms, 117 “bird” finger, 162 blade away, 86—87 blanching (shock),
198 blocking behaviors, 31 arms used for, 119 leg crosses in, 73, 74
blushing, 198 body language. See also nonverbal behaviors; nonverbal
communications competent observer of, 7—10 deception detected in, xiii
feet/legs observation for, 55—57 intention cues from, 16 self-administered
hug in, 48—49 teachers/students communicating through, 2 truthfulness of,
4 Bodytalh: The Meaning of Human Gestures (Morris), 140 borderline
personality, 129 brain. See human brain brain-scan technology, xii breathing
behavior, 103—4 brief touching, eyes, 177 buccinator muscles, 192
Chamberlain, Neville, 207 chest, puffing up, 103-4 chest-shielding
behavior, 93 children affection shown to, 130—31 arm movement cessation
of, 113 foot movements of, 55 shielding behaviors of, 94 clarity, of thought,
182 Clinton, Bill, 184 clothing, 92, 98—100 cognition, higher order, 23—
24 cold, being, 95 comfort/discomfort equation, 209—10 comfort
responses, 34—49. See also discomfort responses facial muscles relaxed
and, 169—70 feet/leg displays of, 68—71 https://www.8freebooks.net
INDEX 241 head tilt displaying, 171 interpersonal interactions
establishing, 209—10 interviewer establishing, 210—211 isopraxism signs
of, 212 looking away sign of, 182—83 nonverbal communications and, 15
signs of, 211—13 spreading out as, 229—30 synchrony and, 223—24 torso
splay and, 101—3 ventral denial/fronting with, 88—91 communal survival,
27 concerted/contextual observation, 8—10 confessions, 220 confidence.
See high confidence; low confidence confrontational situations, 66
contempt, 192, 192—93 cooperation/truth, 221 cooperative feet/legs, 76—
78 couples, 87 courtship arms behavior in, 125—28 feet/leg displays
during, 71—74 court testimony, 150 criminal investigation, 146 crossing
arms, 91, 94 cultural behaviors, 138—39 danger, 118 Dangerfield, Rodney,
49 da Vinci, Leonardo, 54 Dean, Diana, 24 deception body language
revealing, xiii comfort/discomfort equation detecting, 209—10 deliberate
pensive displays in, 225 detection difficult of, 205—6 discomfort responses
and, 231 facial expressions in, 56 new detection approaches to, 209—22
principal nonverbal behaviors in, 223-25 specific nonverbal behaviors in,
226-30 sweaty hands indicative of, 143-44 territorial displays and, 229—30
defense wounds, 110 de Gaulle, Charles, 203 depression, clinical, 65
detection of deception, 205—6, 209—22 in nonverbal behaviors, 223—25
disagreement, 189—92 disapproval cues, 198—99 discomfort responses,
34-49 deception and, 231 facial expressions of, 168 false smile as, 216
human beings indications of, 217—18 nonverbal communications and, 15
pacifiers and, 218—22 signs of, 213—18 tongue displays in, 193—95, 195
upside-down U indicative of, 188—89 disengagement, 60—61 disgust, 200
—201, 201 dishonesty barriers built from, 214 neocortex capable of, 25
professionals perception of, 207—8 stress and, 208 disrespect, 199
distancing nonverbal behaviors, 31—32 the arms in, 119 flight response as,
31—32 https://www.8freebooks.net
242 INDEX distrust, 185 dominance display of genital framing,
155—56, 156 stance of, 66—67, 125 downward gaze, 182—83
Eisenhower, Dwight David, 97 ejector seat position, 227 Ekman, Paul, 162
emotions. See also negative feelings; positive feelings arms transmitting,
109—10 couples pulling apart through, 87 of face, 167—70 pupil dilation
indicating, 179 emphasis hands lacking, 226—27 honesty using, 224—25
endorphins, 41 environment, observation of, 7—10 erect position, 230
Europe, gestures in, 202, 202—3 evasive actions, 31 exhaling, 41 eye-blink
behavior, 183—84 eye-blocking, 33, 177, 216 FBI using, 178 limbic system
employing, 178 as nonverbal communication, 3 pupillary
constriction/squinting as, 172, 172-75, 174-75 undesirable images
protection from, 176-79 eyebrows lowered, 175 raised, 181—82 eye
contact, 216 eye-flutter behavior, 183—84, 216 eye-gaze behavior, 67, 182
—83 eye-lid behavior, xii the eyes brief touching of, 177 eye flash of, 179
—82 flashbulb, 179, 180 nonverbal behaviors of, 170—85 positive feelings
shown by, 179 rolling of, 199 the face disapproval cues through, 198—99
emotional displays of, 167—70 facial blushing/blanching of, 198 furrowed
forehead of, 168, 195—97, 196 gravity-defying behaviors of, 202—3
happiness reflected in, 169—70 muscles relaxed of, 169—70 negative
feelings expressed by, 167 nonverbal behaviors of, 195—201 nose flaring
of, 197 pacifying behavior involving, 45 poker, 56 touching, 41 facebook,
48 facial expressions deceitful, 56 disapproval cues in, 198—99 of
discomfort, 168 disgust gesture of, 200—201 interpretation difficult of, 204
meaningful insights from, 166—67 mixed signals from, 203 universal
language of, 165—66 false smile, 187 as discomfort display, 216 real smile
v., 186—87 https://www.8freebooks.net
INDEX 243 FBI. See Federal Bureau of Investigation Federal
Bureau of Investigation (FBI), 2, 178 the feet/legs, 54—55. See also foot
behavior; the legs children’s movements of, 55 cooperative/noncooperative,
76—78 courtship displays of, 71-74 gravity-defying behaviors of, 63—65
high comfort displays of, 68—71 as honest body part, 53, 55—57
impatience and, 59—60 interlocking of, 81, 81-83 leg splay with, 65—67
limbic system reaction of, 54—55 movement changes of, 78—80 nonverbal
behavior involving, 57—60, 170 shifting away, 60—61, 62, 78 fight
response aggressive survival through, 32—33, 176 of limbic system, 32—
34 personal space threats and, 33—34 finger pointing, 139-41, HO
snapping, 140 flashbulb eyes, 179, 180 flight response distancing nonverbal
behaviors of, 31-32 of limbic system, 30—32 threat escape of, 30—31 foot
behavior children and, 55 freeze, 80—81, 82 as intention cue, 61, 62
jiggling/kicking, 79—80 romance and, 72—73 forehead furrowed, 168, 195
—97, 196 rubbing, 40 “A Four-Domain Model of Detecting Deception: An
Alternative Paradigm for Interviewing,” 209 Frank, Mark G., 230 freeze
response arm behavior as, 112 foot behavior and, 80—81, 82 of limbic
system, 26—29, 158 frozen hands, 157 genital framing, 155—56, 156
gestures. See also microgestures disgust, 200—201 nose-up, 202, 202—3
offensive hand, 139—41 powerful hand, 135 travel knowing acceptable,
200 Gestures: The Do’s and Taboos of Body Language Around the World
(Axtell), 140 The Gift of Fear (Becker), 36 Gottman, John, 193 gravity-
defying behaviors of arms, 110—11 of face, 202—3 of feet/legs, 63—65
gravity-related movements, 110—11 “guilty knowledge,” 209, 221—22
Hall, Edward, 68 hand displays arms restrained and, 157 of high
confidence, 147—50 https://www.8freebooks.net
244 INDEX hand displays ( continued ) of low confidence/stress,
157—61 the hands changing behaviors of, 161—63 emphasis lacking in,
226—27 frozen, 157 holding of, 138—39 human brain and, 133—34
interlaced stroking of, 158—59, 159 microexpressions of, 161 negative
feelings created by, 135—36 nonverbals of, 144—47 offensive gestures of,
139—41 persuasive speakers movement of, 134-35 physical appearance of,
142—43 powerful gestures of, 135 shakiness and, 145-47 steepling of, 147
—50, 198, 226 sweat and, 143—44 thumb displays of, 150—51 wringing
of, 149, 157—58 handshake politician’s, 137—38 power of, 136—39
happiness, 169—70 happy feet, 57—60, 170 the head movements of, 217
tilt, 171 high confidence hand displays of, 147—50 hand steepling behavior
of, 147—50 happy feet as, 57—60, 170 high-status individuals with, 151—
52, 152 in nonverbal behavior, 35 nose-up gesture as, 202, 202— 3
steepling purveyor of, 149 thumb displays showing, 150—51 higher-order
cognition/memory, 23—24 high-status individuals, 120, 151—52, 152
Hitler, Adolf, 135, 207 holding hands, 138—39 honesty, 206—7 body part
reflecting, 53, 55—57 emphasis used in, 224—25 limbic system/brain
creating, 23 hooding effect, 124, 124—25 hug, 48-49 human beings
discomfort indications of, 217—18 limbic system regulation by, 65
subconsciously leaning away from, 32, 90 subtle observation of, 17 sudden
behavioral changes in, 13—15 thoughts of, xii human body nonverbal
messages of, 17—18 silent language of, xiv thoughts/feelings transmitted
by, 2 human brain behavior governed by, 50—51 hands subtle nuances and,
133—34 limbic system of, xiv, 22—23 pupil dilation and, 172—74 “human
lie detector,” xii idiosyncratic nonverbal behavior, 12 impatience, 59—60
innocent people, 220 insecurity, 155 insights, 166—67 intention cues, 16
foot behavior as, 61, 62 starters position as, 66 https://www.8freebooks.net
INDEX 245 interlaced stroking, hands, 158—59, 159 interlocking
of feet/legs, 81, 81-83 interpersonal interactions, 4 comfort responses
established in, 209- 10 discomfort signs in, 213—18 feet shifting away in,
60—61, 62, 78 knowledge enriching, 234 pacifying nonverbals in, 218—22
interpretation, 204 interviews comfort zone established in, 210- 211
discomfort signs in, 213—18 eye-lid behavior understood in, xii
nervousness in, 219 pacifying behaviors in, 37, 218—22 patience in, 220
synchrony and, 211—13 isopraxism, 90, 212 behaviors mirrored through,
211 communal survival through, 27 jaw tightening, 167—68 Jordan,
Michael, 193 Kennedy, John F., 151 knee clasp, 62—63, 63 knowledge,
209, 221—22, 234 kowtow position, 96—97 Kulis, Joe, 79 leaning away,
32, 90 leg-kick response, 79—80 the legs. See also feet/legs cleansing, 46,
46—47 crossing, 68—71, 69, 70, 73, 74 splay, 65—67 lie detector, xii life,
successful in, 5 limbic system, 23—34 comfort/discomfort responses of,
34-49 danger exposure limited by, 118 eye-blocking from, 178 feet/legs
reaction from, 54—55 fight response of, 32—34 flight response of, 30—32
freeze response of, 26—29, 158 genuine behaviors regulated by, 24 as
honest brain, 23 human beings regulating, 65 of human brain, xiv, 22—23
nonverbal responses of, 25—34 override difficult of, 226—27 past negative
feelings from, 36 stress/nervousness and, 144—45 torso protection from,
107 the lips compression of, 10—11, 187—89, 190 disappearing, 187—89,
188, 190 pursed, 11, 189—92 ,191 looking away, 182—83 low confidence
hand displays of, 157—61 lowered eyebrows sign of, 175 low-status
individuals and, 153—54, 155 neck touching and, 159—60 in nonverbal
behavior, 35 thumb displays showing, 153-54 low-status individuals, 153—
54, 155 https://www.8freebooks.net
246 INDEX lying brain, 25 detecting, 207—8 emphasis unnatural
when, 224-25 eye contact during, 216 frozen hands and, 157 hand steepling
less when, 226 physical contact and, 215 restraining behavior during, 82 as
social survival tool, 208 MacArthur, Douglas, 97 MacLean, Paul, 22
McFadden, Martin, 18 memory, higher order, 23— 24 men, tie adjusting of,
42 messages, arms communicating, 116 microexpressions, of hands, 161
microgestures, 162, 200—201, 201 military personnel, 121 mixed signals,
facial expressions, 203 Morris, Desmond, 54, 75, 140 the mouth, 185—95
movement changes, 78—80 multiple tells, 13, 83 nail-biting, 143, 197—98
nasal wing dilation, 197 the neck covering dimple of, 38, 39 happiness
reflected in, 169—70 not covering, 160 pacifying behaviors involving, 42
—43, 43 touching, 40, 44, 159—60 negative feelings, 36 arms down for,
110-11 faces expressing, 167 hands hidden creating, 135—36 lip
compression indicative of, 187—89 of preening, 141—42 turtle effect
showing, 106 neocortex, 22 dishonesty capability of, 25 higher-order
cognition/memory performed by, 23—24 nervousness, 219 neural imaging,
xii Nixon, Richard, 184, 207 noncooperative feet/legs, 76—78 nonverbal
behaviors in deception, 205-6, 223-25, 226-30 defining, 2—5 distancing, 31
—32 of the eyes, 170—85 of the face, 195—201 feet/legs involved in, 57—
60, 170 of the hands, 144-47 high/low confidence in, 35 idiosyncratic, 12
interpersonal communications using, 4 of the mouth, 185—95 people’s
thoughts deciphered through, xii signs of, 233—34 stress displayed
through, 29 synchrony in, 211-13 universal tells of, 10—11 upper body, 86
—106 walking style important as, 76 nonverbal communications comfort v.
noncomfort, 15 contextual observation understanding, 8—10
https://www.8freebooks.net
INDEX 247 decoding, 6 decoding ten commandments of, 7-17
eye-blink frequency and, 183—84 eye-blocking as, 3 false/misleading, 15
human body giving off, 17—18 limbic systems responses of, 25—34 poker
players understanding of, 6 successful life learning, 5 tells of, 4 the nose
flaring of, 197 touching of, 222 up gesture of, 202, 202—3 observation of
body language/environment, 7—10, 55-57 concerted/contextual, 8—10 of
human beings, 17 offensive gestures, of hands, 139—41 orbicularis oculi,
186—87 pacifying behaviors, 34-49 discomfort responses and, 218—22 of
face, 45 guidelines of, 49—50 increased use of, 219 in investigative
interviews, 37, 218— 22 leg cleansing as, 46—47 of neck, 42—43, 43 of
self-administered body-hug, 48—49 stress linked to, 50 threatening
experience followed by, 35-37 types of, 39—42 as ventilator, 47—48, 49 of
women, 38—39 palm-up position, 228 patience, in interviews, 220 pensive
displays, 225 personality, borderline, 129 personal space, 33—34
pheromones, 197 physical appearance, 100 of hands, 142—43 preening
and, 101 physical contact, lying and, 215 poker face, 56 poker players, 6
police officers, 122 politician’s handshake, 137—38 positive feelings arms
up for, 110—11 eye behaviors showing, 179 eye flash displaying, 179—82
flashbulb eyes showing, 179, 180 predators eye contact of, 216 walking
speed/direction of, 77 preening, 101, 141-42 pressure marks, 114 primitive
man, 27 problematic issue, 1 1 professionals, 207—8 protection of torso, 92
proxemics, spatial needs, 68 proximity issues, 75 psychological flight, 161
—62 “pugilistic position,” 197 pupil dilation brain’s visual information
increased from, 172-74 factors involved in, 181 positive emotions indicated
by, 179 https://www.8freebooks.net
INDEX 248 pupillary constriction, 172, 172—75 pursed lips
disagreement causing, 189—92, 1 91 problematic issue causing, 1 1 raised
eyebrows, 181—82 “rapport building,” 209—10 real smile, 186—87, 187
Reesam, Ahmed, 24 Reeser, Marc, 173 regal stance, 117 restrained arm
behavior, 115 restraining behavior, 82 restricted movement, 112—15
risorius, 187 rogatory position, 227—29, 228 rolling of the eyes, 199
romance, 72—73 roving eyes, 183 security force, 154 self-restraint, 112
sensuous pleasure, 127 “shake and wait” approach, 75 shaky hands, 145—
47 shielding behaviors, of children, 94 shoplifters, 115 shoulder rise, 105—
6 shrug, 104-5, 105, 230 signs of comfort responses, 182—83, 211—13,
212 of discomfort responses, 213—18 of low confidence, 175 of nonverbal
behavior, 233—34 of stress, 197—98 silent language, xiv “situational
awareness,” 8—10 smile barometer, 186 false, 186-87, 187, 216 lines, 196
—97 real, 186-87, 187 the sneer, 192, 192—93 social harmony, 89, 132
social interactions, 31 social survival tool, 208 society, 206—7
socioeconomic status, 129 sounds, 45 spatial needs, 68 speakers hand
movement of, 134—35 looking away from, 182—83 splay behavior, 101—
3, 102 spreading out, 229—30 squinting, 168, 174—75 different meanings
of, 176 as eye-blocking, 172, 172—75, 174—75 starters position, 65, 66
steepling, hand, 148, 149 high confidence behavior of, 147—50 liars using
less, 226 stomach, upset, 96 stress dishonesty and, 208 ejector seat position
indicative of, 227 freeze mode under, 80—81, 82 hand displays of, 157—61
heaving chest during, 103—4 isolating causes of, 222 jaw tightening
indicating, 167—68 limbic system and, 144-45 https://www.8freebooks.net
INDEX 249 nail biting sign of, 197—98 nonverbal behavior
showing, 29 pacifying behavior linked to, 50 signs of, 197—98 women
dealing with, 44 yawning caused by, 45 students/teachers, 2 suprasternal
notch, 38—39, 42, 43 Supreme Court decision, 18—19 survival animal
heritage of, 25—26 communal, 27 swallows, hard, 217 sweaty hands, 143
—44 synchrony comfort levels and, 223—24 in nonverbal behaviors, 211—
13 tattoos, 129 teachers/students, 2 tells. See also multiple tells eye-
blocking as, 178 multiple, 13, 83 of nonverbal behavior, 10—11 of
nonverbal communications, 4 restrained arm behavior as, 115 universal, 10-
11 ten commandments, nonverbal communications, 7—17 territorial
displays, 65—67, 102 of the arms, 119—31 arms spread in, 126 deception
and, 229—30 significant changes in, 128 territorial imperative, 68 Terry v.
Ohio, 18—19 thoughts/feelings, 2, 182 threatening experience, 30—31, 35
—37 thumb displays high confidence in, 150—51 insecurity in, 155 low
confidence in, 153—54 tie, men adjusting, 42 toes, pointing upward, 64
tongue displays, 193—95, 195 the torso adornments, 98 baring, 103 bow,
95-97 breathing behavior and, 103-4 embellishments, 97—100 lean, 86-87,
90 limbic system protecting, 107 protecting, 92 shield, 91—95 splays, 101-
3 true sentiments reflected by, 85 travel, 200 truth of body language, 4
cooperation not equated to, 221 society functioning on, 206—7 the torso
reflecting, 85 “turtle effect,” 29, 30, 106 undesirable images, 176—79
United States, 198-99 universal language, 165—66 upper body, 86—106
upside-down U, 188—89 the ventilator, 47—48, 49 ventral denial/fronting,
88—91 https://www.8freebooks.net
250 INDEX ventral side, pressure marks on, 114 verbal
altercation, 33 voice, 217 Vrij, Aldert, 226 walking different styles of, 75—
76 nonverbal behaviors in, 76 predators speed/direction of, 77 Walters,
Barbara, 79 warning signal, 14 withdrawal, of arms, 111-12 women
pacifying behaviors of, 38—39 stress reactions of, 44 wringing, hands, 149,
157—58 yawning, 45 zygomaticus major, 186—87
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About the Authors For twenty-five years, JOE NAVARRO was an
FBI counterintelligence special agent and supervisor specializing in
nonverbal communications. A frequent lecturer, he serves on the adjunct
faculty at Saint Leo University and the FBI. MARVIN KARLINS received
his Ph.D. in psychology from Princeton University and is senior professor
of management at the University of South Florida. He is the author of
twenty-three books and most recently collaborated with Joe Navarro on Phil
Hellmuth Presents Read ’Em and Reap. Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for
exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.
https://www.8freebooks.net
ALSO BY JOE NAVARRO WITH MARVIN KARLINS Phil
Hellmuth Presents Read ’Em and Reap https://www.8freebooks.net
Credits Designed by Susan Walsh Illustrations (except for the
limbic brain diagram) by David R. Andrade Cover design by Victor
Mingovits for Mucca Design Photographs of Joe Navarro by Mark Wemple
https://www.8freebooks.net
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