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WHAT EVERY IS SAYING An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-

Reading People JOE NAVARRO with Marvin Karlins , Ph.D.

https://www.8freebooks.net

mn HarperCollins e-books https://www.8freebooks.net

WHAT EVERY IS SAYING An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-

Reading People JOE NAVARRO FBI Special Agent (Ret.) with Marvin

Karlins, Ph.D. https://www.8freebooks.net

To my grandmother, Adelina, whose withered hands lovingly

molded a child into a man. —JOE NAVARRO To my wife, Edyth, who has

blessed me with her love and taught me what it means to be a caring human

being. — MARVIN KARLINS https://www.8freebooks.net

CONTENTS Foreword: I See What You’re Thinking vi

Acknowledgments x ONE Mastering the Secrets of Nonverbal

Communication 1 TWO Living Our Limbic Legacy 21 THREE Getting a

Leg Up on Body Language: Nonverbals of the Feet and Legs 53 FOUR

Torso Tips: Nonverbals of the Torso, Hips, Chest, and Shoulders 85 FIVE

Knowledge Within Reach: Nonverbals of the Arms 109 SIX Getting a Grip:

Nonverbals of the Hands and Fingers 133 https://www.8freebooks.net

V CONTENTS SEVEN The Mind’s Canvas: Nonverbals of the

Face 165 EIGHT Detecting Deception: Proceed with Caution! 205 NINE

Some Final Thoughts 233 Bibliography 235 Index 239 About the Authors

Other Books by Joe Navarro with Marvin Karlins Credits Cover Copyright

About the Publisher https://www.8freebooks.net

FOREWORD I See What You’re Thinking Marvin Karlins, Ph.D.

The man sat stoically at one end of the table, carefully crafting his replies to

the FBI agent’s inquiries. He wasn’t considered a major suspect in the

murder case. His alibi was believable and he sounded sincere, but the agent

pressed on nevertheless. With the suspect’s consent, he was asked a series

of questions about the murder weapon: “If you had committed this crime,

would you have used a gun?” “If you had committed this crime, would you

have used a knife?” “If you had committed this crime, would you have used

an ice pick?” “If you had committed this crime, would you have used a

hammer?” One of the weapons, the ice pick, had actually been used in the

commission of the crime, but that information had been kept from the

public. Thus, only the killer would know which object was the real murder

weapon. As the FBI agent went down the list of weapons, he

https://www.8freebooks.net

VII FOREWORD observed the suspect carefully. When the ice

pick was mentioned, the man’s eyelids came down hard and stayed down

until the next weapon was named. The agent instantly understood the

significance of the eyelid behavior he had witnessed, and from that moment

forward the “minor” suspect became the primary person of interest in the

investigation. He later confessed to the crime. Chalk one up for Joe

Navarro, a remarkable human being who, in addition to unmasking the ice -

pick killer, is credited with catching scores of criminals, including “master

spies,” in a distinguished twenty-fiveyear career with the FBI. How was he

able to do this? If you asked him, he quietly would say, “I owe it to being

able to read people.” Joe, it turns out, has spent his entire professional life

studying, refining, and applying the science of nonverbal communications

— facial expressions, gestures, physical movements (kinesics), body

distance (proxemics), touching (haptics), posture, even clothing — to

decipher what people are thinking, how they intend to act, and whether their

pronouncements are true or false. This is not good news for criminals,

terrorists, and spies, who, under his careful scrutiny, usually give off more

than enough nonverbal body signals (“tells”) to make their thoughts and

intentions transparent and detectable. It is, however, very good news for

you, the reader, because the very same nonverbal knowledge Joe relied on

to become a master “Spycatcher,” "human lie detector,” and instructor at the

FBI is what he will be sharing with you so you can better understand the

feelings, thoughts, and intentions of those around you. As a renowned

author and educator, Joe will teach you how to observe like an expert,

detecting and deciphering the nonverbal behaviors of others so you can

interact with them more successfully. For business or for pleasure, this

knowledge will enrich and magnify your life. Much of what Joe will be

sharing with you in this book was not even recognized fifteen years ago by

the scientific community. It is only through recent advances in brain-scan

technology and neural imaging that scientists have been able to establish the

validity of the behaviors Joe will be describing. Drawing from the latest

discoveries in psychology, https://www.8freebooks.net

FOREWORD viii neurobiology, medicine, sociology,

criminology, communication studies, and anthropology — plus his quarter

century of experience using nonverbal behavior in his work as an FBI

Special Agent — Joe is uniquely qualified to help you succeed in your

understanding of nonverbal communications. His expertise is recognized

and sought worldwide. Besides being interviewed regularly on programs

such as NBC’s Today Show, CNN Headline News, Fox Cable News, and

ABC’s Good Morning America, he continues to conduct seminars on

nonverbal communication for the FBI and the CIA, as well as for other

members of the intelligence community. He is a consultant to the banking

and insurance industries as well as to major law firms in the United States

and abroad. Joe also teaches at Saint Leo University and at various medical

schools throughout the United States, where his unique insights into

nonverbal communication have found a receptive audience among many,

including physicians desiring to assess patients with greater speed and

accuracy. Joe’s combination of academic skills and occupational credentials

— coupled with his masterful analysis of nonverbal communications in

reallife, high-stakes situations — has placed him apart and in the forefront

of nonverbal expertise, as you will discover in this book. After working

with Joe, attending his seminars, and putting his ideas to work in my own

life, I firmly believe that the material in these pages represents a major

advance in our understanding of all things nonverbal. I say this as a trained

psychologist who got involved in this writing project because I was excited

by Joe’s pioneering work in harnessing the scientific knowledge of

nonverbal communications to achieve professional objectives and personal

success. I was also impressed by his reasoned, careful approach to the topic.

For example, while observing nonverbals allows us to get an “accurate

read” on many kinds of behavior, Joe warns us that using body language to

detect deception is a particularly difficult and challenging task. This is a

significant insight — rarely recognized by laypeople or by the law

enforcement community — and serves as a critical and poignant reminder

to be very careful before you declare a person to be honest or dishonest

based on his nonverbal behaviors. https://www.8freebooks.net

IX FOREWORD Unlike many other books on nonverbal

behavior, the information presented herein is based on scientific facts and

field-tested findings rather than on personal opinion and armchair

speculations. Further, the text highlights what other published works often

ignore: the critical role played by the limbic system of the human brain in

understanding and using nonverbal cues effectively. The silent language of

the body can be yours to master. Whether you are studying nonverbals

because you want to get ahead in your job or simply want to get along

better with friends and family, this book is designed for you. Gaining

proficiency will require a careful examination of the chapters that follow,

plus a commitment to spend some serious time and energy learning and

applying Joe’s teachings in your daily routines. Reading people successfully

— learning, decoding, and utilizing nonverbal behavior to predict human

actions — is a task well worth your attention, one that offers ample rewards

for the effort expended. So plant your feet firmly on the floor, turn to the

next page, and get ready to learn and watch for those all-important

nonverbal behaviors that Joe will be teaching you. It won’t be long before

you discover, with just a glance, what every body is saying.

https://www.8freebooks.net

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS When I started writing the early drafts

of this book, I realized that this project had been long in the making. It did

not start with my interest in reading about nonverbal behavior, nor in

pursuing it academically, nor in the FBI. Rather, in a real sense, it started

with my family many years earlier. I learned to read others primarily from

the teachings of my parents, Albert and Mariana Lopez, and my

grandmother, Adelina Paniagua Espino. Each in his or her own way taught

me something different about the significance and power of nonverbal

communications. From my mother, I learned that nonverbals are invaluable

in dealing with others. A subtle behavior, she taught me, can avert an

awkward situation or can make someone completely comfortable — a skill

she has performed effortlessly all of her life. From my father, I learned the

power of expression; https://www.8freebooks.net

XI ACKNOWLEDGMENTS with one look he can communicate

volumes with exquisite clarity. He is a man who commands respect, just by

being. And from my grandmother, to whom I dedicate this book, I learned

that small behaviors have great significance: a smile, a head tilt, a gentle

touch at the right time can convey so much; it can even heal. These things

they taught me every day, and in so doing, prepared me to observe more

aptly the world around me. Their teachings as well as those of many others

are found in these pages. While I was at Brigham Young University, }.

Wesley Sherwood, Richard Townsend, and Dean Clive Winn II taught me

much about police work and observing criminals. Later, in the FBI, people

such as Doug Gregory, Tom Riley, Julian “Jay” Koerner, Dr. Richard Ault,

and David G. Major taught me the subtle nuances of counterintelligence

and espionage behavior. To them I am grateful for sharpening my

peoplewatching skills. Similarly, I have to thank Dr. John Schafer, former

FBI agent and fellow member of the bureau’s elite Behavioral Analysis

Program, who encouraged me to write and allowed me to be his coauthor

on multiple occasions. Marc Reeser, who was with me in the trenches

catching spies for so long, also deserves my recognition. To my other

colleagues, and there were many in the National Security Division of the

FBI, I thank you for all your support. Over the years, the FBI ensured we

were taught by the best, and so at the hands of professors Joe Kulis, Paul

Ekman, Maureen O’Sullivan, Mark Frank, Bella M. DePaulo, Aldert Vrij,

Reid Meloy, and Judy Burgoon I learned about the research on nonverbal

communications directly or through their writings. I developed a friendship

with many of these individuals, including David Givens, who heads the

Center for Nonverbal Studies in Spokane, Washington, and whose writings,

teachings, and admonitions I have taken to heart. Their research and

writings have enriched my life, and I have included their work in this

volume as well as that of other giants such as Desmond Morris, Edward

Hall, and Charles Darwin, who started it all with his seminal book The

expression of the emotions in man and animals. While these people

provided the academic framework, others contributed in their own ways to

this project, and I must recognize them https://www.8freebooks.net

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS XII individually. My dear friend

Elizabeth Lee Barron, at the University of Tampa, is a godsend when it

comes to research. I am also indebted to Dr. Phil Quinn at the University of

Tampa and to Professor Barry Glover, at Saint Leo University, for their

years of friendship and willingness to accommodate my busy travel

schedule. This book would not be the same without photographs, and for

that I am grateful for the work of renowned photographer Mark Wemple.

My gratitude also goes out to Ashlee B. Castle, my administrative assistant,

who, when asked if she was willing to make faces for a book, merely said,

“Sure, why not?” You guys are great. I also want to thank Tampa artist

David R. Andrade for his illustrations. Matthew Benjamin, my ever-patient

editor at HarperCollins, put this project together and deserves my praise for

being a gentleman and a consummate professional. My praise also goes to

Executive Editor Toni Sciarra, who worked so diligently to finalize this

project. Matthew and Toni work with a wonderful team of people at

HarperCollins, including copy editor Paula Cooper, to whom I owe many

thanks. And as before, I want to thank Dr. Marvin Karlins for once again

shaping my ideas into this book and for his kind words in the foreword. My

gratitude goes out to my dear friend Dr. Elizabeth A. Murray, a true

scientist and educator, who took time out from her busy teaching schedule

to edit the early drafts of this manuscript and share her voluminous

knowledge of the human body. To my family — all of my family, near and

far — I thank you for tolerating me and my writing when I should have

been relaxing with you. To Luca, muito obrigado. To my daughter,

Stephanie, I give thanks every day for your loving soul. All of these

individuals have contributed to this book in some way; their knowledge and

insight, small and large, is shared with you herein. I wrote this book with

the sober knowledge that many of you will use this information in your

daily lives. To that end, I have worked assiduously to present both the

science and the empirical information with diligence and clarity. If there are

any errors in this book, they are my responsibility and mine alone.

https://www.8freebooks.net

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS xiii There is an old Latin saying, “Qui

docet, discit” (He who teaches, learns). In many ways, writing is no

different; it is a process of learning and discerning, which at the end of the

day has been a pleasure. It is my hope that when you come to the end of this

book, you too will have gained a profound knowledge of how we

communicate nonverbally — and that your life will be enriched, as mine

has been, by knowing what every body is saying. Joe Navarro Tampa,

Florida August 2007 https://www.8freebooks.net

ONE Mastering the Secrets of Nonverbal Communication

Whenever I’m teaching people about “body language,” this question is

invariably asked. “Joe, what got you interested in studying nonverbal

behavior in the first place?” It wasn’t something I had planned to do, nor

was it the result of some long-term fascination with the topic. It was much

more down-to-earth than that. It was an interest born of necessity, the need

to adapt successfully to a totally new way of life. When I was eight years

old, I came to America as an exile from Cuba. We left just a few months

after the Bay of Pigs invasion, and we honestly thought we would be here

only for a short while as refugees. Unable to speak English at first, I did

what thousands of other immigrants coming to this country have done. I

quickly learned that to fit in with my new classmates at school, I needed to

be aware of — and sensitive to — the “other” language around me, the

language of nonverbal https://www.8freebooks.net

2 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING behavior. I found that was

a language I could translate and understand immediately. In my young

mind, I saw the human body as a kind of billboard that transmitted

(advertised) what a person was thinking via gestures, facial expressions,

and physical movements that I could read. Over time, obviously, I learned

English — and even lost some skill with the Spanish language — but the

nonverbals, I never forgot. I discovered at an early age that I could always

rely on nonverbal communications. I learned to use body language to

decipher what my classmates and teachers were trying to communicate to

me and how they felt about me. One of the first things I noticed was that

students or teachers who genuinely liked me would raise (or arch) their

eyebrows when they first saw me walk into the room. On the other hand,

those individuals who weren’t too friendly toward me would squint their

eyes slightly when I appeared — a behavior that once observed is never

forgotten. I used this nonverbal information, as so many other immigrants

have, quickly to evaluate and develop friendships, to communicate despite

the obvious language barrier, to avoid enemies, and in nurturing healthy

relationships. Many years later I would use these same nonverbal eye

behaviors to solve crimes as a special agent at the Federal Bureau of

Investigation (FBI) (see box 1). Based on my background, education, and

training, I want to teach you to see the world as an FBI expert on nonverbal

communication views it: as a vivid, dynamic environment where every

human interaction resonates with information, and as an opportunity to use

the silent language of the body to enrich your knowledge of what people are

thinking, feeling, and intending to do. Using this knowledge will help you

stand out among others. It will also protect you and give you previously

hidden insight into human behavior. WHAT EXACTLY IS NONVERBAL

COMMUNICATION? Nonverbal communication, often referred to as

nonverbal behavior or body language, is a means of transmitting

information — just like the spoken word — except it is achieved through

facial expressions, gestures, https://www.8freebooks.net

MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL

COMMUNICATION 3 BOX 1: IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE “Eye-

blocking" is a nonverbal behavior that can occur when we feel threatened

and/or don’t like what we see. Squinting (as in the case with my classmates,

described above) and closing or shielding our eyes are actions that have

evolved to protect the brain from “seeing” undesirable images and to

communicate our disdain toward others. As an investigator, I used eye-

blocking behaviors to assist in the arson investigation of a tragic hotel fire

in Puerto Rico that claimed ninety-seven lives. A security guard came under

immediate suspicion because the blaze broke out in an area where he was

assigned. One of the ways we determined he had nothing to do with starting

the fire was by asking him some very specific questions as to where he was

before the fire, at the time of the fire, and whether or not he set the fire.

After each question I observed his face for any telltale signs of eye-block

behavior. His eyes blocked only when questioned about where he was when

the fire started. Oddly, in contrast, he did not seem troubled by the question,

“Did you set the fire?” This told me the real issue was his location at the

time of the fire, not his possible involvement in setting the fire. He was

questioned further on this topic by the lead investigators and eventually

admitted to leaving his post to visit his girlfriend, who also worked at the

hotel. Unfortunately, while he was gone, the arsonists entered the area he

should have been guarding and started the fire. In this case, the guard’s eye-

blocking behavior gave us the insight we needed to pursue a line of

questioning that eventually broke the case open. In the end, three arsonists

responsible for the tragic blaze were arrested and convicted of the crime.

The security guard, while woefully negligent and burdened with

tremendous guilt, was not, however, the culprit. https://www.8freebooks.net

4 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING touching (haptics),

physical movements (kinesics), posture, body adornment (clothes, jewelry,

hairstyle, tattoos, etc.), and even the tone, timbre, and volume of an

individual’s voice (rather than spoken content). Nonverbal behaviors

comprise approximately 60 to 65 percent of all interpersonal

communication and, during lovemaking, can constitute 100 percent of

communication between partners (Burgoon, 1994, 229-285). Nonverbal

communication can also reveal a person’s true thoughts, feelings, and

intentions. For this reason, nonverbal behaviors are sometimes referred to

as tells (they tell us about the person’s true state of mind). Because people

are not always aware they are communicating nonverbally, body language

is often more honest than an individual’s verbal pronouncements, which are

consciously crafted to accomplish the speaker’s objectives (see box 2).

BOX 2: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS A memorable

example of how body language can sometimes be more truthful than verbal

language involved the rape of a young woman on the Parker Indian

Reservation in Arizona. A suspect in the case was brought in for

questioning. His words sounded convincing and his story was plausible. He

claimed he hadn’t seen the victim and while out in a field had gone down a

row of cotton, turned left, and then walked straight to his house. While my

colleagues jotted down notes about what they were hearing, I kept my eyes

on the suspect and saw that as he told the story about turning left and going

home, his hand gestured to his right, which was exactly the direction that

led to the rape scene. If I hadn’t been watching him, I wouldn't have caught

the discrepancy between his verbal (“I went left”) and nonverbal (hand

gesturing to the right) behavior. But once I saw it I suspected he was lying. I

waited a while and then confronted him again, and in the end he confessed

to the crime. https://www.8freebooks.net

MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL

COMMUNICATION 5 Whenever your observation of another person’s

nonverbal behavior helps you understand that person’s feelings, intentions,

or actions — or clarifies his or her spoken words — then you have

successfully decoded and used this silent medium. USING NONVERBAL

BEHAVIOR TO ENHANCE YOUR LIFE It has been well established by

researchers that those who can effectively read and interpret nonverbal

communication, and manage how others perceive them, will enjoy greater

success in life than individuals who lack this skill (Goleman, 1995, 13—

92). It is the goal of this book to teach you how to observe the world around

you and to determine the meaning of nonverbals in any setting. This

powerful knowledge will enhance your personal interactions and enrich

your life, as it has mine. One of the fascinating things about an appreciation

for nonverbal behavior is its universal applicability. It works everywhere

humans interact. Nonverbals are ubiquitous and reliable. Once you know

what a specific nonverbal behavior means, you can use that information in

any number of different circumstances and in all types of environments. In

fact, it is difficult to interact effectively without nonverbals. If you ever

wondered why people still fly to meetings in the age of computers, text

messages, e-mails, telephones, and video conferencing, it is because of the

need to express and observe nonverbal communications in person. Nothing

beats seeing the nonverbals up close and personal. Why? Because

nonverbals are powerful and they have meaning. Whatever you learn from

this book, you will be able to apply to any situation, in any setting. Case in

point (see box 3 on next page): https://www.8freebooks.net

6 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 3: GIVING A

DOCTOR THE UPPER HAND Several months ago I presented a seminar

to a group of poker players on how to use nonverbal behavior to read their

opponents’ hands and win more money at the tables. Because poker is a

game that emphasizes bluffing and deception, players have a keen interest

in being able to read the tells of their opponents. For them, decoding

nonverbal communications is critical to success. While many were grateful

for the insights I provided, what startled me was how many seminar

participants were able to see the value of understanding and utilizing

nonverbal behavior beyond the poker table. Two weeks after the session

ended I received an e-mail from one of the participants, a physician from

Texas. “What I find most amazing,” he wrote me, “is that what I learned in

your seminar has also helped me in my practice. The nonverbals you taught

us in order to read poker players have helped me read my patients, too.

Now I can sense when they are uncomfortable, confident, or not being

entirely truthful.” The doctor’s note speaks to the universality of nonverbals

and their value in all facets of life. MASTERING NONVERBAL

COMMUNICATIONS REQUIRES A PARTNERSHIP I am convinced that

any person possessing normal intelligence can learn to use nonverbal

communication to better themselves. I know this because for the past two

decades I have taught thousands of people, just like you, how to

successfully decode nonverbal behavior and use that information to enrich

their lives, the lives of their loved ones, and to achieve their personal and

professional goals. Accomplishing this, however, requires that you and I

establish a working partnership, each contributing something of

significance to our mutual effort. https://www.8freebooks.net

MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL

COMMUNICATION 7 Following the Ten Commandments for Observing

and Decoding Nonverbal Communications Successfully Reading people

successfully — collecting nonverbal intelligence to assess their thoughts,

feelings, and intentions — is a skill that requires constant practice and

proper training. To help you on the training side, I want to provide you with

some important guidelines — or commandments — to maximize your

effectiveness in reading nonverbals. As you incorporate these

commandments into your everyday life and make them part of your routine,

they soon will become second nature to you, needing little, if any, conscious

thought. It’s a lot like learning to drive. Do you remember the first time you

gave that a go? If you were like me, you were so concerned with operating

the vehicle that it was difficult to track what you were doing inside the car

and concentrate on what was happening on the road outside at the same

time. It was only when you felt comfortable behind the wheel that you were

able to expand your focus to encompass the total driving environment.

That’s the way it is with nonverbal behavior. Once you master the

mechanics of using nonverbal communication effectively, it will become

automatic and you can focus your full attention on decoding the world

around you. Commandment 1: Be a competent observer of your

environment. This is the most basic requirement for anyone wishing to

decode and use nonverbal communications. Imagine the foolishness of

trying to listen to someone with plugs in our ears. We couldn’t hear the

message and whatever was said would be lost on us. Thus, most intent

listeners don’t go around wearing earplugs! Yet, when it comes to seeing

the silent language of nonverbal behavior, many viewers might as well be

wearing blindfolds, as oblivious as they are to the body signals around

them. Consider this. Just as careful listening is critical to understanding our

verbal pronouncements, so careful observation is vital to comprehending

our body language. Whoa! Don’t just breeze past that sentence and continue

https://www.8freebooks.net

8 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING reading. What it states is

critical. Concerted (effortful) observation — is absolutely essential to

reading people and detecting their nonverbal tells successfully. The problem

is that most people spend their lives looking but not truly seeing, or, as

Sherlock Holmes, the meticulous English detective, declared to his partner,

Dr. Watson, “You see, but you do not observe.” Sadly, the majority of

individuals view their surroundings with a minimal amount of observational

effort. Such people are oblivious to subtle changes in their world. They are

unaware of the rich tapestry of details that surrounds them, such as the

subtle movement of a person’s hand or foot that might betray his thoughts

or intentions. In fact, various scientific studies have demonstrated people to

be poor observers of their world. For example, when a man dressed in a

gorilla suit walked in front of a group of students while other activities were

taking place, half the students didn’t even notice the gorilla in their midst

(Simons & Chabris, 1999, 1059—1074)! Observation-impoverished

individuals lack what airline pilots refer to as “situational awareness,”

which is a sense of where one is at all times; they don’t have a solid mental

picture of exactly what is going on around them or even in front of them.

Ask them to go into a strange room filled with people, give them a chance

to look around, and then tell them to close their eyes and report what they

saw. You would be astounded by their inability to recall even the most

obvious features in the room. I find it disheartening how often we run into

somebody or read about someone who always seems to be blindsided by

life’s events. The complaints of these individuals are nearly always the

same: “My wife just filed for divorce. I never had a clue she was unhappy

with our marriage.” “The guidance counselor tells me my son has been

using cocaine for three years. I had no idea he had a drug problem.”

https://www.8freebooks.net

MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL

COMMUNICATION 9 “I was arguing with this guy and out of nowhere he

sucker punched me. I never saw it coming.” “I thought the boss was pretty

happy with my job performance. I had no idea I was going to be fired.”

These are the kinds of statements made by men and women who have never

learned how to observe the world around them effectively. Such

inadequacies are not surprising, really. After all, as we grow from children

to adults, we’re never instructed on how to observe the nonverbal clues of

others. There are no classes in elementary school, high school, or college

that teach people situational awareness. If you’re lucky, you teach yourself

to be more observant. If you don’t, you miss out on an incredible amount of

useful information that could help you avoid problems and make your life

more fulfilling, be it when dating, at work, or with family. Fortunately,

observation is a skill that can be learned. We don’t have to go through life

being blindsided. Furthermore, because it is a skill, we can get better at it

with the right kind of training and practice. If you are observationally

“challenged,” do not despair. You can overcome your weakness in this area

if you are willing to devote time and effort to observing your world more

conscientiously. What you need to do is make observation — concerted

observation — a way of life. Becoming aware of the world around you is

not a passive act. It is a conscious, deliberate behavior — something that

takes effort, energy, and concentration to achieve, and constant practice to

maintain. Observation is like a muscle. It grows stronger with use and

atrophies without use. Exercise your observation muscle and you will

become a more powerful decoder of the world around you. By the way,

when I speak of concerted observation, I am asking you to utilize all your

senses, not just your sense of sight. Whenever I walk into my apartment, I

take a deep breath. If things don’t smell “normal” I become concerned. One

time I detected the slight odor ot lingering cigarette smoke when I returned

home from a trip. My nose alerted me to possible danger well before my

eyes could scan my apartment. It turned https://www.8freebooks.net

10 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING out that the apartment

maintenance man had been by to fix a leaky pipe, and the smoke on his

clothes and skin were still lingering in the air several hours later.

Fortunately, he was a welcome intruder, but there could just as easily have

been a burglar lurking in the next room. The point is, by using all my

senses, I was better able to assess my environment and contribute to my

own safety and well-being. Commandment 2: Observing in context is key

to understanding nonverbal behavior. When trying to understand nonverbal

behavior in real-life situations, the more you understand the context in

which it takes place, the better you will be at understanding what it means.

For example, after a traffic accident, I expect people to be in shock and to

walk around looking dazed. I expect their hands to shake and even for them

to make poor decisions like walking into oncoming traffic. (This is why

officers ask you to stay in your car.) Why? After an accident, people are

suffering the effects of a complete hijacking of the “thinking” brain by a

region of the brain known as the limbic system. The result of this hijacking

includes behaviors such as trembling, disorientation, nervousness, and

discomfort. In context, these actions are to be expected and confirm the

stress from the accident. During a job interview, I expect applicants to be

nervous initially and for that nervousness to dissipate. If it shows up again

when I ask specific questions, then I have to wonder why these nervous

behaviors have suddenly presented again. Commandment 3: Learn to

recognize and decode nonverbal behaviors that are universal. Some body

behaviors are considered universal because they are exhibited similarly by

most people. For instance, when people press their lips together in a manner

that seems to make them disappear, it is a clear and common sign that they

are troubled and something is wrong. This nonverbal behavior, known as lip

compression, is one of the universal tells that I will be describing in the

chapters to follow (see box 4). The more of these universal nonverbals you

can recognize and accurately interpret, the more effective you will be in

assessing the thoughts, feelings, and intentions of those around you.

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MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL

COMMUNICATION 11 BOX 4: A PURSING OF LIPS LEADS TO

SAVINGS ON SHIPS Universal tells of the lips were very helpful to me

during a consulting assignment with a British shipping company. My

British client had asked me to sit through their contract negotiations with a

huge multinational corporation that would be outfitting their vessels. I

agreed and suggested that the proposed contract be presented point by

point, with agreement being reached on each item before moving forward.

That way I could more closely watch the corporate negotiator for any

nonverbals that might reveal information helpful to my client. “I’ll pass you

a note if I spot something that needs your attention,” I told my client and

then settled back to watch the parties review the contract clause by clause. I

didn’t have long to wait before I saw an important tell. When a clause

detailing the outfitting of a specific part of the vessel was read — a

construction phase involving millions of dollars — the chief negotiator

from the multinational corporation pursed his lips, a clear indication that

something in this part of the contract was not to his liking. I passed a note to

my client, warning him that this particular clause in the contract was

contentious or problematic and should be revisited and discussed

thoroughly while we were all still together. By confronting the issue then

and there — and focusing on the details of the clause in question — the two

negotiators were able to hammer out an agreement face-to-face, which

ended up saving my client 13.5 million dollars. The negotiator’s nonverbal

signal of displeasure was the key evidence needed to spot a specific

problem and deal with it immediately and effectively.

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12 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Commandment 4: Learn

to recognize and decode idiosyncratic nonverbal behaviors. Universal

nonverbal behaviors constitute one group of body cues: those that are

relatively the same for everyone. There is a second type of body cue called

an idiosyncratic nonverbal behavior, which is a signal that is relatively

unique to a particular individual. In attempting to identify idiosyncratic

signals, you’ll want to be on the lookout for behavioral patterns in people

you interact with on a regular basis (friends, family, coworkers, persons

who provide goods or services to you on a consistent basis). The better you

know an individual, or the longer you interact with him or her, the easier it

will be to discover this information because you will have a larger database

upon which to make your judgments. For example, if you note your

teenager scratches his head and bites his lip when he is about to take a test,

this may be a reliable idiosyncratic tell that speaks of his nervousness or

lack of preparation. No doubt this has become part of his repertoire for

dealing with stress, and you will see it again and again because “the best

predictor of future behavior is past behavior.” Commandment 5: When you

interact with others, try to establish their baseline behaviors. In order to get

a handle on the baseline behaviors of the people with whom you regularly

interact, you need to note how they look normally, how they typically sit,

where they place their hands, the usual position of their feet, their posture

and common facial expressions, the tilt of their heads, and even where they

generally place or hold their possessions, such as a purse (see figures 1 and

2). You need to be able to differentiate between their “normal” face and

their “stressed” face. Not getting a baseline puts you in the same position as

parents who never look down their child’s throat until the youngster gets

sick. They call the doctor and try to describe what they see inside, but they

have no means of making a comparison because they never looked at the

child’s throat when he or she was healthy. By examining what’s normal, we

begin to recognize and identify what’s abnormal. Even in a single encounter

with someone, you should attempt to note https://www.8freebooks.net

MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL

COMMUNICATION 13 Note features of face when not stressed. A stressed

face is tense and slightly Eyes are relaxed and the lips should be contorted,

eyebrows are knitted, and the full. forehead is furrowed. his or her “starting

position” at the beginning of your interaction. Establishing a person’s

baseline behavior is critical because it allows you to determine when he or

she deviates from it, which can be very important and informative (see box

5). Commandment 6: Always try to watch people for multiple tells —

behaviors that occur in clusters or in succession. Your accuracy in reading

people will be enhanced when you observe multiple tells, or clusters of

behavior body signals on which to rely. These signals work together like the

parts of a jigsaw puzzle. The more pieces of the puzzle you possess, the

better your chances of putting them all together and seeing the picture they

portray. To illustrate, if I see a business competitor display a pattern of

stress behaviors, followed closely by pacifying behaviors, I can be more

confident that she is bargaining from a position of weakness.

Commandment 7: It’s important to look for changes in a person’s behavior

that can signal changes in thoughts, emotions, interest, or intent Sudden

changes in behavior can help reveal how a person is

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14 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 5: IT’S A

RELATIVE MATTER Imagine for a moment that you’re the parent of an

eight-year-old boy who is waiting in line to greet relatives at a large family

reunion. As this is a yearly ritual, you have stood with your son on

numerous occasions while he waited his turn to say hello to everyone. He

has never hesitated to run up and give family members a big hug. However,

on this occasion, when it comes time to embrace his Uncle Harry, he stands

stiff and frozen in place. "What’s the matter?” you whisper to him, pushing

him toward his waiting uncle. Your son doesn’t say anything, but he is very

reluctant to respond to your physical signal. What should you do? The

important thing to note here is that your son's behavior is a deviation from

his baseline behavior. In the past, he has never hesitated to greet his uncle

with a hug. Why the change in behavior? His “freeze” response suggests he

feels threatened or something negative. Perhaps there is no justified reason

for his fear, but to the observant and sensibly cautious parent, a warning

signal should go off. Your son’s deviation from his previous behavior

suggests that something negative might have occurred between him and his

uncle since their last meeting. Perhaps it was a simple disagreement, the

awkwardness of youth, or a reaction to the uncle’s preferential treatment of

others. Then again, this behavior might indicate something much more

sinister. The point is that a change in a person’s baseline behavior suggests

that something might be amiss and, in this particular case, probably

warrants further attention. https://www.8freebooks.net

MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL

COMMUNICATION 15 processing information or adapting to emotional

events. A child who is exhibiting giddiness and delight at the prospect of

entering a theme park will change his behavior immediately upon learning

the park is closed. Adults are no different. When we get bad news over the

phone or see something that can hurt us, our bodies reflect that change

immediately. Changes in a person’s behavior can also reveal his or her

interest or intentions in certain circumstances. Careful observation of such

changes can allow you to predict things before they happen, clearly giving

you an advantage — particularly if the impending action could cause harm

to you or others (see box 6). Commandment 8: Learning to detect false or

misleading nonverbal signals is also critical The ability to differentiate

between authentic and misleading cues takes practice and experience. It

requires not only concerted observation, but also some careful judgment. In

the chapters to come, I will teach you the subtle differences in a person’s

actions that reveal whether a behavior is honest or dishonest, increasing

your chances of getting an accurate read on the person with whom you are

dealing. Commandment 9: Knowing how to distinguish between comfort

and discomfort will help you to focus on the most important behaviors for

decoding nonverbal communications. Having studied nonverbal behavior

most of my adult life, I have come to realize that there are two principal

things we should look for and focus on: comfort and discomfort. This is

fundamental to how I teach nonverbal communications. Learning to read

comfort and discomfort cues (behaviors) in others accurately will help you

to decipher what their bodies and minds are truly saying. If in doubt as to

what a behavior means, ask yourself if this looks like a comfort behavior

(e.g., contentment, happiness, relaxation) or if it looks like a discomfort

behavior (e.g., displeasure, unhappiness, stress, anxiety, tension). Most of

the time you will be able to place observed behaviors in one of these two

domains (comfort vs. discomfort). https://www.8freebooks.net

16 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 6= A NOSE FOR

TROUBLE Among the most important nonverbal clues to a person’s

thoughts are changes in body language that constitute intention cues. These

are behaviors that reveal what a person is about to do and provide the

competent observer with extra time to prepare for the anticipated action

before it takes place. One personal example of how critical it is to watch for

changes in people’s behavior — particularly when the changes involve

intention cues — involves an attempted robbery of a store where I worked.

In this particular situation, I noticed a man standing near the cash register at

the checkout counter, a behavior that caught my attention because he

seemed to have no reason to be there; he wasn't waiting in line and he

hadn’t purchased any items. Moreover, the entire time he stood there, his

eyes were fixed on the cash register. If he had just remained quietly where

he was, I eventually would have lost interest in him and focused my

attention elsewhere. However, while I was still observing him, his behavior

changed. Specifically, his nostrils starting flaring (nasal wing dilation),

which was a giveaway that he was oxygenating in advance of taking some

action. I guessed what that action was going to be about a second before it

occurred. And a second was all I had to sound a warning. I yelled to the

cashier, “Watch out!” as three things happened at once: (a) the clerk

finished ringing up a sale, causing the cash drawer to open; (b) the man near

the register lunged forward, plunging his hand into the drawer to grab some

cash; and (c) alerted by my shouted warning, the cashier grabbed the man’s

hand and twisted it, causing the would-be robber to drop the money and run

out of the store. Had I not spotted his intention cue, I am sure the thief

would have succeeded in his efforts. Incidentally, the cashier was my father,

who was running a small hardware store in Miami back in 1974. 1 was his

summer hire. https://www.8freebooks.net

MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL

COMMUNICATION 17 Commandment 10: When observing others, be

subtle about it. Using nonverbal behavior requires you to observe people

carefully and decode their nonverbal behaviors accurately. However, one

thing you don’t want to do when observing others is to make your

intentions obvious. Many individuals tend to stare at people when they first

try to spot nonverbal cues. Such intrusive observation is not advisable. Your

ideal goal is to observe others without their knowing it, in other words,

unobtrusively. Work at perfecting your observational skills, and you will

reach a point where your efforts will be both successful and subtle. It’s all a

matter of practice and persistence. You have now been introduced to your

part of our partnership, the ten commandments you need to follow to

decode nonverbal communication successfully. The question now becomes

“What nonverbal behaviors should I be looking for, and what important

information do they reveal?” This is where I come in. Identifying Important

Nonverbal Behaviors and Their Meanings Consider this. The human body

is capable of giving off literally thousands of nonverbal “signals” or

messages. Which ones are most important and how do you decode them?

The problem is that it could take a lifetime of painstaking observation,

evaluation, and validation to identify and interpret important nonverbal

communications accurately. Fortunately, with the help of some very gifted

researchers and my practical experience as an FBI expert on nonverbal

behavior, we can take a more direct approach to get you on your way. I have

already identified those nonverbal behaviors that are most important, so you

can put this unique knowledge to immediate use. We have also developed a

paradigm or model that makes reading nonverbals easier. Even if you forget

exactly what a specific body signal means, you will still be able to decipher

it. As you read through these pages, you will learn certain information

about nonverbal behavior that has never been revealed in any other text

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18 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING on body language

(including examples of nonverbal behavioral clues used to solve actual FBI

cases). Some of the material will surprise you. For example, if you had to

choose the most “honest” part of a person’s body — the part that would

most likely reveal an individual’s true feeling or intentions — which part

would you select? Take a guess. Once I reveal the answer, you’ll know a

prime place to look when attempting to decide what a business associate,

family member, date, or total stranger is thinking, feeling, or intending. I

will also explain the physiological basis for nonverbal behavior, the role the

brain plays in nonverbal behavior. I will also reveal the truth about

detecting deception as no counterintelligence agent has done before. I

firmly believe that understanding the biological basis for body language

will help you appreciate how nonverbal behavior works and why it is such a

potent predictor of human thoughts, feelings, and intentions. Therefore, I

start the next chapter with a look at that magnificent organ, the human

brain, and show how it governs every facet of our body language. Before I

do so, however, I will share an observation concerning the validity of using

body language to understand and assess human behavior. FOR WHOM

THE TELLS TOLL On a fateful date in 1963, in Cleveland, Ohio, thirty-

nine-year veteran Detective Martin McFadden watched two men walk back

and forth in front of a store window. They took turns peeking into the shop

and then walking away. After multiple passes, the two men huddled at the

end of the street looking over their shoulders as they spoke to a third

person. Concerned that the men were “casing” the business and intending to

rob the store, the detective moved in, patted down one of the men, and

found a concealed handgun. Detective McFadden arrested the three men,

thus thwarting a robbery and averting potential loss of life. Officer

McFadden’s detailed observations became the basis for a landmark U.S.

Supreme Court decision ( Terry v. Ohio, 1968, 392 U.S. 1)

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MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL

COMMUNICATION 19 known to every police officer in the United States.

Since 1968, this ruling has allowed police officers to stop and frisk

individuals without a warrant when their behaviors telegraph their intention

to commit a crime. With this decision, the Supreme Court acknowledged

that nonverbal behaviors presage criminality if those behaviors are observed

and decoded properly. Terry v. Ohio provided a clear demonstration of the

relationship between our thoughts, intentions, and nonverbal behaviors.

Most important, this decision provided legal recognition that such a

relationship exists and is valid (Navarro & Schafer, 2003, 22—24). So the

next time someone says to you that nonverbal behavior does not have

meaning or is not reliable, remember this case, as it says otherwise and has

stood the test of time. https://www.8freebooks.net

https://www.8freebooks.net

TWO Living Our Limbic Legacy Take a moment and bite your

lip. Really, take a second and actually do it. Now, rub your forehead.

Finally, stroke the back of your neck. These are things we do all the time.

Spend some time around other people and you’ll see them engaging in these

behaviors on a regular basis. Do you ever wonder why they do it? Do you

ever wonder why you do it? The answer can be found hidden away in a

vault — the cranial vault — where the human brain resides. Once we learn

why and how our brain recruits our body to express its emotions

nonverbally, we’ll also discover how to interpret these behaviors. So, let’s

take a closer look inside that vault and examine the most amazing three

pounds of matter found in the human body. Most people think of

themselves as having one brain and recognize that brain as the seat of their

cognitive abilities. In reality, there are three https://www.8freebooks.net

22 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING “brains” inside the human

skull, each performing specialized functions that work together as the

“command-and-control center” that regulates everything our body does.

Back in 1952, a pioneering scientist named Paul MacLean began to speak

of the human brain as a triune brain consisting of a “reptilian (stem) brain,”

“mammalian (limbic) brain,” and “human (neocortex) brain” (see diagram

of the limbic brain). In this book, we will be concentrating on the limbic

system of the brain (the part MacLean called the mammalian brain),

because it plays the largest role in the expression of our nonverbal behavior.

However, we will use our neocortex (our human brain or thinking brain) to

analyze critically the limbic reactions of those around us in order to decode

what other people are thinking, feeling, or intending (LeDoux, 1996, 184—

189; Goleman, 1995, 10-21). It is critical to understand that the brain

controls all behaviors, whether conscious or subconscious. This premise is

the cornerstone of understanding all nonverbal communications. From

simply scratching your head to composing a symphony, there is nothing you

do (except for some involuntary muscle reflexes) that is not governed or

directed by the brain. By this Diagram of the limbic brain with major

features such as the amygdala and the hippocampus.

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LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 23 logic, we can use these

behaviors to interpret what the brain is choosing to communicate externally.

THE VERY ELEGANT LIMBIC BRAIN In our study of nonverbal

communications, the limbic brain is where the action is. Why? Because it is

the part of the brain that reacts to the world around us reflexively and

instantaneously, in real time, and without thought. For that reason, it gives

off a true response to information coming in from the environment (Myers,

1993, 35—39). Because it is uniquely responsible for our survival, the

limbic brain does not take breaks. It is always “on.” The limbic brain is also

our emotional center. It is from there that signals go out to various other

parts of the brain, which in turn orchestrate our behaviors as they relate to

emotions or our survival (LeDoux, 1996, 104—137). These behaviors can

be observed and decoded as they manifest physically in our feet, torso,

arms, hands, and faces. Since these reactions occur without thought, unlike

words, they are genuine. Thus, the limbic brain is considered the "honest

brain” when we think of nonverbals (Goleman, 1995, 13—29). These

limbic survival responses go back not only to our own infancy, but also to

our ancestry as a human species. They are hardwired into our nervous

system, making them difficult to disguise or eliminate — like trying to

suppress a startle response even when we anticipate a loud noise. Therefore,

it is axiomatic that limbic behaviors are honest and reliable behaviors; they

are true manifestations of our thoughts, feelings, and intentions (see box 7).

The third part of our brain is a relatively recent addition to the cranial vault.

Thus it is called the neocortex, meaning new brain. This part of our brain is

also known as the “human,” “thinking,” or “intellectual” brain, because it is

responsible for higher-order cognition and memory. This is the part of the

brain that distinguishes us from other mammals due to the large amount of

its mass (cortex) used for thinking. This is the brain that got us to the moon.

With its ability to compute, analyze, https://www.8freebooks.net

24 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 7: HEAD-ING OFF

A BOMBER Since the limbic part of our brain cannot be cognitively

regulated, the behaviors it generates should be given greater importance

when interpreting nonverbal communications. You can use your thoughts to

try to disguise your true emotions all you want, but the limbic system will

selfregulate and give off clues. Observing these alarm reactions and

knowing that they are honest and significant is extremely important; it can

even save lives. An example of this occurred in December of 1999, when an

alert U.S. customs officer thwarted a terrorist who came to be known as the

“millennial bomber." Noting the nervousness and excessive sweating of

Ahmed Reesam as he entered the United States from Canada, Officer Diana

Dean asked him to step out of his car for further questioning. At that point

Reesam attempted to flee but was soon captured. In his car, officers found

explosives and timing devices. Reesam was eventually convicted of plotting

to bomb the Los Angeles Airport. The nervousness and sweating that

Officer Dean observed were regulated in the brain as a response to immense

stress. Because these limbic behaviors are genuine, Officer Dean could be

confident in pursuing Reesam, with the knowledge that her observations

had detected body language that justified further investigation. The Reesam

affair illustrates how one’s psychological state manifests nonverbally in the

body. In this case, the limbic system of a would-be bomber — who was

obviously extremely frightened by the possibility of being detected — gave

away his nervousness, despite all conscious attempts he made to hide his

underlying emotions. We owe Officer Dean our gratitude for being an astute

observer of nonverbal behavior and foiling a terrorist act.

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LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 25 interpret, and intuit at a

level unique to the human species, it is our critical and creative brain. It is

also, however, the part of the brain that is least honest; therefore, it is our

“lying brain.” Because it is capable of complex thought, this brain — unlike

its limbic counterpart — is the least reliable of the three major brain

components. This is the brain that can deceive, and it deceives often (Vrij,

2003, 1—17). Returning to our earlier example, while the limbic system

may compel the millennial bomber to sweat profusely while being

questioned by the customs officer, the neocortex is quite capable of

allowing him to lie about his true sentiments. The thinking part of the brain,

which is the part that governs our speech (specifically, Broca’s area), could

cause the bomber to say, “I have no explosives in the car,” should the

officer inquire as to what is in his automobile, even if that claim is an utter

falsehood. The neocortex can easily permit us to tell a friend that we like

her new haircut when we, in fact, do not, or it can facilitate the very

convincing statement, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms.

Lewinsky.” Because the neocortex (the thinking brain) is capable of

dishonesty, it is not a good source of reliable or accurate information (Ost,

2006, 259 — 291). In summary, when it comes to revealing honest

nonverbal behaviors that help us read people, the limbic system is the holy

grail of body language. Thus, this is the area of the brain where we want to

focus our attention. OUR LIMBIC RESPONSES— THE THREE F’S OF

NONVERBALS One of the classic ways the limbic brain has assured our

survival as a species — and produced a reliable number of nonverbal tells

in the process — is by regulating our behavior when confronting danger,

whether it be a prehistoric man facing a Stone Age beast or a modern-day

employee facing a stone-hearted boss. Over the millennia, we have retained

the competent, life-saving visceral reactions of our animal heritage. In order

to ensure our survival, the brain’s very elegant response to distress or

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26 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING threats, has taken three

forms: freeze, flight, and fight. Like other animal species whose limbic

brains protected them in this manner, humans possessing these limbic

reactions survived to propagate because these behaviors were already

hardwired into our nervous system. I am sure that many of you are familiar

with the phrase “fight-or-flight response,” which is common terminology

used to describe the way in which we respond to threatening or dangerous

situations. Unfortunately, this phrase is only two-thirds accurate and half-

assed backward! In reality, the way animals, including humans, react to

danger occurs in the following order: freeze, flight, fight. If the reaction

really were fight or flight, most of us would be bruised, battered, and

exhausted much of the time. Because we have retained and honed this

exquisitely successful process for dealing with stress and danger — and

because the resulting reactions generate nonverbal behaviors that help us

understand a person’s thoughts, feelings, and intentions — it is well worth

our time to examine each response in greater detail. The Freeze Response A

million years ago, as early hominids traversed the African savanna, they

were faced with many predators that could outrun and overpower them. For

early man to succeed, the limbic brain, which had evolved from our animal

forebearers, developed strategies to compensate for the power advantage

our predators had over us. That strategy, or first defense of the limbic

system, was to use xhc freeze response in the presence of a predator or

other danger. Movement attracts attention; by immediately holding still

upon sensing a threat, the limbic brain caused us to react in the most

effective manner possible to ensure our survival. Most animals, certainly

most predators, react to — and are attracted by — movement. This ability

to freeze in the face of danger makes sense. Many carnivores go after

moving targets and exercise the “chase, trip, and bite” mechanism exhibited

by large felines, the primary predators of our ancestors. Many animals not

only freeze their motion when confronted by

predahttps://www.8freebooks.net

LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 27 tors, but some even play

dead, which is the ultimate freeze reaction. This is a strategy that opossums

use, but they are not the only animals to do so. In fact, accounts of the

school shootings at Columbine and Virginia Tech demonstrate that students

used the freeze response to deal with deadly predators. By holding still and

playing dead, many students survived even though they were only a few

feet away from the killer. Instinctively, the students adopted ancient

behaviors that work very effectively. Freezing your movement can often

make you nearly invisible to others, a phenomenon every soldier and SWAT

team operator learns. Thus, the freeze response has been passed from

primitive man to modern man and remains with us today as our first line of

defense against a perceived threat or danger. In fact, you can still see this

ancient limbic reaction to large felines in the theaters of Las Vegas where

big cats are part of the show. As the tiger or lion walks onto the stage, you

can be sure that the people in the first row will not be making any

unnecessary arm or hand gestures. They will be frozen in their seats. These

people were not issued memos to remain still; they did so because the

limbic brain has prepared the human species to behave that way in the face

of danger for over five million years. In our modern society, the freeze

response is employed more subtly in everyday life. You can observe it when

people are caught bluffing or stealing, or sometimes when they are lying.

When people feel threatened or exposed, they react just like our ancestors

did a million years earlier; they freeze. Not only have we, as humans,

learned to freeze in the face of observed or perceived danger, but others

around us have learned to copy our behavior and freeze their behavior also,

even without seeing the threat. This mimicry or isopraxism (same

movement) evolved because it was critical to communal survival, as well as

social harmony, within the human species (see box 8 on next page). This

freezing action is sometimes termed the “deer-in-the-headlights” effect.

When suddenly caught in a potentially dangerous circumstance, we

immediately freeze before taking action. In our day-to-day life, this freeze

response manifests innocently, such as when a person walking down the

street stops suddenly, perhaps hitting himself on the forehead

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28 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 8: THE NIGHT

THE HANDS STOPPED MOVING I was at my mother's house a few

weeks ago watching television and eating ice cream with members of the

family. It was late at night and someone rang the doorbell (somethingthat is

veryunusual in her neighborhood). Suddenly, in the midst of eating,

everyone’s hands froze — adults and children alike — as if choreographed.

It was amazing to see how we all reacted with “hands flash frozen” at

precisely the same moment. It turned out that the visitor was my sister who

had forgotten her keys. But of course we didn't know it was her ringing the

bell. It was a beautiful example of the hardwired communal response to

perceived danger, and of the first limbic reaction, which is to freeze.

Soldiers in combat react the same way. When the “point man” freezes,

everyone freezes; nothing needs to be said. with the palm of his hand,

before turning around and heading back to his apartment to turn off the

stove. That momentary stop is enough for the brain to do some quick

assessing, whether the threat comes in the form of a predator or of a thought

remembered. Either way, the psyche must deal with a potentially dangerous

situation (Navarro, 2007, 141 — 163). We not only freeze when confronted

by physical and visual threats, but as in the example of the late-night

doorbell, threats from things we hear (aural threats) can also alert the limbic

system. For instance, when being chastised, most people hold very still. The

same behavior is observed when an individual is being questioned about

matters that he or she perceives could get them into trouble. The person will

freeze in his chair as if in an “ejector seat” (Gregory, 1999). A similar

manifestation of the limbic freeze occurs during interviews when people

hold their breath or their breathing becomes very shallow. Again, this is a

very ancient response to a threat. It is not noticed by the interviewee and yet

it is quite observable to anyone watching for it. I have

https://www.8freebooks.net

LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 29 often had to tell an

interviewee to relax and take a deep breath during the middle of an

interview or deposition, as he was unaware of just how shallow his

breathing had become. Consistent with the need to freeze when confronted

by a threat, people being questioned about a crime will often fix their feet in

a position of security (interlocked behind the chair legs) and hold that

position for an inordinate period of time. When I see this type of behavior,

it tells me something is wrong; this is a limbic response that needs to be

further explored. The person may or may not be lying, since deceit cannot

be directly discerned. But I can be assured from their nonverbal behavior

that something is stressing them; therefore I will pursue the source of their

discomfort through my questioning or interaction. Another way the limbic

brain uses a modification of the freeze response is to attempt to protect us

by diminishing our exposure. During surveillance of shoplifters, one of the

things that stands out is how often thieves will try to hide their physical

presence by restricting their motions or hunching over as if trying to be

invisible. Ironically, this makes them stand out even further, since it is such

a deviation from normal shopping behavior. Most people walk around a

store with their arms quite active and their posture upright rather than

stooped. Psychologically, the shoplifters — or, your son and daughter as

they try to surreptitiously swipe a cookie from the pantry — are trying to

master their environment by attempting to “hide” in the open. Another way

people try to hide in the open is by limiting their head exposure. This is

done by raising the shoulders and lowering the head — the “turtle effect.”

Picture a losing football team walking off the field after the game and you

get the idea (see figure 4). Interestingly and sadly, abused children often

manifest these freezing limbic behaviors. In the presence of an abusive

parent or adult, their arms will go dormant at their sides and they avoid eye

contact as though that helps them not to be seen. In a way, they are hiding

in the open, which is a tool of survival for these helpless kids.

https://www.8freebooks.net

30 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Fig. 4 The “turtle effect’’

(shoulders rise toward the ears) is often seen when people are humbled or

suddenly lose confidence. The Flight Response One purpose of the freeze

response is to avoid detection by dangerous predators or in dangerous

situations. A second purpose is to give the threatened individual the

opportunity to assess the situation and determine the best course of action to

take. When the freeze response is not adequate to eliminate the danger or is

not the best course of action (e.g., the threat is too close), the second limbic

response is to get away by use of the. flight response. Obviously, the goal of

this choice is to escape the threat or, at a minimum, to distance oneself from

danger. Running, of course, is useful when it is practical, and as a survival

mechanism our brain dihttps://www.8freebooks.net

LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 31 rected our body to adopt

this tactic judiciously over millennia in order to escape from danger. In our

modern world, however, where we live in cities and not in the wild, it is

difficult to run from threats; therefore we have adapted the flight response

to meet our modern needs. The behaviors are not as obvious, but they serve

the same purpose — to either block or distance ourselves from the physical

presence of undesirable individuals or things. If you think back on the

social interactions you’ve had in your life, you’ll probably be able to recall

some of the “evasive” actions you took to distance yourself from the

unwanted attention of others. Just as a child turns away from undesirable

food at the dinner table and shifts her feet toward the exit, an individual

may turn away from someone she doesn’t like, or to avoid conversations

that threaten her. Blocking behaviors may manifest in the form of closing

the eyes, rubbing the eyes, or placing the hands in front of the face. The

person may also distance herself from someone by leaning away, placing

objects (a purse) on her lap, or turning her feet toward the nearest exit. All

of these behaviors are controlled by the limbic brain and indicate that

someone wants distance from one or more undesirable persons or any

perceived threat in the environment. Again, we undertake these behaviors

because, for millions of years, humans have withdrawn from things we

didn’t like or that could harm us. Therefore, to this day, we expedite our

exit from a deplorable party, distance ourselves from a bad relationship, or

lean away from those who are deemed undesirable or even with whom we

strongly disagree (see figure 5). Just as a man may turn away from his date,

an individual in negotiations may shift away from his counterpart if he

hears an unattractive offer or feels threatened as bargaining continues.

Blocking behaviors may also be manifested; the businessperson may close

or rub his eyes, or place his hands in front of his face (see figure 6). He may

lean away from the table or the other person and turn his feet away as well,

sometimes in the direction of the nearest exit. These are not behaviors of

deception, but rather actions that signal that a person feels uncomfortable.

These forms of the age-old flight response are distancing nonverbal

behttps://www.8freebooks.net

32 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING People lean away from

each other subconsciously when they disagree or feel uncomfortable around

each other. haviors that tell you the businessperson is unhappy with what is

occurring at the table. The Fight Response Th c fight response is the limbic

brain’s final tactic for survival through aggression. When a person

confronting danger cannot avoid detection by freezing and cannot save

himself by distancing or escaping (flight), the only alternative left is to

fight. In our evolution as a species, we — along with other mammals —

developed the strategy of turning fear into rage in order to fight off

attackers (Panksepp, 1998, 208). In the modern https://www.8freebooks.net

LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 33 Eye blocking is a very

powerful display of consternation, disbelief, or disagreement. world,

however, acting on our rage may not be practical or even legal, so the

limbic brain has developed other strategies beyond the more primitive

physical fight response. One form of modern aggression is an argument.

Although the original meaning of the term argument relates simply to a

debate or discussion, the word is increasingly used to describe a verbal

altercation. An overheated argument is essentially “fighting” by

nonphysical means. The use of insults, ad hominem phrases,

counterallegations, denigration of professional stature, goading, and

sarcasm are all, in their own ways, the modern equivalents of fighting,

because they are all torms of aggression. If you think about it, civil lawsuits

can even be construed as a modern and socially sanctioned type of fight or

aggression in which litigants aggressively argue two opposing viewpoints.

While humans probably engage in physical altercations far less now than in

other periods in our history, fighting is still a part of our limbic armory.

Although some people are more prone to violence than others, our limbic

response shows up in many ways other than punching, kicking, and biting.

You can be very aggressive without physical contact, for example, just by

using your posture, your eyes, by puffing out your chest,

https://www.8freebooks.net

34 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING or by violating another’s

personal space. Threats to our personal space elicit a limbic response on an

individual level. Interestingly, these territorial violations can also create

limbic responses on a collective level. When one country intrudes into the

space of another, it often results in economic sanctions, severing of

diplomatic relations, or even wars. Obviously, it is easy to recognize when

someone uses the fight response to commit a physical assault. What I want

to identify for you are the not-so-obvious ways in which individuals exhibit

some of the more subtle behaviors associated with the fight response. Just

as we have seen modified expressions of the freeze and flight limbic

reactions, modern decorum dictates that we refrain from acting on our

primitive inclinations to fight when threatened. In general, I advise people

to refrain from using aggression (verbal or physical) as a means of

achieving their objectives. Just as the fight response is the act of last resort

in dealing with a threat — used only after the freeze and flight tactics have

proven unworkable — so too should you avoid it whenever feasible. Aside

from the obvious legal and physical reasons for this recommendation,

aggressive tactics can lead to emotional turmoil, making it difficult to

concentrate and think clearly about the threatening situation at hand. When

we are emotionally aroused — and a good fight will do that — it affects our

ability to think effectively. This happens because our cognitive abilities are

hijacked so that the limbic brain can have full use of all available cerebral

resources (Goleman, 1995, 27, 204—207). One of the best reasons for

studying nonverbal behaviors is that they can sometimes warn you when a

person intends to harm you physically, giving you time to avoid a potential

conflict. COMFORT/DISCOMFORT AND PACIFIERS To borrow a

phrase from the old Star Tre\ series, the “prime directive” of the limbic

brain is to ensure our survival as a species. It does this by being

programmed to make us secure by avoiding danger or discomfort and

seeking safety or comfort whenever possible. It also allows us to

rememhttps://www.8freebooks.net

LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 35 ber experiences from our

past encounters and build upon them (see box 9). Thus far we have seen

how efficiently the limbic system helps us to deal with threats. Now let’s

look at how our brain and body work together to comfort us and give us

confidence in our personal safety. When we experience a sense of comfort

(well-being), the limbic brain “leaks” this information in the form of body

language congruent with our positive feelings. Observe someone resting in

a hammock on a breezy day. His body reflects the high comfort being

experienced by his brain. On the other hand, when we feel distressed

(discomfort), the limbic brain expresses nonverbal behavior that mirrors our

negative state of being. Just watch people at the airport when a flight is

canceled or delayed. Their bodies say it all. Therefore, we want to learn to

look more closely at the comfort and discomfort behaviors we see every

day and use them to assess for feelings, thoughts, and intentions. In general,

when the limbic brain is in a state of comfort, this mental and physiological

well-being is reflected in nonverbal displays of contentment and high

confidence. When, however, the limbic brain is experiencing discomfort,

the corresponding body language is characterized by behaviors emblematic

of stress or low confidence. Knowledge of these “behavioral markers” or

tells will help you determine what a person may be thinking, or how to act

or what to expect when dealing with other people in any social or work

context. The Importance of Pacifying Behaviors Understanding how the

limbic system’s freeze, flight, and fight responses influence nonverbal

behavior is only part of the equation. As you study nonverbal behavior, you

will discover that whenever there is a limbic response — especially to a

negative or threatening experience — it will be followed by what I call

pacifying behaviors (Navarro, 2007, 141—163). These actions, often

referred to in the literature as adapters, serve to calm us down after we

experience something unpleasant or downright nasty (Knapp & Hall, 2002,

41—42). In its attempt to restore itself to “normal conditions,” the brain

enlists the body to provide comforting https://www.8freebooks.net

36 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 9: A BRAIN THAT

DOESN’T FORGET The limbic brain is like a computer that receives and

retains data from the outside world. In doing so, it compiles and maintains a

record of negative events and experiences (a burned finger from a hot stove,

an assault by a human or animal predator, or even hurtful comments) as

well as pleasant encounters. Using this information, the limbic brain allows

us to navigate a dangerous and often unforgiving world (Goleman, 1995,

10-21). For example, once the limbic system registers an animal as

dangerous, that impression becomes embedded in our emotional memory so

that the next time we see that animal, we will react instantly. Likewise, if

we run into the “class bully” twenty years later, negative feelings of long

ago will percolate to the surface once more, thanks to the limbic brain. The

reason it is often difficult to forget when someone has hurt us is because

that experience registers in the more primitive limbic system, which is the

part of the brain designed not to reason but to react (Goleman, 1995, 207). I

recently encountered an individual with whom I was never on the best of

terms. It had been four years since I had last seen this person, yet my

visceral (limbic) reactions were just as negative as they had been years ago.

My brain was reminding me that this individual takes advantage of others,

so it was warning me to stay away. This phenomenon is precisely what

Gavin de Becker was talking about in his insightful book, The Gift of Fear.

Conversely, the limbic system also works efficiently to register and retain a

record of positive events and experiences (e.g., satisfaction of basic needs,

praise, and enjoyable interpersonal relationships). Thus, a friendly or

familiar face will cause an immediate reaction — a sense of pleasure and

well-being. The feelings of euphoria when we see an old friend or recognize

a pleasant smell from childhood occur because those encounters have been

registered in the “comfort zone” of the memory bank associated with our

limbic system. https://www.8freebooks.net

LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 37 (pacifying) behaviors.

Since these are outward signals that can be read in real time, we can

observe and decode them immediately and in context. Pacifying is not

unique to our species. For example, cats and dogs lick themselves and each

other to pacify. Humans engage in much more diverse pacification

behaviors. Some are very obvious, while others are much more subtle. Most

people would readily think of a child’s thumb sucking when asked to

identify a pacifying behavior, but do not realize that after we outgrow that

comfort display, we adopt more discreet and socially acceptable ways to

satisfy the need to calm ourselves (e.g., chewing gum, biting pencils). Most

people don’t notice the more subtle pacifying behaviors or are unaware of

their significance in revealing a person’s thoughts and feelings. That is

unfortunate. To be successful at reading nonverbal behavior, learning to

recognize and decode human pacifiers is absolutely critical. Why? Because

pacifying behaviors reveal so much about a person’s current state of mind,

and they do so with uncanny accuracy (see box 10). I look for pacifying

behaviors in people to tell me when they are not at ease or when they are

reacting negatively to something I have done or said. In an interview

situation, such a display might be in response to a specific question or

comment. Behaviors that signal discomfort (e.g., leaning away, a frown,

and crossed or tense arms) are usually followed by the brain enlisting the

hands to pacify (see figure 8). I look for these behaviors to confirm what is

going on in the mind of the person with whom I am dealing. As a specific

example, if every time I ask a subject, “Do you know Mr. Hillman?’’ he

responds, “No,” but then immediately touches his neck or mouth, I know he

is pacifying to that specific question (see figure 9). I don’t know if he is

lying, because deception is notoriously difficult to detect. But I do know

that he is bothered by the inquiry, so much so that he has to pacify himself

after he hears it. This will prompt me to probe further into this area of

inquiry. Pacifying behaviors are important for an investigator to note, since

sometimes they help uncover a lie or hidden information. I find pacifying

indicators of greater significance and reliability than trying to establish

veracity. They help to identify what specific https://www.8freebooks.net

38 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 10: CAPTURED

IN THE NECK OF TIME Neck touching and/or stroking is one of the most

significant and frequent pacifying behaviors we use in responding to stress.

When women pacify using the neck, they often do so by covering or

touching their suprasternal notch with their hand (see figure 7). The

suprasternal notch is the hollow area between the Adam’s apple and the

breastbone that is sometimes referred to as the neck dimple. When a woman

touches this part of her neck and/or covers it with her hand, it is typically

because she feels distressed, threatened, uncomfortable, insecure, or fearful.

This is a relatively significant behavioral clue that can be used to detect,

among other things, the discomfort experienced when a person is lying or

concealing important information. I once worked on an investigation where

we thought an armed and dangerous fugitive might be hiding out at his

mother’s home. Another agent and I went to the woman’s house, and when

we knocked at the door, she agreed to let us in. We showed our

identification and began asking her a series of questions. When I inquired,

“Is your son in the house?” she put her hand to her suprasternal notch and

said, “No, he’s not.” I noted her behavior, and we continued with our

questioning. After a few minutes I asked, “Is it possible that while you were

at work, your son could have sneaked into the house?” Once again, she put

her hand up to her neck dimple and replied, “No, I’d know that.” I was now

confident that her son was in the house, because the only time she moved

her hand to her neck was when I suggested that possibility. To make

absolutely sure my assumption was correct, we continued to speak with the

woman until, as we prepared to leave, I made one last inquiry. "Just so I can

finalize my records, you’re positive he’s not in the house, right?” For a third

time, her hand went to her neck as she affirmed her earlier answer. I was

now certain the woman was lying. I asked for permission to search the

house and, sure enough, her son was hiding in a closet under some blankets.

She was lucky she was not charged with obstruction of justice. Her

https://www.8freebooks.net

LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 39 discomfort in lying to the

police about her fugitive son caused her limbic system to generate a

pacifying behavior that tipped her hand and gave her away. subjects trouble

or distress a person. Knowing these can often lead to evincing information

previously hidden that might give us new insights. Types of Pacifying

Behaviors Pacifying behaviors take many forms. When stressed, we might

soothe our necks with a gentle massage, stroke our faces, or play with our

hair. This is done automatically. Our brains send out the message, “Please

pacify me now,” and our hands respond immediately, providing an action

that will help make us comfortable again. Sometimes we pacify by rubbing

our cheeks or our lips from the inside with our tongues, or we exhale slowly

Fig. 7 Covering of the neck dimple pacifies insecurities, emotional

discomfort, fear, or concerns in real time. Playing with a necklace often

serves the same purpose. https://www.8freebooks.net

Rubbing of the forehead is usually a good indicator that a person

is struggling with something or is undergoing slight to severe discomfort.

Neck touching takes place when there is emotional discomfort, doubt, or

insecurity. https://www.8freebooks.net

LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 41 Fig. 10 Cheek or face

touching is a way to pacify when nervous, irritated, or concerned. Fig. 11

Exhaling with puffed out cheeks is a great way to release stress and to

pacify. Notice how often people do this after a near mishap. with puffed

cheeks to calm ourselves (see figures 10 and 1 1). If a stressed person is a

smoker, he or she will smoke more; if the person chews gum, he or she will

chew faster. All these pacifying behaviors satisfy the same requirement of

the brain; that is, the brain requires the body to do something that will

stimulate nerve endings, releasing calming endorphins in the brain, so that

the brain can be soothed (Panksepp, 1998, 272). For our purposes, any

touching of the face, head, neck, shoulder, arm, hand, or leg in response to a

negative stimulus (e.g., a difficult question, an embarrassing situation, or

stress as a result of something heard, seen, or thought) is a pacifying

behavior. These stroking behaviors don’t help us to solve problems; rather,

they help us to remain calm while we do. In other words, they soothe us.

Men prefer to touch their faces. Women prefer to touch their necks,

clothing, jewelry, arms, and hair. When it comes to pacifiers, people have

personal favorites, some choose to chew gum, smoke cigarettes, eat more

food, lick their lips, rub their chins, stroke their faces, play with objects

(pens, pencils, lipstick, or watches), pull their hair, or scratch their forearms.

Sometimes pacification is even more subtle, like a person brushing the front

of his shirt or adjusting his tie (see figure 12). He appears simply to be

preening himself, but in https://www.8freebooks.net

42 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Men adjust their ties to

deal with insecurities or discomfort. It also covers the suprasternal notch.

reality he is calming his nervousness by drawing his arm across his body

and giving his hands something to do. These, too, are pacifying behaviors

ultimately governed by the limbic system and exhibited in response to

stress. Below are some of the most common and pronounced pacifying

behaviors. When you see them, stop and ask yourself, “Why is this person

pacifying?” The ability to link a pacifying behavior with the specific

stressor that caused it can help you understand a person’s thoughts, feelings,

and intentions more accurately. Pacifying Behaviors Involving the Neck

Neck touching and/or stroking is one of the most significant and frequent

pacifying behaviors we use in responding to stress. One person may rub or

massage the back of his neck with his fingers; another may stroke the sides

of his neck or just under the chin above the Adam’s apple, tugging at the

fleshy area of the neck. This area is rich with nerve endings that, when

stroked, reduce blood pressure, lower the heart rate, and calm the individual

down (see figures 13 and 14). https://www.8freebooks.net

LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 43 Men tend to massage or

stroke their Men typically cover their necks more necks to pacify distress.

This area is rich robustly than women as a way to deal with nerves,

including the vagus nerve, with discomfort or insecurity, which when

massaged will slow down the heart rate. Over the decades that I have

studied nonverbal behaviors, I have observed that there are gender

differences in the way men and women use the neck to pacify themselves.

Typically, men are more robust in their pacifying behaviors, grasping or

cupping their necks just beneath the chin with their hands, thereby

stimulating the nerves (specifically, the vagus nerves or the carotid sinus) of

the neck, which in turn slow the heart rate down and have a calming effect.

Sometimes men will stroke the sides or the back of the neck with their

fingers, or adjust their tie knot or shirt collar (see figure 15). Women pacify

differently. For example, when women pacify using the neck, they will

sometimes touch, twist, or otherwise manipulate a necklace, if they are

wearing one (see box 11). As mentioned, the other major way women neck

pacify is by covering their suprasternal notch with their hand. Women touch

their hands to this part of their neck and/ or cover it when they feel stressed,

insecure, threatened, fearful, uncomfortable, or anxious. Interestingly, when

a woman is pregnant, I have observed that her hand will initially move

toward her neck but at the last moment will divert to her belly, as if to cover

the fetus. https://www.8freebooks.net

44 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 11 THE

PACIFYING PENDULUM Watch a couple as they converse at a table. If

the woman begins to play with her necklace, most likely she is a little

nervous. But if she transitions her fingers to her neck dimple (suprasternal

notch), chances are there is an issue of concern to her or she feels very

insecure. In most instances, if she is using her right hand on her suprasternal

notch, she will cup her right elbow with her left hand. When the stressful

situation is over or there is an intermission in the uncomfortable part of the

discussion, her right hand will lower and relax across her folded left arm. If

the situation again becomes tense, her right hand will rise, once again, to

the suprasternal notch. From a distance, the arm movement looks like the

needle on a stress meter, moving from resting (on the arm) to the neck

(upright) and back again, according to the level of stress experienced. Even

a brief touch of the neck will serve to assuage anxiety or discomfort. Neck

touching or massaging is a powerful and universal stress reliever and

pacifier. https://www.8freebooks.net

LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 45 Pacifying Behaviors

Involving the Face Touching or stroking the face is a frequent human

pacifying response to stress. Motions such as rubbing the forehead;

touching, rubbing, or licking the lip(s); pulling or massaging the earlobe

with thumb and forefinger; stroking the face or beard; and playing with the

hair all can serve to pacify an individual when confronting a stressful

situation. As mentioned before, some individuals will pacify by puffing out

their cheeks and then slowly exhaling. The plentiful supply of nerve

endings in the face make it an ideal area of the body for the limbic brain to

recruit to comfort itself. Pacifying Behaviors Involving Sounds Whistling

can be a pacifying behavior. Some people whistle to calm themselves when

they are walking in a strange area of a city or down a dark, deserted

corridor or road. Some people even talk to themselves in an attempt to

pacify during times of stress. I have a friend (as I am sure we all do) who

can talk a mile a minute when nervous or upset. Some behaviors combine

tactile and auditory pacification, such as the tapping of a pencil or the

drumming of fingers. Excessive Yawning Sometimes we see individuals

under stress yawning excessively. Yawning not only is a form of “taking a

deep breath,” but during stress, as the mouth gets dry, a yawn can put

pressure on the salivary glands. The stretch of various structures in and

around the mouth causes the glands to release moisture into a dry mouth

during times of anxiety. In these cases it’s not lack of sleep, but rather

stress, that causes the yawning. https://www.8freebooks.net

46 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING The Leg Cleanser Leg

cleansing is one pacification behavior that often goes unnoticed because it

frequently occurs under a desk or table. In this calming or pacifying

activity, a person places the hand (or hands) palm down on top of the leg (or

legs), and then slides them down the thighs toward the knee (see figure 16).

Some individuals will do the "leg cleanser” only once, but often it is done

repeatedly or the leg merely is massaged. It may also be done to dry off

sweaty palms associated with anxiety, but principally it is to get rid of

tension. This nonverbal behavior is worth looking for, because it is a good

indication that someone is under stress. One way to try and spot this When

stressed or nervous, people will “cleanse” their palms on their laps in order

to pacify themselves. Often missed under tables, it is a very accurate

indicator of discomfort or anxiety. https://www.8freebooks.net

LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 47 behavior is to watch people

who put one or both arms under the table. If they are doing leg cleansing,

you will normally see the upper arm and shoulder moving in conjunction

with the hand as it rubs along their leg. In my experience, I find the leg

cleanser to be very significant because it occurs so quickly in reaction to a

negative event. I have observed this action for years in cases when suspects

are presented with damning evidence, such as pictures of a crime scene with

which they are already familiar (guilty knowledge). This

cleansing/pacifying behavior accomplishes two things at once. It dries

sweaty palms and pacifies through tactile stroking. You can also see it when

a seated couple is bothered or interrupted by an unwelcome intruder, or

when someone is struggling to remember a name. In police work, watch for

the hand/leg pacifiers to appear when the interview session starts, and then

note if they progressively increase when difficult questions arise. An

increase in either the number or vigor of leg cleansers is a very good

indicator that a question has caused some sort of discomfort for the person,

either because he has guilty knowledge, is lying, or because you are getting

close to something he does not want to discuss (see box 12). The behavior

might also occur because the interviewee is distressed over what he is

required to answer in response to our questions. So, keep an eye on what

goes on under the table by monitoring the movement of the arms. You will

be surprised at how much you can glean from these behaviors. Heed this

cautionary note about leg cleansing. While it is certainly seen in people who

are being deceptive, I have also observed it in innocent individuals who are

merely nervous, so be careful not to jump to any conclusions too quickly

(Frank et ah, 2006, 248—249). The best way to interpret a leg cleanser is to

recognize that it reflects the brain’s need to pacify and, therefore, the

reasons for the individual’s behavior should be investigated further. The

Ventilator This behavior involves a person (usually a male) putting his

fingers between his shirt collar and neck and pulling the fabric away from

his skin https://www.8freebooks.net

48 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 12: FROM

FACEBOOK TO DISGRACEBOOK During an interview for a job, an

applicant was being questioned by his prospective employer. Everything

was going well until, toward the end of the interview, the candidate began

talking about networking and the importance of the Internet. The employer

complimented him on this comment and made an offhand remark about

how most college graduates used the Internet to network in a destructive

way, using sites like Facebook to post messages and pictures that would

prove to be an embarrassment later in the person’s life. At that point, the

employer noticed that the candidate did a vigorous leg cleansing with his

right hand, wiping it along his thigh several times. The employer said

nothing at the time, thanked the young man for the interview, and walked

him out of the office. He then returned to his computer — his suspicion

aroused by the candidate’s pacifying behavior — and checked to see if the

young man's profile was on Facebook. Sure enough, it was. And it was not

flattering! (see figure 17). This ventilating action is often a reaction to stress

and is a good indicator that the person is unhappy with something he is

thinking about or experiencing in his environment. A woman may perform

this nonverbal activity more subtly by merely ventilating the front of her

blouse or by tossing the back of her hair up in the air to ventilate her neck.

The Self-Administered Body-Hug When facing stressful circumstances,

some individuals will pacify by crossing their arms and rubbing their hands

against their shoulders, as if experiencing a chill. Watching a person employ

this pacifying behavior is reminiscent of the way a mother hugs a young

child. It is a protective and calming action we adopt to pacify ourselves

when we want to https://www.8freebooks.net

LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 49 Fig. 17 Ventilating of the

neck area relieves stress and emotional discomfort. Rodney Dangerfield, the

comedian, was famous for doing this when he wasn’t getting any “respect.”

feel safe. However, if you see a person with his arms crossed in front,

leaning forward, and giving you a defiant look, this is not a pacifying

behavior! USING PACIFIERS TO READ PEOPLE MORE

EFFECTIVELY In order to gain knowledge about a person through

nonverbal pacifiers, there are a few guidelines you need to follow: (1)

Recognize pacifying behaviors when they occur. I have provided you with

all of the major pacifiers. As you make a concerted effort to spot these body

signals, they will become increasingly easy to recognize in interactions with

other people. https://www.8freebooks.net

50 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING (2) Establish a pacifying

baseline for an individual. That way you can note any increase and/or

intensity in that person’s pacifying behaviors and react accordingly. (3)

When you see a person make a pacifying gesture, stop and ask yourself,

“What caused him to do that?” You know the individual feels uneasy about

something. Your job, as a collector of nonverbal intelligence, is to find out

what that something is. (4) Understand that pacifying behaviors almost

always are used to calm a person after a stressful event occurs. Thus, as a

general principle, you can assume that if an individual is engaged in

pacifying behavior, some stressful event or stimulus has preceded it and

caused it to happen. (5) The ability to link a pacifying behavior with the

specific stressor that caused it can help you better understand the person

with whom you are interacting. (6) In certain circumstances you can

actually say or do something to see if it stresses an individual (as reflected

in an increase in pacifying behaviors) to better understand his thoughts and

intentions. (7) Note what part of the body a person pacifies. This is

significant, because the higher the stress, the greater the amount of facial or

neck stroking is involved. (8) Remember, the greater the stress or

discomfort, the greater the likelihood of pacifying behaviors to follow.

Pacifiers are a great way to assess for comfort and discomfort. In a sense,

pacifying behaviors are “supporting players” in our limbic reactions. Yet

they reveal much about our emotional state and how we are truly feeling. A

FINAL NOTE ON OUR LIMBIC LEGACY You now are in possession of

information that is unknown to most people. You are aware that we have a

very robust survival mechanism (freeze, https://www.8freebooks.net

LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 51 flight, or fight) and possess

a pacifying system to deal with stress. We are fortunate to have these

mechanisms, not only for our own survival and success, but also to use in

assessing the sentiments and thoughts of others. In this chapter, we also

learned that (with the exception of certain reflexes) all behavior is governed

by the brain. We have examined two of the three major “brains” within our

cranial vault — the thinking neocortex brain and the more automatic limbic

brain — and how they differ in terms of their roles. Both brains perform

important functions. However, for our purposes, the limbic system is more

important because it is the most honest brain — responsible for producing

the most significant nonverbal signals for determining true thoughts and

feelings (Ratey, 2001, 147-242). Now that you are familiar with the basics

of how the brain reacts to the world, you might be wondering if detecting

and decoding nonverbal behaviors is all that easy to do. This is a frequently

asked question. The answer is yes and no. Once you’ve read this book,

some nonverbal body cues will stand out. They literally scream for

attention. On the other hand, there are many aspects of body language that

are more subtle and, therefore, more difficult to spot. We will focus on both

the more obvious and the more subtle behaviors that the limbic brain elicits

from the body. In time and with practice, decoding them will become

natural, like looking both ways before you cross a busy street. This brings

us to our legs and feet, which propel us across the intersection and provide

the focal point of our attention in the next chapter.

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THREE Getting a Leg Up on Body Language Nonverbals of the

Feet and Legs n the first chapter, I asked you to guess which is the most

honest part of the body — the part that is most likely to reveal a person’s

true intentions and, thus, be a prime place to look for nonverbal signals that

accurately reflect what he or she is thinking. It may surprise you, but the

answer is the feet! That’s right, your feet, along with your legs, win the

honesty award hands — or should I say — feet down. Now I will explain

how to gauge the sentiments and intentions of others by focusing on their

foot and leg actions. In addition, you will learn to look for telltale signs that

help disclose what’s going on under the table, even when you can’t directly

watch the lower limbs. First, however, I want to share with you why your

feet are the most honest part of your body, so you’ll gain a better

appreciation for why the feet are such good gauges of people’s true

sentiments and intentions. https://www.8freebooks.net

54 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING AN EVOLUTIONARY

“FOOT” NOTE For millions of years, the feet and legs have been the

primary means ol locomotion for the human species. They are the principal

means by which we have maneuvered, escaped, and survived. Since the

time our ancestors began to walk upright across the grasslands of Africa,

the human foot has carried us, quite literally, around the world. Marvels of

engineering, our feet allow us to feel, walk, turn, run, swivel, balance, kick,

climb, play, grasp, and even write. And while not as efficient at certain

tasks as our hands (we lack an opposable big toe), nevertheless, as

Leonardo da Vinci once commented, our feet and what they can perform are

a testament to exquisite engineering (Morris, 1985, 239). The writer and

zoologist Desmond Morris observed that our feet communicate exactly

what we think and feel more honestly than any other part of our bodies

(Morris, 1985, 244). Why are the feet and legs such accurate reflectors of

our sentiments? For millions of years, long before humans spoke, our legs

and feet reacted to environmental threats (e.g., hot sand, meandering

snakes, ill-tempered lions) instantaneously, without the need for conscious

thought. Our limbic brains made sure that our feet and legs reacted as

needed by either ceasing motion, running away, or kicking at a potential

threat. This survival regimen, retained from our ancestral heritage, has

served us well and continues to do so today. In fact, these age-old reactions

are still so hardwired in us that when we are presented with something

dangerous or even disagreeable, our feet and legs still react as they did in

prehistoric times. First they freeze, then they attempt to distance, and

finally, if no other alternative is available, they prepare to fight and kick.

This freeze, flight, or fight mechanism requires no high-order cognitive

processing. It is reactive. This important evolutionary development

benefited the individual as well as the group. Humans survived by seeing

and responding to the same threat simultaneously or by reacting to the

vigilant actions of others and behaving accordingly. When the group was

threatened, whether or not they all saw the danger, they were able to

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GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 55 react in

synchrony by noting each other’s movements. In our contemporary world,

soldiers on patrol will fix their attention on the “point man.” When he

freezes, they all freeze. When he lunges for the side of the road, they also

take cover. When he charges an ambush, they react in kind. With regard to

these life-saving group behaviors, little has changed in five million years.

This ability to communicate nonverbally has assured our survival as a

species, and even though today we often cover our legs with clothing and

our feet with shoes, our lower limbs still react — not only to threats and

stressors — but also to emotions, both negative and positive. Thus, our feet

and legs transmit information about what we are sensing, thinking, and

feeling. The dancing and jumping up and down we do today are extensions

of the celebratory exuberance people exhibited millions of years ago upon

the completion of a successful hunt. Be they Masai warriors jumping high

in place or couples dancing up a storm, throughout the world, the feet and

legs communicate happiness. We even stomp our feet in unison at ball

games to let our team know we are rooting for them. Other evidence of

these “foot feelings” abounds in our everyday life. For example, watch

children and their foot movements for a real education in feet honesty. A

child may be sitting down to eat, but if she wants to go out and play, notice

how her feet sway, how they stretch to reach the floor from a high chair

even when the child is not yet finished with her meal. A parent may try to

keep her in place, yet the girl’s feet will inch away from the table. Her torso

may be held by that loving parent, but the youngster will twist and squirm

her legs and feet ever so diligently in the direction of the door — an

accurate reflection of where she wants to go. This is an intention cue. As

adults, we are, of course, more restrained in these limbic exhibitions, but

just barely so. THE MOST HONEST PART OF OUR BODY When reading

body language, most individuals start their observation at the top of a

person (the face) and work their way down, despite the fact

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56 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING that the face is the one

part of the body that most often is used to bluff and conceal true sentiments.

My approach is the exact opposite. Having conducted thousands of

interviews for the FBI, I learned to concentrate on the suspect’s feet and

legs first, moving upward in my observations until I read the face last.

When it comes to honesty, truthfulness decreases as we move from the feet

to the head. Unfortunately, law enforcement literature over the last sixty

years, including some contemporary works, has emphasized a facial focus

when conducting interviews or attempting to read people. Further

complicating an honest read is the fact that most interviewers compound the

problem by allowing the interviewees to conceal their feet and legs under

tables and desks. When you give it some thought, there’s good reason for

the deceitful nature of our facial expressions. We he with our faces because

that’s what we’ve been taught to do since early childhood. “Don’t make that

face,” our parents growl when we honestly react to the food placed in front

of us. “At least loo\ happy when your cousins stop by,” they instruct, and

you learn to force a smile. Our parents — and society — are, in essence,

telling us to hide, deceive, and he with our faces for the sake of social

harmony. So it is no surprise that we tend to get pretty good at it, so good,

in fact, that when we put on a happy face at a family gathering, we might

look as if we love our in-laws when, in reality, we are fantasizing about

how to hasten their departure. Think about it. If we couldn’t control our

facial expressions, why would the term polder face have any meaning? We

know how to put on a so-called party face, but few pay any attention to

their own feet and legs, much less to those of others. Nervousness, stress,

fear, anxiety, caution, boredom, restlessness, happiness, joy, hurt, shyness,

coyness, humility, awkwardness, confidence, subservience, depression,

lethargy, playfulness, sensuality, and anger can all manifest through the feet

and legs. A meaningful touch of the legs between lovers, the shy feet of a

young boy meeting strangers, the stance of the angry, the nervous pacing of

an expectant father — all of these signal our emotional state and can be

readily observed in real time. If you want to decode the world around you

and interpret behavior https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 57 accurately,

watch the feet and the legs; they are truly remarkable and honest in the

information they convey. The lower limbs must be viewed as a significant

part of the entire body when collecting nonverbal intelligence.

SIGNIFICANT NONVERBAL BEHAVIORS INVOLVING THE FEET

AND LEGS Happy Feet Happy feet are feet and legs that wiggle and/or

bounce with joy. When people suddenly display happy feet — particularly

if this occurs right after they have heard or seen something of significance

— it’s because it has affected them in a positive emotional way. Happy feet

are a high-confidence tell, a signal that a person feels he is getting what he

wants or is in an advantageous position to gain something of value from

another person or from something else in his environment (see box 13).

Lovers seeing each other after a long separation will get happy feet at their

airport reunion. You don’t need to look under the table to see happy feet.

Just look at a person’s shirt and/or his shoulders. If his feet are wiggling or

bouncing, his shirt and shoulders will be vibrating or moving up and down.

These are not grossly exaggerated movements; in fact, they are relatively

subtle. But if you watch for them, they are discernible. Try this little

demonstration for yourself. Sit in a chair in front of a fulllength mirror and

begin wiggling or bouncing your feet. As you do, you’ll start to see your

shirt and/or shoulders move. While with others, if you’re not watching

carefully above the table for these telltale signs of lower-limb behaviors,

you might miss them. But if you’re willing to take the time and effort to

look, you’ll be able to detect them. The key to using happy feet as an

effective nonverbal signal is first to note a person’s foot behavior, and then

to watch for any sudden changes that take place (see box 14 on page 59).

Allow me to express two points of caution. First, as with all nonverbal

behavior, happy feet must be taken in context to determine if

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58 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 13 HAPPY FEET

MEAN LIFE IS SWEET A while back, I was watching a poker tournament

on television and I saw a guy dealt a flush (a powerful hand). Below the

table, his feet were going wild! They were wiggling and bouncing like the

feet of a child who's just learned he’s going to Disney World. The player’s

face was stoic, his demeanor above the table was calm, but down near the

floor there was a whole lot of shakin’ goin’ on! Meanwhile, I was pointing

at the TV set and urging the other players to fold their hands and get out of

the game. Too bad they couldn’t hear me, because two players called his

bets and lost their money to his unbeatable hand. This player has learned

how to put on his best poker face. Obviously, however, he has a long way to

go when it comes to putting on his best poker feet. Fortunately for him, his

opponents — like most people — have spent a lifetime ignoring three-

quarters of the human body (from the chest on down), paying no attention

to the critical nonverbal tells that can be found there. Poker rooms aren’t the

only place where you see happy feet. I have seen them in plenty of meeting

rooms and boardrooms and just about everywhere else. While writing this

chapter, I was at the airport and overheard a young mother sitting next to

me as she was talking on her cell phone to members of her family. At first,

her feet were flat on the ground, but when her son got on the phone, her feet

began bouncing up and down effusively. I did not need her to tell me how

she felt about her child or his priority in her life. Her feet shouted it to me.

Remember, whether you are playing cards, doing business, or simply are

engaged in a conversation with friends, happy feet are one of the most

honest ways our brains truthfully exclaim, “I am elated."

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GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 59 BOX 14: A

SIGN OF THE FEET Julie, a human resource executive for a major

corporation, told me she began noticing foot behaviors after attending one

of my seminars for bank executives. She put her new knowledge to good

use just a few days after returning to her job. “I was responsible for

selecting company employees for overseas assignments,” she explained.

“When I asked one potential candidate if she wanted to work abroad, she

responded with bouncing, happy feet and an affirmative, ‘Yes!’ However,

when I next mentioned that the destination was Mumbai, India, her feet

stopped moving altogether. Noting the change in her nonverbal behavior, I

asked why she didn't want to go there. The candidate was astounded. ‘Is it

that noticeable? I didn’t say anything. Did someone else say something to

you?’ she asked in a startled voice. I told the woman I could ‘sense’ she

wasn’t pleased with the intended work location. ‘You’re right,’ she

admitted, ‘I thought I was being considered for Hong Kong, where I have a

few friends.’ It was obvious she did not want to go to India, and her feet left

no doubt about her feelings on the matter." they represent a true tell or just

excess nervous behavior. For example, if a person has naturally jittery legs

(a kind of restless-leg syndrome), then it might be hard to distinguish happy

feet from an individual’s normal nervous energy. If the rate or intensity of

jiggling increases, however, particularly right after a person hears or

witnesses something of significance, I might view that as a potential signal

that he or she now feels more confident and satisfied with the current state

of affairs. Second, moving feet and legs may simply signify impatience.

Our feet often jiggle or bounce when we grow impatient or feel the need to

move things along. Watch a class full of students and notice how often their

legs and feet will twitch, jiggle, move, and kick throughout the class. This

activity usually increases as the class draws to a close. More often

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60 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING than not, this is a good

indicator of impatience and the need to speed things up, not a sign of happy

feet. Such activity reaches a crescendo as dismissal time approaches in my

classes. Perhaps the students are trying to tell me something. When Feet

Shift Direction, Particularly Toward or Away from a Person or Object We

tend to turn toward things we like or are agreeable to us, and that includes

individuals with whom we are interacting. In fact, we can use this

information to determine whether others are happy to see us or would prefer

that we leave them alone. Assume you are approaching two people engaged

in a conversation. These are individuals you have met before, and you want

to join in the discussion, so you walk up to them and say “hi.” The problem

is that you’re not sure if they really want your company. Is there a way to

find out? Yes. Watch their feet and torso behavior. If they move their feet —

along with their torsos — to admit you, then the welcome is full and

genuine. However, if they don’t move their feet to welcome you but,

instead, only swivel at the hips to say hello, then they’d rather be left alone.

We tend to turn away from things that we don’t like or that are disagreeable

to us. Studies of courtroom behavior reveal that when jurors don’t like a

witness, they turn their feet toward the nearest exit (Dimitrius &

Mazzarella, 2002, 193). From the waist up, the jurors politely face the

witness who is speaking, but will turn their feet toward the natural “escape

route” — such as the door leading to the hallway or the jury room. What is

true for jurors in a courtroom is also true for person-to-person interactions

in general. From the hips up, we will face the person with whom we are

talking. But if we are displeased with the conversation, our feet will shift

away, toward the nearest exit. When a person turns his feet away, it is

normally a sign of disengagement, a desire to distance himself from where

he is currently positioned. When you are talking with someone and you note

that he gradually or suddenly shifts his https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 61 feet away

from you, this is information you need to process. Why did the behavior

take place? Sometimes it is a signal that the person is late for an

appointment and really has to go; other times it is a sign that the person no

longer wants to be around you. Perhaps you have said something offensive

or done something annoying. The shifting foot behavior is a sign that the

person wants to depart (see figure 18). However, now it is up to you —

based on the circumstances surrounding the behavior — to determine why

the individual is anxious to go (see box 15). BOX 15: HOW FEET WAVE

GOODBYE When two people talk to each other, they normally speak toe to

toe. If, however, one of the individuals turns his feet slightly away or

repeatedly moves one foot in an outward direction (in an L formation with

one foot toward you and one away from you), you can be assured he wants

to take leave or wishes he were somewhere else. This type of foot behavior

is another example of an intention cue (Givens, 2005, 60-61). The person's

torso may remain facing you out of social diligence, but the feet may more

honestly reflect the limbic brain’s need or desire to escape (see figure 18).

Recently I was with a client who had spent almost five hours with me. As

we were parting for the evening, we reflected on what we had covered that

day. Even though our conversation was very collegial, I noticed that my

client was holding one leg at a right angle to his body, seemingly wanting to

take off on its own. At that point I said, “You really do have to leave now,

don’t you?” “Yes,” he admitted. “I am so sorry. I didn’t want to be rude but

I have to call London and I only have five minutes!” Here was a case where

my client’s language and most of his body revealed nothing but positive

feelings. His feet, however, were the most honest communicators, and they

clearly told me that as much as he wanted to stay, duty was calling.

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62 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Fig. 18 Where one foot

points and turns away during a conversation, this is a sign the person has to

leave, precisely in that direction. This is an intention cue. The Knee Clasp

There are other examples of intention movements of the legs that are

associated with an individual who wants to leave his current location. Take

note if a person who is sitting down places both hands on his knees in a

knee clasp (see figure 19). This is a very clear sign that in his mind, he is

ready to conclude the meeting and take leave. Usually this hands-onknees

gesture is followed by a forward lean of the torso and/or a shift of the lower

body to the edge of the chair, both intention movements. When

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GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 63 Clasping of

the knees and shifting of weight on the feet is an intention cue that the

person wants to get up and leave. you note these cues, particularly when

they come from your superiors, it’s time to end your interaction; be astute

and don’t linger. Gravity-Defying Behaviors of the Feet When we are happy

and excited, we walk as if we are floating on air. We see this with lovers

enthralled to be around each other as well as with children who are eager to

enter a theme park. Gravity seems to hold no boundaries for those who are

excited. These behaviors are quite obvious, and yet every day, all around us

, gravity-defying behaviors seemingly elude our observation. When we are

excited about something or feel very positive about our circumstances, we

tend to defy gravity by doing such things as rocking up and down on the

balls of our feet, or walking with a bit of a bounce in our step. This is the

limbic brain, once again, manifesting itself in our nonverbal behaviors.

Recently I was watching a stranger talk on his cell phone. As he listened,

his left foot, which had been resting flat on the ground, changed position.

The heel of the foot remained on the ground, but the rest of his shoe moved

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64 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING up, so that his toes were

pointing skyward (see Figure 20). To the average person, that behavior

would have gone unnoticed or been disregarded as insignificant. But to the

trained observer, that gravity-defying foot behavior can be readily decoded

to mean that the man on the phone had just heard something positive. Sure

enough, as I walked by I could hear him say, “Really — that’s terrific!” His

feet had already silently said the same thing. Even when standing still, a

person telling a story may inch up to a taller stance, elevating himself to

emphasize his points, and he may do so repeatedly. The individual does this

subconsciously; therefore these elevating behaviors are very honest cues,

since they tend to be true expresWhen the toes point upward as in this

photograph, it usually means the person is in a good mood or is thinking or

hearing something positive. https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 65 sions of the

emotion attached to the story. They appear in real time along with the story

line and relate his feelings along with his words. Just as we move our feet to

the beat and tempo of a song we like, so too will we move our feet and legs

in congruence with something positive we say. Interestingly, gravity-

defying behaviors of the feet and legs are rarely seen in people suffering

from clinical depression. The body reflects precisely the emotional state of

the individual. So when people are excited we tend to see many more

gravity-defying behaviors. Can gravity-defying behaviors be faked? I

suppose they can be, particularly by really good actors and perennial liars,

but average people simply don’t know how to regulate their limbic

behaviors. When people try to control their limbic reactions or gravity-

defying behaviors, it looks contrived. Either they appear too passive or

restrained for the situation or not animated enough. A faked upward arm

greeting just doesn’t cut it. It looks fake because the arms are not up for

very long, and usually the elbows are bent. The gesture has all the

hallmarks of being contrived. True gravity-defying behaviors are usually a

very good barometer of a person’s positive emotional state and they look

genuine. One type of gravity-defying behavior that can be very informative

to the astute observer is known as the starter’s position (see figure 21). This

is an action in which a person moves his or her feet from a resting position

(flat on the ground) to a ready or “starter’s” position with heel elevated and

weight on the balls of the feet. This is an intention cue that tells us the

person is getting ready to do something physical, requiring foot movement.

It could mean the individual intends to engage you further, is really

interested, or wants to leave. As with all nonverbal intention cues, once you

learn a person is about to do something, you need to rely on the context and

what you know about the individual to make your best assessment of what

that something is going to be. Leg Splay The most unmistakable and easily

spotted foot and leg behaviors are territorial displays. Most mammals,

human or not, can become territorial https://www.8freebooks.net

66 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING When feet shift from flat

footed to the “starter's position,” this is an intention cue that the person

wants to go. when they are stressed or upset, when they are being

threatened, or, conversely, when they are threatening others. In each case,

they will exhibit behaviors indicating they are trying to reestablish control

of their situation and their territory. Law enforcement and military

personnel use these behaviors because they are accustomed to being in

charge. Sometimes, they will try to outdo each other, at which point it

becomes farcical as each person tries to splay out wider than his colleagues

in a subconscious attempt to claim more territory. When people find

themselves in confrontational situations, their feet and legs will splay out,

not only for greater balance but also to claim greater territory. This sends

out a very strong message to the careful observer that at a minimum there

are issues afoot or that there is potential for real trouble. When two people

face off in disagreement, you will never see their legs crossed so that they

are off balance. The limbic brain simply will not allow this to take place. If

you observe a person’s feet going from being together to being spread apart,

you can be fairly confident that the individual is becoming increasingly

unhappy. This dominant stance communicates very clearly, “Something is

wrong and I am ready to deal with it.” Territorial leg

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GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 67 splays signal

the potential for tempers to flare; thus, whether you find yourself observing

or using this type of nonverbal behavior, you should be on the alert for

possible trouble. Because people often assume a more splayed posture when

an argument escalates, I tell executives as well as law enforcement officers

that one way to diffuse a confrontation is to avoid using such territorial

displays. If we catch ourselves in a leg-splay posture during a heated

exchange and immediately bring our legs together, it often lessens the

confrontation level and reduces the tension. A few years ago, while I was

conducting a seminar, a woman in the audience spoke about how her ex-

husband used to intimidate her during an argument by standing in the

doorway of their house, legs splayed, blocking her exit. This is not a

behavior to be taken lightly. It resonates visually as well as viscerally and

can be used to control, intimidate, and threaten. In fact, predators (e.g.,

psychopaths, antisocials) often use this leg-splay behavior in conjunction

with eye-gaze behavior to control others. As one prison inmate once told

me, “In here, it’s all about posture, how we stand, how we look. We can’t

look weak, not for one moment.” I suspect anywhere we might encounter

predators, we should be cognizant of our posture and stance. There are, of

course, times when a leg splay can be used to your advantage —

specifically, when you want to establish authority and control over others

for a positive reason. I have had to coach female law enforcement officers

to use the leg splay to establish a more aggressive stance when responding

to unruly crowds in the line of duty. Standing with their feet together

(which is perceived as submissive) sends the wrong kind of signal to a

would-be antagonist. By moving their feet apart, the female officers can

take a more dominant, “I am in charge” stance, which will be perceived as

more authoritarian and thus help them be more effective in controlling

unruly individuals. You may want to emphasize to a teenage son how you

feel about smoking not by raising your voice, but rather by using a

territorial display. https://www.8freebooks.net

68 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING The Territorial Imperative

When discussing leg splay and territorial claims, we must recognize the

work of Edward Hall, who studied the use of space in humans and other

animals. By studying what he termed the territorial imperative, he was able

to document our spatial needs, which he referred to as proxemics (Hall,

1969). Hall found that the more advantaged we are socioeconomically or

hierarchically, the more territory we demand. He also found that people

who tend to take up more space (territory) through their daily activities also

tend to be more self-assured, more confident, and of course more likely to

be of higher status. This phenomenon has been demonstrated throughout

human history and in most cultures. In fact, the conquistadores witnessed it

when they arrived in the new world. Once here, they saw the same

territorial displays in the people native to the Americas that they had seen in

Queen Isabella’s court; to wit, royalty — in any country — can command

and is afforded greater space (Diaz, 1988). While CEOs, presidents, and

high-status individuals can claim greater space, for the rest of us, it is not so

easy. All of us, however, are very protective of our personal space,

regardless of its size. We don’t like it when people stand too close. In his

research, Edward Hall found that each of us has a space requirement he

called proxemics, that is both personal and cultural in origin. When people

violate that space, we have powerful limbic reactions indicative of stress.

Violations of personal space cause us to become hypervigilant; our pulse

races and we may become flushed (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 146—147). Just

think about how you feel when someone gets too close, whether in a

crowded elevator or while you’re conducting a transaction at an ATM

machine. I mention these space issues so that the next time someone stands

too close or you violate someone’s space, you are aware of the negative

limbic arousal that will take place. Feet/Leg Displays of High Comfort

Careful observation of the legs and feet can help you determine how

comfortable you are around somebody else and vice versa. Leg crossing is

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GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 69 a particularly

accurate barometer of how comfortable we feel around another person; we

don’t use it if we feel uncomfortable (see figure 22). We also cross our legs

in the presence of others when we are confident — and confidence is part of

comfort. Let’s examine why this is such an honest and revealing lower limb

behavior. When you cross one leg in front of the other while standing, you

reduce your balance significantly. From a safety standpoint, if there were a

real threat, you could neither freeze very easily nor run away because, in

that stance, you are basically balanced on one foot. For this reason, the

limbic brain allows us to perform this behavior only when we feel

comfortable or confident. If a person is standing by herself in an elevator

with one leg crossed over the other, she will immediately uncross her legs

and plant both feet firmly on the floor when a stranger steps into the

elevator. This is a sign that the limbic brain is saying, “You can’t take any

chances; you may have to deal with a potential threat or problem now, so

put both feet firmly on the ground!” When I see two colleagues talking to

each other and they both have their legs crossed, I know they are

comfortable with each other. First, We normally cross our legs when we feel

comfortable. The sudden presence of someone we don’t like will cause us

to uncross our legs. https://www.8freebooks.net

70 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING this shows a mirroring of

behaviors between two individuals (a comfort sign known as isopraxisni)

and second, because leg crossing is a highcomfort display (see figure 23).

This leg-cross nonverbal can be used in interpersonal relationships to let the

other person know that things are good between the two of you, so good, in

fact, that you can afford to relax totally (limbically) around that individual.

Leg crossing, then, becomes a great way to communicate a positive

sentiment. Recently I attended a party in Coral Gables, Florida, where I was

introduced to two women, both of whom were in their early sixties. During

the introduction, one of the women suddenly crossed her legs so that she

When two people are talking and both have crossed their legs, this is an

indication that they are very comfortable around each other.

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GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 71 was on one

foot leaning toward her friend. I commented, “You ladies must have known

each other for a long time.” Their eyes and faces lit up, and one asked how I

knew this. I said, “Even though you were meeting me — a stranger — for

the first time, one of you crossed your legs to favor the other. That is very

unusual unless you really like and trust each other.” They both giggled and

one inquired, “Can you read minds, too?” To which I laughed and

answered, “No.” After I had explained what gave their long-term friendship

away, one of the two women confirmed they had known each other since

they were in grade school in Cuba in the forties. Once again, the leg cross

proved to be an accurate barometer of human sentiments. Here’s an

interesting feature of leg crossing. We usually do it subconsciously in favor

of the person we like the most. In other words, we cross our legs in such a

way so that we tilt toward the person we favor. This can provide some

interesting revelations during family gatherings. In families in which there

are multiple children, it is not unusual to have a parent reveal a preference

for one child over another by crossing legs so that they tilt toward the child

they favor. Be aware that sometimes criminals, when they are up to no

good, will lean against a wall with their legs crossed when they see police

driving by, pretending to be cool. Because this behavior goes counter to the

threat the limbic brain is sensing, these criminals usually don’t hold this

behavior for very long. Experienced officers on the beat can immediately

see that these subjects are posing, not reposing, but to the unknowing, they

may look erroneously benign. Feet/Leg Displays During Courtship During

high-comfort social interactions, our feet and legs will mirror those of the

other person we are with (isopraxis) and will remain playful. In fact, in the

extreme stages of comfort during courtship, the feet will also engage the

other person through subtle foot touches or caresses (see box 16). During

courtship, and particularly while seated, a woman will often

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72 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 16: GETTING A

TOEHOLD ON ROMANCE I was in Los Angeles this year giving

nonverbal communication training to a client who works in the television

industry. He was kind enough to take me to dinner at a popular Mexican

restaurant near his house. While there, he wanted to continue learning about

body language and pointed to a couple seated at a nearby table. He asked,

“Based on what you see, do you think they’re getting along with each

other?” As we observed the two diners, we noted that at first they were

leaning in to each other, but as the dinner and conversation progressed, they

both leaned back in their chairs away from each other, not really saying

much. My client thought things were going sour between them. I said,

“Don’t just look above the table, look under the table as well." This was

easy to do, as there was no table cloth or other obstacle blocking the

underside of the table. “Notice how their feet are very close to each other,” I

pointed out. If they weren’t getting along, their feet would not be that close

together. The limbic brain simply would not allow it. Now that I had him

focused on the couple’s feet, we noticed that every once in a while their feet

touched or brushed against each other and neither person's legs retracted.

“That behavior is important,” I noted. “It shows they still feel connected.”

When the couple got up to leave, the man put his arm around the woman’s

waist and they walked out without saying another word. The nonverbals

said it all, even though they were not in a talking mood. If you have ever

wondered why there is so much leg touching and flirting under tables or in

swimming pools, it is probably related to two phenomena. First, when our

body parts are out of sight, such as under a table or under water (or under

the covers), they seem out of mind — or at least out of the realm of

observation. We have all seen people act in a public pool as if they were in

private. Second, our feet contain a tremendous number of sensory receptors,

the pathways of which terminate in an area of the brain that is close to the

place in which sensations of the genitalia are registered (Givens, 2005, 92-

93). People play footsies under https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 73 the table

because it feels good and can be very sexually arousing. Conversely, when

we don’t like someone or don’t feel close to them, we move our feet away

immediately if they accidentally touch beneath the table. As a relationship

wanes, a very clear sign couples often miss is that there will be

progressively less foot touching of any kind. play with her shoes and dangle

them from the tips of her toes when she feels comfortable with her

companion. This behavior will, however, quickly cease if the woman

suddenly feels uncomfortable. A potential suitor can get a pretty good

reading on how things are going based on this “shoe -play” behavior. If,

upon approaching a woman (or after talking with her for a while), her shoe

play stops, she adjusts her shoe back on her foot, and especially if she

follows this by turning slightly away from the suitor and perhaps gathering

up her purse, well, in the language of baseball, that suitor has most likely

just struck out. Even when a woman is not touching her suitor with her foot,

this type of foot dangling and shoe play is movement, and movement draws

attention. Therefore, this nonverbal behavior says, “Notice me,” which is

just the opposite of the freeze response, and is part of the orienting reflex

that is instinctive and draws us near to the things and people we like or

desire and away from those things we don’t like, don’t trust, or of which we

are not sure. Seated leg crosses are also revealing. When people sit side by

side, the direction of their leg crosses become significant. If they are on

good terms, the top leg crossed over will point toward the other person. If a

person doesn’t like a topic his companion brings up, he will switch the

position of the legs so that the thigh becomes a barrier (see figures 24 and

25). Such blocking behavior is another meaningful example of the limbic

brain protecting us. If there is congruence in the way both parties are sitting

and crossing their legs, then there is harmony. https://www.8freebooks.net

In this photo the man has placed his right leg in such a way that

the knee acts as a barrier between himself and the woman. In this photo the

man has positioned his leg so that the knee is further away, removing

barriers between himself and the woman. https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 75 Our Need for

Space Ever wonder what kind of first impression you’ve made on someone?

Whether they seem to like you from the outset or, rather, if there could be

difficulties brewing? One way to find out is the “shake and wait” approach.

Here’s how it works. Foot and leg behavior is especially important to

observe when you first meet people. It reveals a lot about how they feel

about you. Personally, when I first meet someone, I typically lean in, give

the person a hearty handshake (depending on the appropriate cultural norms

in the situation), make good eye contact, and then take a step back and see

what happens next. One of three responses is likely to take place: (a) the

person will remain in place, which lets me know he or she is comfortable at

that distance; (b) the individual will take a step back or turn slightly away,

which lets me know he or she needs more space or wants to be elsewhere;

or (c) the person will actually take a step closer to me, which means he or

she feels comfortable and/or favorable toward me. I take no offense to the

individual’s behavior because I am simply using this opportunity to see how

he or she really feels about me. Remember, the feet are the most honest part

of the body. If a person needs extra space, I give it. If he or she is

comfortable, I don’t have to worry about dealing with a proximity issue. If

someone takes a step toward me, I know they feel more comfortable near

me. This is useful information in any social setting, but also remember you

should set limits as to what makes you comfortable when it comes to space.

Walking Style When it comes to the feet and legs, I would be remiss if I

didn’t mention the nonverbal cues given off by different styles of walking.

According to Desmond Morris, scientists recognize approximately forty

different styles of walking (Morris, 1985, 229—230). If that seems like a

lot, just recall what you know about the gait of these individuals as

portrayed in various films: Charlie Chaplin, John Wayne, Mae West, or

Groucho Marx. https://www.8freebooks.net

76 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Each of these movie

characters had a distinctive walking style, and their personalities were

revealed, in part, through their gaits. How we walk often reflects our moods

and attitudes. We can walk briskly and intentionally, or slowly in a

bewildered state. We can stroll, amble, saunter, plod, waddle, limp, shuffle,

prowl, bustle, march, promenade, tiptoe, swagger, and so on, to name just a

few of the recognized walking styles (Morris, 1985, 233-235). For

observers of nonverbals, these walking styles are important because

changes in the way people normally walk can reflect changes in their

thoughts and emotions. A person who is normally happy and gregarious

might suddenly change his or her walking style when told a loved one has

been injured. Bad or tragic news may cause a person to sprint out of a room

in desperation to help out or it may cause the individual to walk out

phlegmatically as though the weight of the world is on his or her shoulders.

Changes in walking style are important nonverbal behaviors because they

warn us that something might be amiss, that a problem might be lurking,

that circumstances might have changed — in short, that something

significant might have occurred. A change tells us that we need to assess

why the person’s gait has suddenly changed, particularly since such

information can often aid us in dealing more effectively with that individual

in upcoming interactions. A person’s walk can help us detect things he or

she is unknowingly revealing (see box 17). Cooperative vs. Noncooperative

Feet If you are dealing with a person who is socializing or cooperative with

you, his or her feet should mirror your own. If, however, someone’s feet are

pointed away from you while his body faces toward you, you should ask

yourself why. Despite the direction of the body, this is not a genuine

cooperation profile and is indicative of several things that must be explored.

Such a pose reflects either the person’s need to leave or get away soon, a

disinterest in what is being discussed, an unwillingness to further assist, or a

lack of commitment to what is being said. Note that when

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GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 77 BOX 17

CRIME SHOPPERS Criminals don’t always realize just how much

information they give away. When I worked in New York City, my fellow

agents and I often watched street predators as they tried to blend into the

crowd. One of the ways in which they were unsuccessful in doing so,

however, was that they frequently walked on the inside of the sidewalk,

habitually changing their walking speed as they aimlessly window shopped.

Most people have a place to go and a task to accomplish, so they walk with

purpose. Predators (muggers, drug dealers, thieves, con men) lurk about

waiting for their next victim; therefore their postures and pace are different.

There is no purposeful direction to their travel until they are about to strike.

When a predator vectors toward you, whether a beggar or a mugger, the

discomfort you sense is due to the calculations your limbic brain is

performing to try to prevent you from becoming the next target. So, next

time you’re in a big city, keep an eye out for predators. If you see a person

walking around with no purpose who suddenly makes a beeline for you,

look out! Better yet, get out — as quickly as possible. Even if you just sense

this is happening, listen to your inner voice (de Becker, 1997, 133).

someone we don’t know approaches us on the street, we usually turn our

attention to them from the hips up, but keep our feet pointed in the direction

of travel. The message we are sending is that socially I will be attentive

briefly; personally I am prepared to continue or flee. Over the years, I have

conducted training for customs inspectors in the United States and abroad. I

have learned an incredible amount from them, and I hope they have picked

up a few pointers from me. One thing I have taught them is to look for

passengers who point their feet toward the exit while turning to the officer

to make their customs declaration (see figure 26). While they could simply

be in a hurry to catch a flight, this behavior should make the inspector

suspicious. In studies, we found that people who

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78 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING When a person talks to

you with feet pointed away, it is a good indication this person wants to be

elsewhere. Watch for people who make formal declarations in this position,

as this is a form of distancing. make affirmative declarations such as “I have

nothing to declare, officer,” but have their feet turned away are more likely

to be concealing something they should have declared. In essence, their

faces are obliging, their words are definitive, but their feet reveal they are

being less than cooperative. Significant Change in Intensity of Foot and/or

Leg Movement Leg twitching and movement is normal; some people do it

all the time, others never. It is not indicative of lying — as some

erroneously believe — as both https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 79 honest and

dishonest people will twitch and jiggle. The key factor to consider is at

what point do these behaviors start or change. For instance, years ago

Barbara Walters was interviewing Academy Awards nominee Kim Basinger

prior to the awards ceremony. Throughout the interview, Ms. Basinger

jiggled her feet and her hands seemed to be very nervous. When Ms.

Walters began to ask Ms. Basinger about some financial difficulties and a

questionable investment she and her then husband had made, Ms.

Basinger’s foot went from jiggling to kicking. It was instantaneous and

remarkable. Again, this does not mean she was lying or even intended to he

in response to the question, but it was clearly a visceral reaction to a

negative stimulus (the question asked) and it reflected her disdain for the

inquiry. Anytime there is a shift from foot jiggling to foot kicking in a

seated person, according to Dr. Joe Kulis, it is a very good indicator that the

person has seen or heard something negative and is not happy about it (see

figure 27). While jiggling may be a show of nervousness, kicking is a

subconscious way of combating the unpleasant. The beauty of this behavior

is that it is automatic, and most people don’t even recognize they are doing

it. You can use this nonverbal body signal to your advantage by creating

questions that will evince the leg-\ic\ response (or any other dramatic

change in nonverbals) to determine what specific inquiries or When a foot

suddenly begins to kick, it is usually a good indicator of discomfort. You

see this with people being interviewed, as soon as a question is asked they

do not like. https://www.8freebooks.net

80 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING subjects are problematic.

In this manner, even hidden facts may be elicited from people, whether they

answer the question or not (see box 18). BOX 18: FORGET BONNIE,

FIND CLYDE I vividly recall an interview I conducted with a woman who

was thought to be a witness to a serious crime. For hours the interview

session was going nowhere; it was frustrating and tedious. The interviewee

revealed no significant behaviors; however, I did notice she jiggled her foot

all the time. Because it was a relative constant, this behavior was of no

consequence until I asked the question, “Do you know Clyde?”

Immediately upon hearing that question, and even though she didn't answer

(at least not verbally), the woman’s foot went from jiggling to an elevated

up-and-down kicking motion. This was a significant clue that this name had

a negative effect on her. In further questioning, she later admitted that

“Clyde” had involved her in stealing government documents from a base in

Germany. Her leg-kick reaction was a significant clue to us that there was

something more to explore, and in the end her confession proved that

suspicion to be accurate. Ironically, that betraying behavior probably made

her want to kick herself, because it ultimately cost her twenty-five years in

a federal prison. Foot Freeze If a person constantly wiggles or bounces his

or her feet or leg(s) and suddenly stops, you need to take notice. This

usually signifies that the individual is experiencing stress, an emotional

change, or feels threatened in some way. Ask yourself why the person’s

limbic system kicked their survival instincts into the “freeze” mode.

Perhaps something was said or asked that might lead to revealing

information the person doesn’t want you to know. Possibly the individual

has done something and is afraid you will find him

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GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 81 out. The foot

freeze is another example of a limbic -controlled response, the tendency of

an individual to stop activity when faced with danger. The Foot Lock and

Leave When an individual suddenly turns his toes inward or interlocks his

feet, it is a sign that he is insecure, anxious, and/or feels threatened. When

interviewing suspects in crimes, I often notice that they interlock their feet

and ankles when they are under stress. A lot of people, especially women,

have been taught to sit this way, especially when wearing a skirt (see figure

28). However, to lock the ankles in this way, especially over a prolonged

period, is unnatural and should be considered suspect, particularly when

done by males. A sudden interlocking of the legs may suggest discomfort or

insecurity. When people are comfortable, they tend to unlock their ankles.

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82 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Interlocking ankles is

again part of the limbic response to freeze in the face of a threat.

Experienced nonverbal observers have noted how often people who are

lying will not move their feet in an interview, seeming frozen, or they

interlock their feet in such a way as to restrict movement. This is consistent

with research indicating that people tend to restrict arm and leg movements

when lying (Vrij, 2003, 24—27). Having said this, I want to caution you

that lack of movement is not in itself indicative of deception; it is indicative

of self-restraint and caution, which both nervous and lying individuals

utilize to assuage their concerns. Some individuals take the interlocking feet

or ankles one step further; they actually lock their feet around the legs of

their chair (see figure 29). This is a restraining (freeze) behavior that tells

us, once again, that something is troubling the person (see box 19). The

sudden locking of ankles around the legs of a chair is part of the freeze

response and is indicative of discomfort, anxiety, or concern.

https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A LEG UP ON BODY LANGUAGE 83 BOX 19:

MAKE THAT A DOUBLE FREEZE You should always be on the lookout

for multiple tells (tell clusters) that point to the same behavioral conclusion.

They strengthen the likelihood that your conclusion is correct. In the case of

the foot lock, watch for the individual who locks his feet around his chair

legs and then moves his hand along his pants leg (as if drying his hand on

his trousers). The foot lock is a freeze response and the leg rubbing is a

pacifying behavior. The two, taken together, make it more likely that the

person has been uncovered; he fears something he has done will be found

out and he is experiencing stress because of this. Sometimes a person will

signal stress by attempting to hide the feet altogether. When you are

speaking with someone, watch to see if that individual moves his or her feet

from in front of the chair to under the chair. There is no scientific research

(yet) to document what I am about to say. However, over the years, I have

observed that when a high-stress question is asked, the respondent will

often withdraw his or her feet beneath the chair, which could be seen as a

distancing reaction and one that attempts to minimize the exposed parts of

the body. This cue can be used to evince discomfort about particular issues

and help channel the investigative inquiry. As the observer watches, the

interviewee — through his feet and legs — will tell you those things about

which he does not wish to talk. As the subject changes and becomes less

stressful, the feet will emerge again, expressing the limbic brain’s relief that

the stressful topic is no longer being discussed. SUMMING IT UP Because

they have been so directly critical to our survival throughout human

evolution, our feet and legs are the most honest parts of the body.

https://www.8freebooks.net

84 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Our lower limbs provide

the most accurate, uncensored information to the alert observer. Used

skillfully, this information can help you get a better read on others in all

manner of settings. When you combine your knowledge of foot and leg

nonverbals with signals from other parts of the body, you become even

more capable of understanding what people are thinking, feeling, and

intending to do. Therefore, let’s turn our attention to those other parts of the

body now. Next stop, the human torso. https://www.8freebooks.net

FOUR Torso Tips Nonverbals of the Torso, Hips, Chest, and

Shoulders This chapter will cover the hips, abdomen, chest, and shoulders,

collectively known as the torso , or trunk,. As with the legs and feet, many

of the behaviors associated with the torso reflect the true sentiments of the

emotional (limbic) brain. Because the torso houses many vital internal

organs, such as the heart, lungs, liver, and digestive tract, we can anticipate

that the brain will seek to diligently protect this area when threatened or

challenged. During times of danger, whether real or perceived, the brain

recruits the rest of the body to guard these crucial organs in ways that range

from the subtle to the more obvious. Let’s look at some of the more

common nonverbal signals of the torso and some examples of how these

behaviors project what is going on in the brain — particularly the limbic

brain. https://www.8freebooks.net

86 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING SIGNIFICANT

NONVERBAL BEHAVIORS INVOLVING THE TORSO, HIPS, CHEST,

AND SHOULDERS The Torso Lean Like much of our body, the torso will

react to perceived dangers by attempting to distance itself from anything

stressful or unwanted. For instance, when an object is thrown at us, our

limbic system sends signals to the torso to move away instantly from that

threat. Typically this will happen regardless of the nature of the object; if

we sense movement in our direction, we will pull away, whether from a

baseball or a moving car. In a similar fashion, when an individual is

standing next to someone who is being obnoxious or someone he does not

like, his torso will lean away from that individual (see box 20). Because the

torso carries a large portion of our weight and transmits it to the lower

limbs, any reorientation of our trunks requires energy and balance.

Therefore, when one’s torso does lean away from something, it is because

the brain demands it; so we can count on the honesty of these reactions.

Extra effort and energy are required to hold these positions. Just try to

maintain any offcenter position consciously, whether bowing down or

leaning away, and you will find that your body soon tires. However, when

such off-balance behavior is performed because your brain subconsciously

decides it’s a necessity, you will hardly feel it or notice it. Not only do we

lean away from people who make us uncomfortable, we may also blade

away (turn slightly) by degrees from that which does not appeal to us or we

grow to dislike. Not long after it opened, I took my daughter to the

Holocaust Museum in Washington, D.C., which is something every visitor

to D.C. should do. As we walked around the memorable exhibits, I noticed

how young and old first approached each exhibit. Some walked right up,

leaning into it while trying to absorb every nuance. Some approached

hesitantly, while others would draw near, then begin to turn slowly and

slightly away as the inhumanity of the Nazi regime encroached on their

senses. Some, stunned by the depravity they were witnessing, turned 180

degrees and faced the other way, as https://www.8freebooks.net

TORSO TIPS 87 BOX 20 WILY OR WEIRD? Years ago I was

stationed in the New York office of the FBI. During my tenure there, I had

numerous opportunities to ride the trains and subways in and out of the city.

It didn’t take long to recognize the many different techniques people used to

claim territory while on public transport. It seemed there was always

someone who sat on the seat but whose body would sway from side to side

so as to impose on others or whose arms would flail wildly at times while

holding one of the straps. These individuals always seemed to possess more

space around them because no one wanted to get near them. When forced to

sit or stand next to these “weirdos," people would lean at the torso as far as

possible so as not to come in contact with them. You have to ride the

subways in New York to appreciate this. I am convinced that some

passengers purposely acted strangely and exaggerated their body

movements to keep people at a distance, away from their torsos. In fact, a

long-time resident of New York once told me, “If you want to keep the

hordes at bay, act like you’re nuts!” Perhaps he was right. they waited for

their friends to finish examining the display. Their brains were, saying, “I

can’t handle this,” and so their bodies turned away. The human species has

evolved to the point that not only physical proximity to a person we dislike

can cause us to lean away, but even images of unpleasant things, such as

photographs, can cause a torso lean. As a careful observer of human

behavior, you need to be aware that distancing sometimes takes place

abruptly or very subtly; a mere shifting of body angle of just a few degrees

is enough to express negative sentiment. For example, couples who are

pulling apart emotionally will also begin to pull apart physically. Their

hands don’t touch as much, and their torsos actually avoid each other. When

they sit side by side, they will lean away from each other. They create a

silent space between them, and when they are forced to sit next to each

other, such as in the back of an automobile, they will only rotate toward

each other with their heads, not their bodies. https://www.8freebooks.net

88 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Ventral Denial and

Ventral Fronting These torso displays that reflect the limbic brain’s need to

distance and avoid are very good indicators of true sentiments. When one

person in a relationship feels that something is wrong with the way things

are going, he or she is most likely sensing a subtle degree of physical

distancing in his or her partner. The distancing can also take the form of

what I call ventral denial. Our ventral (front) side, where our eyes, mouth,

chest, breasts, genitals, etc. are located, is very sensitive to things we like

and dislike. When things are good, we expose our ventral sides toward what

we favor, including those people who make us feel good. When things go

wrong, relationships change, or even when topics are discussed that we

disfavor, we will engage in ventral denial, by shifting or turning away. The

ventral side is the most vulnerable side of the body, so the limbic brain has

an inherent need to protect it from the things that hurt or bother us. This is

the reason, for example, we immediately and subconsciously begin to turn

slightly to the side when someone we dislike approaches us at a party.

When it comes to courtship, an increase in ventral denial is one of the best

indicators that the relationship is in trouble. In addition to visual input, the

limbic brain can also have a reaction to conversations we find distasteful.

Watch any TV talk show with the volume off and notice how the guests will

lean away from each other as they present contrary arguments. Not long

ago, I was watching the Republican presidential debates and noted that even

though the candidates were spaced quite far apart, they still leaned away

from each other when issues were brought up with which they disagreed.

The opposite of ventral denial is ventral exposure or — as I like to call it —

ventral fronting. We display our ventral sides to those we favor. When our

children come running to us for a hug, we move objects, even our arms, out

of the way so that we can give them access to our ventral sides. We

ventrally front because this is where we feel the most warmth and comfort.

In fact, we use the phrase turning our bac\ to express negativity toward

someone or something, because we offer our ventral sides to those we care

for and our backs to those we don’t. https://www.8freebooks.net

TORSO TIPS 89 Similarly, we demonstrate comfort by using our

torsos and shoulders to lean in the direction of that which we favor. In a

classroom, it’s not unusual to see students leaning toward a favorite teacher

without realizing they are bent forward, almost out of their chairs, hanging

on every word. Remember the scene from the movie Raiders of the Lost Ar\

when the students were leaning forward to hear their professor? Their

nonverbal behavior clearly indicated they admired him. Lovers can be seen

leaning across a cafe table, their faces coming close to each other to gain

more intimate visual contact. They front their ventral selves toward each

other, exposing their most vulnerable parts. This is a natural, evolutionary

response of the limbic brain that has social benefit. By moving closer

together and exposing our ventral (weakest) side when we like someone or

something, we show that we are giving ourselves in an unrestrained manner.

Reciprocating this positioning by mirroring, or isopraxism, demonstrates

social harmony by rewarding the intimacy and showing it is appreciated.

Nonverbal limbic behaviors of the torso, such as leaning, distancing, and

ventral exposure or denial, happen all the time in boardrooms and other

meetings. Colleagues who share a similar point of view will sit closer

together, turn more toward each other ventrally, and will lean harmoniously

nearer each other. When people disagree, they will hold their bodies firm,

avoid ventral fronting (unless challenged), and will most likely lean away

from each other (see figures 30 and 31). This behavior subconsciously tells

others, “I am not in agreement with your idea.” As with all nonverbals,

these actions need to be analyzed in context. For example, people new to a

job may seem stiff and inflexible at a meeting. Rather than reflecting dislike

or disagreement, this rigid posture and limited arm activity may simply

indicate that they are nervous in a new environment. Not only can we use

this information to read the body language of others, but we must also

always remember that we are projecting our own nonverbals. During

conversations or meetings, as information and opinions flow, our feelings

about the news and viewpoints also will flow and be reflected in our ever-

changing nonverbal behaviors. If we hear https://www.8freebooks.net

People lean toward each other when there is high comfort and

agreement. This mirroring or isopraxis starts when we are babies. We lean

away from things and people we don't like, even from colleagues when they

say things with which we don’t agree. https://www.8freebooks.net

TORSO TIPS 91 something distasteful one minute and something

favorable the next, our bodies will reflect this shift in our feelings. A very

powerful way to let others know that you agree with them, or are

consciously contemplating what they are saying, is to lean toward them or

to ventrally front them. This tactic is especially effective when you are in a

meeting and you don’t have the opportunity to speak up. The Torso Shield

When it is impractical or socially unacceptable to lean away from someone

or something we dislike, we often subconsciously use our arms or objects to

act as barriers (see figure 32). Clothing or nearby objects A sudden crossing

of the arms during a conversation could indicate discomfort.

https://www.8freebooks.net

92 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 21 PILLOW TALK

When we see individuals suddenly protecting their torsos, we can assume

they are not comfortable and that they sense themselves to be in some kind

of threatening or dangerous situation. In 1992, while working with the FBI,

I interviewed a young man and his father in a hotel room in the Boston area.

The father had agreed, reluctantly, to bring the young man to the interview.

While sitting on the hotel couch, the young man grabbed one of the couch

pillows and held it close to his chest for most of the three-hour interview.

Despite the presence of his father, this young man felt vulnerable and,

therefore, needed to tightly clutch a "security blanket.” While the barrier

was only a pillow, it must have been quite effective for this individual,

because there was just no getting through to him. I found it remarkable that

when the subject was neutral, such as when we talked about his

involvement in sports, he would put the pillow aside. However, when we

spoke of his possible complicity in a major crime, he would retrieve the

pillow and press it tightly against his torso. It was clear that the only time

his limbic brain felt the need to protect his torso was when he felt

threatened. He never did reveal anything at this meeting, but the next time

he was interviewed, the comforting pillows were conspicuously absent! (see

box 21) also serve the same purpose. For instance, a businessmen may

suddenly decide to button his jacket when talking to someone with whom

he is uncomfortable, only to undo the jacket as soon as the conversation is

over. Buttoning a jacket, of course, is not always an indication of

discomfort; often men will button their jackets to formalize a setting or to

show deference to their boss. It is not the kind of total comfort we might

find at, say, a barbecue, but neither does it indicate uneasiness. Clothing and

how we attend to our clothes can influence perceptions and are even

suggestive of how approachable or open we are to others (Knapp & Hall,

2002, 206—214). https://www.8freebooks.net

TORSO TIPS 93 It has always been my impression that

presidents often go to Camp David to accomplish in polo shirts what they

can’t seem to accomplish in business suits forty miles away at the White

House. By unveiling themselves ventrally (with the removal of coats) they

are saying, “I am open to you.” Presidential candidates send this same

nonverbal message at rallies when they get rid of their jackets (their shields,

if you will) and roll up their shirtsleeves in front of the “common folk.”

Perhaps not surprisingly, women tend to cover their torsos even more so

than men, especially when they feel insecure, nervous, or cautious. A

woman may cross her arms over her stomach, just under the breasts, in an

effort to shield her torso and comfort herself. She may cross one arm across

her front and grab the opposite arm at the elbow, forming a barrier to her

chest. Both behaviors subconsciously serve to protect and insulate,

especially in social situations where there is some discomfort. On campus, I

often see women place their notebooks across their chests as they walk into

class, particularly for the first few days. As their comfort level increases,

they will shift to carrying their notebooks at their sides. On test days, this

chest-shielding behavior tends to increase, even among male students.

Women will also use backpacks, briefcases, or purses to shield themselves,

especially when sitting alone. Just as you may pull a comforter on while

watching television, putting something across the ventral torso protects and

soothes us. Objects we draw toward us, especially ventrally, are usually

placed there to provide the comfort we need at that moment, whatever the

situation. When you witness people protecting their torsos in real time, you

can use it as an accurate indicator of discomfort on their parts. By carefully

assessing the circumstances, the source of that discomfort may allow you to

help them or at least better understand them. Men, for whatever the reason

(perhaps to be less conspicuous), will shield their torsos, but in more subtle

ways. A male may reach across the front of himself to play with his watch,

or, as Prince Charles of England often does when he is in public, reach over

and adjust his shirtsleeve or play with his cufflinks. A man may also fix his

tie knot, perhaps longer than usual, as this allows for the arm to cover the

ventral area of the chest https://www.8freebooks.net

94 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING and neck. These are

forms of shielding that transmit that the person is slightly insecure at that

moment. I was in a supermarket checkout line waiting for the woman in

front of me to conclude her transaction. She was evidently using a debit

card, and the machine kept rejecting it. Each time she swiped the card and

entered her pin number, she would await the machine’s response with her

arms crossed across her chest, until finally she gave up and walked away,

exasperated. Each time the card was rejected, her arms and grip got tighter,

a clear sign that her annoyance and discomfort were escalating (see figures

33 and 34). Children can be seen to cross or lock their arms across their

bodies when upset or being defiant, even at an early age. These shielding

behaviors come in a variety of forms — from arms crisscrossed over the

belly to crossing the arms high with hands grasping opposite shoulders.

Students often ask me if it means there is something wrong with them if

they sit in class and cross their arms in front of themselves. The question is

not whether something is wrong, nor does this posture mean they are

blocking the teacher out; arms intertwined across the front is a In public,

many of us comfortably cross our arms while waiting or listening to a

speaker. Around the house we rarely sit this way unless something is

bothering us, like waiting for a late ride. Crossed arms with hands tightly

gripping the arms is definitely an indication of discomfort.

https://www.8freebooks.net

TORSO TIPS 95 very comfortable pose for many people.

However, when a person suddenly crosses arms and then interlocks them

tightly, with a tight hand grip, this is indicative of discomfort. Remember, it

is by gauging changes from baseline postures that we can note when

uneasiness arises. Watch to see if the person opens up ventrally as they

become more relaxed. I find that when I give lectures, many of the

participants initially will sit with their arms crossed, and then loosen them

over time. Obviously, something happens to elicit this behavior; probably

greater comfort with their surroundings and their instructor. It could be

argued that women (or men) cross their arms simply because they are cold.

But this does not negate the nonverbal meaning, since cold is a form of

discomfort. People who are uncomfortable while being interviewed (e.g.,

suspects in criminal investigations, children in trouble with their parents, or

an employee being questioned for improper conduct) often complain of

feeling cold during the interview. Regardless of the reason, when we are

distressed the limbic brain engages various systems of the body in

preparation for the freeze/flight-or-fight survival response. One of the

effects is that blood is channeled toward the large muscles of the limbs and

away from the skin, in case those muscles will need to be used to escape or

combat the threat. As blood is diverted to these vital areas, some people

lose their normal skin tone and will actually look pale or as if they are in

shock. Since blood is the main source of our body warmth, diverting blood

away from the skin and into deeper muscles makes the body’s surface feel

cooler (see box 22) (LeDoux, 1996, 131 — 133). For example, in the

interview mentioned earlier in which the young man clutched the pillow, he

complained of being cold the whole time we were there, even though I

turned the air conditioner off. Both his father and I were fine; he was the

only one complaining about the temperature. The Torso Bow Bowing at the

waist is performed almost universally as a sign of subservience, respect, or

humility when feeling honored, such as with applause. Notice, for example,

how the Japanese and, to a lesser extent in modern

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96 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 22: WHY YOU

CAN’T STOMACH CERTAIN TOPICS Did you ever wonder why you get

an upset stomach if there is an argument at the dinner table? When you are

upset, your digestive system no longer has as much blood as it needs for

proper digestion. Just as your limbic system’s freeze, flight, or fight

response shunts blood away from the skin, it likewise diverts blood from

your digestive system, sending blood to your heart and limb muscles

(especially the legs) to prepare for your escape. The upset stomach you feel

is a symptom of that limbic arousal. The next time an argument ensues

during a meal, you will recognize the limbic response of distress. A child

whose parents fight at the dinner table really can’t finish his meal; his

limbic system has trumped alimentation and digestion to prepare them for

escape and survival. Along these lines, it is interesting to note how many

people vomit after experiencing a traumatic event. In essence, during

emergencies the body is saying that there is no time for digestion; the

reaction is to lighten the load and prepare for escape or physical conflict

(Grossman, 1996, 67-73). times, the Chinese, bow out of respect and

deference. We show that we are subservient or of lower status when we

automatically assume a bowed or l$owtow position, achieved principally by

bending the torso. For Westerners, kowtowing does not come easily,

especially when it is a conscious act. However, as we expand our horizons

and interact with more and more people from various countries of the Near

East and Far East, it behooves us to learn to bow our torsos slightly,

particularly when meeting those who are elderly and have earned respect.

This simple gesture of reverence will be recognized by those whose cultures

show deference by such posture and will confer a social advantage upon

those Westerners willing to demonstrate it (see box 23). Incidentally,

eastern Europeans, especially older ones, still like to click their heels and

bow slightly out of respect. Every time I see this, I think how charming it is

https://www.8freebooks.net

TORSO TIPS 97 BOX 23: A SUPREME KOWTOW The

universality of torso bows was dramatically illustrated to me in an old

newsreel of General Douglas MacArthur while he was assigned to the

Philippine government before World War II broke out. It shows a U.S.

Army officer exiting MacArthur’s office after dropping off some

documents. As he leaves, the officer kowtows on his way out, backing out

of the room. No one asked him to do it; the behavior was automatically

prompted by the officer’s brain to let the higher-status person know that his

position was clear — it was a recognition that MacArthur was in charge.

(Gorillas, dogs, wolves, and other nonhuman animals also demonstrate this

subservient posturing.) Remarkably, the officer bowing out of the room was

none other than the man who one day would become the Supreme allied

commander of Europe, architect of the Normandy invasion, and our thirty-

fourth president: Dwight David Eisenhower. Incidentally, years later, upon

learning that Eisenhower was running for president, MacArthur commented

that Eisenhower was the “finest clerk" he’d ever had (Manchester, 1978,

166). that people still show graciousness and deference in today’s world.

Whether done consciously or subconsciously, the torso bow is a nonverbal

gesture of regard for others. Torso Embellishments Because nonverbal

communication also includes symbols, we have to give some attention to

clothing and other accoutrements that are worn on the torso (including the

body, in general). It is said that clothing makes the man, and I would agree,

at least in terms of appearances. Numerous studies have established that

what we wear, whether a suit or casual clothes — even the colors of our

outfits, a blue suit as opposed to a brown suit — will influence others

(Knapp & Hall, 2002, 206—214). https://www.8freebooks.net

98 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Clothing says a lot about

us and can do a lot for us. In a sense, our torsos are billboards upon which

we advertise our sentiments. During courtship, we dress up to enchant;

while working we dress for success. Similarly, the high school letter jacket,

the police badge, and the military decoration are all worn on the torso as a

way of calling attention to our achievements. If we want others to notice us,

the torso is where it’s at. When the president gives his State of the Union

address before Congress, the red-garbed women you notice in a sea of blue

and gray are those who, like birds displaying their plumage, are wearing

vibrant colors to be noticed. Clothing can be very subdued, very sinister

(consider “skinhead” attire or a “gothic” look), or very flamboyant (such as

that of musicians Liberace or Elton John), reflecting the mood and/or

personality of the wearer. We alternatively can use torso adornments or bare

parts of our torsos to attract others, to show off how muscular or fit we are,

or to advertise where we fit in socially, economically, or occupationally.

This may explain why so many people fret excessively about what to wear

when attending a high-profile function or going on a date. Our personal

adornments allow us to show our pedigree or our allegiance to a particular

group — for example, wearing the colors of our favorite team. Clothing can

be very descriptive, such as revealing when people are celebrating or

mourning, if they are of high or low status, whether they conform to social

norms or are part of a sect (e.g., Hasidic Jew, Amish farmer, or Hare

Krishna). In a way, we are what we wear (see box 24). For years people told

me I dressed like an FBI agent, and they were right. I wore the standard

agent uniform: navy blue suit, white shirt, burgundy tie, black shoes, and

short hair. Obviously, because we have certain employment roles that

require specific attire and since we make conscious choices when it comes

to clothing, we need to be careful in our assessment of what it signifies.

After all, the guy standing outside your door dressed in a telephone

repairman’s uniform just might be a criminal who purchased or stole the

outfit to gain access to your home (see box 25 on page 100). Even with the

caveats just mentioned, clothing needs to be considered

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TORSO TIPS 99 BOX 24: YOU ARE WHAT YOU WEAR

Imagine this scenario. You are walking down a sparsely populated street

one evening and you hear someone coming up behind you. You can’t see

the person's face or hands clearly in the dark, but you can determine he is

wearing a suit and tie and carrying a briefcase. Now, imagine the same dark

sidewalk, but this time picture that all you can see behind you is the outline

of a person wearing disheveled and baggy clothing, sagging pants, a tilted

cap, a stained T-shirt, and tennis shoes that are worn and raggedy. In either

case, you can’t see the person well enough to discern any other details —

and you are assuming it is a man, based simply on the clothing. But based

on the attire alone, you will likely draw different conclusions about the

potential threat each person poses to your safety. Even if the approaching

pace of each man is the same, as the person nears, your limbic brain will

activate, even though your reaction to these individuals will be based

exclusively on your reaction to their clothing. Your assessment of the

situation will either make you feel comfortable or uncomfortable, even

potentially frightened. I am not going to tell you which person would make

you feel more comfortable; that is for you to decide. But right or wrong, all

other things being equal, it is their clothing that often greatly influences

what we think of individuals. Although clothing, itself, cannot hurt us

physically, it can affect us socially. Consider how judgmental and

suspicious some Americans have become since September 11, 2001, when

they see a person in clothing that reflects a Middle Eastern background.

And furthermore, imagine how some Middle Eastern Americans have been

made to feel as a result. I tell college students that life is not always fair and

that, unfortunately, they will be judged by their attire; therefore they need to

think carefully about their clothing choices and the messages they are

sending to others. https://www.8freebooks.net

100 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 25; WE AREN’T

ALWAYS WHO WE APPEAR TO BE Clearly, we have to be careful when

we assess a person on the basis of clothing only, as it can sometimes lead to

the wrong conclusion. I was in London last year at a very nice hotel just

four blocks from Buckingham Palace where all of the staff, including the

maids, wore Armani suits. If I had seen them on the train going to work, I

could easily have been misled as to their relative social status. So

remember, because it is culturally prescribed and easily manipulated,

clothing is only part of the nonverbal picture. We assess clothing to

determine whether it is sending a message, not to judge people based on

their attire. in the overall scheme of nonverbal assessment. For that reason,

it is important that we wear clothes that are congruent with the messages we

want to send others, assuming we want to influence their behavior in a way

that is positive or beneficial to us. When choosing your wardrobe and

accessories, always remain cognizant of the message you are sending with

your clothing and the meaning that others may perceive from your dress.

Also consider that although you may deliberately want to use your attire to

send a signal to one person or group of people at a specific time and place,

you may have to pass a lot of other people who are not as receptive to your

message along the way! At seminars I frequently ask the question, “How

many of you were dressed by your mother today?” Of course everyone

laughs, and no one raises his hand. Then I say, “Well, then, you — all of

you — chose to dress the way you did.” That is when they all look around

them and, perhaps for the first time, realize that they could do a better job of

dressing and presenting themselves. After all, before two people first meet,

the only input each has to go on about the other is physical appearance and

other nonverbal communications. Perhaps it’s time to consider how you are

being perceived. https://www.8freebooks.net

TORSO TIPS 101 Preening When we are physically and mentally

well, we take care of our appearance, preening and grooming ourselves

accordingly. Humans are not unique in this regard, as birds and mammals

engage in like behaviors. When we are physically or mentally ill, on the

other hand, the posture of the torso and shoulders, as well as our overall

appearance, may signal our poor health (American Psychiatric Association,

2000, 304—307, 350—352). Many unfortunate homeless people are

afflicted with schizophrenia and rarely do they attend to their attire. Their

clothes are soiled and grimy, and many of these individuals will even fight

attempts by others to get them to bathe or wear clean clothing. The mentally

depressed person will stoop as he walks or stands, the weight of the world

seemingly bringing him down. The phenomenon of poor grooming during

illness and sadness has been noted around the world by anthropologists,

social workers, and health-care providers. When the brain is saddened or we

are ill, preening and presentation are among the first things to go (Darwin

1872, chap. 3, passim). For example, patients recovering from surgery may

walk down the hospital hallway with hair disheveled and in gowns with

their backsides exposed, not caring about personal appearance. When you

are really ill, you may he around the house looking more unkempt than you

ever would be normally. When a person is really sick or really traumatized,

the brain has other priorities, and preening is simply not one of them.

Therefore, within context, we can use an overall lack of personal hygiene

and/or grooming to make assumptions about a person’s state of mind or

state of health. Torso Splays Splaying out on a couch or a chair is normally

a sign of comfort. However, when there are serious issues to be discussed,

splaying out is a territorial or dominance display (see figure 35). Teenagers,

in particular, often will sit splayed out on a chair or bench, as a nonverbal

way of https://www.8freebooks.net

102 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING dominating their

environment while being chastised by their parents. This splay behavior is

disrespectful and shows indifference to those in authority. It is a territorial

display that should not be encouraged or tolerated. If you have a child who

does this every time he or she is in serious trouble, you need to neutralize

this behavior immediately by asking your child to sit up and, if that fails, by

nonverbally violating his or her space (by sitting next to or standing closely

behind him or her). In short order, your child will have a limbic response to

your spatial “invasion,” which will cause him or her to sit up. If you allow

your child to get away with torso splays during major disagreements, don’t

be surprised if he or she loses respect for you over time. And why not? By

allowing such displays, you are basically saying, “It’s OK to disrespect

me.” When these kids grow up, they may continue to splay out

inappropriately in the workplace when they should be sitting up attentively.

This is not conducive to IonSplaying out is a territorial display, which is

OK in your own home but not in the work place, especially during a job

interview. https://www.8freebooks.net

TORSO TIPS 103 gevity on the job, since it sends a strong

negative nonverbal message of disrespect for authority. Puffing Up the

Chest Humans, like many other creatures (including some lizards, birds,

dogs, and our fellow primates), puff up their chests when trying to establish

territorial dominance (Givens, 1998—2007). Watch two people who are

angry with each other; they will puff out their chests just like silverback

gorillas. Although it may seem almost comical when we see others do it,

puffing of the chest should not be ignored, because observation has shown

that when people are about to strike someone their chests will puff out. You

see this on the school grounds when kids are about to fight. It can also be

seen among professional boxers as they goad each other verbally before a

major fight — chest out, leaning into each other, proclaiming their certitude

of winning. The great Muhammad Ah did this better than anyone during

prefight events. Not only was he threatening he was also funny — all part

of the show — which made for good theater and, of course, ticket sales.

Baring the Torso Sometimes in street fights, people getting ready to strike

out at an opponent will disrobe — removing an article of clothing like a

shirt or hat. Whether this is done simply to flex one’s muscles, to protect the

discarded clothing, or to rob the opponent of some type of hold he can use

to his advantage, no one is sure. In any case, if you should get into an

argument with someone and he or she takes off a hat, shirt, or other article

of clothing, most likely a fight is in the offing (see box 26). Breathing

Behavior and the Torso When a person is under stress, the chest may be

seen to heave or expand and contract rapidly. When the limbic system is

aroused and engaged for https://www.8freebooks.net

104 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 26 ONE TIME

YOU DON’T WANT THE SHIRT OFF HIS BACK Years ago I witnessed

two neighbors verbally sparring over a sprinkler system that had

accidentally sprayed a freshly waxed vehicle. As things escalated, one of

the neighbors started unbuttoning his shirt. It was then that I knew fists

were going to fly. Sure enough, the shirt came off and the chest bumping

began between them. This was a mere precursor to the punching, which

soon followed. It seemed incredible that grown men would fight over water

spots on a car. What was really remarkable, however, was the chest

bumping between the two guys, as though they were gorillas. It was

actually embarrassing to watch them engage in such a ludicrous torso

display. It’s just something that shouldn’t happen. flight or fight, the body

attempts to take in as much oxygen as possible, either by breathing more

deeply or by panting. The stressed individual’s chest is heaving because the

limbic brain is saying, “Potential problem — step up oxygen consumption

in case we suddenly have to escape or fight!” When you see this type of

nonverbal behavior in an otherwise healthy person, you should consider

why he or she is so stressed. Shoulder Shrugs Full and slight shoulder

shrugs can mean a lot in context. When the boss asks an employee, “Do you

know anything about this customer’s complaint?” and the employee

answers, “No,” while giving a half shrug, chances are the speaker is not

committed to what was just said. An honest and true response will cause

both shoulders to rise sharply and equally. Expect people to give full (high)

shoulder shrugs when they confidently support what they are saying. There

is nothing wrong with saying, “I don’t know!” while both shoulders rise up

toward the ear. As discussed previously, this is a gravity-defying behavior

that normally signifies the https://www.8freebooks.net

TORSO TIPS 105 Partial shoulder shrugs indicate lack of

commitment or insecurity. We use shoulder shrugs to indicate lack of

knowledge or doubt. Look for both shoulders to rise; when only one side

rises, the message is dubious. person is comfortable and confident with his

or her actions. If you see a person’s shoulders only partially rise or if only

one shoulder rises, chances are the individual is not limbically committed to

what he or she is saying and is probably being evasive or even deceptive

(see figures 36 and 37). Weak Shoulder Displays Speaking of shoulders, be

aware of the person who, while conversing or in reaction to a negative

event, moves his or her body so the shoulders begin to slowly rise toward

the ears in a manner that makes the neck seem to disappear (see figure 38).

The key action here is that the shoulders rise slowly. The person displaying

this body language is basically trying to make his head disappear, like a

turtle. Such an individual is lacking confidence and is highly

uncomfortable. I have seen this behavior in business meetings when the

boss comes in and says, “OK, I want to hear what everyone has been

doing.” As different people around the room proudly talk about their

accomplishments, the marginal employees https://www.8freebooks.net

106 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Shoulders rising toward

the ears causes the “turtle effect’’; weakness, insecurity, and negative

emotions are the message. Think of losing athletes walking back to the

locker room. will seemingly sink lower and lower, their shoulders rising

higher and higher in a subconscious attempt to hide their heads. This

turtlelike behavior also shows up in families when the father says, “It really

hurt my feelings to find that someone broke my reading lamp without

telling me.” As the father looks at each of his children, one will be looking

down, shoulders rising toward the ears. You will also see these weak

shoulder displays demonstrated by a losing football team as they walk back

to the locker-room — their shoulders seeming to swallow up their heads.

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TORSO TIPS 107 ONE FINAL COMMENT ON THE TORSO

AND SHOULDERS There are a lot of books on nonverbal behavior that

neglect to mention the torso and the shoulders. That is unfortunate, because

a lot of valuable information comes to us from this portion of our physique.

If you have neglected to observe this area of the body for nonverbal clues, I

hope the material in this chapter has convinced you to expand your

observational range to include the “billboard” of the body. Its reactions are

particularly honest because, with so many of our vital organs housed there,

the limbic brain takes great care to protect our torsos.

https://www.8freebooks.net

FIVE Knowledge Within Reach Nonverbals of the Arms n terms

of observing body language, the arms are largely underappreciated. We

typically place much more emphasis on the face and hands when seeking to

read nonverbal behavior. In observing for signs of comfort, discomfort,

confidence, or other displays of feeling, the arms serve well as emotive

transmitters. Since the time our primate ancestors began to walk upright,

human arms were free to be used in remarkable ways. Our arms are able to

carry loads, cast blows, grasp objects, and lift us off the ground. They are

streamlined, agile, and provide a formidable first response to any outside

threat, especially when used in conjunction with the lower limbs. If

someone throws an object at us, our arms rise to block it, instinctively and

accurately. Our arms, like our feet and legs, are so reactive and so oriented

to protect us that they will rise up to defend us even when doing so is

illogical or ill-advised. In my work in the FBI, I have seen

indihttps://www.8freebooks.net

110 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING viduals shot in the arm

as they used their upper limbs in an attempt to defend themselves from

handgun fire. The thinking brain would realize that an arm simply cannot

stop a bullet, yet the limbic brain will cause our arms to lift and precisely

block a projectile traveling at 900 feet per second. In forensic science, such

injuries are known as defense wounds. Every time you bump your arm —

especially if you run into something sharp — consider that it may have just

protected your torso from a potentially lethal blow. Once, while holding an

umbrella above my head during a Florida rainstorm, the sharp edge of my

car door swung back on me and struck me in the side, breaking a rib that

was left unprotected by my upraised arm. Since that time, I have a painful

memory that reminds me to appreciate my arms and how they protect me.

Because our arms — like our feet — are designed to assist with our

survival, they can be counted upon to reveal true sentiments or intentions.

Therefore, unlike the more variable and deceptive face, the upper limbs

provide solid nonverbal cues that more accurately portray what we — and

those around us — are thinking, feeling, or intending. In this chapter we

will examine the interpretation of some of the most common arm displays.

SIGNIFICANT NONVERBAL BEHAVIORS INVOLVING THE ARMS

Gravity-Related Arm Movements The degree to which we move our arms is

a significant and accurate indicator of our attitudes and sentiments. These

movements can range from subdued (restrained and constricted) to

exuberant (unrestrained and expansive). When we are happy and content,

our arms move freely, even joyfully. Watch children at play. Their arms

move effortlessly while they interact. You will see them pointing,

gesticulating, holding, lifting, hugging, and waving. When excited, we

don’t restrict our arm movements; in fact our natural tendency is to defy

gravity and raise our arms high above our heads (see

https://www.8freebooks.net

KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 111 BOX 27 “GET YOUR

HANDS IN THE AIR!” You don’t need a gun to get people to raise their

hands above their heads. Make them happy and they’ll do it automatically.

In fact, during a holdup is probably the only time individuals will

simultaneously keep their hands high and be unhappy. Think of how

athletes exchange high fives after a good play; watch football fans raise

their arms skyward after the hometown team scores a touchdown. Gravity-

defying arm actions are a common response to joy and excitement. Whether

in Brazil, Belize, Belgium, or Botswana, arm waving is a truly universal

display of how elated we feel. box 27). When people are truly energized

and happy, their arm motions defy gravity. As previously mentioned,

gravity-defying behaviors are associated with positive feelings. When a

person feels good or confident, he swings his arms affirmatively, such as

while walking. It is the insecure person who subconsciously restrains his

arms, seemingly unable to defy the weight of gravity. Candidly tell a

colleague about a drastic and costly mistake she just made at work and her

shoulders and arms will sink down and droop. Ever have that “sinking

feeling”? It’s a limbic response to a negative event. Negative emotions

bring us down physically. Not only are these limbic responses honest, but

they happen in real time. We leap and thrust our arms in the air the moment

the point is scored, or our shoulders and arms sink when a referee rules

against us. These gravity-related behaviors communicate emotions

accurately and at the precise moment we are affected. Further, these

physical manifestations can be contagious, whether at a football stadium, a

rock concert, or in a gathering of great friends. Arm Withdrawal When we

are upset or fearful, we withdraw our arms. In fact, when we are injured,

threatened, abused, or worried, our arms come straight to our

https://www.8freebooks.net

112 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING sides or they close

across our chests. This is a survival tactic that helps protect the individual

when a real or perceived danger is sensed. Take, for instance, the mother

who is worried about her son while he is playing with rougher children. She

will often cross her arms and fold them across her abdomen. She wants to

intervene but stands aside and restrains herself by holding her arms, hoping

the play proceeds without injury. When two people are arguing, they may

both engage in this armwithdrawal behavior, a very protective behavior of

which neither party may be aware. This restraint has survival value; it

protects the body while presenting a nonprovocative position. In essence,

they are holding themselves back, since extending the arms might be

construed as an attempt to strike and injure the other party, causing a fight

to ensue. Self-restraint can assist us not only in dealing with others but also

in dealing with ourselves when we need to be comforted. For instance,

injuries or pain in the torso and arms often cause us to restrict arm

movement in an attempt to self-soothe or pacify. We may withdraw the

arms toward the painful body region. If you have ever experienced severe

intestinal distress, your arms were most likely drawn to your abdomen for

comfort. At moments like this, the arms don’t move outward; the limbic

system requires that they attend to our needs closer to home. Restriction of

Arm Movement Restriction of arm movements, arm freeze, particularly

when it occurs in children, can sometimes have more sinister implications.

In studying indicators of child abuse, it has been my experience that these

children will restrict their arm movements in the presence of abusive

parents or other predators. This makes perfect survival sense, since all

animals, especially predators, orient toward movement. Instinctively, the

abused child learns that the more he moves, the more likely he is to be

noticed, and then potentially targeted by an abuser. So the child’s limbic

system instinctively selfregulates to make sure his arms do not attract

attention. Arm-freeze behavior can serve to warn caring adults, whether

teachers, neighbors, relatives, or friends, that a child might be the victim of

abuse (see box 28). https://www.8freebooks.net

KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 113 BOX 28: GUARDIANS

ALL For exercise, I swim regularly at a local pool. Years ago, I became

aware of a young girl who, while normally gregarious and outgoing, would

restrain her arms whenever her mother was around. I noticed this response

on several different days. In addition, I noted that the mother frequently

spoke to this young girl using stern, caustic, and demeaning words. In the

physical interactions I witnessed, she often handled her daughter roughly

rather than lovingly, which was very unsettling, but not to the degree of

being criminal. On the final day that I saw the girl, I noticed some bruises

just above her elbows on the ventral side of her arms (the part of the arm

that faces the torso when the arm is hanging normally at the side). At this

point, I could no longer keep my suspicions to myself. I notified members

of the pool staff that I suspected child abuse and asked them to please keep

an eye on the little girl. An employee told me she was a “special needs”

child, and the bruises might be caused by her lack of coordination. I sensed

that the gravity of my uneasiness wasn’t registering, so I went to the

director of the facility and expressed my concerns. I explained that defense

wounds from falling do not manifest on the ventral side of the upper arms,

but rather on the elbows or dorsal side (the outside) of the arms. Also, I

knew it was not coincidence that this child looked like an automaton every

time her mother came near. I was relieved to learn that this matter was later

referred to authorities, after others at the swim facility made the same

observations. Let me make a very important point. If you are a parent,

teacher, camp counselor, or school resource officer and you see children

severely change or restrain their arm behavior around their parents or other

adults, at a minimum it should arouse your interest and promote further

observation. Cessation of arm movement is part of the limbic system’s

freeze response. To the abused child, this adaptive behavior can mean

survival. https://www.8freebooks.net

114 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Maybe I just can’t get

the FBI out of me, but when I see children at a playground, I can’t help but

glance at their arms to note any bruises or injuries. Sadly, there is so much

child abuse in the world, and during my training I was instructed to look for

the signs of neglect and abuse in children and others. Not only as a result of

my career in law enforcement, but also from my years as a father, I know

what falling or bumping bruises look like and where they occur on the

body. Bruises received through abuse are not the same. Their locations and

appearance are different, and these differences can be detected by the

trained eye. As previously stated, humans use their arms to defend

themselves, a predictable limbic reaction. Because children use their arms

to block their bodies as their primary means of defense (adults may use

objects), a flailing arm is often the first thing an abusive parent will grab.

Parents who aggressively seize children in this way will leave pressure

marks on the ventral side (the inside) of the arms. Especially if the parent

shakes the child in this position, the marks will be deeper in color (from

greater pressure) and have the larger shape of the adult hand or the

elongated shape of the thumb or fingers. While physicians and public safety

officers routinely see marks such as this on young victims or patients, many

of us are just not aware of their prevalence or significance. If we all learn to

observe children carefully and look for the obvious signs of maltreatment,

we can all help to protect innocent children. In saying this, I am not trying

to make you paranoid or unreasonably suspicious, just aware. The more

knowledgeable all caring adults are about the appearance of defense

wounds and other abusive injuries in children, and the more we observe for

such injuries, the safer our children will be. We want them to be happy and

swing their arms with joy, not restrain them in fear. Restricted arm behavior

is not limited to children. It can also be seen in adults for a variety of

reasons (see, for example, box 29). A friend of mine, who was a customs

inspector in Yuma, Arizona, told me that one of the things he noticed at the

border was how people carried their handbags and purses when they came

into the country. A person who was worried about the contents of her

handbag — whether https://www.8freebooks.net

KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 115 BOX 29:

SHOPLIFTERS’ TELL One of my earliest experiences with restrained arm

behavior occurred more than thirty-five years ago at a bookstore where I

was employed to spot shoplifters. From a lofty perch above the sales floor, I

soon learned that these lawbreakers were relatively easy to spot. Once I

understood the typical body language of shoplifters, I could identify them

daily — surprisingly, even as they walked in the door. First, these

individuals tended to look around a lot. Second, they tended to use fewer

arm movements than regular shoppers. It was as though they were trying to

make themselves smaller targets as they moved about the store. However,

their lack of arm movements actually made them stand out more

prominently — and essentially allowed me to better focus on them as they

went about their larcenous ways. because of their value or their illegality —

tended to hold on to the bag tighter, especially as she neared the customs

desk. Not only do important items tend to be better protected with the arms,

but also those things we do not want noticed. USING ARM CUES TO

ASSESS FOR MOOD OR FEELINGS If you establish an adequate

baseline by observing a specific individual’s arm behaviors over a period of

time, you can detect how he is feeling by his arm movements. For instance,

arm movements can let you know how someone is feeling upon returning

home from work. After a tough day or when feeling dejected or sad, the

arms will be low at the person’s side, shoulders drooping. Armed with this

understanding, you can comfort the person and help him or her recover

from a hard day. In contrast, watch https://www.8freebooks.net

116 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING people being reunited

after a long absence. They hold their open arms straight out. The meaning is

clear, “Come here, I want to hold you!” This beautiful sight is reminiscent

of when our own parents warmly reached out to us and we responded in

kind. Our arms reach out, defying gravity and opening up our entire body,

because our feelings are so genuinely positive. What happens with our arm

movements when we don’t really feel positive emotions? Years ago, when

my daughter was young, we were attending a family get-together, and as a

relative approached me, rather than holding my arms straight out, they were

only outstretched from the elbows, with my upper arms close at my sides.

Interestingly, my daughter likewise adjusted her arms when this relative

reached out to hug her. Subconsciously, I had transmitted that this person

was welcome, but that I was not extremely excited to see her. My daughter

responded in kind, later telling me that she did not like this relative, either.

Whether my daughter’s feelings were original or whether she had picked up

on my sentiments toward this relative, we had both subconsciously

demonstrated, with our less-than-stretched-out arms, how we really felt.

Arm behaviors also help to communicate such everyday messages as:

“hello,” “so long,” “come here,” “I don’t know,” “over there,” “down here,”

“up there,” “stop,” “go back,” “get out of my sight,” and “I can’t believe

what just happened!” Many of these gestures could be understood anywhere

in the world and often are employed to overcome language barriers. There

are also numerous obscene gestures that involve the arms, some specific to

a given culture, and others that are universally understood. Arm Cues that

Isolate Certain arm behaviors relay the message, “Don’t come close to me;

don’t touch!” For instance, watch some university professors, doctors, or

lawyers as they walk down a hallway, or for that matter, look at the Queen

of England or her husband, Prince Philip. When people place their arms

behind their backs, first they are saying, “I am of higher status.” Second,

they are transmitting, “Please don’t come near me; I am not to be touched.”

This behavior is often misunderstood as merely a pensive or thinking pose,

but https://www.8freebooks.net

KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 117 unless seen in someone

studying a painting at a museum, for example, it is not. Putting the arms

behind the back is a clear signal that means, “Don’t get close; I don’t want

to make contact with you” (see figure 39). Adults can convey this message

to each other and to children — even pets are sensitive to segregating

gestures of the arms (see box 30). Imagine how isolating it must be for a

child growing up in a household where each time he yearns to be held, his

mother withdraws her arms behind her back. Such nonverbal messages,

unfortunately, have lasting effects on a youngster and, all too often, like

other forms of neglect and abuse, are later imitated and transmitted to the

next generation. Sometimes called the "regal stance,’’ arms behind the back

mean “don’t draw near.’’ You see royalty using this behavior to keep people

at a distance. https://www.8freebooks.net

118 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 30 A PET PEEVE

Animal trainers tell me that dogs can’t stand it when humans withdraw their

gaze and their arms. In essence, our behavior is telling the dog, “I will not

touch you.” If you own a dog, try this experiment. Stand in front of your pet

with your outstretched arms and hands in front of you, but not touching

him. Then withdraw your arms behind your back and watch what happens. I

think you’ll discover the dog will react negatively. Humans dislike it when

we feel unworthy of being touched. When a couple walks together and one

or the other’s arms are behind the back, they are restraining themselves.

Obviously, closeness or intimacy is not reflected by this behavior. Note how

you feel when you extend your arm to shake someone’s hand and he does

not respond. When we reach out for physical contact and it is not

reciprocated, we feel rejected and dejected. There is ample scientific

research that suggests that touch is very important for the well-being of

humans. Health, mood, mental development, and even longevity are said to

be influenced by how much physical contact we have with others and how

often positive touching takes place (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 290—301). We

have all read about studies where merely stroking a dog lowers a person’s

heart rate and serves as a calming agent. Perhaps this is true because pets

are typically so unconditional in their affections that we never have to

worry about reciprocation. As a species, we have learned to use touch as a

barometer of how we feel. We reach toward the things we really like and

hold unpleasant things at arm’s length. If you hand someone a dirty diaper

for disposal, notice how the immediate reaction is to grasp it with as few

fingers as possible and hold the arm away from the body. No one receives

training in this, yet we all do it, because the limbic brain limits contact with

objects that are disagreeable, unhealthy, or dangerous to us.

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KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 119 This arm-distancing

phenomenon occurs not only when we encounter objects we don’t like, but

also when we are around people we don’t enjoy. Our arms will act as either

barriers or blocking mechanisms (like a running back stiff-arming a would-

be tackier) to protect and/or distance us from threats or anything we deem

negative in our environment. You can learn a lot about how a person feels

about someone or something by noting whether the arm either engages or

distances from the individual or object in question. Watch people at the

airport or on a packed sidewalk and notice how they use their arms to

protect themselves or to block others from getting too close as they make

their way through the crowd. Then note how people with whom you interact

greet you in social or business situations. I think you’ll start to see that the

saying “keeping someone at arm’s length" has real meaning and practical

consequences. TERRITORIAL DISPLAYS OF THE ARMS In addition to

using our arms to protect us or keep people away, they can also be used to

mark territory. In fact, as I am writing this paragraph, I am on an Air

Canada flight to Calgary, and my very large seat neighbor and I have been

jockeying for armrest territory nearly the entire flight. At the moment, I

seem to be losing; I have a small corner of the armrest, but he dominates the

rest and therefore my whole left side. All I can do is lean toward the

window. Eventually, I decided to give up trying to carve out any additional

territory, so he won and I lost. But at least I salvaged an example for this

book from his territorial display. Incidents like this happen to all of us every

day in elevators, doorways, or classrooms. In the end, if there is no

accommodation or compromise, someone ends up being the “loser” and no

one likes to feel that way. You also see territorial displays in boardrooms or

meeting rooms where one person will spread his material about and use his

elbows to dominate a considerable piece of the conference table at the

expense of others. According to Edward Hall, territory, in essence, is power

(Hall, 1969; Knapp & Hall, 2002, 158—164). Claiming territory can have

very powerful and https://www.8freebooks.net

120 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING negative consequences

— both short-lived and long-term — and the resulting battles can range

from small to great. Territorial disputes encompass everything from a turf

issue on a crowded subway to the war fought between Argentina and

Britain over the Falkland Islands (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 157—159). Now,

here I sit, months after that flight to Calgary, and as I edit this chapter, I can

still sense the discomfort I felt when my seatmate hogged the armrest.

Clearly, territorial displays are significant to us, and our arms help assert

our dominance to others with whom we overlap in space. Notice how

confident or high-status individuals will claim more territory with their

arms than less confident, lower-status persons. A dominant man, for

example, may drape his arm around a chair to let everyone know that this is

his domain or, on a first date, might confidently throw an arm over a

woman’s shoulder as though she were his property. Further, with regard to

“table manners,” be aware that higher-status individuals will usually claim

as much territory as possible immediately upon sitting down, spreading

their arms or their objects (briefcase, purse, papers) on the table. If you are

new to an organization, watch for those individuals who either use their

personal material (notebooks, calendars) or their arms to claim a larger

piece of real estate than most. Even at the conference table, real estate is

equated with power and status; so be observant for this nonverbal behavior

and use it to assess an individual’s real or perceived status. Alternatively,

the person who sits at the conference table with his elbows against his waist

and arms draped between his legs sends a message of weakness and low

confidence. Arms Akimbo One territorial behavior used to assert

dominance and project an image of authority is known as arms a\imbo. This

nonverbal behavior involves a person extending both arms out in a V

pattern with the hands placed (thumbs backward) on the hips. Watch police

officers or military personnel in uniform when they are talking to each

other. They almost always assume the arms-akimbo posture. Although this

is part of their authorihttps://www.8freebooks.net

KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 121 tative training, it doesn’t

resonate well in the private sector. Military personnel leaving the service to

enter the business world would be well advised to soften up that image so

they don’t come across so authoritatively (see figure 40). Minimizing arms

akimbo can often ameliorate that military bearing that civilians often find

disconcerting (see box 31). For women, arms, akimbo may have particular

utility. I have taught women executives that it is a powerful nonverbal

display that they can employ when confronting males in the boardroom. It

is an effective way for anyone, especially a woman, to demonstrate that she

is standing her ground, confident, and unwilling to be bullied. Too often

young women enter the Arms akimbo is a powerful territorial display that

can be used to establish dominance or to communicate that there are

"issues." https://www.8freebooks.net

122 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 31 THE WRONG

ARMS OF THE LAW People who question the power of nonverbals to

affect the behaviors of others might want to consider what happens when

police use the armsakimbo display at the wrong times. There are situations

when using it can not only destroy police officers' effectiveness, but also

endanger their lives. Subconsciously, arms akimbo is a powerful display of

authority and dominance, as well as a claim to territory. During a domestic

dispute, if a police officer performs this display, it tends to exacerbate the

feelings of those in the house and may escalate the situation. This is

particularly true if the officer exhibits this posture in a doorway, blocking

the exit of the homeowners. Territorial displays such as arms akimbo arouse

passions, since “every man’s home is his castle,” and no “king” wants an

outsider controlling his space. Another potentially dangerous situation

relating to the use of the arms-akimbo display involves young police

officers who are taken off of their regular patrol duties to work undercover.

When these undercover neophytes enter an establishment for the first time,

such as a bar they are attempting to infiltrate, they may stand with arms

akimbo. While this is something they are accustomed to doing, they have

not earned the right to engage in such an authoritarian or territorial display

among those they don’t know. They advertise inadvertently that they are

cops or the heat. Interviews with numerous criminals have revealed that this

territorial arm display is one of the things they look for in trying to make

(identify) undercover officers. Except for those in authority, most civilians

rarely stand with arms akimbo. I always remind training officers and

supervisors to be aware of this and make sure that undercover officers are

broken of this habit so they do not give away who they are and place their

lives in peril. https://www.8freebooks.net

KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 123 workplace and are bullied

nonverbally by males who insist on talking to them with arms akimbo in a

show of territorial dominance (see figure 41). Aping this behavior — or

using it first — can serve to level the playing field for women who may be

reluctant to be assertive in other ways. Arms akimbo is a good way of

saying that there are “issues,” “things are not good,” or “I am standing my

ground” in a territorial display (Morris, 1985, 195). There is a variant to the

traditional arms akimbo (which is usually performed with hands on hips

with thumbs facing toward the back) in which the hands are placed on the

hips, but the thumbs face forward Fig. 41 Women tend to use arms akimbo

less than men. Note the position of the thumbs in this photograph. Fig. 42

Hk In this photo the arms are akimbo, but note that the thumbs are forward.

This is a more inquisitive, less authoritarian position than in the previous

photo, where the thumbs are back in the "there are issues’’ position.

https://www.8freebooks.net

124 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING (see figure 41 and 42). It

is often seen when people are inquisitive, yet concerned. They may

approach a situation with this curious arms akimbo stance (thumbs forward,

hands on hips, elbows out) to assess what is going on, and then rotate their

hands to “thumbs backwards” to establish a more dominant stance of

concern if necessary. Hooding Effect Another territorial display — similar

to arms akimbo — can often be seen during business meetings and other

seated social encounters when a person leans back and interlaces his hands

behind his head (see figure 43). I spoke to a cultural anthropologist about

this behavior, and we both concluded that it is reminiscent of the way in

which a cobra "hoods” to alert other animals of his dominance and power.

This hooding effect makes us larger than life and tells others, “I am in

charge here.” There is also a Interlaced hands behind the head are indicative

of comfort and dominance. Usually the senior person at a meeting will pose

or “hood” this way. https://www.8freebooks.net

KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 125 pecking order to this and

other dominance displays. For instance, while waiting for a meeting to

begin, the office supervisor may assume the interlaced hands-behind-the-

head-elbows-out display. However, when the boss comes into the room, this

territorial hooding display will stop. Claiming territory is for those of high

status or those in charge. Thus it is the boss’s right to assume this behavior

while everyone else will be expected to bring their hands down to the table

in an appropriate show of deference. Dominant Pose Often, individuals will

use their arms to simultaneously emphasize a point and claim territory. This

happens frequently during interactions where people are in disagreement

over an issue. I recall a recent incident during a layover in New York

wherein a hotel guest approached the front desk with his arms close to his

body and asked the clerk on duty for a favor. When the favor was rejected,

the guest shifted his request to a demand, and his arms shifted as well —

spreading farther and farther apart, claiming more and more territory as the

conversation became increasingly heated. This arm spread behavior is a

powerful limbic response employed to establish dominance and emphasize

a person’s point of view (see figure 44). As a general rule, the meek will

pull in their arms; the strong, powerful, or indignant will spread them out to

claim more territory (see box 32). In business meetings, a speaker who

takes (and maintains) a large territorial footprint is likely very confident

about what is being discussed (see figure 45). Spread-out arms is one of

those nonverbals with high accuracy because it is limbic in origin and

proclaims, “I am confident.” Conversely, note how quickly someone who is

splayed out over several chairs will withdraw his arms when questioned

about something that makes him feel uncomfortable (see box 33). Arm

Behaviors in Courtship In courtship behavior, the man will often be the first

to put his arm around his date, particularly when there is a chance that other

males https://www.8freebooks.net

Fingertips planted spread apart on a surface are a significant

territorial display of confidence and authority. Arms spread out over chairs

tell the world you are feeling confident and comfortable.

https://www.8freebooks.net

KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 127 BOX 32: SPREADING

ARMS SHOULD SPREAD ALARMS Several years ago I was involved in

training American Airlines security personnel overseas. One of the

employees pointed out to me that ticket agents can often identify passengers

who will become problematic by how wide they position their arms when

they are at the counter. From that day forward I have looked for this

behavior and have witnessed it countless times during confrontations. I was

at the airport (yes, once again!) when I overheard a passenger being told of

a new regulation that required him to pay a surcharge for his overweight

luggage. Immediately — as if on cue — this man splayed his arms so far

apart on the counter that it actually forced him to bend at the waist. During

the argument that ensued, the airline employee stepped back and crossed his

arms in front of his chest and informed the passenger that unless he

cooperated and calmed down he wouldn’t be allowed on the airplane.

Incidentally, it’s not every day one gets to see two remarkable arm

behaviors all at once, in what became an arm wrestling match, at a distance.

might try to encroach on his woman. Or he will plant an arm behind his

date and pivot around her so that no one can claim or violate this territory.

Watching courtship rituals can be very enlightening and entertaining —

particularly when you see males subconsciously staking out their territory

and their date, all at once. Another example of courtship behaviors of the

arms involves how closely a couple will (or will not) place their arms next

to one another when they are seated together at a table. There are large

numbers of sensory receptors in our arms, so arm touching can generate

sensuous pleasure. In fact, even brushing against the hairs on our bare arms

or a touch through clothing can stimulate nerve endings. So when we place

our arms near someone else’s, the limbic brain is demonstrating overtly that

we are so comfortable, physical contact is permissible. The flip side of

https://www.8freebooks.net

128 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 33 THE SWAT

COMMANDER WHO PUT DOWN HIS ARMS Years ago, I was involved

in planning a SWAT operation that was to take place in Lakeland, Florida.

As the mission planner was describing the operation order, he seemed to

have everything covered. His arms were outstretched over two chairs as he

confidently went through the very detailed arrest plan. Suddenly someone

asked, "What about the Lakeland paramedics, have they been contacted?"

Instantly the mission planner withdrew his arms and dropped them between

his knees, palms together. This was a significant change in territorial

behavior. He went from dominating a large space to being as narrow as

possible, all because he had not made the necessary arrangements. His

confidence level suddenly vaporized. This is a striking example of how

quickly our behaviors ebb and flow depending on our mood, level of

confidence, or thoughts. These nonverbals occur in real time and

immediately transmit data. When we are confident we spread out, when we

are less confident we withdraw. this behavior is that we will remove our

arms from the vicinity of our companion’s arms when the relationship is

changing for the worse or when the individual with whom we are seated

(whether a date or a stranger) is making us feel uncomfortable. Adornments

and Artifacts on the Arms Around the globe, wealth is often demonstrated

through the wearing of precious items or adornments on the arms. In many

parts of the Middle East, it is still common for women to wear their wealth

in the form of gold rings or bands on their arms, indicating relative worth

and status. Men, too, will wear expensive watches to demonstrate their

socioeconomic status or level of wealth. In the 1980s, men in Miami were

fanatical about wearing Rolex watches; they were the status symbol du jour

and were ubiquitous among drug traffickers and nouveau riche alike.

https://www.8freebooks.net

KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 129 Other social emblems,

including manifestations of one’s personal or career history, can also be

displayed in various ways on our arms. People who work in construction,

athletes, and soldiers will sometimes reveal the scars of their profession.

Uniforms may carry patches on the upper arms. Like the torso, the arms can

be billboards to advertise aspects of our personality. Just look at the variety

of tattoos people have emblazoned on their arms or the muscles that

bodybuilders proudly display with tight-fitting tank tops. To the skilled

observer, a careful scrutiny of people’s arms can sometimes reveal

information about their lifestyles. The smooth, well-manicured elbows of

the pampered differ greatly from those who are scarred or tanned from daily

outdoor work. People who have been in the military or in prison may have

artifacts of their experiences on their arms, including scars and tattoos.

Individuals who espouse hatred toward a certain group or subject will often

script or tattoo evidence of that hatred on their arms. Those who use

intravenous drugs may have track lines along the veins of their arms.

Troubled individuals with a psychological disorder known as borderline

personality may have cuts and slashes where they have done intentional

injury to their arms (American Psychological Association, 2000, 706-707).

With specific regard to tattoos, this style of body adornment has increased

in the last fifteen years, particularly in more “modernized” countries.

However, this method of personal decoration has been used around the

world for at least thirteen thousand years. As part of our “body billboard,”

the message tattoos convey in current culture should be discussed.

Concurrent with the relatively recent increase in tattooing, I was involved in

surveying potential jurors, specifically with regard to how a witness or a

defendant would be perceived if he had tattoos. The surveys, conducted

multiple times with multiple groups of men and women, concluded that

tattoos were perceived by jurors as being low-status (lowclass) adornments

and/or vestiges of youthful indiscretion, which, in general, were not very

well liked. I tell students that if they have tattoos, they should hide them,

especially when applying for a job — and particularly if going to work in

the https://www.8freebooks.net

130 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING food industry or the

medical profession. Celebrities may be able to get away with tattoos, but

even they have them masked when working. The bottom line on the subject

of tattoos is that surveys show most people don’t like to see them. While

that may change one day, for now, if you are trying to influence others in a

positive way, you should conceal them. Arms as Conduits of Affection

Children need to be lovingly touched so that they can grow up feeling safe

and nurtured, but even adults can use a good hug every once in a while. I

give hugs freely because they transmit caring and affection so much more

effectively than mere words. I feel sorry for those who are not huggers; they

are missing so much in their lives. As powerful and effective as a hug can

be in gaining favor and achieving interpersonal effectiveness with others,

however, it can also be seen by some as an unwanted intrusion of their

personal space. In the litigious age in which we live — where a well-

meaning hug can be misconstrued as a sexual advance — one must be

careful not to give out hugs where they are unwelcome. As always, careful

observation and interpretation of people’s behavior as you interact with

them will be your best indicator as to whether a hug is appropriate or

inappropriate in any given circumstance. Nevertheless, even without giving

a hug, people can use their arms to demonstrate warmth and, in so doing,

increase their chances of being viewed favorably by others. When

approaching a stranger for the first time, try demonstrating warmth by

leaving your arms relaxed, preferably with the ventral side exposed and

perhaps even with the palms of your hands clearly visible. This is a very

powerful way of sending the message, “Hello, I mean no harm” to the other

person’s limbic system. It is a great way of putting the other person at ease

and facilitating any interaction that follows. In Latin America, an abrazo (a

brief hug) is part of the culture among https://www.8freebooks.net

KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 131 BOX 34: DON’T GET

BUGGED IF YOU GET HUGGED Years ago at an espionage trial in

Tampa, Florida, the defense attorney put me on the stand and, wishing to

embarrass or discredit me, asked somewhat sarcastically, “Mr. Navarro, isn't

it true that you used to hug my client, the defendant, every time you met

with him?" I then replied, “It wasn’t a hug, counselor, it was an abrazo, and

there is a difference." I paused dramatically for a second and then

continued, “It was also an opportunity for me to see if your client was

armed, since he once robbed a bank." The startled defense attorney ended

the provocative line of inquiry then and there, since he was not aware that

his client had previously committed a bank robbery with a gun.

Interestingly, this abrazo story made the papers as though the people of

Tampa and nearby Ybor City (settled by Latinos) had never heard of an

abrazo. Since this trial, the attorney in question and I have become close

friends and he is now a federal judge. After nearly twenty years, we still

laugh about the “abrazo incident." males. It is a way of saying, “I like you.”

In performing an abrazo, the chests come together and the arms engulf the

back of the other person. Unfortunately, I know a lot of people who are

reluctant to do this and/or feel very awkward when they do. I have seen

American businessmen in Latin America who will either refuse to give an

abrazo or when they do it, appear as though they’re dancing with their

grandmother. My advice is to do it and get it right, since little courtesies

mean a lot in any culture. Learning a proper abrazo is no different than

learning to shake hands correctly and feeling comfortable doing it. If you

are a businessman and will be working in Latin America, you will be

perceived as cold or aloof if you fail to learn this familiar greeting. There’s

no need for that when a simple gesture can engender so much good will and

make you simpatico (see box 34). https://www.8freebooks.net

132 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING SOME CONCLUDING

REMARKS ABOUT NONVERBALS OF THE ARMS Our arms can

transmit a lot of information in decoding the intentions and sentiments of

others. From my perspective, one of the best ways to establish rapport with

someone is to touch that person on the arm, somewhere between the elbow

and the shoulder. Of course, it is always wise to assess the person’s personal

and cultural preferences before you proceed. Generally, however, the brief

touch I have just described is usually a good and safe place to initiate

human contact and to let others know you are getting along. In the

Mediterranean, South American, and Arab worlds, touching is an important

component of communication and social harmony. Don’t be shocked,

startled, or threatened as you travel if people touch you on the arm

(assuming they do so appropriately, as I have described). It’s their powerful

way of saying, “We are OK.” In fact, since human touch is so intimately

involved in communication, when there is no touching between people, you

should be concerned and wonder why. https://www.8freebooks.net

SIX Getting a Grip Nonverbals of the Hands and Fingers Among

all species, our human hands are unique — not only in what they can

accomplish, but also in how they communicate. Human hands can paint the

Sistine Chapel, pluck a guitar, maneuver surgical instruments, chisel a

David, forge steel, and write poetry. They can grasp, scratch, poke, punch,

feel, sense, evaluate, hold, and mold the world around us. Our hands are

extremely expressive; they can sign for the deaf, help tell a story, or reveal

our innermost thoughts. No other species has appendages with such a

remarkable range of capabilities. Because our hands can execute very

delicate movements, they can reflect very subtle nuances within the brain.

An understanding of hand behavior is crucial to decoding nonverbal

behaviors, for there is practically nothing your hands do that is not directed

— either consciously or subconsciously — by your brain. Despite the

acquisition of spoken language over millions of years of human evolution,

our brains are still https://www.8freebooks.net

134 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING hardwired to engage our

hands in accurately communicating our emotions, thoughts, and sentiments.

Therefore, whether people are speaking or not, hand gestures merit our

attention as a rich source of nonverbal behavior to help us understand the

thoughts and feelings of others. HOW APPEARANCE AND

NONVERBALS OF THE HANDS AFFECT INTERPERSONAL

PERCEPTION Not only do others’ hands communicate important

information to us, but our own hand movements influence how others

perceive us. Therefore, the way we use our hands — as well as what we

learn from the hand behaviors of others — contribute to our overall

interpersonal effectiveness. Let’s start by examining how our hand actions

affect what others think of us. Effective Hand Movements Enhance Our

Credibility and Persuasiveness The human brain is programmed to sense

the slightest hand and finger movement. In fact, our brains give a

disproportionate amount of attention to the wrists, palms, fingers, and

hands, as compared to the rest of the body (Givens, 2005, 31, 76; Ratey,

2001, 162—165). From an evolutionary standpoint, this makes sense. As

our species adopted an upright posture and our human brain grew ever

larger, our hands became more skilled, more expressive, and also more

dangerous. We have a survival need to assess each other’s hands quickly to

see what they are saying or if they portend ill (as in holding a weapon).

Because our brains have a natural bias to focus on the hands, successful

entertainers, magicians, and great speakers have capitalized on this

phenomenon to make their presentations more exciting or to distract us (see

box 35). People respond positively to effective hand movements. If you

wish to enhance your effectiveness as a persuasive speaker — at home, at

work, even with friends — attempt to become more expressive in your use

of https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A GRIP 135 BOX 35 KEEPING SUCCESS WELL

IN HAND Most successful speakers use very powerful hand gestures.

Unfortunately, one of the best examples I can offer of an individual who

developed his hand gestures to improve his communication skills is that of

Adolf Hitler. A mere private in the First World War, a painter of greeting

cards, and slight of stature, Hitler had no prequalifications or stage presence

that would normally be associated with a gifted, credible orator. On his

own, Hitler began to practice speaking in front of mirrors. Later, he filmed

himself while practicing hand gestures to better hone a dramatic style of

speaking. The rest is history. An evil human being was able to rise to

prominence as leader of the Third Reich through his use of rhetorical skills.

Some of the movies of Hitler practicing his hand gestures still exist in the

archives. They attest to his development as a speaker who capitalized on

using his hands to enthrall and control his audience. hand movements. For

some individuals, effective hand communication comes naturally; it is a gift

that takes no real thought or education. For others, however, it takes

concentrated effort and training. Whether you naturally speak with your

hands or not, recognize that we communicate our ideas more effectively

when we employ our hands. Hiding Your Hands Creates a Negative

Impression: Keep Them Visible People may regard you with suspicion if

they can’t see your hands while you are talking. Therefore, always be sure

to keep your hands visible during face-to-face communication with others.

If you’ve ever talked to someone whose hands are underneath a table, I

think you will quickly sense how uncomfortable the conversation feels (see

box 36). When we interact in person with other individuals, we expect to

see their hands, because the brain depends on them as an integral part of the

communication process. https://www.8freebooks.net

136 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 36 AN

UNDERHANDED EXPERIMENT Years ago I conducted an informal

study in three of my classes. I asked students to interview each other,

instructing half of the class to keep their hands under their desks during the

conversation, while the other half was told to leave their hands visible.

After a fifteen-minute interview, we discovered that the people with their

hands under the desk were generally perceived as being uncomfortable,

withdrawn (holding back), sneaky, or even deceptive by those with whom

they were speaking. Those interviewers with their hands in plain view on

top of the desk were perceived as being more open and friendly, and none

was perceived as deceptive. Not a very scientific experiment, but quite

instructive. When conducting jury surveys, one thing that stands out is how

much jurors dislike it when attorneys hide behind the lectern. Jurors want to

see the attorney’s hands so they can gauge the presentation more accurately.

Jurors also don’t like it when witnesses hide their hands; they perceive this

negatively, commenting that the witness must be holding back, or perhaps

even lying. While these behaviors have nothing to do with deception per se,

the perception of the jurors is significant, reminding us that concealment of

the hands should be avoided. When the hands are out of sight or less

expressive, it detracts from the perceived quality and honesty of the

information being transmitted. The Power of a Handshake A handshake is

usually the first — and possibly only — physical contact we have with

another person. How we do it, including its strength and how long it is

maintained, can affect how we are perceived by the person we are greeting.

We can all remember someone who shook our hand and left us feeling

uncomfortable about them or about the situation. Don’t dismiss the power

of a handshake to leave an impression. It is very significant.

https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A GRIP 137 Around the world, it is common to use

the hands to greet others, although culture dictates variations on how hand

greetings are performed, for how long, and how strong. When I first moved

to Utah to attend Brigham Young University, I was introduced to what

fellow BYU students called the “Mormon handshake.” This is a very strong

and lengthy handshake used extensively not only by the university students,

but also by members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

(Mormons). Over the years that I was there, I noticed how foreign students,

in particular, were often taken aback by this rather overzealous handshake,

because in many cultures, especially in Latin America, the handshake is

mild (some preferring to give an abrazo, as previously mentioned). Since

handshaking is usually the first time that two people actually touch, it can

be a defining moment in their relationship. In addition to being used to meet

and greet, certain people use it to establish dominance. In the 1980s, much

was written about how you could use the handshake to establish control and

dominance by maneuvering the hand this way and that way, making sure

yours was always on top. What a waste of energy! I don’t recommend hand

jousting to create dominance, as our intentions should be to leave positive

impressions when we meet others, not negative ones. If you feel the need to

establish dominance, the hands are not the right way to do so. There are

other more powerful tactics, including violation of space and eye-gaze

behavior, that are more subtle. I have shaken hands with people who try to

establish dominance through this greeting, and I have always come away

with negative feelings. They didn’t succeed in making me feel inferior, just

uncomfortable. There are also those who insist on touching the inside

(ventral) side of your wrist with their index finger when they shake hands.

If it is done to you and you feel uncomfortable, don’t feel surprised,

because most people react that way. Similarly, you will typically feel

uncomfortable if someone gives you what is referred to as a “politician’s

handshake,” in which the other party covers the top of the handshake with

his left hand. I suppose politicians think they are being friendlier with this

two-handed gesture, not realizing that many people don’t like being touched

that way. I know people (mostly men) who insist on shaking hands this way

and end up creating negative https://www.8freebooks.net

138 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING feelings in the people

they meet. Obviously, you should avoid giving any of these discomforting

handshakes unless you want to alienate someone. As foreign as it may seem

to Westerners, in many cultures men engage in hand-holding behavior. This

is very common in the Muslim world as well as in Asia, especially in

Vietnam and Laos. Men in the United States often are uncomfortable

holding hands with each other because this is not common to our culture

beyond childhood or perhaps in certain religious rituals. When I teach at the

FBI Academy, I ask the young agents to stand and shake hands with each

other. They don’t have a problem doing so, even when asked to engage in a

prolonged handshake. However, when I ask them to hold hands together

side-by-side, sneers and objections quickly arise; they cringe at the thought,

and only do so with much hesitation. Then I remind the new agents that we

deal with people from many cultures and these individuals often show their

comfort level with us by holding our hands. It is something we, as

Americans, need to learn to accept, especially when dealing with human

assets (informants) from other countries (see box 37). Many cultures use

touch to cement positive sentiments between men, something that is not

widespread in the United States. The story of the Bulgarian gentleman not

only reveals cultural differences but also illustrates the importance of

physical contact for our species. In interpersonal relationships — whether

between men, women, parents and children, or lovers — it is critical to

have physical contact and to assess it to determine how the relationship

stands. One of the signs that a relationship has soured or is compromised is

a sudden decrease in the amount of touching (assuming it existed). In any

relationship, when there is trust there is more tactile activity. If you

currently travel abroad, or plan to in the future, make sure you understand

the cultural conventions of the country that you are visiting, particularly

with regard to greetings. If someone gives you a weak handshake, don’t

grimace. If anyone takes your arm, don’t wince. If you are in the Middle

East and a person wants to hold your hand, hold it. If you are a man visiting

Russia, don’t be surprised when your male host kisses your cheek, rather

than shakes your hand. All of these greetings are as natural a

https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A GRIP 139 BOX 37 WHEN CUSTOMS AND

INTELLIGENCE GATHERING GO HAND IN HAND When I was

assigned to the Manhattan office of the FBI, I worked with an informant

(asset) who had defected from Bulgaria. He was an older gentleman, and as

time went on we became friends. I remember being at his home one

afternoon, having tea, which he favored late in the day. We sat on the couch,

and as he told me stories of his work and life behind the iron curtain, he

took my left hand and just held it, for practically a half hour. As he spoke of

his life under Soviet oppression, I could tell this encounter was more about

therapy than it was about work. It was clear that this gentleman took great

delight and derived much comfort from holding the hand of another person.

This behavior was a sign of his trust in me as we spoke; it was much more

than a routine FBI debriefing of a former intelligence officer. My

acceptance of his hand was highly conducive to his coming forth with

additional and vital information. I always wonder how much less

information I would have received if I had moved my hand because I feared

touching or holding another man’s hand. way to express genuine sentiments

as an American handshake. I am honored when an Arab or Asian man

offers to take my hand because I know that it’s a sign of high respect and

trust. Accepting these cultural differences is the first step to better

understanding and embracing diversity. Avoid Using Hand Gestures that

Offend Others In many countries throughout the world, finger pointing is

viewed as one of the most offensive gestures a person can display. Studies

show that people don’t like it when someone points a finger at them (see

figure 46). In schools as well as prison yards, finger pointing is often the

precursor to many fights. When talking with their children, parents should

be careful to avoid pointing at them while saying things like “I know you

https://www.8freebooks.net

140 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Fig. 46 Perhaps one of

the most offensive gestures we possess is finger pointing. It has negative

connotations around the globe. did it.” The finger pointing is so distasteful

that it may actually divert the child’s attention from what is being said as

they process the hostile message of the gesture (see box 38). Finger

pointing is just one of many offensive gestures a person can make with the

hand or fingers. Obviously, some are so well known they need no further

comment, such as “the bird.” Snapping your fingers at someone is also

considered rude; you should never attempt to get someone’s attention with

the same gesture you may use to call your dog. In the Michael Jackson trial

in 2005, the jurors did not appreciate the mother of one of the victims

snapping her fingers at the jury; this had a very negative effect. For those of

you interested in further readings on hand gestures around the world, I

would highly recommend Bodytal\: The Meaning of Human Gestures, by

Desmond Morris, and Gestures : The Do’s and Taboos of Body Language

Around the World, by Roger E. Axtell. These two wonderful books will

open your eyes to the diversity of gestures around the world and the

eloquence of the hands in expressing human emotions.

https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A GRIP 141 BOX 38: I DON’T GET YOUR POINT

Research with focus groups has shown that a prosecuting attorney needs to

be very careful when pointing at the defendant with the index finger during

opening statements. Jurors don’t like to see such behavior because, in their

view, the prosecutor has not earned the right to point until he or she has

proven the case. It is far better to gesture with an open hand (palm up) at the

defendant than with a finger. Once the case is proven, the prosecutor can

then point at the defendant with the index finger during closing arguments.

This may seem trivial. However, dozens of surveys with mock jurors have

shown they are sticklers on this point. So I simply tell attorneys not to

engage in finger pointing in the courtroom. As for the rest of us, we should

not point fingers when dealing with our spouses or children, nor with our

colleagues at work. Pointing is just plain offensive. Be Cautious When

Using Preening Behaviors Involving the Hands We use our fingers to preen

our clothing, hair, and body when we are concerned with how we look.

During courtship, humans engage in increased amounts of preening — not

only with regard to our own appearance, but we also groom our mates.

Intimacy permits the lover to gently remove a spot of lint from her male

counterpart’s sleeve even as he may gently dab a spot of food from the

corner of her mouth. These behaviors are also seen between mother and

child — not only in humans, but also in other mammals and in birds — and

are indicative of caring and close intimacy. When observed within a

relationship, the amount of grooming between the partners is a good

barometer of their rapport and the level of intimacy permitted. Preening,

however, can also create negative perceptions. For example, it is rude and

disrespectful for one person to preen herself in a

https://www.8freebooks.net

142 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Self-preening is

acceptable, but not when others are talking to you. This is a sign of

dismissiveness. self-attentive, dismissive way, when she is supposed to be

listening to someone else (see figure 47). In addition, there are some acts of

grooming that are seen as more socially acceptable in public than others. It

is fine to pick a piece of lint off your sweater on the bus, but clipping your

fingernails in public is another matter. Further, what is socially acceptable

preening in one setting or culture may not be seen as such in another. It is

also inappropriate for a person to preen another individual when they have

not reached the level of intimacy to warrant that behavior. The Physical

Appearance of Your Hands By looking at people’s hands, it is sometimes

possible to assess the kind of work they do or activities in which they

engage. The hands of individuals who perform manual labor will have a

certain rough, calloused appearance. Scars may indicate working on a farm

or athletic wounds received on the playing field. Standing with hands at the

side with fingers curled https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A GRIP 143 may indicate prior military experience. A

guitar player may have calluses on the tips of the fingers on one hand.

Hands also indicate how much we care for ourselves and how we view

social convention. Hands may be tended to or they may be filthy. Nails may

be manicured or look ratty. Long nails on men are seen as odd or

effeminate, and people typically interpret nail-biting as a sign of

nervousness or insecurity (see figure 48). Because our brains focus so much

on the hands, you should pay extra attention to hand hygiene, since others

will. Learn How to Manage Sweaty Hands No one really enjoys shaking a

hand that is moist, so I advise people who develop sweaty hands when

meeting others (particularly important people like potential employers,

future in-laws, or individuals in a position to grant favors) to dry off their

hands before they attempt a handshake. Hand sweating not only occurs

when we are excessively warm, it also happens when we are nervous or

under stress. When you make contact Nail-biting is generally perceived as a

sign of insecurity or nervousness. https://www.8freebooks.net

144 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING with someone who has

sweaty hands, you can assume he or she is under stress (since limbic

arousal causes sweating). Use this opportunity to win some interpersonal

points by unobtrusively doing what you can to help the person calm down.

Putting people at ease when they are stressed is one of the best ways to

insure more honest, effective, and successful interactions. There are people

who erroneously believe that if you have sweaty palms, you must be lying.

This is simply not accurate. The same part of the nervous system that is

activated during the limbic freeze, flight, or fight response (the sympathetic

nervous system) also governs our sweat glands. Since something as simple

as meeting someone new can cause sweaty hands, this phenomenon must

not be construed as indicative of deception. Approximately 5 percent of the

population sweats profusely, and chronic perspiration makes the palms

uncomfortably sweaty (a condition known as hyperhidrosis) (Collett, 2003,

11). Sweaty palms are not indicative of deception. They are only indicative

of stress or, in some cases, a genetic disorder. Be careful when evaluating

the reasons for moist hands. Although some sources state that a person is

lying if his palms are sweaty, this is simply not true. READING

NONVERBALS OF THE HANDS Up to this point, we have been

examining how our hand behaviors and appearance can influence the way

others perceive us. Now let’s examine some nonverbals of the hands that

will help us read what other people are thinking and feeling. I’ll start with a

few general comments about how our hands reveal information and then

turn to some specific hand behaviors of high and low confidence that can be

useful in understanding the people we encounter. Nervousness in the Hands

Sends an Important Message The muscles that control our hands and fingers

are designed for precise and fine movements. When the limbic brain is

aroused and we are https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A GRIP 145 stressed and nervous, surges of

neurotransmitters and hormones such as adrenalin (epinephrine) cause

uncontrollable quivering of the hands. Our hands will also shake when we

hear, see, or think of something that has negative consequences. Any

objects held in the hands may appear to magnify this trembling,

telegraphing a message that says, “I am under stress” (see box 39). This

shaking behavior is particularly noticeable when a person is holding an

elongated object such as a pencil or a cigarette, or something relatively

large but lightweight like a piece of paper. The object will begin to shake or

quiver immediately following the statement or event that created the

stressful circumstances. Positive emotions can also cause our hands to

shake, whether we’re holding a winning lottery ticket or a winning hand in

poker. When we are genuinely excited, our hands will quiver, sometimes

uncontrollably. These are limbic-driven reactions. At an airport, as parents,

spouses, and other family members excitedly wait for their returning soldier

or relative, their hands will often shake in excitement. They may restrain

their hands by grabbing and holding someone else’s hand, or by tucking

their hands in their underarms or clasping them and holding them at chest

level. Old videos of the Beatles’ first visit to America are replete with

young girls clasping their hands to combat the shaking that accompanied

their extreme excitement. Obviously, you must first determine whether

shaky hands are due to fear or joy by putting the behavior in context —

examining the circumstances in which it occurred. If the shaky hands are

accompanied by pacifying actions, like touching the neck or pressing the

lips together, I’d be more likely to suspect that the shaking was related to

stress (something negative) rather than something positive. It should be

noted that trembling hands are only relevant as a nonverbal communication

when they represent a change from someone’s normal hand movements. If a

person’s hands always shake because, for example, he is a heavy coffee

drinker or is drug or alcohol addicted, the tremor, while informative,

becomes part of that individual’s baseline in terms of nonverbal behavior.

Likewise in people with certain neurological disorders (e.g., Parkinson’s

disease), hand tremor may not indicate https://www.8freebooks.net

146 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 39 WHERE

THERE’S (JITTERY) SMOKE, THERE’S FIRE During my work on a

major espionage investigation, I was interviewing a man of interest in the

case. As I watched him, he lit a cigarette and began smoking. I had no real

clues with regard to his possible connection to the case; there were no

witnesses to the crime, no significant leads, and only vague ideas of who

might be involved. During the interview I brought up many names of

people who were of interest to the FBI and the army in this matter.

Whenever I mentioned the name of one particular individual named

Conrad, the man’s cigarette shook in his hand like the needle on a

polygraph machine. To see if this was a random event or something more

significant, I mentioned additional names to test his reactions; there were

none. Yet, on four separate occasions, when I mentioned Conrad, the

subject’s cigarette repeatedly shook. For me that was enough to verify there

was more to the relationship between the interviewee and Conrad than we

knew. The shaking of the cigarette was a limbic reaction to a threat. It was

also an indication to me that this individual felt somehow endangered by

the revelation of that name; therefore he likely either had knowledge of

something nefarious or was directly involved in the crime. During that

initial interview with the subject, I did not know whether or not he was

actually involved in the crime because, frankly, I did not know enough

about the case. The only thing that spurred us to pursue the investigation

and additional interviews was the fact that he had reacted to one name with

the “shaky hand" response. Perhaps but for that one behavior, he would

have escaped justice. In the end, after many voluntary interviews over a

year, he admitted his involvement with Conrad in espionage activities and

eventually gave a full confession of his crimes. their emotional state. In

fact, if such a person suddenly ceases to tremble for a moment, it may

indicate a deliberate attempt to focus more deeply on the particular subject

just mentioned (Murray, 2007). Remember, it is change in behavior that is

most significant. https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A GRIP 147 As a general guideline, any shaking

behavior that starts or stops suddenly, or is somehow markedly different

from baseline behavior, deserves further scrutiny. Considering the context

in which the shaking occurs, when it occurs, and any other tells that might

support a specific interpretation will improve your ability to read a person

correctly. HAND DISPLAYS OF HIGH CONFIDENCE A high-confidence

display reflects a high degree of brain comfort and self-assurance. Several

confidence demonstrations associated with the hands alert us that the person

feels good about, and comfortable with, his current state of affairs.

Steepling Hand steepling may well be the most powerful high-confidence

tell (see figure 49). It involves touching the spread fingertips of both hands,

in a gesture similar to “praying hands,” but the fingers are not interlocked

and the palms may not be touching. It is called steepling because the hands

look like the pointed top of a church steeple. In the United States, women

tend to steeple low (perhaps at the waist), which sometimes makes the

behavior more difficult to observe. Men tend to steeple higher, at chest

level, which makes their steepling more visible and powerful. Steepling

signifies that you are confident of your thoughts or position. It lets others

know precisely how you feel about something and how dedicated you are to

your point of view (see box 40). High-status people (lawyers, judges,

medical doctors) often use steepling as part of their daily behavioral

repertoire because of their confidence in themselves and their status. All of

us have steepled at one time or another, but we do so to varying degrees and

using a variety of styles. Some do it all the time; some rarely do it; others

perform modified steeples (such as with only the extended index finger and

thumb touching each https://www.8freebooks.net

148 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Fig. 49 Steepling of

hands, fingertip to fingertip, is one of the most powerful displays of

confidence we possess. other while remaining fingers are interlaced). Some

steeple under the table; others do it high in front of them; some even steeple

above their heads. In people who are unaware of the powerful nonverbal

meaning of steepling, the response can persist for significant periods of

time, particularly if circumstances stay positive for them. Even when people

are aware that steepling is a tell, they still have difficulty concealing it. In

these individuals, the limbic brain has made it such an automatic response

that steepling displays are difficult to overcome, because particularly when

an individual is excited, he or she forgets to monitor and control the

reaction. Circumstances can change quickly and alter our reactions to things

and people. When this happens, we can transition from a high-confidence

steepling display to a low-confidence hand gesture in milliseconds. When

our confidence is shaken or doubt has entered our minds, our steepled

fingers may interlace as in prayer (see figure 50). These changes

https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A GRIP 149 Fig. 50 Hand-wringing is a universal way

of showing we are stressed or concerned. in nonverbal behavior happen

quickly and very accurately reflect and define our real-time internal

reactions to changing events. A person can go from steepling (high

confidence) to fingers interlaced (low confidence) and back to steepling

(high confidence) — reflecting the ebb and flow of assurance and doubt.

You, too, can harness proper steepling and hand placement for positive

impact. Steepling can be such a powerful purveyor of confidence and self-

assurance that it is hard to challenge a person displaying such a nonverbal

signal. Steepling is a very useful behavior to adopt; speakers and

salespeople should use it often for emphasis, as should anyone trying to

convey an important point. Consider the confidence of your hand gestures

when you are being interviewed by a prospective employer, presenting

material at a meeting, or simply discussing issues with your friends. Far too

often during professional meetings, I see women steepling under the table

or very low, undermining the confidence they genuinely

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150 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 40: WHEN IT

COMES TO STEEPLING, THE JURY /S/VTOUT The power of nonverbal

behavior can be documented by studying the impact of steepling in various

social settings. Steepling is useful, for example, when testifying in court; its

use is advocated when training expert witnesses. Witnesses should steeple

to emphasize a point or to indicate their high confidence in what they are

saying. In doing so, their testimony will be perceived more powerfully by

the jury than if they were merely to place their hands on their laps or

interlace their fingers. Interestingly, when a prosecutor steeples as his

witness testifies, the value of the testimony is enhanced because the

attorney is perceived as being confident of the witness’s statements. When

jurors see witnesses who interlace their fingers or wring their hands, they

tend to associate such behavior with nervousness or too often,

unfortunately, with deception. It is important to note that both honest and

dishonest individuals display these behaviors, and they should not be

automatically associated with lying. It is recommended that when testifying,

individuals should either steeple or cup their hands together without

interlacing their fingers, as these are gestures that are perceived as being

more authoritative, more confident, and more genuine. possess. I hope that

as they recognize the power of the steeple as an indicator of self-assurance,

competence, and confidence — traits most individuals would want to be

recognized as possessing — more women will embrace this gesture and

display it above the table. THUMB DISPLAYS It is interesting how verbal

language sometimes mirrors nonverbal language. When movie critics give a

film two thumbs up, it indicates their https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A GRIP 151 Often seen with high-status individuals,

the thumb sticking out of the pocket is a high-confidence display.

confidence in its quality. Thumbs up is almost always a nonverbal sign of

high confidence. Interestingly, it is also associated with high status. Look at

photographs of John F. Kennedy and notice how often he carried his hands

in his coat pocket, thumbs sticking out (see figure 51). His brother Bobby

did the same thing. Lawyers, college professors, and doctors are often seen

grasping their lapels simultaneously with their thumbs up in the air. There is

a national chain of fashion/portrait studios that invariably has females

photographed with at least one hand clutching their collar with a thumb in

the air. Apparently the marketing team at this company also recognizes that

thumbs up is a high-confidence or high-status display.

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152 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING High-Confidence, High-

Status Thumb Displays When individuals carry their thumbs high, it is a

sign that they think highly of themselves and/or are confident in their

thoughts or present circumstances (see figures 52 and 53). Thumbs up is

another example of a gravity-defying gesture, a type of nonverbal behavior

normally associated with comfort and high confidence. Normally, the

interlacing of the fingers is a low-confidence gesture, except when the

thumbs are extended straight up. It has been noted that people who use

thumb displays generally tend to be more aware of their environment, more

acute in their thinking, and sharper in their observations. Observe those

individuals who manifest thumbs-up behavior and notice how they fit this

profile. Normally, people don’t posture with their thumbs up, so when they

do, you can be relatively certain that this is a significant behavior indicative

of positive feelings. Thumbs up is usually a good indication of positive

thoughts. This can be very fluid during a conversation. The thumbs can

suddenly disappear, as in this photo, when there is less emphasis or

emotions turn negative. https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A GRIP 153 Low-Confidence, Low-Status Thumb

Displays Feelings of low confidence can be evidenced when a person

(usually a male) puts his thumbs in his pocket and lets the fingers hang out

on the side (see figure 54). Particularly in an employment setting, this

signal says, “I am very unsure of myself.” People who are leaders or who

are otherwise in control don’t manifest this behavior when they are working

or performing. A high-status individual who is casually relaxing may

exhibit this behavior briefly, but never while he is “on.” This is nearly

always a low-confidence or low-status display. Thumb displays are so

accurate that they can help you effectively assess who is feeling good about

himself and who is struggling. I have seen men make a potent presentation

punctuated by steepling, but when a listener revealed an error in the speech,

the thumbs went into Thumbs in the pocket indicate low status and

confidence. People in authority should avoid this display because it sends

the wrong message. https://www.8freebooks.net

154 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING their pockets. These

types of thumb displays are reminiscent of a child standing in front of a

disappointed mother. This behavior conveys that someone has transitioned

from high confidence to low confidence very quickly (see box 41). BOX 41

THUMB-THING IS WRONG HERE While I was staying at a world-

renowned hotel in Bogota, Colombia, the general manager commented to

me that he had recently hired some new hotel guards, and although he

couldn’t put his finger on it, there was something about them he didn’t like.

He knew that I had worked in law enforcement for the FBI, and he asked

whether I noticed anything bothersome about his new staff members. We

walked outside where the guards were posted and took a quick glance. The

manager noted that although they had new uniforms and their boots were

shined, something wasn’t right. I agreed that the uniforms looked

professional, but pointed out that the guards were standing with their

thumbs in their pockets, making them look weak and incompetent. At first

the manager didn’t seem to grasp what I was saying until I had him

demonstrate the posture himself. Immediately he said, “You are right. They

look like little kids waiting for their mother to tell them what to do.” The

next day the guards were shown how to stand and look authoritative (hands

behind back, chin up) without looking menacing to the guests. Sometimes

little things mean a lot. In this case, the disappearing thumbs became

powerful purveyors of low confidence — not exactly what you want from a

security force, especially in Bogota, Colombia. Try this experiment on your

own. Stand with your thumbs in your pockets and ask people what they

think of you. Their comments will confirm the unflattering and weak

attitude this posture projects. You will never see a presidential candidate or

a leader of a country with his thumbs in his pockets. This behavior is not

seen in confident individuals (see figure 55). https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A GRIP 155 Often used as a sign of insecurity or

social discomfort, thumbs in the pocket transmit this message readily and

thus should be avoided. Genital Framing Men sometimes, subconsciously,

will hook their thumbs inside their waistbands on either side of the zipper

and either pull up their pants or even let their thumbs hang there, as their

dangling fingers frame their genitals (see figure 56). Genital framing is a

powerful dominance display. In essence, it is saying, “Check me out, I am a

virile male.” Not long after starting to write this book, I discussed this

nonverbal behavior when teaching a class at the FBI in Quantico, Virginia.

The students scoffed, saying that no man, especially subconsciously,

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156 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Using the hands to

frame the genitals is often seen with young males and females during the

courtship years. It is a dominance display. would be that blatant about his

sexuality. The very next day, one of the students came back and told the

class that he had observed a student in the bathroom who stood in front of

the mirror, preened himself, put on his sunglasses, and just for a moment

did some genital framing before he proudly exited the bathroom. I am sure

that the guy wasn’t even thinking about what he was doing. But in fact,

genital framing occurs more often than we think, and not only in country

western videos! Remember the Fonz in the TV series Happy Days ?

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GETTING A GRIP 157 HAND DISPLAYS OF LOW

CONFIDENCE OR STRESS Low-confidence displays are the flip side of

their high-confidence counterparts. They reflect brain discomfort,

insecurity, and self-doubt. Low-confidence displays should alert us that the

individual is experiencing negative emotions that may be caused by being

in an uncomfortable situation or by thoughts that induce self-doubt or

limited confidence. Frozen Hands Research tells us liars tend to gesture

less, touch less, and move their arms and legs less than honest people (Vrij,

2003, 65). This is consistent with limbic reactions. In the face of a threat (in

this case having a he detected), we move less or freeze so as not to attract

attention. This behavior is often quite observable during conversation

because a person’s arms become very restrained while telling a he and

otherwise are animated when telling the truth. Because such changes are

controlled by the limbic system rather than the thinking brain, they are more

reliable and useful than spoken words; they indicate what is really going on

in the mind of the individual who is speaking (see box 42). So look for hand

and arm movements that are suddenly restrained; they say a lot about what

is going on in that person’s brain. Hand-wringing When people wring their

hands or interlace their fingers, particularly in response to a significant

comment, event, or change in their environment, it is normally indicative of

stress or low confidence (see figure 50 on page 149). This common pacifier,

seen in people around the world, actually makes it look like they are

engaged in prayer — and perhaps, subconsciously or otherwise, they are.

As the intensity of the hand-wringing increases, the color of the fingers may

change as areas blanch due to https://www.8freebooks.net

158 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 42: A LESS

THAN MOVING EXPERIENCE The tendency for liars to be less animated

in their gestures was a major reason I didn’t believe a young woman who

had told local sheriff’s deputies that her six-month-old son had been

kidnapped in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart in Tampa, Florida. As the

woman told her story, I observed her from a monitoring room. After

witnessing her behavior, I told the investigators that I didn't believe the

totality of her story; her demeanor was too subdued. When people tell the

truth, they make every effort to ensure that you understand them. They

gesticulate with their arms and face and are emphatically expressive. Not so

with this suspect. The retelling of a horrific kidnapping story by a loving

and distraught mother would have been accompanied by more

demonstrative, ardent behaviors. Their absence was alerting to us.

Eventually the woman confessed that she had actually killed her child by

stuffing him in a plastic garbage bag. The kidnapping story was a total

fabrication. The freeze response of her limbic system that restrained her

movements betrayed the lie. blood being forced away from the tension

points. Matters clearly are getting worse as this behavior manifests.

Interlaced Stroking or Rubbing of the Hands A person who is in doubt (a

lesser degree of lowered confidence) or under low stress will only slightly

rub the palms of his hands together (see figure 57). However, if the situation

becomes more stressful or if his confidence level continues to fall, watch

how suddenly gentle finger-to-palm stroking transitions to more dramatic

rubbing of interlaced fingers (see figure 58). The interlacing of fingers is a

very accurate indicator of high distress that I have seen in the most acute of

interviews — both in the FBI and in people testifying before Congress. As

soon as an extremely delicate subject comes up, the fingers straighten and

intertwine, as the hands https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A GRIP 159 We often pacify anxiety or nervousness

by stroking our fingers across the palm or rubbing our hands together. Fig.

58 When the fingers interlace to rub up and down, as in this photo, the brain

is asking for extra hand contact to pacify more serious concerns or anxiety.

begin to rub up and down. I speculate that the increased tactile contact

between the hands provides the brain with more pacifying messages. Neck

Touching I am discussing neck touching in this chapter on hand behaviors

because if you keep an eye on the hands, they eventually take you to the

neck. People who touch their necks (anywhere) while speaking are, in fact,

rellecting lower- than-normal confidence or are relieving stress. The

covering of the neck area, throat, and/or the suprasternal notch during times

of stress is a universal and strong indicator that the brain is actively

processing something that is threatening, objectionable, unsettling,

questionable, or emotional. It has nothing to do with deception, although

deceptive people may demonstrate such behavior if they are troubled. So

again, keep your eyes on the hands, and as feelings of discomfort and

distress surface in people, their hands will rise to the occasion, and cover or

touch their neck. https://www.8freebooks.net

160 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 43: UP TO HER

NECK IN LIES Sometimes not covering the neck can be a telltale clue that

something is amiss. I once assisted a local law enforcement agency with a

case involving an alleged rape. The woman who reported this assault had

reported three separate rapes in a five-year period, a statistically unlikely

history. As I watched her videotaped interview, I noticed that while she

spoke of how frightened she was and how terrible she felt, she was

extremely passive and never once covered her suprasternal notch as she told

the story. I found her “lack of behavior” suspicious and pointed it out to the

investigators. The woman simply was not showing typical signs of distress.

In fact, I have investigated other rape cases in which women will cover

their suprasternal notch while recounting the crime even decades after it

occurred. Upon further investigation, the impassive woman’s case fell apart.

In the end, we learned she had fabricated all her allegations — costing the

city thousands of dollars — merely because she thrived on the attention

given to her by responding officers, investigating detectives, and victim

advocates, all of whom initially believed her and wanted to help. I can’t tell

you how many thousands of times I have seen this behavior, yet most

people are unaware of its significance (see box 43). Just recently I was

chatting with a friend outside a conference room when a female associate

walked out with one hand over her neck dimple and the other holding a cell

phone. My friend continued to converse as if nothing were wrong. When

the woman on the cell phone ended her call, I said, “We’d better go check

on her, something’s not right.” Sure enough, one of her kids had come down

with a high fever at school and needed to go home as soon as possible.

Neck touching is one of those behaviors that is so reliable and accurate that

it truly merits our close attention. https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A GRIP 161 Microexpressions of the Hands A

microgesture is a very brief nonverbal behavior that occurs when a person

is attempting to suppress a normal response to a negative stimulus (Ekman,

2003, 15). In these circumstances, the more reflexive and shortlived the

behavior is, the more truthful it tends to be. For instance, let’s imagine the

boss tells an employee he has to help out and work this weekend because

someone is sick. On hearing the news, the employee’s nose crinkles or a

slight smirk appears suddenly but briefly. These microgestures of dislike are

very accurate displays of how the person truly feels. Similarly, our hands

can display microexpressions that may surprise you (see box 44).

CHANGES IN HAND BEHAVIORS CAN REVEAL IMPORTANT

INFORMATION As with all nonverbal behaviors, sudden alterations in

hand motion suggest an abrupt change in someone’s thoughts and feelings.

When lovers rapidly move their hands away from each other during a meal,

it is a sign that something negative has just happened. Hand withdrawal

may happen in seconds, but it is a very accurate real-time indicator of the

person’s feelings. Gradual hand withdrawals are also worthy of note. A

while ago I was invited to dinner by a married couple with whom I had

been friends since our college days. We were chatting around the table at

the end of the meal when the topic of finances arose. My friends revealed

that they were experiencing money problems. As the wife complained about

how “the money seemed to just disappear,” likewise, her husband’s hands

simultaneously and gradually disappeared from the tabletop. As she spoke,

I watched him slowly withdraw his hands until they rested, finally, on his

lap. This sort of distancing is a cue indicative of psychological flight (part

of our limbic survival mechanism) that often occurs when we are

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162 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 44: THE BIRD

AS A WORD In his remarkable book Telling Lies, Dr. Paul Ekman

describes his research using high-speed cameras to reveal microgestures

that subconsciously communicate an individual's disfavor or true emotions

(Ekman, 1991, 129-131). One such microgesture noted by Dr. Ekman is

giving the bird. In a major national security case in which I was personally

involved as an observer, a subject repeatedly used his middle (“bird”) finger

to push his glasses into position whenever the lead Justice Department

interviewer (whom he despised) asked him questions. This behavior was

not observed with other interviewers, but only with the interviewer the

subject plainly did not like. At first we did not believe we were seeing such

an obvious but fleeting gesture that was so clearly limited to a single

interviewer. Fortunately, the interviews were videotaped as part of a legal

proffer (i.e., the subject agrees to cooperate in consideration for a lighter

sentence), so we could review the tape to confirm what we were seeing.

Perhaps equally interesting, the chief interviewer never saw the "bird”

behavior and, when told about it, refused to accept that it was indicative of

the interviewee's antipathy. When it was all over, however, the interviewee

commented harshly on how much he despised the chief interviewer, and it

was quite evident that he tried to subvert the interview because of this clash

of personalities. Microgestures of the hands come in many forms, including

pushing the hands downward along the legs and then lifting the bird finger

at the moment the palms reach the knees. This has been observed in both

men and women. Again, these microgestures occur very quickly and can be

obscured easily by other activities. Watch for these behaviors and do not

dismiss them, if observed. At a minimum, microgestures should be

examined in context as indicators of enmity, dislike, contempt, or disdain.

https://www.8freebooks.net

GETTING A GRIP 163 threatened. The behavior suggested to me

that the husband was concealing something. As it turned out, he had been

pilfering money from the couple’s joint checking account to support a

gambling habit, a vice that eventually cost him his marriage. His guilty

knowledge of the covert withdrawals explained the reason his hands

withdrew from the table. Although the motion was a gradual change, it was

sufficient to cause me to suspect that something was wrong. One of the

most important observations you can make in relation to the hands is

noticing when they go dormant. When the hands stop illustrating and

emphasizing, it is usually a clue to a change in brain activity (perhaps

because of a lack of commitment) and is cause for heightened awareness

and assessment. Although, as we’ve noted, hand restriction can signal

deception, do not immediately jump to this conclusion. The only inference

you can draw at the moment the hands go dormant is that the brain is

communicating a different sentiment or thought. The change may simply

reflect less confidence or less attachment to what is being said for a variety

of reasons. Remember, any deviation from normal hand behavior — be it an

increase, a decrease, or just something unusual — should be considered for

its significance. SOME CONCLUDING REMARKS ABOUT

NONVERBALS OF THE HANDS AND FINGERS Most of us spend so

much time studying people’s faces that we underutilize the information

provided by their hands. The sensitive hands of humans not only feel and

sense the world around us, they also reflect our responses to that world. We

sit in front of a banker wondering if our loan will be approved, with our

hands in front of us, fingers intertwined (prayerlike), reflecting the tension

and nervousness within us. Or, in a business meeting, the hands may

assume a steepling position, letting others know we are confident. Our

hands may quiver at the mention of someone who betrayed us in our past.

Hands and fingers can provide a https://www.8freebooks.net

164 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING great deal of significant

information. We just need to observe and decode their actions correctly and

in context. You can know how someone feels about you from a single

touch. The hands are powerful transmitters of our emotional state. Use them

in your own nonverbal communications and count on them to provide

valuable nonverbal intelligence about others. https://www.8freebooks.net

SEVEN The Mind’s Canvas Nonverbals of the Face When it

comes to emotions, our faces are the mind’s canvas. What we feel is

exquisitely communicated through a smile, a frown, or immeasurable

nuances in between. This is an evolutionary blessing that sets us apart from

all other species and makes us the most expressive animals on this planet.

Our facial expressions, more than anything else, serve as our universal

language — our human crosscultural lingua franca — whether here

(wherever "here” is for you) or in Borneo. This international language has

served as a practical means of communication since the dawn of man, to

facilitate understanding among people lacking a common language. When

observing others, we can quickly recognize when someone appears

surprised, interested, bored, fatigued, anxious, or frustrated. We can look at

our friends’ faces and see when they are displeased, doubtful, contented,

anguished, disappointed, incredulous, or concerned. The

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166 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING expressions of children

let us know if they are sad, excited, perplexed, or nervous. We were never

specifically taught how to generate or translate these facial behaviors, and

yet we all know them, perform them, interpret them, and communicate

through them. With all the various muscles that precisely control the mouth,

lips, eyes, nose, forehead, and jaw, human faces are richly endowed to

produce an immense variety of expressions. It is estimated that humans are

capable of more than ten thousand different facial expressions (Ekman,

2003, 14—15). This versatility makes nonverbals of the face very effective,

extremely efficient, and, when not interfered with, quite honest. Happiness,

sadness, anger, fear, surprise, disgust, joy, rage, shame, anguish, and interest

are universally recognized facial expressions (Ekman, 2003, 1—37).

Discomfort — whether on the face of a baby, a child, a teenager, an adult,

or the elderly — is recognized around the globe; likewise we can

distinguish the expressions that let us know all is well. While our faces can

be very honest in displaying how we feel, they do not always necessarily

represent our true sentiments. This is because we can, to a degree, control

our facial expressions and, thus, put on a false front. From an early age, we

are taught by our parents not to make faces when we don’t like the food in

front of us, or we are compelled to fake a smile when greeting someone we

don’t like. In essence, we are taught to he with our faces, and so we become

quite adept at hiding our true sentiments facially, even though they

occasionally do leak out. When we lie using our faces, we are often said to

be acting; obviously, world-class actors can adopt any number of faces to

create fictional feelings on demand. Unfortunately, many people, especially

con men and other more serious social predators, can do the same thing.

They can put on a false face when they are lying, conniving, or trying to

influence the perception of others through false smiles, fake tears, or

deceiving looks. Facial expressions can still provide meaningful insights

into what a person is thinking and feeling. We simply have to be mindful

that these signals can be faked, so the best evidence of true sentiment is

derived from clusters of behaviors, including facial and body cues, that

buttress https://www.8freebooks.net

THE MIND'S CANVAS 167 or complement each other. By

assessing facial behaviors in context and comparing them to other

nonverbal behaviors, we can use them to help reveal what the brain is

processing, feeling, and/or intending. Since the brain tends to use

everything above the shoulders as a single canvas for expression and

communication, we are going to refer to the face and its mantle, the neck, as

one: our public face. NEGATIVE AND POSITIVE EMOTIONAL

DISPLAYS OF THE FACE Negative emotions — displeasure, disgust,

antipathy, fear, and anger — make us tense. That tension manifests in many

ways in and on the body. Our faces may show a constellation of tension-

revealing cues simultaneously: tightening of jaw muscles, flaring of nose

wings (naral wing dilation), squinting of the eyes, quivering of the mouth,

or lip occlusion (in which lips seemingly disappear). On closer

examination, you might note that eye focus is fixed, the neck is stiff, and

head tilt is nonexistent. An individual might not say anything about being

tense, but if these manifestations are present there is no doubt that he is

upset and that his brain is processing some negative emotional issue. These

negative emotional cues are displayed similarly throughout the world, and

there is real value in looking for them. When someone is upset, either all or

only a few of these nonverbal behaviors may be present, and they may

manifest as mild and fleeting or may be acute and pronounced, lasting for

minutes or even longer. Think of Clint Eastwood in the old spaghetti

westerns, squinting at his opponents before a gun battle. That look said it

all. Of course actors are trained to make their facial expressions particularly

easy to recognize. However, in the real world, these nonverbal cues are

sometimes more difficult to spot, either because they are subtle,

intentionally obfuscated, or simply overlooked (see figure 59). Consider, for

example, jaw tightening as an indication of tension. After a business

meeting, an executive might say to a colleague, “Did you

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168 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Squinting, furrowing of

the forehead, and facial contortions are indicative of distress or discomfort.

see how tense Bill’s jaw got when I made that proposal?” Only to hear his

partner respond, “No, I didn’t catch that” (see box 45). We miss facial cues

because we have been taught not to stare and/or because we concentrate

more on what is being said than on how it is being said. Keep in mind that

people often work at hiding their emotions, making them more difficult to

detect if we are not conscientious observers. In addition, facial cues may be

so fleeting — microgestures — that they are difficult to pick up. In a casual

conversation, these subtle behaviors may not be of much significance, but

in an important interpersonal interaction (between lovers, parents and

children, business associates, or at an employment interview), such

seemingly minor displays of tension may reflect deep emotional conflict.

Since our conscious brains may try to mask our limbic emotions, any

signals that reach the surface are critical to detect, as they may yield a more

accurate picture of a person’s deep-rooted thoughts and intentions.

Although many joyous facial expressions are easily and universally

recognized, these nonverbal tells may also be suppressed or concealed for

https://www.8freebooks.net

THE MIND'S CANVAS 169 BOX 45: MY LIPS SAY I LOVE

YOU, BUT MY LOOKS SAY OTHERWISE I am amazed at how many

times positive words pour from people’s mouths while their faces gives off

negative nonverbals that clearly contradict what is being said. At a recent

party, one of the guests was commenting how pleased he was that his kids

had good jobs. He said this, with a less-than-generous smile and tight jaw

muscles, as those standing around congratulated him. Later, his wife told

me privately that her husband was, in fact, extremely upset that the kids

were just barely getting by in their meaningless jobs that were going

nowhere. His words said one thing, but his face said quite another. a variety

of reasons, making them more difficult to detect. For example, we certainly

don’t want to show elation when we are dealt a powerful hand of cards in a

poker game, or we may not want our colleagues to know we received a

larger financial bonus then they did. We learn to try to conceal our

happiness and excitement in circumstances where we deem it unwise to

reveal our good fortune. Nevertheless, as with negative body cues, subtle or

restrained positive nonverbals can be detected through careful observation

and assessment of other subtle corroborative behaviors. For instance, our

faces may leak a twinge of excitement that by itself, might not be enough to

convince an astute observer that we are truly happy. However, our feet

might provide additional corroborative evidence of excitement, helping to

validate the belief that the positive emotion is genuine (see box 46).

Genuine and unrestrained feelings of happiness are reflected in the face and

neck. Positive emotions are revealed by the loosening of the furrowed lines

on the forehead, relaxation of muscles around the mouth, emergence of full

lips (they are not compressed or tight lipped), and widening of the eye area

as surrounding muscles relax. When we are truly

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170 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 46: THE FACE

AND FEET SHOW LIFE IS SWEET Not long ago I was waiting for a

flight out of Baltimore when the man next to me at the ticket counter

received the good news that he was being upgraded to first class. As he sat

down he tried to suppress a smile, since to gloat over his good fortune

would be seen as rude by other passengers waiting for an upgrade. Based on

his facial expression alone, to declare he was happy would have been a

marginal call. Then, however, I overheard him call his wife to tell her the

good news, and although he spoke quietly so those seated nearby couldn’t

hear the conversation, his feet were bouncing up and down like those of a

young child waiting to open his birthday gifts. His happy feet provided

collaborative evidence of his joyful state. Remember, look for clusters of

behavior to solidify your observations. relaxed and comfortable, facial

muscles relax and the head will tilt to the side, exposing our most

vulnerable area, the neck (see figure 60). This is a high-comfort display —

often seen during courtship — that is nearly impossible to mimic when we

are uncomfortable, tense, suspicious, or threatened (see box 47).

INTERPRETING NONVERBAL BEHAVIORS OF THE EYES Our eyes

have been called the windows of the soul, so it seems appropriate to

examine these two portals for nonverbal messages of emotions or thoughts.

Despite music lyrics such as “your lyin’ eyes,” our eyes do express a lot of

useful information. In fact, the eyes can be very accurate barometers of our

feelings because, to some degree, we have very little control over them.

Unlike other areas of the face that are far less reflexive in their movements,

evolution has modified muscles in and around the

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THE MIND'S CANVAS 171 BOX 47 WHAT YOU WON’T SEE

IN AN ELEVATOR Try to tilt your head in an elevator full of strangers and

leave it that way for the complete duration of the ride. For most people this

is extremely difficult to accomplish, because head tilt is a behavior reserved

for times when we are truly comfortable — and standing in an elevator

surrounded by strangers is certainly not one of those times. Try tilting your

head while looking directly at someone in the elevator. You will find that

even more difficult, if not impossible. eyes to protect them from hazards.

For example, muscles inside the eyeball protect the delicate receptors from

excessive light by constricting the pupil, and muscles around the eyes will

close them immediately if a dangerous object comes near. These automatic

responses help make the eyes a very honest part of our face, so let’s

examine some specific eye behaviors Fig. 60 Head tilt says in a powerful

way, “I am comfortable, I am receptive, I am friendly.” It is very difficult to

do this around people we don’t like. https://www.8freebooks.net

172 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING that can help us achieve

insight into what people are thinking and how they intend to act. Pupilary

Constriction and Squinting as a Form of Eye Blocking Research has shown

that once we move beyond a startle response, when we like something we

see, our pupils dilate; when we don’t, they constrict (see figure 61) (Hess,

1975a; Hess, 1975b). We have no conscious control over our pupils, and

they respond to both external stimuli (for example, changes in light) and

internal stimuli (such as thoughts) in fractions of a second. Because the

pupils are small and difficult to see, particularly in dark eyes, and since

changes in their size occur rapidly, pupil reactions are difficult to observe.

Although these eye behaviors are very useful, people often don’t look for

them, ignore them, or, when they see them, undervalue their utility in

assessing a person’s likes and dislikes. When we become aroused, are

surprised, or are suddenly confronted, our eyes open up — not only do they

widen, but the pupils also quickly dilate to let in the maximum amount of

available light, thus sending the maximum amount of visual information to

the brain. Obviously, this startle response has served us well over millennia.

However, once we have a moment to process the information and if it is

perceived negatively (it is an unpleasant surprise or an actual threat), in a

fraction of a second the pupils will constrict (Ekman, 2003, 151) (see box

48). By constricting the In this diagram you can see pupil dilation and

constriction. From birth we find comfort in dilated pupils, especially those

with whom we are emotionally attached. https://www.8freebooks.net

THE MIND'S CANVAS 173 BOX 48: IF THEY CONSTRICT,

YOU CAN CONVICT In 1989, while working with the FBI on a matter

involving national security, we repeatedly interviewed a spy who, while

being cooperative, was nevertheless reluctant to name his co-conspirators

involved in espionage. Attempts to appeal to his sense of patriotism and his

concern for the millions of people he was placing in harm’s way got us

nowhere; things were at an impasse. It was essential that this man’s other

associates be identified; they were still at large and presented a serious

threat to the United States. Left with no alternatives, Marc Reeser, a friend

and brilliant intelligence analyst with the FBI, suggested using nonverbals

in an attempt to glean the information we needed. We presented this spy

with thirty-two three-by-five-inch cards prepared by Mr. Reeser, each with

the name of someone with whom the felon had worked, and who potentially

could have assisted him. As he looked at each card, the man was asked to

tell, in general terms, what he knew about each individual. We weren’t

specifically interested in the man’s answers, since clearly words can be

dishonest; rather, we were watching his face. When he saw two names in

particular, his eyes first widened in recognition, and then his pupils quickly

constricted and he squinted slightly. Subconsciously, he clearly did not like

seeing these two names and somehow felt in danger. Perhaps those

individuals had threatened him not to reveal their names. This pupilary

constriction and slight squinting were the only clues we had as to the

identity of his co-conspirators. He was not aware of his nonverbal signals,

and we did not comment on them. However, had we not looked for this eye

behavior, we never would have identified those two individuals. The two

accomplices were eventually located and interviewed, at which time they

confessed their involvement in the crime. To this day, the subject of that

interview does not know how we were able to identify his fellow culprits.

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174 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING pupils, everything in

front of us thus becomes precisely focused so that we can see clearly and

accurately in order to defend ourselves or effectively escape (Nolte, 1999,

431—432). This is very similar to how a camera aperture (opening) works:

the smaller the aperture, the greater the focal length, and the clearer the

focus on everything near and far. Incidentally, if you ever need an

emergency pair of reading glasses and none are available, just make a small

pinhole in a piece of paper and hold it up to your eye; the small aperture

will bring what you are reading into focus. If maximal pupil constriction

isn’t sufficient, then we squint to make the aperture as small as possible

while simultaneously protecting the eye (see figure 62). While walking with

my daughter a few years back, we passed someone she recognized. She

squinted slightly as she gave the girl a low wave. I suspected something

negative had transpired between them, so I asked my daughter how she

knew the girl. She replied that the girl had been a high school classmate

with whom she had previously had words. The low-hand wave was done

out of social convention; however, the eye squint was an honest and

betraying display of negative emotions We squint to block out light or

objectionable things. We squint when we are angry or even when we hear

voices, sounds, or music we don't like. https://www.8freebooks.net

THE MIND'S CANVAS 175 Fig. 63 Squinting can be very brief

— 1/8 of second — but in real time may reflect a negative thought or

emotion. and dislike (seven years in the making). My daughter was unaware

that her squinting behavior had given away her true feelings about the girl,

yet the information stood out like a beacon to me (see figure 63). The same

phenomenon is seen in the business world. When customers or clients

suddenly squint while reading a contract, they are likely struggling with

something in the wording of the text, the discomfort or doubt registering

immediately in their eyes. Most likely these business associates will be

totally unaware they are transmitting this very clear message of

disagreement or dislike. In addition to squinting when ill at ease, some

individuals will lower their eyebrows after observing something unsettling

in their environment. Arched eyebrows signify high confidence and positive

feelings (a gravity-defying behavior), whereas lowered eyebrows are

usually a sign of low confidence and negative feelings, a behavior that

indicates weakness and insecurity in a person (see box 49).

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176 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 49: THE

EYEBROW SQUINT: HOW LOW DO YOU GO? Eyebrow squints can

have several different meanings. In order to differentiate among these, you

need to assess the degree of the eyebrow movement and the context in

which it takes place. For instance, we sometimes lower our eyebrows and

squint when being aggressive or confrontational. Likewise, we lower the

eyebrows in the face of real or imagined danger or threats. We also do this

when we are annoyed, feel displeasure, or are angry. If, however, we drop

the eyebrows too low, as may be seen in a very defeated child, it is a

universal sign of weakness and insecurity. It is a behavior of

obsequiousness, fawning, or submissiveness — consistent with kowtowing

or cowering — and may be capitalized upon by social predators, such as

psychopaths. In studies, prisoners have reported that when new inmates

arrive at jail, they look for this troubled, lowered-eyebrow behavior in the

newcomers to reveal which ones are weak and insecure. In your social and

business interactions, you can watch for these eyebrow movements to probe

for weakness or strength in others. Eye Blocking, or How the Brain Spares

Itself Our eyes, more remarkable than any camera, have evolved as the

primary means by which humans receive information. In fact, we often

attempt to censor incoming data through a limbic survival mechanism

known as eye blocking, which evolved to protect the brain from “seeing”

undesirable images. Any decrease in the size of the eyes, whether through

squinting or pupilary constriction, is a form of subconscious blocking

behavior. And all blocking behaviors are indicative of concern, dislike,

disagreement, or the perception of a potential threat. The many forms of eye

blocking are such a common and natural part of our nonverbal repertoire

that most people either miss them completely or ignore their meaning (see

figures 64—67). For example, think about a time when someone told you

bad news. Perhaps you didn’t notice, but https://www.8freebooks.net

Eye blocking with the hands is an A brief touch of the eyes during

a effective way of saying, “I don’t like what conversation may give you a

clue to a I just heard, saw, or learned.” person’s negative perception of what

is being discussed. A delay in opening of the eyelids upon hearing

information or a lengthy closure is indicative of negative emotions or

displeasure. Where the lids compress tightly as in this photo, the person is

trying to block out totally some negative news or event.

https://www.8freebooks.net

178 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING most likely as you heard

the information your eyelids closed for a few moments. This type of

blocking behavior is very ancient in origin and hardwired in our brains;

even babies innately eye block within the womb when confronted with loud

sounds. Even more amazing is the fact that children who are born blind will

cover their eyes when they hear bad news (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 42—52).

Throughout our lives we employ this limbic-driven eye-blocking behavior

when we hear something terrible, despite the fact that it neither blocks our

hearing nor the thoughts that follow. Perhaps it simply serves to give the

brain a temporary respite or to communicate our deepest sentiments, but

regardless of the reason, the brain still compels us to perform this behavior.

Eye blocking takes many forms and can be observed at any tragic event,

whether bad news is being broadcast or as tragedy is about to befall us.

People may cup a hand completely over both eyes, put one open hand over

each eye, or block the entire face with an object, such as a newspaper or

book. Even internal information in the form of a thought can compel this

response. A person who suddenly remembers he forgot something

important may momentarily close his eyes and take a deep breath as he

ponders his blunder. When interpreted in context, eye-blocking behaviors

can be powerful indicators of a person’s thoughts and feelings. These

distancing clues occur in real time as soon as something negative is heard.

During conversation, this is one of the best signals to let us know that

something spoken did not sit well with the person hearing the information. I

have repeatedly used eye-blocking behavior as a tell in my work with the

FBI. The “ice-pick” murder and the hotel fire in Puerto Rico, discussed

earlier in this book, are only two of the many, many times I witnessed the

significance of this eye behavior. I still watch for eye -blocking behavior on

a daily basis to assess the feelings and thoughts of others. While eye-

blocking behaviors are usually associated with seeing or hearing something

negative that causes us discomfort, they can also be an indication of low

confidence. As with most other tells, the eye-blocking response is most

reliable and valuable when it happens immediately after a significant event

that you can identify. If an eye block occurs right after

https://www.8freebooks.net

THE MIND'S CANVAS 179 you tell a person a specific piece of

information, or upon making some type of an offer, it should tell you that

something is amiss and the individual is troubled. At this point, you might

want to rethink how you wish to proceed if your goal is to enhance your

chances of interpersonal success with this person. Pupilary Dilation,

Eyebrow Arching, and Flashbulb Eyes There are plenty of eye behaviors

that show positive feelings. At a very young age, our eyes register comfort

when we see our mothers. A baby will follow his mother’s face within

seventy-two hours of birth, and his eyes will widen when she enters the

room, demonstrating interest and contentment. The loving mother will

likewise exhibit a relaxed opening of her eyes, and the baby will gaze into

them and take comfort from her. Widened eyes are a positive sign; they

indicate that someone is observing something that makes her feel good.

Contrary to pupil constriction, contentment and positive emotions are

indicated by pupil dilation. The brain is essentially saying, “I like what I

see; let me see it better!” When people are truly pleased by what they see,

not only do their pupils dilate, but their eyebrows rise (arch), widening their

eye area and making their eyes look larger (see figures 68, 69, 70) (Knapp

& Hall, 2002, 62—64). In addition, some people dramatically expand the

aperture of their eyes by opening their eyes as big and wide as possible,

creating an appearance known as flashbulb eyes. This is the wide-eyed look

normally associated with surprise or positive events (see box 50). This is

also another form of the gravity-defying behaviors usually associated with

good feelings. Eye Flash A variant on the flashbulb eyes is the eyebrow

raise or eye flash that takes place very quickly, staccato-like, during a

positive emotional event. Not only is this behavior universally recognized

as indicative of a pleasant surprise (think of someone arriving at a surprise

party), but it is also used for https://www.8freebooks.net

When we are content, our eyes are Here the eyebrows are arched

slightly, relaxed and show little tension. defying gravity, a sure sign of

positive feelings. Flashbulb eyes can be seen when we are excited to see

someone or are full of positive emotions we just can’t hold back.

https://www.8freebooks.net

THE MIND'S CANVAS 181 BOX 50: WHEN THE

FLASHBULB GOES OFF When we see someone we like or are surprised

by running into a person we haven’t seen in a while, we tend to expand our

eyes to make them as big as possible, concurrent with pupilary dilation. In a

work environment, you can assume the boss really likes you or that you did

something really well if his or her eyes open very wide when looking at

you. You can use this affirming behavior to determine if you are on the right

track, whether courting, doing business, or just trying to make friends. For

example, picture the exaggerated dreamy eyes of a young girl in love as she

stares at her date with adoration. In short, watch the eyes — the bigger they

get, the better things are! On the other hand, when you start to see eye

shrinkage, such as squinting, eyebrows dropping, or pupils constricting, you

may want to rethink and change your behavioral tactics. I will express a

note of caution. Pupil dilation and constriction can be caused by factors

unrelated to emotions or events, such as variation in lighting, some medical

conditions, and certain drugs. Be careful to consider these factors, or you

could be misled. emphasis, and to show intensity. It is very common to see

people saying, “Wow!” as they raise their eyebrows and flash their eyes.

This is a very genuine positive display. When someone is excitedly

emphasizing a point or telling a story, the brow raise should occur. It

reflects the true mood of the individual, and it also clears the way for

greater visual clarity. Perhaps the best utility of the brow raise is to note

when someone stops doing it while telling a story. Often, when we are not

emotionally attached to something being said, there will be no eye

emphasis. Such an observed lack of attachment may simply reflect

decreased interest or may occur because what is being said is not the truth.

Distinguishing between https://www.8freebooks.net

182 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING these causes is difficult;

essentially all you can do is look for a decrease in brow raises, or their

sudden absence, to alert you that something has changed. It is remarkable

how often people will change their facial emphasis (their eyebrow flashes)

as they become less and less committed to what they are saying or doing.

Eye-Gaze Behavior It is universal that when we look directly at others, we

either like them, are curious about them, or want to threaten them. Lovers

stare into each other’s eyes with great frequency, as do mother and child;

but so do predators who use a direct gaze to either mesmerize or threaten

(think of stares of Ted Bundy and Charles Manson). In other words, the

brain employs a single eye behavior — a strong gaze — to communicate

love, interest, or hate. Therefore, we must rely on other facial displays that

accompany eye-gaze behavior to determine liking (a relaxed smile) or

dislike (tightened jaws, compressed lips). Conversely, when we gaze away

during a conversation, we tend to do so to engage a thought more clearly

without the distraction of looking at the person with whom we are talking.

This behavior is often mistaken as rudeness or as personal rejection, which

it is not. Nor is it a sign of deception or disinterest; in fact, it is actually a

comfort display (Vrij, 2003, 88—89). When talking to friends, we routinely

look in the distance as we converse. We do this because we feel comfortable

enough to do so; the limbic brain detects no threats from this person. Do not

assume someone is being deceptive, disinterested, or displeased just

because he or she looks away. Clarity of thought is often enhanced by

looking away, and that is the reason we do it. There are many other reasons

for looking away from a speaker. A downward gaze may demonstrate that

we are processing a sentiment or a feeling, conducting an internal dialogue,

or perhaps demonstrating submissiveness. In many cultures, a downward

gaze or other form of eye aversion is expected in the face of authority or in

the presence of a high-status individual. Often children are taught to look

down humbly when being chastised by a parent or adult (Johnson, 2007,

277—290). https://www.8freebooks.net

THE MIND'S CANVAS 183 In embarrassing situations,

onlookers may avert their eyes out of courtesy. Never assume that a

downward gaze is a sign of deception. In all cultures in which it has been

studied, science validates that those who are dominant have more freedom

in using eye-gaze behavior. In essence, these individuals are entitled to look

wherever they want. Subordinates, however, are more restricted in where

they can look and when. Humility dictates that in the presence of royalty, as

in church, heads are bowed. As a general rule, dominants tend to ignore

subordinates visually while subordinates tend to gaze at dominant

individuals at a distance. In other words, higher-status individuals can be

indifferent while lower-status persons are required to be attentive with their

gaze. The king is free to look at anyone he wants; but all subjects face the

king, even as they back out of a room. Many employers have told me that

they dislike it during an interview when applicants’ eyes are wandering all

over the room “as though they own the place.” Because roving eyes make a

person look disinterested or superior, doing so always leaves a bad

impression. Even if you are attempting to ascertain whether or not you

would like to work there, you will likely never get the chance if your eyes

do not focus on the person speaking during a job interview. Eye-Blink /

Eye-Flutter Behavior Our blink rate increases when we are aroused,

troubled, nervous, or concerned, and it returns to normal when we are

relaxed. A series of rapid eye blinks may reflect an inner struggle. For

instance, if someone says something we don’t like, we may actually flutter

our eyelids. Similarly, we might also do so if we are having trouble

expressing ourselves in a conversation (see box 51). Eyelid flutter is very

much indicative of a struggle either with our performance or with the

delivery or acceptance of information. Perhaps more than any other actor,

British actor Hugh Grant uses eyelid flutter to communicate that he is

befuddled, nonplussed, struggling, or otherwise in trouble. Students of

nonverbal communication often note how President

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184 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 51 FLUTTER

FOCUS Observing for eyelid flutter can help you read people and adjust

your behavior accordingly. For instance, in a social gathering or business

meeting, the socially adept will look for this behavior to assess participants’

comfort. Something is troubling the individual whose lids are quivering.

This nonverbal is very accurate, and in some people it will start precisely at

the moment an issue arises. For instance, in conversation, an onset of eyelid

flutter indicates the subject has become controversial or unacceptable and a

change of topic is probably in order. The sudden appearance of this

nonverbal signal is important and should not be ignored, if you want your

guests to be comfortable. Since people vary in their blink rate or eyelid

fluttering — particularly if they are adjusting to new contact lenses — you

should look for changes in flutter rate, such as a sudden absence or increase

in flutter, to gain insight into a person's thoughts and feelings. Richard

Nixon’s blink rate increased when he made his “I am not a crook” speech.

The fact is eye -blink frequency will likely increase in anyone under stress

whether he is lying or not. I reviewed President Bill Clinton’s eye-blink rate

during his deposition, and it increased fivefold as a result of the stress he

was under. Though it’s tempting to do so, I would be very reluctant to label

anyone a liar just because their blink rate increases, since any stress,

including being asked questions in public, can cause the blink rate to

increase. Looking Askance Looking askance at others is a behavior that is

performed with the head and eyes (see figure 71). It can take the form of a

sideways or tilted head motion accompanied by a side glance or a brief roll

of the eyes. Looking askance is a display that is seen when we are

suspicious of others or https://www.8freebooks.net

THE MIND'S CANVAS 185 Fig. 71 We look askance at people

when we are distrustful or unconvinced, as in this photo. question the

validity of what they are saying. Sometimes this body signal is very quick;

at other times it may be almost sarcastically exaggerated and last

throughout an encounter. While more curious or wary than clearly

disrespectful, this nonverbal is fairly easy to spot and its message is, “I am

listening to you but I am not buying what you’re saying — at least not yet.”

UNDERSTANDING NONVERBAL BEHAVIORS OF THE MOUTH Like

the eyes, the mouth provides a number of relatively reliable and noteworthy

tells that can assist you in dealing more effectively with people. Like the

eyes, the mouth can also be manipulated by the thinking brain to send out

false signals, so caution must be exercised in interpretation. That said here

are some focal points of interest with regard to the body language of the

mouth. https://www.8freebooks.net

186 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING A False Smile and a

Real Smile It is well known by researchers that humans have both a fake

and a real smile (Ekman, 2003, 205—207). The fake smile is used almost as

a social obligation toward those who are not close to us, while the real smile

is reserved for those people and events we truly care about (see box 52). A

real smile appears primarily because of the action of two muscles: the

zygomaticus major, which stretches from the corner of the mouth to the

cheekbone, and the orbicularis oculi, which surrounds the eye. When

working together bilaterally, these draw the corners of the mouth up and

crinkle the outer edges of the eyes, causing the crow’s feet of a familiar

warm and honest smile (see figure 72). BOX 52: THE SMILE

BAROMETER With practice, it won’t take you long to distinguish between

a fake smile and the real thing. One easy way to speed the learning process

is to watch how people you know greet others based on how they feel about

them. For example, if you know your business partner feels good about

individual A and dislikes individual B and both have been invited to an

office party he is hosting, watch his face as he meets each person at the

door. You’ll be able to distinguish the two types of smiles in no time at all!

Once you can distinguish between a false and real smile, you can use it as a

barometer of how people really feel about you and you can respond

accordingly. You can also look for the different types of smiles to gauge

how your ideas or suggestions are coming across to the listener. Ideas that

are greeted with genuine smiles should be explored further and put on the

fast-track to-do list. Suggestions that are met with the fake smile should be

reevaluated or put on the back burner. This smile barometer works with

friends, spouses, co-workers, children, and even your boss. It provides

information about people’s feelings in all types and phases of interpersonal

interaction. https://www.8freebooks.net

THE MIND'S CANVAS 187 A real smile forces the corners of

the This is a fake or "polite smile’’: the corners mouth up toward the eyes.

of the mouth move toward the ears and there is little emotion in the eyes.

When we exhibit a social or false smile, the lip corner stretches sideways

through the use of a muscle called the risorius. When used bilaterally, these

effectively pull the corners of the mouth sideways but cannot lift them

upward, as is the case with a true smile (see figure 73). Interestingly, babies

several weeks old will already reserve the full zygomatic smile for their

mothers and utilize the risorius smile for all others. If you are unhappy, it is

unlikely that you will be able to smile fully using both the zygomaticus

majoris and the orbicularis oculi muscles. Real smiles are difficult to fake

when we have a sincere lack of emotion. Disappearing Lips, Lip

Compression, and the Upside-Down U If it seems like the lips have

disappeared from every photograph you have seen recently of anyone

testifying before Congress, it is because https://www.8freebooks.net

188 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING When the lips disappear,

there is usually stress or anxiety driving this behavior. of stress. I say this

with assurance, because when it comes to stress (like testifying before

Congress), nothing is more universal than disappearing lips. When we are

stressed, we tend to make our lips disappear subconsciously. When we press

our lips together, it is as if the limbic brain is telling us to shut down and not

allow anything into our bodies (see figure 74), because at this moment we

are consumed with serious issues. Lip compression is very indicative of true

negative sentiment that manifests quite vividly in real time (see box 53). It

is a clear sign that a person is troubled and that something is wrong. It

rarely, if ever, has a positive connotation. This does not mean the person is

being deceptive. It just means that they are stressed at the moment. In the

following series of photographs (see figures 75—78), I demonstrate how

the lips progressively go from full (things are OK) to disappearing or

compressed lips (things are not OK). Note especially on the final

photograph (figure 78) how the corner of the mouth turns down, making the

mouth look like an upside-down U. This behavior

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THE MIND'S CANVAS 189 BOX 53: WHEN DISAPPEARING

LIPS AREN’T THE ONLY THINGS BEING HIDDEN I look for lip

compression or disappearing lips during interviews or when someone is

making a declarative statement. This is such a reliable cue that it will show

up precisely at the moment a difficult question is asked. If you see it, that

doesn’t necessarily mean the person is lying. Instead, it indicates that a very

specific question served as a negative stimulus and really bothered the

person. For example, if I ask someone, “Are you hiding something from

me?” and he compresses his lips as I ask the question, he is hiding

something. This is especially accurate if it is the only time he has concealed

or compressed his lips during our discussion. It is a signal that I need to

push further in questioning this person. is indicative of high distress

(discomfort). This is a formidable cue or signal that the person is

experiencing an extreme amount of stress. In my classes (you might want to

try this with friends), I tell students to make their lips disappear or compress

them and to look around at each other. What they soon realize, when I point

it out to them, is they can make their lips disappear, but usually it is in a

straight line. Most people who try this cannot force the corners of the mouth

down into an upsidedown U shape. Why? Because this is a limbic response

that is hard to mimic unless we are really distressed or grieving. Do keep in

mind that for some people, the turned-down corners of the mouth is a

normal behavior and as such is not an accurate sign of distress. However,

for the large majority of us, this is a very accurate tell of negative thoughts

or sentiments. The Lip Purse Be sure to look for individuals who purse their

lips while you or someone else is talking (see figure 79). This behavior

usually means they disagree with https://www.8freebooks.net

Note that when the lips are full, usually When there is stress, the

lips will begin the person is content. to disappear and tighten. Lip

compression, reflecting stress or When the lips disappear and the corners

anxiety, may progress to the point where of the mouth turn down, emotions

and the lips disappear, as in this photo. confidence are at a low point, while

anxiety, stress, and concerns are running high. https://www.8freebooks.net

THE MIND'S CANVAS 191 We purse our lips or pucker them

when we are in disagreement with something or someone, or we are

thinking of a possible alternative. what is being said or they are considering

an alternative thought or idea. Knowing this information can be very

valuable in helping you determine how to present your case, modify your

offer, or guide the conversation. To ascertain whether the lip purse means

disagreement or rather that the person is considering an alternative point of

view, you should monitor the ongoing conversation long enough to gather

additional clues. Lip pursing is often seen during closing arguments at a

trial. While one attorney speaks, the opposing counsel will purse his or her

lips in disagreement. Judges also do it as they disagree with attorneys

during side-bar conferences. While reviewing contracts, watching for —

and spotting — lip-pursing behaviors can help attorneys decipher the

concerns or issues of opposing counsel. Lip pursing can be seen during

police interviews, especially when confronting a suspect with the wrong

information. The suspect will purse his lips in disagreement because he

knows the investigator has the facts wrong. In business settings, lip pursing

occurs all the time and should be considered an effective means of

gathering information about a situation. For https://www.8freebooks.net

192 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING example, as a paragraph

is being read from a contract, those opposed to a particular item or sentence

will purse their lips at the very moment the words are uttered. Or, as

individuals are being mentioned for promotion, you will see lip pursing as

the name of someone less desirable is being mentioned. Lip pursing is so

accurate that it really should be given greater attention. It shows up in

numerous settings and circumstances and is a very reliable indicator that a

person is thinking alternatively or is completely rejecting what is being

said. The Sneer The sneer, like the rolling of the eyes, is a universal act of

contempt. It is disrespectful and reflects a lack of caring or empathy on the

part of the person doing the sneering. When we sneer, the buccinator

muscles (on the sides of our face) contract to draw the lip corners sideward

toward the ears and produce a sneering dimple in the cheeks. This

expression is very visible and meaningful even if it is flashed for just a

moment (see A sneer fleetingly signifies disrespect or disdain. It says “I

care little for you or your thoughts.” https://www.8freebooks.net

THE MIND'S CANVAS 193 BOX 54 NOTHING TO SNEER AT

At the University of Washington, researcher John Gottman discovered

during therapy with married couples that if one or both partners sneered,

this was a significant and “potent signal" for predicting the likelihood of a

breakup. Once disregard or contempt has entered the psyche, as indicated

by a sneer, the relationship is troubled or even terminal. I have noted during

FBI investigations that suspects will sneer during interviews when they

think they know more than the interviewer or sense that the officer does not

know the full picture. In either circumstance, a sneer is a distinct sign of

disrespect or contempt for another person. figure 80). A sneer can be very

illuminating with regard to what is going on in a person’s mind and what

that may portend (see box 54). Tongue Displays There are numerous tongue

signals that can provide us with valuable insights into a person’s thoughts or

moods. When we are stressed, causing our mouth to be dry, it is normal to

lick our lips to moisten them. Also, during times of discomfort, we tend to

rub our tongues back and forth across our lips to pacify and calm ourselves.

We may stick out the tongue (usually to the side) as we focus assiduously

on a task (for example when basketball great Michael Jordan goes up for a

dunk) or we may poke out our tongue to antagonize someone we dislike or

to show disgust (children do this all the time). When an individual displays

other mouth cues associated with stress, such as lip biting, mouth touching,

lip licking, or object biting, it further bolsters a careful observer’s belief that

the person is insecure (see figure 81). Additionally, if people touch and/or

lick their lips while pondering their options, particularly when they take an

unusual amount of time, these are signs of insecurity.

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194 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Lip licking is a

pacifying behavior that tends to soothe and calm us down. You see it in

class just before a test. Tongue-jutting behavior is a gesture used by people

who think they have gotten away with something or are caught doing

something. I have seen this behavior in flea markets both here and in

Russia, among street vendors in Lower Manhattan, at poker tables in Las

Vegas, during interviews at the FBI, and in business meetings. In each case,

the person made the gesture — tongue between the teeth without touching

the lips — at the conclusion of some sort of a deal or as a final nonverbal

statement (see figure 82). This, in its own way, is a transactional behavior. It

seems to present subconsciously at the end of social interactions and has a

variety of meanings that must be taken in context. Its several meanings

include: I got caught, gleeful excitement, I got away with something, I did

something foolish, or I am naughty. Just today, as I was going over some

notes for this book, the attendant at the university cafeteria placed the

wrong vegetables on the plate of the student directly in front of me. When

the student spoke up to correct the error, the attendant jutted her tongue out

between her teeth and raised her shoulders as if to say, “Oops, I made a

mistake.” https://www.8freebooks.net

THE MIND'S CANVAS 195 Tongue jutting is seen when people

get caught doing something they shouldn’t, they screw up, or they are

getting away with something. It is very brief. In social or business

discussions, this tongue -jut behavior is usually seen toward the end of the

dialogue, when one person feels he has gotten away with something and the

other party has failed to detect or pursue the matter. If you see tongue -

jutting behavior, ask yourself what just transpired. Consider whether you

may have been fooled or cheated, or that you or someone else just made a

mistake. This is the time to assess whether someone is putting one over on

you. OTHER NONVERBAL BEHAVIORS OF THE FACE Furrowed

Forehead Frowning, by furrowing the forehead (and brow), usually occurs

when a person is anxious, sad, concentrating, concerned, bewildered, or

angry (see figure 83). A forehead furrow needs to be examined in context to

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196 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING A furrowed forehead is

an easy way to assess for discomfort or anxiety. When we are happy and

content, you hardly see this behavior. determine its true meaning. For

instance, I saw a supermarket cashier closing out her register drawer,

frowning as she went about counting her cash. You could see the intensity

and concentration of her expression, as she tried to square the totals at the

end of her shift. The same frown can be observed in someone who has just

been arrested and is being led out past reporters. The furrowed forehead is

usually present when someone finds himself in an untenable or disagreeable

situation but can’t escape, which is why you usually see it on arrest mug

shots. Incidentally, this frowning behavior is so ancient and so common to

mammals that even dogs will recognize it when we look at them with a

furrowed brow. Dogs themselves can exhibit a similar expression when they

are anxious, sad, or concentrating. Another interesting fact with regard to

frowning is that as we get older and add to our life experiences, our

foreheads develop deeper and deeper furrows that eventually become

permanent wrinkles. Just as permanent smile lines may develop from a

lifetime of positive nonverbals and signify a happy life, a person with a

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THE MIND'S CANVAS 197 wrinkled brow likely has had a

challenging life in which he engaged in frequent frowning. Nasal Wing

Dilation (Nose Flare) As discussed previously, the flaring of nostrils is a

facial cue that signals that a person is aroused. Lovers can often be seen

hovering around each other, their nostrils subtly flaring in excitement and

anticipation. Most likely, lovers engage in this subconscious behavior as

they absorb each other’s scents of sexual attraction known as pheromones

(Givens, 2005, 191—208). Nose flaring is also an intention cue, a potent

indicator of the intent to do something physical, and not necessarily sexual.

It can be anything from getting ready to climb some steep stairs to

preparing to move a bookcase. As people prepare to act physically, they

will oxygenate, which causes the nostrils to flare. As a law enforcement

officer, if I encounter a person on the street looking down, his feet in the

ready or “pugilistic position,” with his nose flaring, I suspect that he is

probably preparing to do one of three things: argue, run, or fight. Nasal

wing dilation is something you should always be watching for if you are

around someone who might have reason either to attack or run away from

you. It is just one of many suspicious behaviors we should teach our

children to watch for. That way they will be more aware when people are

becoming dangerous, especially at school or on playgrounds. Nail-Biting

and Related Signs of Stress If you see a person biting his nails while

waiting to close a deal, he probably does not impress you as being very

confident. Nail-biting is an indication of stress, insecurity, or discomfort.

When you see it in a bargaining session, even if just for a moment, it is safe

to assume that the nail-biter is unsure of himself and/or is bargaining from a

position of weakness. People interviewing for jobs or young men waiting

for their dates to arrive should avoid biting their nails, not only because it

looks https://www.8freebooks.net

198 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING unsightly, but also

because nail-biting shouts, “I am insecure.” We bite our nails not because

they need trimming primarily, but rather because it pacifies us. Facial

Blushing and Blanching Sometimes we will involuntarily blush or blanch

based on deep emotional states. To demonstrate blushing behavior in my

classes, I will make a student stand in front of the group and then I will

come up behind and get very close to the back of his or her neck. Usually

this violation of the person’s space will be enough to cause a limbic

reaction, making the face blush. On some people, especially fair-skinned

individuals, this can be very noticeable. People will also blush when they

are caught doing something they know is wrong. Then there is the blushing

that occurs when a person likes someone but doesn’t want him or her to

know it. Teenagers who harbor a secret crush on someone will often blush

when that particular person draws near. This is a true limbic response that is

transmitted by the body and is relatively easy to spot. Conversely, blanching

(turning pale) can take place when we are in the sustained limbic reaction

known as shock. I have seen blanching as a result of a traffic accident or in

an interview in which person was suddenly presented with overwhelming

evidence of his guilt. Blanching takes place as the involuntary nervous

system hijacks all the surface vessels and channels the blood to our larger

muscles to prepare for escape or attack. I know of at least one case where

an individual was so surprised to be arrested that he suddenly blanched and

had a fatal heart attack. Although these behaviors are only skin deep, we

should not ignore them, as they are indicative of high stress and will present

differently according to the nature and the duration of the circumstances.

Disapproval Cues through Facial Expressions Disapproval cues vary around

the world and reflect a specific culture’s social norms. In Russia, I have had

people look at me with scorn because https://www.8freebooks.net

THE MIND'S CANVAS 199 I was whistling while walking down

the hallway of an art museum. It seems that whistling indoors is a no-no in

Russia. In Montevideo, I was among a group that was sanctioned with

squinting eyes followed by a dismissive turn of the face away. Apparently

our group was talking too loudly and locals did not appreciate our

boisterous humor. In the United States, because the country is so large and

diverse, different locales will have different disapproval displays; what you

see in the Midwest is different from what you see in New England or New

York. Most disapproval displays show on the face and are among the

earliest messages we learn from our parents and siblings. Those who care

for us will give us “that face” to let us know if we are doing something

wrong or getting out of line. My father, who is very stoic, had “the look”

down pat; all he had to do was glance at me sternly and that was enough. It

was a look that even my friends feared. The man never had to castigate us

verbally. He just gave us that unmistakable glance, and that was it. For the

most part, we are fairly adept at understanding disapproval cues, although at

times they can be very subtle (see box 55). Recognizing censure is a key to

learning the unwritten rules and conventions of a country or area, as it

conveys when we have broken them. These signals help us know when we

are being rude. Undeserved and inappropriate displays of disapproval or

censure, however, are likewise rude. One nonverbal of disapproval too

commonly seen in America is rolling of the eyes. This is a sign of

disrespect and must not be tolerated, especially from subordinates, staff, or

children. Facial displays of disgust or disapproval are very honest and are

reflective of what is going on in the brain. Disgust likely registers primarily

on the face because this is the part of our anatomy that was adapted, over

millions of years, to reject spoiled food or anything else that might harm us.

Although these facial displays may range from muted to obvious —

whether confronted with negative or displeasing information or when

tasting bad food — as far as the brain is concerned, the sentiment is the

same. “I don’t like this, get it away from me.” No matter how slight the

grimace or look of distaste or displeasure, we can be confident in

interpreting these behaviors accurately because they are governed by the

limbic system (see box 56). https://www.8freebooks.net

200 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 55: A WATERED-

DOWN SALES PITCH Not long ago, I was approached by a saleswoman

for a major chain of gyms in central Florida. The young lady was very

enthusiastic to have me join the gym, stating it would only cost me a dollar

a day for the rest of the year. As I listened, she became even more animated,

as I think she saw me as a good prospect. When it was my turn to speak I

asked if the gym had a pool. She said no, but that it had other great features.

I then mentioned that currently I paid twenty-two dollars per month to

attend my gym and that it had an Olympic-size pool. As I spoke, she looked

down at her feet while making a microgesture of disgust (her nose and the

left side of her mouth lifted upward) (see figure 84). It was a short and

fleeting gesture, and if it had lasted longer, it would have looked like a

snarl. This microgesture was enough for me to know that she was

displeased with what I said, and after a second or two she made an excuse

to leave me and approach someone else. Sales pitch over. That was neither

the first nor the last time I observed such behavior. In fact, I have often seen

it in negotiations, where an offer is made and one of the participants

involved suddenly and without conscious thought made a similar

microgesture of disgust. When rejecting food being tendered in Latin

America, it is very common to perform this behavior while shaking the

head side to side, without saying a word. Interestingly, what is seen as rude

in one setting or country may be a perfectly acceptable gesture in another.

The key to successful travel is to know the customs in advance, so you

know what to do and what to expect. https://www.8freebooks.net

THE MIND'S CANVAS 201 BOX 56: TILL DISGUST DO US

PART Just how accurate is this disgust gesture in revealing our inner

thoughts and intentions? Here’s a personal example. While I was visiting

with a friend and his fiancee, he spoke of their upcoming marriage and

honeymoon plans. Unbeknownst to him, I witnessed her make a facial

microgesture of disgust as he uttered the word marriage. It was an

extremely fleeting gesture, and I thought it odd since the topic appeared to

be something about which both of them should have been excited. Months

later, my friend called to tell me that his fiancee had backed out of the

wedding. I had seen, in that single gesture, her brain registering its true

sentiments without equivocation. The thought of going through with the

marriage was repulsive to her. We crinkle our noses to indicate dislike or

disgust. This is very accurate but at times fleeting. In some cultures it is

really pronounced. https://www.8freebooks.net

202 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING GRAVITY-DEFYING

BEHAVIORS OF THE FACE The old adage “Keep your chin up” is a

remark directed at someone who is in the doldrums or experiencing

misfortune (see figures 85 and 86). This bit of folk wisdom accurately

reflects our limbic response to adversity. A person with his chin down is

seen as lacking confidence and experiencing negative sentiments while a

person with his chin up is perceived as being in a positive frame of mind.

What is true with the chin is also true for the nose. A nose-up gravity-

defying gesture is a high-confidence nonverbal tell, while a nosedown

position is a display of low confidence. When people are stressed or upset,

the chin (and nose, since it must follow along) tends not to be held high.

Tucking the chin is a form of withdrawal or distancing and can be very

accurate in discerning true negative sentiment. In Europe, in particular, you

see a lot more of these behaviors, especially holding the nose high when

looking down on those of lower class or snubbing someone. I was watching

French television while traveling Fig. 85 Fig. 86 When confidence is low or

we are When we feel positive, the chin comes concerned for ourselves, the

chin will out and the nose is high: both signs of tuck in, forcing the nose

down. comfort and confidence. https://www.8freebooks.net

THE MIND'S CANVAS 203 abroad and noted how one

politician, when asked a question he deemed beneath him, merely raised his

nose high, looking down on the reporter, and answered “No, I will not

answer that.” The nose reflected his status and attitude of contempt for the

reporter. Charles de Gaulle, a rather complex individual who eventually

became the president of France, was famous for projecting this kind of

haughty attitude and image. The Rule of Mixed Signals Sometimes we

don’t say what we’re really thinking, but our faces reflect it anyway. For

example, someone who is looking repeatedly at his watch or at the nearest

exit is letting you know he is either running late, has an appointment, or

would rather be elsewhere. This kind of look is an intention cue. Other

times, we say one thing but really believe otherwise. This brings us to a

general rule when it comes to interpreting emotions and/ or words by

looking at facial expressions. When confronted with mixed signals from the

face (such as happiness cues along with anxiety signals or pleasure

behaviors seen alongside displeasure displays), or if the verbal and

nonverbal facial messages are not in agreement, always side with the

negative emotion as the more honest of the two. The negative sentiment

will almost always be the more accurate and genuine of the person’s

feelings and emotions. For instance, if someone says, “So happy to see

you,” with jaws tightened, the statement is false. The tension in the face

reveals the true emotion the person is feeling. Why side with the negative

emotion? Because our most immediate reaction to an objectionable

situation is usually the most accurate; it is only after a moment when we

realize that others might see us that we mask that initial response with some

facial behavior that is more socially acceptable. So when confronted with

both, go with the first emotion observed, especially if it is a negative

emotion. https://www.8freebooks.net

204 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING CONCLUDING

THOUGHTS ON THE FACE Because the face can convey so many

different expressions and because we are taught to mask our facial displays

at an early age, anything you observe on the face should be compared with

the nonverbals of the rest of the body. In addition, because facial-cue

behaviors are so complex, it may be difficult to interpret whether they

reflect comfort or discomfort. If you are confused as to the meaning of a

facial expression, reenact it and sense how it makes you feel. You will find

this little trick may help you decipher what you just observed. The face can

reveal a great deal of information but it can also mislead. You need to look

for clusters of behaviors, constantly evaluate what you see in its context,

and note whether the facial expression agrees with — or is in contrast to —

signals from other parts of the body. Only by performing all of these

observations can you confidently validate your assessment of a person’s

emotions and intentions. https://www.8freebooks.net

EIGHT Detecting Deception Proceed with Caution! Throughout

the book, we’ve touched on many examples of nonverbal behavior, the

body signals we can utilize to better understand the feelings, thoughts, and

intentions of others. By now, I hope you have been persuaded that with

these nonverbal clues, you can accurately assess what every body is saying,

in any setting. There is, however, one type of human behavior that is

difficult to read, and that is deception. You might assume that as a career

FBI agent who has at times been called a human lie detector, I can spot

deceit with relative ease, and even teach you to become a personal

polygraph in short order. Nothing could be further from the truth! In reality,

it is extremely difficult to detect deception — far more so than getting an

accurate read on the other behaviors we have discussed throughout this

book. It is precisely because of my experience as an FBI agent involved in

behavioral analysis — a person who has spent his entire career attempting

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206 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING to detect lies — that I

recognize and appreciate the difficulties in accurately assessing deceptive

behavior. It is also for that reason that I have chosen to devote an entire

chapter — and to end this book — with a realistic appraisal and application

of nonverbal behaviors in detecting deception. Lots of books have been

written on this subject that make it sound easy, even for amateurs. I assure

you, it is not! I believe this is the first time a career law enforcement and

counterintelligence officer with a considerable background in this field, and

who still teaches in the intelligence community, has stepped forward to

sound this warning: most people — both laypersons and professionals —

are not very good at detecting lies. Why make this statement? Because,

unfortunately, I have seen too many investigators misinterpret nonverbal

behaviors over the years, making innocent people feel culpable or

unnecessarily uncomfortable. I have also seen both amateurs and

professionals make claims that are outrageous, ruining lives in the process.

Too many people have gone to jail for giving false confessions just because

an officer mistook a stress response for a he. Newspapers are replete with

horror stories, including the one about the New York Central Park jogger,

wherein officers mistook nonverbals of stress for deception and pressured

the innocent into confessions (Kassin, 2004, 172—194; Kassin, 2006, 207

—227). It is my hope that readers of this book will have a more realistic

and honest picture of what can and cannot be achieved through the

nonverbal approach to detecting deception, and, armed with this

knowledge, they will take a more reasoned, cautious approach to declaring

when a person is or is not telling the truth. DECEPTION: A TOPIC

WORTHY OF STUDY We all have a stake in the truth. Society functions

based on an assumption that people will abide by their word — that truth

prevails over mendacity. For the most part, it does. If it didn’t, relationships

would have a short shelf life, commerce would cease, and trust between

parents and children would be destroyed. All of us depend on honesty,

because when https://www.8freebooks.net

DETECTING DECEPTION 207 truth is lacking we suffer, and

society suffers. When Adolf Hitler lied to Neville Chamberlain, there was

not peace in our time, and over fifty million people paid the price with their

lives. When Richard Nixon lied to the nation, it destroyed the respect many

had for the office of the president. When Enron executives lied to their

employees, thousands of lives were ruined overnight. We count on our

government and commercial institutions to be honest and truthful. We need

and expect our friends and family to be truthful. Truth is essential for all

relations be they personal, professional, or civic. We are fortunate that, for

the most part, people are honest and that most of the lies we hear daily are

actually social or “white” lies, meant to protect us from the true answer to

questions such as “Do I look fat in this outfit?” Unquestionably, when it

comes to more serious matters, it is in our own sell-interest to assess and

determine the truth of what we are told. Achieving this, however, is not

easy. For thousands of years, people have been using soothsayers and all

manner of dubious techniques — such as putting a hot knife on a person’s

tongue — to detect deception. Even today, some organizations use

handwriting samples, voice-stress analysis, or the polygraph to spot liars.

All of these methods have questionable results. There is no method, no

machine, no test, no person that is 100 percent accurate at uncovering

deception. Even the vaunted polygraph is accurate only 60 to 80 percent of

the time, depending on the operator of the instrument (Ford, 1996, 230—

232; Cumming, 2007). Looking For Liars The truth is that identifying

deceit is so difficult that repeated studies begun in the 1980s show that most

of us — including judges, attorneys, clinicians, police officers, FBI agents,

politicians, teachers, mothers, fathers, and spouses — are no better than

chance (fifty-fifty) when it comes to detecting deception (Ford, 1996, 217,

Ekman, 1991, 162). It is disturbing but true. Most people, including

professionals, do no better than a coin toss at correctly perceiving

dishonesty (Ekman & O’Sullivan, 1991, https://www.8freebooks.net

208 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING 913—920). Even those

who are truly gifted at detecting deception (probably less than 1 percent of

the general population) seldom are right more than 60 percent of the time.

Consider the countless jurors who must determine honesty or dishonesty,

guilt or innocence, based on what they think are deceptive behaviors.

Unfortunately, those behaviors most often mistaken for dishonesty are

primarily manifestations of stress, not deception (Ekman, 1991, 187—188).

That’s why I live by the motto taught to me by those who know that there is

no single behavior that is indicative of deception — not one (Ekman, 1991,

162—189). This does not mean that we should abandon our efforts to study

deception and observe for behaviors that, in context, are suggestive of it.

My advice is to set a realistic goal: to be able to read nonverbal behaviors

with clarity and reliability, and let the human body speak to you as to what

it is thinking, feeling, or intending. These are more reasonable objectives

that, in the end, will not only help you understand others more effectively

(lying isn’t the only behavior worth detecting!), but will also give you clues

to deception as a byproduct of your observations. What Makes Deception

So Difficult to Detect? If you’re wondering why identifying deception is so

difficult, consider the old adage “Practice makes perfect.” We learn to lie at

such an early age — and we do it so often — that we become skillful at

telling falsehoods convincingly. To illustrate, think of how often you have

heard something like, “Tell them we are not home,” or “Put on a party

smile,” or “Don’t tell your dad what happened or we’ll both be in trouble.”

Because we are social animals, we not only lie for our own benefit, but we

he for the benefit of each other (Vrij, 2003, 3—11). Lying can be a way to

avoid giving a lengthy explanation, an attempt to avoid punishment, a

shortcut to a bogus doctoral degree, or it can simply be used to be nice.

Even our cosmetics and padded clothing help us to deceive. In essence, for

us humans, lying is a “tool for social survival” (St-Yves, 2007).

https://www.8freebooks.net

DETECTING DECEPTION 209 A NEW APPROACH TO

UNCOVERING DECEPTION During my last year at the FBI, I submitted

my research and findings on deception, including a review of the literature

for the previous forty years. This led to the FBI publication of an article

entitled “A Four-Domain Model of Detecting Deception: An Alternative

Paradigm for Interviewing” (Navarro, 2003, 19—24). This paper presented

a new model lor identifying dishonesty based on the concept of limbic

arousal and our displays of comfort and discomfort, or the

comfort/discomfort domain. Simply put, I suggested that when we are

telling the truth and have no worries, we tend to be more comfortable than

when we are lying or concerned about getting caught because we harbor

“guilty knowledge.” The model also shows how we tend to display more

emphatic behaviors when we are comfortable and truthful, and when we are

uncomfortable, we don’t. This model is currently being used worldwide.

Although its purpose was to train law enforcement officers to detect

deception during criminal investigations, it is applicable to any type of

interpersonal interaction — at work, at home, or anywhere in which

differentiating dishonesty from truth is important. As I present it to you

here, you’ll be uniquely prepared to understand it because of what you have

learned in previous chapters. The Critical Role of the Comfort/Discomfort

Equation in Detecting Deception Those who are lying or are guilty and

must carry the knowledge of their lies and/or crimes with them find it

difficult to achieve comfort, and their tension and distress may be readily

observed. Attempting to disguise their guilt or deception places a very

distressing cognitive load on them as they struggle to fabricate answers to

what would otherwise be simple questions (DePaulo et al., 1985, 323—

370). The more comfortable a person is when speaking with us, the easier it

will be to detect the critical nonverbals of discomfort associated with

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210 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING deception. Your goal is

to establish high comfort during the early part of any interaction or during

“rapport building.’’ This helps you to establish a baseline of behaviors

during that period when the person, hopefully, does not feel threatened.

Establishing a Comfort Zone for Detecting Deception In pursuing the

detection of deception, you must realize your impact on the actions of a

suspected liar, and recognize that how you behave will affect the other

person’s behavior (Ekman, 1991, 170—173). How you ask the questions

(accusingly), how you sit (too close), how you look upon the person

(suspiciously), will either support or disrupt their comfort level. It is well

established that if you violate people’s space, if you act suspicious, if you

look at them the wrong way, or ask questions with a prosecutorial tone, it

negatively intrudes on the interview. First and foremost, unmasking liars is

not about identifying dishonesty, but rather it is about how you observe and

question others in order to detect deception. Then, it is about the collection

of nonverbal intelligence. The more you see (clusters of behavior), the more

confidence you can have in your observations, and the greater your chances

for perceiving when someone is being untruthful. Even if you are actively

looking for deception during a discussion or interview, your role should be

neutral , to the extent possible, not suspicious. Remember that the moment

you become suspicious, you are affecting how a person will respond to you.

If you say, “You are lying” or “I think you are not telling the truth,” or even

simply look at him or her suspiciously, you will influence the person’s

behaviors (Vrij, 2003, 67). The best way to proceed is just to ask for ever-

more clarifying details about the matter, such as a simple “I don’t

understand” or “Can you explain how that happened again?” Often merely

getting someone to expand on his or her statement will suffice in eventually

sorting deceit from truth. Whether you are attempting to ascertain the

validity of someone’s credentials during an employment interview, the truth

about a theft at work, or especially if you are engaged in a serious

discussion https://www.8freebooks.net

DETECTING DECEPTION 211 regarding finances or potential

infidelity with your spouse, keeping your cool is essential. Try to remain

calm as you ask questions, don’t act suspicious, and appear comfortable and

nonjudgmental. That way the person you are speaking with will be less

likely to be defensive and/or unwilling to divulge information. Defining

Signs of Comfort Comfort is readily apparent in conversations with family

and friends. We sense when people are having a good time and are

comfortable in our presence. While seated at a table, people who are

comfortable with each other will move objects aside so that nothing blocks

their view. Over time, they may draw closer so they do not have to talk as

loudly. Individuals who are comfortable display their bodies more openly,

showing more of their torsos and the insides of their arms and legs (they

allow ventral access or fronting). In the presence of strangers, comfort is

more difficult to achieve, especially in stressful situations such as a formal

interview or a deposition. That is why it’s so important that you do your

best to create a comfort zone from the very outset of your interaction with

another individual. When we are comfortable, there should be synchrony in

our nonverbal behavior. The breathing rhythm of two comfortable people

will be similar, as will the tone and pitch of their speech and their general

demeanor. Just think of a couple leaning toward each other at a cafe as they

sit in full comfort. If one leans forward, the other follows, the phenomenon

known as isopraxism. If a person is standing while talking to us, leaning to

the side with hands in the pockets and feet crossed, most likely we will do

the same (see figure 87). By mirroring another person’s behavior, we are

subconsciously saying, “I am comfortable with you.” In an interview setting

or any situation where a difficult topic is being discussed, the tone of each

party should mirror the other over time if there is synchrony (Cialdini,

1993, 167—207). If harmony does not exist between the people involved,

this synchrony will be missing and discernible. They may sit differently,

talk in a manner or tone different from https://www.8freebooks.net

212 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING Here is an example of

isopraxis: Both people are mirroring each other and leaning toward each

other, showing signs of high comfort. each other, or at the least their

expressions will be at odds, if not totally disparate. Asynchrony is a barrier

to effective communication and is a serious obstacle to a successful

interview or discussion. If you are relaxed and poised during a conversation

or interview, while the other party continually looks at the clock or sits in a

way that is tense or lacks movement (referred to as flash frozen), this is

suggestive that there is no comfort, even though to the untrained eye it may

appear that everything is all right (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 321; Schafer &

Navarro, 2004, 66). If the other person seeks disruptions or talks repeatedly

of finalizing the conversation, these too are signs of discomfort. Obviously,

displays of comfort are more common in people speaking

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DETECTING DECEPTION 213 the truth; there is no stress to

conceal, and no guilty knowledge to make them uncomfortable (Ekman,

1991, 185). Thus, you should be looking for signs of discomfort — when

they occur and in what context — to assess for possible deception. Signs of

Discomfort in an Interaction We show discomfort when we do not like what

is happening to us, when we do not like what we are seeing or hearing, or

when we are compelled to talk about things we would prefer to keep

hidden. We display discomfort first in our physiology, due to arousal of the

limbic brain. Our heart rate quickens, our hairs stand on end, we perspire

more, and we breathe faster. Beyond the physiological responses, which are

autonomic (automatic) and require no thinking on our part, our bodies

manifest discomfort nonverbally. We tend to move our bodies in an attempt

to block or distance, we rearrange ourselves, jiggle our feet, fidget, twist at

the hips, or drum our fingers when we are scared, nervous, or significantly

uncomfortable (de Becker, 1997, 133). We have all noticed such discomfort

behaviors in others — whether at a job interview, on a date, or when being

questioned about a serious matter at work or home. Remember that these

actions do not automatically indicate deception; however, they do indicate

that a person is uncomfortable in the current situation for any number of

reasons. If you are attempting to observe discomfort as a potential indicator

of deception, the best setting is one that has no objects (such as furniture,

tables, desks, or chairs) between you and the person you are observing or

interviewing. Because we have noted that the lower limbs are particularly

honest, if the person is behind a desk or table, try to move it or convene

away from it, as such an obstacle will block the vast majority (nearly 80

percent) of the body surfaces that should be observed. In fact, watch for

liars to use obstacles or objects (such as a pillow, a drinking glass, or a

chair) to form a barrier between you and them (see box 57). The use of

objects is a sign that an individual wants distance, separation, and partial

concealment, because he or she is behttps://www.8freebooks.net

214 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING BOX 57 BUILDING

THE WALL In my role with the FBI years ago, I conducted a joint

interview of a subject along with an officer from a fellow law enforcement

agency. During the interview, a very uncomfortable and dishonest man

gradually built a barrier in front of himself using soda cans, pencil holders,

and various documents that were on the desk of my interviewing partner.

He ultimately planted a backpack on the table between himself and the

interviewers. The building of this barrier was so gradual that we did not

realize it until we later looked at the video. This nonverbal behavior

occurred because the subject was attempting to derive comfort by hiding

behind a wall of materials, thus distancing himself. Obviously, we got little

information or cooperation, and for the most part, he lied. ing less open —

which goes hand in hand with being uncomfortable or even deceitful.

Incidentally, when it comes to interviewing, or any conversation in which

you are interested in ascertaining the truth or genuineness of a person’s

statements, you may gain more nonverbal information if you are standing;

you can pick up on a lot of behaviors standing that simply go unnoticed

while sitting. While a lengthy period of standing may be impractical or

unnatural in some settings, such as at a formal job interview, there are often

still opportunities to observe standing behaviors, such as when greeting or

conversing while waiting for a table at lunch. When we are uncomfortable

with those around us, we tend to distance ourselves from them. This is

especially true of individuals trying to deceive us. Even while sitting side

by side, we will lean away from those with whom we feel uncomfortable,

often moving either our torsos or our feet away or toward an exit. These

behaviors can occur during conversations either because of the difficult,

unnerving, or sour relationship between the parties involved or because of

the subject matter being discussed. https://www.8freebooks.net

DETECTING DECEPTION 215 Other clear signs of discomfort

seen in people during a difficult or troubling conversation include rubbing

the forehead near the temple region, squeezing the face, rubbing the neck,

or stroking the back of the head with the hand. People may show their

displeasure by rolling their eyes in disrespect, picking lint off themselves

(preening), or talking down to the person asking the questions — giving

short answers, becoming resistant, hostile, or sarcastic, or even displaying

microgestures with indecent connotations such as giving the finger (Ekman,

1991, 101—103). Envision a snotty and indignant teenager who is being

questioned about a new and expensive sweater her mother suspects was

stolen from the mall and you’ll have a clear idea of all the defensive

maneuvers an uncomfortable person can display. When making false

statements, liars will rarely touch or engage in other physical contact with

you. I found this to be particularly true of informants who had gone bad and

were giving false information for money. Since touching is more often

performed by the truthful person for emphasis, this distancing helps to

alleviate the level of anxiety a dishonest person is feeling. Any diminution

of touching observed in a person engaged in conversation, especially while

hearing or answering critical questions, is more likely than not to be

indicative of deception (Lieberman, 1998, 24). If possible and appropriate,

you may consider sitting close to a loved one when questioning him or her

about something serious, or even holding your child’s hand while you

discuss a difficult matter. In this way you may more readily note changes in

touch throughout the conversation. A failure to touch does not

automatically indicate someone is deceptive, however, and physical contact

is clearly more appropriate and expected in some of our interpersonal

relationships than others. It is true that a lack of touch may signify that

someone does not like you, since we also don’t touch those we don’t respect

or for whom we have contempt. The bottom line is that assessing the nature

and length of the relationship is also important in discerning the meaning of

such distancing behavior. When looking at the face for signs of comfort or

discomfort, look for subtle behaviors such as a grimace or a look of

contempt (Ekman, 1991, 158—169). Also watch for a person’s mouth to

quiver or squirm in dishttps://www.8freebooks.net

216 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING comfort during a serious

discussion. Any facial expression that lasts too long or lingers is not

normal, whether a smile, a frown, or a surprised look. Such contrived

behavior during a conversation or an interview is intended to influence

opinion and lacks authenticity. Often when people are caught doing

something wrong or lying, they will hold a smile for what seems an eternity.

Rather than indicating comfort, this type of false smile is actually a

discomfort display. When we do not like something we hear, whether a

question or an answer, we often close our eyes as if to block out what was

just heard. The various forms of eye-blocking mechanisms are analogous to

folding our hands tightly across our chest or turning away from those with

whom we disagree. These blocking displays are performed subconsciously

and occur often, especially during a formal interview, and are usually

related to a specific topic. Eyelid flutter is also observed at times when a

particular subject causes distress (Navarro & Schafer, 2001, 10). All of

these eye manifestations are powerful clues as to how information is

registering or what questions are problematic for the recipient. However,

they are not necessarily direct indicators of deceit. Little or no eye contact

is not indicative of deception (Vrij, 2003, 38—39). This is rubbish for

reasons discussed in the previous chapter. Keep in mind that predators and

habitual liars actually engage in greater eye contact than most individuals,

and will lock eyes with you. Research clearly shows that Machiavellian

people (for example, psychopaths, con men, and habitual liars) will actually

increase eye contact during deception (Ekman, 1991, 141—142). Perhaps

this increase in eye contact is consciously employed by such individuals

because it is so commonly (but erroneously) believed that looking someone

straight in the eye is a sign of truthfulness. Be aware that there are cultural

differences in eye contact and eyegaze behavior that must be considered in

any attempt to detect deception. For example, individuals belonging to

certain groups of people (African Americans and Latin Americans, for

instance) may be taught to look down or away from parental authority out

of respect when questioned or being scolded (Johnson, 2007, 280—281).

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DETECTING DECEPTION 217 Take note of the head

movements of those with whom you are speaking. If a person’s head begins

to shake either in the affirmative or in the negative as he is speaking, and

the movement occurs simultaneously with what he is saying, then the

statement can typically be relied upon as being truthful. If, however, the

head shake or head movement is delayed or occurs after the speech, then

most likely the statement is contrived and not truthful. Although it may be

very subtle, the delayed movement of the head is an attempt to further

validate what has been stated and is not part of the natural flow of

communication. In addition, honest head movements should be consistent

with verbal denials or affirmations. If a head movement is inconsistent with

or contrary to a person’s statement, it may indicate deception. While

typically involving more subtle than exaggerated head movements, this

incongruity of verbal and nonverbal signals happens more often than we

think. For example, someone may say, “I didn’t do it,” while his head is

slightly nodding in the affirmative. During discomfort, the limbic brain

takes over, and a person’s face can conversely either flush or lighten in

color. During difficult conversations, you may also see increased

perspiration or breathing; note whether the person is noticeably wiping off

sweat or trying to control his or her breathing in an effort to remain calm.

Any trembling of the body, whether of the hands, fingers, or lips, or any

attempt to hide or restrain the hands or lips (through disappearing or

compressed lips), may be indicative of discomfort and/or deception,

especially if it occurs after normal nervousness should have worn off. A

person’s voice may crack or may seem inconsistent during deceptive

speech; swallowing becomes difficult as the throat becomes dry from stress,

so look for hard swallows. These can be evidenced by a sudden bob or jump

of the Adam’s apple and may be accompanied by the clearing or repeated

clearings of the throat — all indicative of discomfort. Keep in mind that

these behaviors are indicators of distress, not guarantees of deception. I

have seen very honest people testify in court displaying all these behaviors

simply because they were nervous, not because they were lying. Even after

years of testifying in federal and state courts, https://www.8freebooks.net

218 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING I still get nervous when

I am on the stand, so signs of tension and stress always need to be

deciphered in context. Pacifiers and Discomfort When interviewing

suspects during my years with the FBI, I looked for pacifying behaviors to

help guide me in my questioning and to assess what was particularly

stressful to the interviewee. Although pacifiers alone are not definitive

proof of deception (since they can manifest in innocent people who are

nervous), they do provide another piece of the puzzle in determining what a

person is truly thinking and feeling. The following is a list of twelve things

I do — and the points I keep in mind — when I want to read pacifying

nonverbals in interpersonal interactions. You might consider using a similar

strategy when you interview or converse with others, be it a formal inquiry,

a serious conversation with a family member, or an interaction with a

business associate. (1) Get a clear view. When I conduct interviews or

interact with others, I don’t want anything blocking my total view of the

person, as I don’t want to miss any pacifying behaviors. If, for example, the

person pacifies by wiping his hands on his lap, I want to be able to see it —

which is difficult if there is a desk in the way. Human resource personnel

should be aware that the best way to interview is in a physically open space

— with nothing blocking your view of the candidate — so you may fully

observe the person you are interviewing. (2) Expect some pacifying

behaviors. A certain level of pacifying behavior is normal in everyday

nonverbal displays; people do this to calm themselves. When my daughter

was young, she would soothe herself to sleep by playing with her hair,

curling the strands in her fingers, seemingly oblivious to the world. So I

expect people to pacify more or less, throughout the day, just as I expect

them to breathe, as they adapt to an ever-changing environment.

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DETECTING DECEPTION 219 (3) Expect initial nervousness.

Initial nervousness in an interview or serious conversation is normal,

particularly when circumstances surrounding the meeting are stressful. For

example, a father asking his son about his homework assignment will not be

as stressful as asking the boy why he was expelled from school for

disruptive behavior. (4) Get the person with whom you’re interacting to

relax first. As an interview, important meeting, or significant discussion

progresses, eventually those involved should calm down and become more

comfortable. In fact, a good interviewer will make sure this happens by

taking time to let the person become more relaxed before asking questions

or exploring topics that might be stressful. (5) Establish a baseline. Once a

person’s pacifying behaviors have decreased and stabilized to normal (for

that person), the interviewer can use that pacifying level as a baseline for

assessing future behavior. (6) Look for increased use of pacifiers. As the

interview or conversation continues, you should be observant of pacifying

behaviors and/or an increase (spike) in their frequency, particularly when

they occur in response to a specific question or piece of information. Such

an increase is a clue that something about the question or information has

troubled the person pacifying, and that topic likely deserves further

attention and focus. It is important to identify correctly the specific stimulus

(whether a question, information, or event) that caused the pacifying

response; otherwise you might draw the wrong conclusions or move the

discussion in the wrong direction. For example, if during an employment

interview the candidate starts to ventilate his shirt collar (a pacifier) when

asked a certain question about his former position, that specific inquiry has

caused sufficient stress that his brain is requiring pacification. This

indicates the issue needs to be pursued further. The behavior does not

necessarily mean that deception is involved, but simply that the topic is

causing the interviewee stress. https://www.8freebooks.net

220 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING (7) Ask, pause, and

observe. Good interviewers, like good conversationalists, do not machine

gun questions by firing one right after the other in a staccato fashion. You

will be hardpressed to detect deception accurately if your impatience or

impertinence antagonizes the person with whom you are speaking. Ask a

question and then wait to observe all the reactions. Give the interviewee

time to think and respond, and build in pregnant pauses to achieve this

objective. Also, questions should be crafted in such a way as to elicit

specific answers in order to better zero in on facts and fiction. The more

specific the question, the more likely you are to elicit precise nonverbals,

and now that you have better understanding of the meaning of subconscious

actions, the more accurate your assessments will be. In law enforcement

interviews, unfortunately, many false confessions have been obtained

through sustained staccato-like questioning, which causes high stress and

obfuscates nonverbal cues. We now know that innocent people will confess

to crimes, and even give written statements, in order to terminate a stressful

interview wherein pressure is applied (Kassin, 2006, 207—228). The same

holds true for sons, daughters, spouses, friends, and employees when grilled

by an overzealous person, be it a parent, husband, wife, companion, or boss.

(8) Keep the person you are interviewing focused. Interviewers should keep

in mind that many times when people are simply talking — when they are

telling their side of the story — there will be fewer useful nonverbals

performed than when the interviewer controls the scope of the topic.

Pointed questions elicit behavioral manifestations that are useful in

assessing a person’s honesty. (9) Chatter is not truth. One mistake made by

both novice and experienced interviewers is the tendency to equate talking

with truth. When interviewees are talking, we tend to believe them; when

they are reserved, we assume they are lying. During conversation, people

who provide an overwhelming https://www.8freebooks.net

DETECTING DECEPTION 221 BOX 58: IT’S ALL A LIE I

remember one case in which I interviewed a woman in Macon, Georgia. For

three days she voluntarily provided us with page after page of information. I

really felt we were on to something when the interview was finally over,

until it came time to corroborate what this woman had said. For over a year

we investigated her claims (both in the United States and in Europe), but in

the end, after expending significant effort and resources, we discovered that

everything she had told us was a lie. She had provided us pages and pages

of plausible lies, even implicating her innocent husband. Had I remembered

that cooperation does not always equal truth, and had I scrutinized her more

carefully, we would have been spared wasting a great deal of time and

money. The information this woman had given sounded good and seemed

plausible, but it was all trash. I wish I could say this incident happened to

me early in my career, but it did not. I am neither the first — nor will I be

the last — interviewer to be bamboozled this way. Though some people

naturally talk more than others, you should always be on the lookout for

this kind of chatty ploy. amount of information and detail about an event or

situation may appear to be telling the truth; however, they may be

presenting a fabricated smoke screen they hope will obfuscate the facts or

lead the conversation in another direction. The truth is revealed not in the

volume of material spoken but through the verification of facts provided by

the speaker. Until the information is verified, it is self-reported and perhaps

meaningless data (see box 58). (10) Stress coming in and going out. Based

on years of studying interviewee behavior, I have concluded that a person

with guilty knowledge will present two distinct behavior patterns, in

sequence, when asked a difficult question such as, “Did you ever go inside

the home of Mr. Jones?” The first behavior will

rehttps://www.8freebooks.net

222 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING fleet the stress

experienced when hearing the question. The interviewee will

subconsciously respond with various distancing behaviors including foot

withdrawal (moving them away from the investigator); he may lean away or

may tighten his jaw and lips. This will be followed by the second set of

related behaviors, pacifying responses to the stress that may include signals

such as neck touching, nose stroking, or neck massaging as he ponders the

question or answer. (11) Isolate the cause of the stress. Two behavior

patterns in series — the stress indicators followed by pacifying behaviors

— have traditionally been erroneously associated with deception. This is

unfortunate, because these manifestations need to be explained more simply

as what they are — indicators of stress and stress relief — not necessarily

dishonesty. No doubt someone who is lying may display these same

behaviors, but individuals who are nervous also show them. Occasionally I

will hear someone say, “If people talk while touching their nose, they are

lying.” It may be true that people who are deceptive touch their nose while

speaking, but so do individuals who are honest but under stress. The nose

touching is a pacifying behavior to relieve internal tension — regardless of

the source of that discomfort. Even a retired FBI agent who is stopped for

speeding with no legitimate explanation will touch his nose when pulled

over (yes, I paid the ticket). My point is this. Don’t be so hasty to assume

deception when you see someone touching his or her nose. For everyone

who does it while lying, you will find a hundred who do it out of habit to

relieve stress. (12) Pacifiers say so much. By helping us identify when a

person is stressed, pacifying behaviors help us identify issues that need

further focus and exploration. Through effective questioning we can both

elicit and identify these pacifiers in any interpersonal interaction to achieve

a better understanding of a person’s thoughts and intentions.

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DETECTING DECEPTION 223 TWO PRINCIPAL

NONVERBAL BEHAVIORAL PATTERNS TO CONSIDER IN

DETECTING DECEPTION When it comes to body signals that alert us to

the possibility of deception, you should be watching for nonverbal

behaviors involving synchrony and emphasis. Synchrony Earlier in this

chapter, I discussed the importance of synchrony as a way to assess for

comfort in interpersonal interaction. Synchrony is also important, however,

in assessing for deception. Look for synchrony between what is being said

verbally and nonverbally, between the circumstances of the moment and

what the subject is saying, between events and emotions, and even

synchrony of time and space. When being questioned, a person answering

in the affirmative should have congruent head movement that immediately

supports what is said; it should not be delayed. Lack of synchrony is

exhibited when a person states, “I did not do it,” while her head is nodding

in an affirmative motion. Likewise, asynchrony is demonstrated when a

man is asked, “Would you he about this?” and his head gives a slight nod

while he answers, “No.” Upon catching themselves in this faux pas, people

will reverse their head movements in an attempt to do damage control.

When asynchronous behavior is observed, it looks contrived and pathetic.

More often a mendacious statement, such as an untruthful “I did not do it,”

is followed by a noticeably delayed and less emphatic negative head

movement. These behaviors are not synchronous and therefore more likely

to be equated with deception because they show discomfort in their

production. There should also be synchrony between what is being said and

the events of the moment. Lor instance, when parents are reporting the

alleged kidnapping of their infant, there should be synchrony between the

event (kidnapping) and their emotions. The distraught mother and father

should be clamoring for law enforcement assistance, emphasizing

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224 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING every detail, feeling the

depths of despair, eager to help, and willing to tell and retell the story, even

at personal risk. When such reports are made by placid individuals, more

concerned with getting one particular version of the story out and lacking in

consistent emotional displays, or who are more concerned about their own

well-being and how they are perceived, it is behavior that is totally out of

synchrony with circumstances and inconsistent with honesty. Lastly, there

should be synchrony between events, time, and place. A person who delays

reporting a significant event, such as the drowning of a friend, spouse, or

child, or who travels to another jurisdiction to report the event should

rightfully come under suspicion. Furthermore, the reporting of events that

would have been impossible to observe from the person’s vantage point is

asynchronous, and therefore suspect. People who he do not consider how

synchrony fits into the equation, and their nonverbals and stories will

eventually fail them. Achieving synchrony is a form of comfort and, as we

have seen, plays a major role during police interviews and the reporting of

crimes; but it will also set the stage for successful and meaningful

conversations about all manner of serious issues in which detecting deceit is

important. Emphasis When we speak, we naturally utilize various parts of

our body — such as the eyebrows, head, hands, arms, torso, legs, and feet

— to emphasize a point about which we feel deeply or emotionally.

Observing emphasis is important because emphasis is universal when

people are being genuine. Emphasis is the limbic brain’s contribution to

communication, a way to let others know just how potently we feel.

Conversely, when the limbic brain does not back up what we say, we

emphasize less or not at all. For the most part, in my experience and that of

others, liars do not emphasize (Lieberman, 1998, 37). Liars will engage

their cognitive brains in order to decide what to say and how to deceive, but

rarely do they think about the presentation of the he. When compelled to he,

most people are not aware of how much emphasis or accentuation enters

into everyday https://www.8freebooks.net

DETECTING DECEPTION 225 conversations. When liars

attempt to fabricate an answer, their emphasis looks unnatural or is delayed;

rarely do they emphasize where appropriate, or they choose to do so only

on relatively unimportant matters. We emphasize both verbally and

nonverbally. Verbally, we emphasize through voice, pitch, or tone, or

through repetition. We also emphasize nonverbally, and these behaviors can

be even more accurate and useful than words when attempting to detect the

truth or dishonesty in a conversation or interview. People who typically use

their hands while speaking punctuate their remarks with hand gestures, even

going so far as pounding on a desk as they emphasize. Other individuals

accentuate with the tips of the fingers by either gesturing with them or

touching things. Hand behaviors complement honest speech, thoughts, and

true sentiments (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 277—284). Raising our eyebrows

(eyebrow flash) and widening our eyes are also ways of emphasizing a

point (Morris, 1985, 61; Knapp & Hall, 2002, 68). Another manifestation of

emphasis is seen when someone leans forward with the torso, showing

interest. We employ gravity-defying gestures such as rising up on the balls

of our feet when we make a significant or emotionally charged point. When

seated, people emphasize by raising the knee (staccato-like) while

highlighting important points, and added emphasis can be shown by

slapping the knee as it comes up, indicating emotional exuberance. Gravity-

defying gestures are emblematic of emphasis and true sentiment, something

liars rarely display. In contrast, people de-emphasize or show lack of

commitment to their own speech by speaking behind their hands (talking

while covering their mouths) or showing limited facial expression. People

control their countenance and engage in other movement restriction and

withdrawal behaviors when they are not committed to what they are saying

(Knapp & Hall, 2002, 320; Lieberman, 1998, 37). Deceptive people often

show deliberative, pensive displays, such as fingers to the chin or stroking

of cheeks, as though they are still thinking about what to say; this is in stark

contrast to honest people who emphasize the point they are making.

Deceptive people spend time evaluating what they say and how it is being

received, which is inconsistent with honest behavior.

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226 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING SPECIFIC

NONVERBAL BEHAVIORS TO CONSIDER IN DETECTING

DECEPTION Below are some specific things you’ll want to watch for

when examining emphasis as a means for detecting possible deception.

Lack of Emphasis in Hand Behaviors As Aldert Vrij and others have

reported, lack of arm movement and lack of emphasis are suggestive of

deception. The problem is there is no way of measuring this, especially in a

public or social setting. Nevertheless, strive to note when it occurs and in

what context, especially if it comes after a significant topic is brought up

(Vrij, 2003, 25—27). Any sudden change in movement reflects brain

activity. When arms shift from being animated to being still, there must be a

reason, be it dejection or (possibly) deception. In my own interviewing

experiences, I have noticed that liars will tend to display less steepling. I

also look for the white knuckles of the individual who grabs the chair

armrest in a fixed manner as though in an “ejector seat.” Unfortunately, for

this uncomfortable person, ejection from the discussion is often impossible.

Many criminal investigators have found that when the head, neck, arms,

and legs are held in place with little movement and the hands and arms are

clutching the armrest, such behavior is very much consistent with those

who are about to deceive, but again, it is not definitive (Schafer & Navarro,

2003, 66) (see figure 88). Interestingly, as individuals make declarative

statements that are false, they will avoid touching not only other people, but

objects such as a podium or table as well. I have never seen or heard a

person who is lying yell affirmatively, “I didn’t do it,” while pounding his

fist on the table. Usually what I have seen are very weak, nonemphatic

statements, with gestures that are equally mild. People who are being

deceptive lack commitment and confidence in what they are saying.

Although their thinking brain (neocortex) will decide what to say in order to

mislead, their https://www.8freebooks.net

DETECTING DECEPTION 227 Sitting for long periods in a

chair, as though flash frozen in an ejector seat, is evidence of high stress

and discomfort. emotive brain (the limbic system — the honest part of the

brain) simply will not be committed to the ruse, and therefore will not

emphasize their statements using nonverbal behaviors (such as gestures).

The sentiments of the limbic brain are hard to override. Try to smile fully at

someone you dislike. It is extremely difficult to do. As with a false or fake

smile, false statements come with weak or passive nonverbals. The

Rogatory Position When a person places his outstretched arms in front of

his body, with palms up, this is known as the rogatory (or “prayerful”)

display (see figure 89). Those who worship will turn their palms up to God

to ask for mercy. Likewise, captured soldiers will turn up their palms as

they aphttps://www.8freebooks.net

228 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING The palms-up or

“rogatory" position usually indicates the person wants to be believed or

wants to be accepted. It is not a dominant, confident display. proach their

captors. This behavior is also seen in individuals who say something when

they want you to believe them. During a discussion, observe the person

with whom you are speaking. When she makes a declarative statement, note

whether her hands are palm up or palm down. During regular conversation

in which ideas are being discussed and neither party is vehemently

committed to a particular point, I expect to see both palm-up and palm-

down displays. However, when a person is making a passionate and

assertive declaration such as, “You have to believe me, I did not kill her,”

those hands should be face down (see figure 90). If the statement is made

palms up, the individual supplicating to be believed, I would find such a

statement highly suspect. While this is not definitive, I would question any

declarative statement made with the palms up. The palm-up position is not

very affirmative and suggests that the person is asking to be believed. The

https://www.8freebooks.net

DETECTING DECEPTION 229 Statements made palm down are

more emphatic and more confident than statements made with hands palm

up in the rogatory position. truthful don’t have to plead to be believed; they

make a statement and it stands. Territorial Displays and Deception When

we are confident and comfortable, we spread out. When we are less secure,

we tend to take up less space. In extreme circumstances, distressed people

may fold their arms and legs into their own body, assuming an almost fetal

position. Uncomfortable conversations and interviews can evoke a variety

of withdrawn postures: arms that are intertwined like a pretzel and/or ankles

that are locked in place, sometimes to the point of being almost painful to

the observer. Look especially for dramatic changes in body position that

could be indicative of deception, particularly when they occur concurrently

with a specific change of topic. https://www.8freebooks.net

230 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING When we are confident

about what we believe or what we are saying, we tend to sit up, with

shoulders and back wide, exhibiting an erect posture indicative of security.

When people are being deceitful or are outright lying, they subconsciously

tend to stoop or sink into the furniture as if they are attempting to escape

what is being said — even if they, themselves, are saying it. Those who are

insecure, or are unsure of themselves, their thoughts, or their beliefs, are

likely to reflect this in their posture — usually by stooping slightly, but

sometimes dramatically by lowering their heads and drawing the shoulders

up to the ears. Look for this “turtle effect” whenever people are

uncomfortable and are trying to hide in the open. It is definitely a display of

insecurity and discomfort. Shoulder Shrugs Although we all shrug at one

time or another when we are not sure of something, liars will give a

modified shrug when they are unsure of themselves. The liar’s shrug is

abnormal in that it is abridged and customized because the person

manifesting it is not fully committed to what is being expressed. If only one

shoulder comes up, or if the shoulders rise nearly to the ears and the

person’s head seems to disappear, it is a sign of high discomfort and

sometimes seen in an individual preparing to answer a question deceptively.

CONCLUDING REMARKS As I stated at the beginning of the chapter, the

research over the last twenty years is unequivocal. There are no nonverbal

behaviors that, in and of themselves, are clearly indicative of deception

(Ekman, 1991, 98; Ford, 1996, 217). As my friend and researcher Dr. Mark

G. Frank repeatedly has told me, “Joe, unfortunately, there is no ‘Pinocchio

effect,’ when it comes to deception” (Frank, 2006). With that I must humbly

concur. Therefore, in order to sort fact from fiction, our only realistic

recourse is to rely on those behaviors indicative of comfort/discomfort,

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DETECTING DECEPTION 231 synchrony, and emphasis to

guide us. They are a guide or paradigm, and that is all. A person who is not

comfortable, not emphasizing, and whose communication is out of

synchrony is, at best, communicating poorly or, at worst, being deceptive.

Discomfort may originate from many sources, including antipathy between

those involved in the discussion, the setting in which the conversation is

held, or nervousness during an interview process. It can also, obviously, be

a result of culpability, guilty knowledge, having to hide information, or

plain lying. The possibilities are many, but now that you know how better to

question others, recognize their signs of discomfort, and the importance of

putting their behaviors into context, at least you have a starting point. Only

further inquiry, observation, and corroboration can assure us of veracity.

There is no way we can prevent people from lying to us, but at least we can

be on guard when they attempt to deceive us. Last, be careful not to label

someone a liar with limited information or based on one observation. Many

good relationships have been ruined this way. Remember, when it comes to

detecting deception, even the best experts, including myself, are only a

blink away from chance, and have a fifty-fifty probability of being right or

wrong. Plainly put, that’s just not good enough! https://www.8freebooks.net

https://www.8freebooks.net

NINE Some Final Thoughts A friend recently told me a story that

speaks to the theme of this book and, incidentally, can save you significant

hassles if you’re ever trying to find an address in Coral Gables, Florida.

This friend was driving her daughter to a photo shoot in Coral Gables,

several hours from their home in Tampa. Because she had never been to

Coral Gables before, she checked a map to determine the best route to

follow. All went well until she arrived in town and started looking for street

signs. There were none. She drove for twenty minutes through unmarked

intersections, no signs in sight. Finally, in desperation, she stopped at a gas

station and asked how anyone knew which street was which. The proprietor

wasn’t surprised by her question. “You’re not the first to ask,” he nodded

sympathetically. “When you reach the intersection, you need to look down,

not up. The street signs are six-inch weathered stone blocks with painted

names and they are placed on the ground just off the pavement.” My friend

heeded his https://www.8freebooks.net

234 WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING advice and within

minutes located her destination. “Obviously,” she noted, “I was looking for

street signs six feet or more above the ground, not six inches off the ground.

. . . What was most incredible,” she added, “was once I knew what to look

for and where to look, the signs were obvious and unmistakable. I had no

trouble finding my way.” This book is about signs, too. When it comes to

human behavior, there are basically two kinds of signs, verbal and

nonverbal. All of us have been taught to look for and identify the verbal

signs. By analogy, those are the ones that are located on poles, clearly

visible as we drive down the streets of a strange city. Then there are the

nonverbal signs, the ones that have always been there but that many of us

have not learned to spot because we haven’t been trained to look for and

identify signs located at ground level. What’s interesting is that once we

learn to attend to and read nonverbal signs, our reactions will mirror that of

my friend. “Once I knew what to look for and where to look, the signs were

obvious and unmistakable. I had no trouble finding my way.” It is my hope

that through an understanding of nonverbal behavior, you will achieve a

deeper, more meaningful view of the world around you — able to hear and

see the two languages, spoken and silent, that combine to present the full,

rich tapestry of human experience in all of its delightful complexity. This is

a goal well worth pursuing, and one that with effort I know you can

achieve. You now possess something powerful. You possess knowledge that

will enrich your interpersonal relationships for the rest of your life. Enjoy

knowing what every body is saying, for to that end I have dedicated myself

and this book. Joe Navarro Tampa, Florida USA

https://www.8freebooks.net

BIBLIOGRAPHY American Psychiatric Association. (2000).

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236 BIBLIOGRAPHY Diaz, B. (1988). The conquest of new

Spain. New York: Penguin Books. Dimitrius, J., & Mazzarella, M. (2002).

Put your best foot forward: Ma/(e a great impression by taking control of

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faces and feelings to improve communication and emotional life. New

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marketplace, politics, and marriage. New York: W. W. Norton & Co.

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psychology of deceit. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Press, Inc.

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deception. In Tom Williamson (Ed.), Investigative interviewing: Rights,

research, regulation. Devon, UK: Willian Publishing. Givens, D. B. (2005).

Love signals: A practical guide to the body language of courtship. New

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gestures, signs & body language cues. Retrieved 11/18/07 from Spokane

Center for Nonverbal Studies Web site: http://

members.aol.com/nonverbal2/diction 1 .htm. Goleman, D. (1995).

Emotional intelligence. New York: Bantam Books. Gregory, D. (1999).

Personal conversation with Joe Navarro, FBI F1Q, Washington, DC.

Grossman, D. (1996). On killing: The psychological cost of learning to kill

in war and society. New York: Back Bay Books. Hall, E. T. (1969). The

hidden dimension . Garden City, NY: Anchor. Hess, E. H. (1975a). The tell-

tale eye: How your eyes reveal hidden thoughts and emotions. New York:

Van Nostrand Reinhold. - (1975b). The role of pupil size in communication.

Scientific American 233, 110-119. Johnson, R. R. (2007). Race and police

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A critical appraisal of modern police interrogations. In Tom Williamson

(Ed.), Investigative interviewing: Rights, research, regulation. Devon, UK:

Willian Publishing. - (2004). True or false: “I'd know a false confession if I

saw one.” In Par Anders Granhag & Leif A. Stromwall (Eds.), The

detection of deception in forensic contexts. Cambridge, UK: Cambridge

University Press. Knapp, M. L., & Hall, J. A. (2002). Nonverbal

communication in human interaction, (5th Ed.). New York: Harcourt Brace

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BIBLIOGRAPHY 237 Leakey, R. E., & Lewin, R. (1977).

Origins: The emergence and evolution of our species and its possible future.

New York: E. P. Dutton. LeDoux, J. (1996). The emotional brain: The

mysterious underpinnings of emotional life. New York: Touchstone.

Lieberman, D. J. (1998). Never be lied to again. New York: St. Martin’s

Press. Manchester, W. (1978). American Caesar: Douglas MacArthur 1880

—1964. Boston: Little, Brown, & Company. Morris, D. (1985). Body

watching. New York: Crown Publishers. Murray, E. (2007). Interviewed by

Joe Navarro, August 18, Ontario, Canada. Myers, D. G. (1993). Exploring

psychology (2nd ed). New York: Worth Publishers. Navarro, J. (2007).

Psychologie de la communication non verbale. In M. St-Yues & M.

Tanguay (Eds.), Psychologie de Tenquete criminelle: La recherche de la

verite. Cowansville, Quebec: Les Editions Yvon Blais: 141—163. - (2006).

Read ’em and reap: A career FBI agent’s guide to decoding polder tells.

New York: HarperCollins. - (2003). A four-domain model of detecting

deception. FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin (June), 19—24. Navarro, J., &

Schafer, J. R. (2003). Universal principles of criminal behavior: A tool for

analyzing criminal intent. FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin (January), 22-24.

- (2001). Detecting deception. FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin (July), 9—

13. Nolte, J. (1999). The human brain: An introduction to its functional

anatomy. St. Louis, MO: Mosby. Ost, J. (2006). Recovered memories. In

Tom Williamson (Ed.), Investigative interviewing: Rights, research,

regulation. Devon, UK: Willian Publishing. Panksepp, J. (1998). Affective

neuroscience: The foundations of human and animal emotions. New York:

Oxford University Press, Inc. Prkachin, K. M., & Craig, K. D. (1995).

Expressing pain: The communication and interpretation of facial pain

signals. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior 9 (4), Winter, 181-205. Ratey, J. J.

(2001). A user’s guide to the brain: Perception, attention, and the four

theaters of the brain. New York: Pantheon Books. Schafer, J. R., & Navarro,

J. (2004). Advanced interviewing techniques. Springfield, IL: Charles C.

Thomas Publisher. Simons, D. J., & Chabris, C. F. (1999). Gorillas in our

midst: Sustained inattentional blindness for dynamic events. Perception 28,

1059—1074. St-Yves, M., & Tanguay, M. (Eds.) (2007). Psychologie de

I’enquete criminelle: La recherche de la verite. Cowansville, Quebec: Les

Editions Yvon Blais. Vrij, A. (2003). Detecting lies and deceit: The

psychology of lying and the implications for professional practice.

Chichester, UK: John Wiley & Sons, Ltd. https://www.8freebooks.net

https://www.8freebooks.net

INDEX (page numbers in italics refer to illustrations) abrazo, 130

—31 adapters, 35 adornments on arms, 128—30 body tattoo, 129 on torso,

98 affection, arms showing, 130—31 aggression, 32—33, 176 akimbo

display, 120—24, 121, 122, 123 Ali, Muhammad, 103 animal heritage, 25

—26 argument, 33 arm-freeze behavior, 112 the arms adornments on, 128

—30 affection shown with, 130—31 akimbo display of, 120—24, 121, 122,

123 behind the back, 117 courtship behavior of, 125—28 crossing, 91, 94

distancing, 119 as emotive transmitters, 109—10 everyday messages

communicated by, 116 gravity-related movements of, 110-11 movement

cessation of, 113 movements of, 115—16 restrained, 157 restricted

movement of, 112—15 spread behavior, 125, 126, 127

https://www.8freebooks.net

240 INDEX the arms ( continued ) territorial displays of, 119—31

withdrawal of, 111-12 askance, looking, 184—85, 185 asynchrony, 212

authoritative posture, 120—24 Axtell, Roger E., 140 barriers, 74, 119

asynchrony as, 212 dishonesty building, 214 baseline behaviors, 12—13,

219 Basinger, Kim, 79 Becker, Gavin de, 36 behaviors. See also foot

behavior; gravity-defying behaviors; nonverbal behaviors; pacifying

behaviors arm-freeze, 112 baseline, 12—13, 219 blocking, 31, 73, 74, 119

breathing, 103—4 chest-shielding, 93 clusters of, 204 cultural, 138—39

deception, 205—6 human brain governing, 50—51 isopraxism mirrored,

211 limbic system regulating, 24 sudden changes in, 13—15 behind the

back, arms, 117 “bird” finger, 162 blade away, 86—87 blanching (shock),

198 blocking behaviors, 31 arms used for, 119 leg crosses in, 73, 74

blushing, 198 body language. See also nonverbal behaviors; nonverbal

communications competent observer of, 7—10 deception detected in, xiii

feet/legs observation for, 55—57 intention cues from, 16 self-administered

hug in, 48—49 teachers/students communicating through, 2 truthfulness of,

4 Bodytalh: The Meaning of Human Gestures (Morris), 140 borderline

personality, 129 brain. See human brain brain-scan technology, xii breathing

behavior, 103—4 brief touching, eyes, 177 buccinator muscles, 192

Chamberlain, Neville, 207 chest, puffing up, 103-4 chest-shielding

behavior, 93 children affection shown to, 130—31 arm movement cessation

of, 113 foot movements of, 55 shielding behaviors of, 94 clarity, of thought,

182 Clinton, Bill, 184 clothing, 92, 98—100 cognition, higher order, 23—

24 cold, being, 95 comfort/discomfort equation, 209—10 comfort

responses, 34—49. See also discomfort responses facial muscles relaxed

and, 169—70 feet/leg displays of, 68—71 https://www.8freebooks.net

INDEX 241 head tilt displaying, 171 interpersonal interactions

establishing, 209—10 interviewer establishing, 210—211 isopraxism signs

of, 212 looking away sign of, 182—83 nonverbal communications and, 15

signs of, 211—13 spreading out as, 229—30 synchrony and, 223—24 torso

splay and, 101—3 ventral denial/fronting with, 88—91 communal survival,

27 concerted/contextual observation, 8—10 confessions, 220 confidence.

See high confidence; low confidence confrontational situations, 66

contempt, 192, 192—93 cooperation/truth, 221 cooperative feet/legs, 76—

78 couples, 87 courtship arms behavior in, 125—28 feet/leg displays

during, 71—74 court testimony, 150 criminal investigation, 146 crossing

arms, 91, 94 cultural behaviors, 138—39 danger, 118 Dangerfield, Rodney,

49 da Vinci, Leonardo, 54 Dean, Diana, 24 deception body language

revealing, xiii comfort/discomfort equation detecting, 209—10 deliberate

pensive displays in, 225 detection difficult of, 205—6 discomfort responses

and, 231 facial expressions in, 56 new detection approaches to, 209—22

principal nonverbal behaviors in, 223-25 specific nonverbal behaviors in,

226-30 sweaty hands indicative of, 143-44 territorial displays and, 229—30

defense wounds, 110 de Gaulle, Charles, 203 depression, clinical, 65

detection of deception, 205—6, 209—22 in nonverbal behaviors, 223—25

disagreement, 189—92 disapproval cues, 198—99 discomfort responses,

34-49 deception and, 231 facial expressions of, 168 false smile as, 216

human beings indications of, 217—18 nonverbal communications and, 15

pacifiers and, 218—22 signs of, 213—18 tongue displays in, 193—95, 195

upside-down U indicative of, 188—89 disengagement, 60—61 disgust, 200

—201, 201 dishonesty barriers built from, 214 neocortex capable of, 25

professionals perception of, 207—8 stress and, 208 disrespect, 199

distancing nonverbal behaviors, 31—32 the arms in, 119 flight response as,

31—32 https://www.8freebooks.net

242 INDEX distrust, 185 dominance display of genital framing,

155—56, 156 stance of, 66—67, 125 downward gaze, 182—83

Eisenhower, Dwight David, 97 ejector seat position, 227 Ekman, Paul, 162

emotions. See also negative feelings; positive feelings arms transmitting,

109—10 couples pulling apart through, 87 of face, 167—70 pupil dilation

indicating, 179 emphasis hands lacking, 226—27 honesty using, 224—25

endorphins, 41 environment, observation of, 7—10 erect position, 230

Europe, gestures in, 202, 202—3 evasive actions, 31 exhaling, 41 eye-blink

behavior, 183—84 eye-blocking, 33, 177, 216 FBI using, 178 limbic system

employing, 178 as nonverbal communication, 3 pupillary

constriction/squinting as, 172, 172-75, 174-75 undesirable images

protection from, 176-79 eyebrows lowered, 175 raised, 181—82 eye

contact, 216 eye-flutter behavior, 183—84, 216 eye-gaze behavior, 67, 182

—83 eye-lid behavior, xii the eyes brief touching of, 177 eye flash of, 179

—82 flashbulb, 179, 180 nonverbal behaviors of, 170—85 positive feelings

shown by, 179 rolling of, 199 the face disapproval cues through, 198—99

emotional displays of, 167—70 facial blushing/blanching of, 198 furrowed

forehead of, 168, 195—97, 196 gravity-defying behaviors of, 202—3

happiness reflected in, 169—70 muscles relaxed of, 169—70 negative

feelings expressed by, 167 nonverbal behaviors of, 195—201 nose flaring

of, 197 pacifying behavior involving, 45 poker, 56 touching, 41 facebook,

48 facial expressions deceitful, 56 disapproval cues in, 198—99 of

discomfort, 168 disgust gesture of, 200—201 interpretation difficult of, 204

meaningful insights from, 166—67 mixed signals from, 203 universal

language of, 165—66 false smile, 187 as discomfort display, 216 real smile

v., 186—87 https://www.8freebooks.net

INDEX 243 FBI. See Federal Bureau of Investigation Federal

Bureau of Investigation (FBI), 2, 178 the feet/legs, 54—55. See also foot

behavior; the legs children’s movements of, 55 cooperative/noncooperative,

76—78 courtship displays of, 71-74 gravity-defying behaviors of, 63—65

high comfort displays of, 68—71 as honest body part, 53, 55—57

impatience and, 59—60 interlocking of, 81, 81-83 leg splay with, 65—67

limbic system reaction of, 54—55 movement changes of, 78—80 nonverbal

behavior involving, 57—60, 170 shifting away, 60—61, 62, 78 fight

response aggressive survival through, 32—33, 176 of limbic system, 32—

34 personal space threats and, 33—34 finger pointing, 139-41, HO

snapping, 140 flashbulb eyes, 179, 180 flight response distancing nonverbal

behaviors of, 31-32 of limbic system, 30—32 threat escape of, 30—31 foot

behavior children and, 55 freeze, 80—81, 82 as intention cue, 61, 62

jiggling/kicking, 79—80 romance and, 72—73 forehead furrowed, 168, 195

—97, 196 rubbing, 40 “A Four-Domain Model of Detecting Deception: An

Alternative Paradigm for Interviewing,” 209 Frank, Mark G., 230 freeze

response arm behavior as, 112 foot behavior and, 80—81, 82 of limbic

system, 26—29, 158 frozen hands, 157 genital framing, 155—56, 156

gestures. See also microgestures disgust, 200—201 nose-up, 202, 202—3

offensive hand, 139—41 powerful hand, 135 travel knowing acceptable,

200 Gestures: The Do’s and Taboos of Body Language Around the World

(Axtell), 140 The Gift of Fear (Becker), 36 Gottman, John, 193 gravity-

defying behaviors of arms, 110—11 of face, 202—3 of feet/legs, 63—65

gravity-related movements, 110—11 “guilty knowledge,” 209, 221—22

Hall, Edward, 68 hand displays arms restrained and, 157 of high

confidence, 147—50 https://www.8freebooks.net

244 INDEX hand displays ( continued ) of low confidence/stress,

157—61 the hands changing behaviors of, 161—63 emphasis lacking in,

226—27 frozen, 157 holding of, 138—39 human brain and, 133—34

interlaced stroking of, 158—59, 159 microexpressions of, 161 negative

feelings created by, 135—36 nonverbals of, 144—47 offensive gestures of,

139—41 persuasive speakers movement of, 134-35 physical appearance of,

142—43 powerful gestures of, 135 shakiness and, 145-47 steepling of, 147

—50, 198, 226 sweat and, 143—44 thumb displays of, 150—51 wringing

of, 149, 157—58 handshake politician’s, 137—38 power of, 136—39

happiness, 169—70 happy feet, 57—60, 170 the head movements of, 217

tilt, 171 high confidence hand displays of, 147—50 hand steepling behavior

of, 147—50 happy feet as, 57—60, 170 high-status individuals with, 151—

52, 152 in nonverbal behavior, 35 nose-up gesture as, 202, 202— 3

steepling purveyor of, 149 thumb displays showing, 150—51 higher-order

cognition/memory, 23—24 high-status individuals, 120, 151—52, 152

Hitler, Adolf, 135, 207 holding hands, 138—39 honesty, 206—7 body part

reflecting, 53, 55—57 emphasis used in, 224—25 limbic system/brain

creating, 23 hooding effect, 124, 124—25 hug, 48-49 human beings

discomfort indications of, 217—18 limbic system regulation by, 65

subconsciously leaning away from, 32, 90 subtle observation of, 17 sudden

behavioral changes in, 13—15 thoughts of, xii human body nonverbal

messages of, 17—18 silent language of, xiv thoughts/feelings transmitted

by, 2 human brain behavior governed by, 50—51 hands subtle nuances and,

133—34 limbic system of, xiv, 22—23 pupil dilation and, 172—74 “human

lie detector,” xii idiosyncratic nonverbal behavior, 12 impatience, 59—60

innocent people, 220 insecurity, 155 insights, 166—67 intention cues, 16

foot behavior as, 61, 62 starter’s position as, 66 https://www.8freebooks.net

INDEX 245 interlaced stroking, hands, 158—59, 159 interlocking

of feet/legs, 81, 81-83 interpersonal interactions, 4 comfort responses

established in, 209- 10 discomfort signs in, 213—18 feet shifting away in,

60—61, 62, 78 knowledge enriching, 234 pacifying nonverbals in, 218—22

interpretation, 204 interviews comfort zone established in, 210- 211

discomfort signs in, 213—18 eye-lid behavior understood in, xii

nervousness in, 219 pacifying behaviors in, 37, 218—22 patience in, 220

synchrony and, 211—13 isopraxism, 90, 212 behaviors mirrored through,

211 communal survival through, 27 jaw tightening, 167—68 Jordan,

Michael, 193 Kennedy, John F., 151 knee clasp, 62—63, 63 knowledge,

209, 221—22, 234 kowtow position, 96—97 Kulis, Joe, 79 leaning away,

32, 90 leg-kick response, 79—80 the legs. See also feet/legs cleansing, 46,

46—47 crossing, 68—71, 69, 70, 73, 74 splay, 65—67 lie detector, xii life,

successful in, 5 limbic system, 23—34 comfort/discomfort responses of,

34-49 danger exposure limited by, 118 eye-blocking from, 178 feet/legs

reaction from, 54—55 fight response of, 32—34 flight response of, 30—32

freeze response of, 26—29, 158 genuine behaviors regulated by, 24 as

honest brain, 23 human beings regulating, 65 of human brain, xiv, 22—23

nonverbal responses of, 25—34 override difficult of, 226—27 past negative

feelings from, 36 stress/nervousness and, 144—45 torso protection from,

107 the lips compression of, 10—11, 187—89, 190 disappearing, 187—89,

188, 190 pursed, 11, 189—92 ,191 looking away, 182—83 low confidence

hand displays of, 157—61 lowered eyebrows sign of, 175 low-status

individuals and, 153—54, 155 neck touching and, 159—60 in nonverbal

behavior, 35 thumb displays showing, 153-54 low-status individuals, 153—

54, 155 https://www.8freebooks.net

246 INDEX lying brain, 25 detecting, 207—8 emphasis unnatural

when, 224-25 eye contact during, 216 frozen hands and, 157 hand steepling

less when, 226 physical contact and, 215 restraining behavior during, 82 as

social survival tool, 208 MacArthur, Douglas, 97 MacLean, Paul, 22

McFadden, Martin, 18 memory, higher order, 23— 24 men, tie adjusting of,

42 messages, arms communicating, 116 microexpressions, of hands, 161

microgestures, 162, 200—201, 201 military personnel, 121 mixed signals,

facial expressions, 203 Morris, Desmond, 54, 75, 140 the mouth, 185—95

movement changes, 78—80 multiple tells, 13, 83 nail-biting, 143, 197—98

nasal wing dilation, 197 the neck covering dimple of, 38, 39 happiness

reflected in, 169—70 not covering, 160 pacifying behaviors involving, 42

—43, 43 touching, 40, 44, 159—60 negative feelings, 36 arms down for,

110-11 faces expressing, 167 hands hidden creating, 135—36 lip

compression indicative of, 187—89 of preening, 141—42 turtle effect

showing, 106 neocortex, 22 dishonesty capability of, 25 higher-order

cognition/memory performed by, 23—24 nervousness, 219 neural imaging,

xii Nixon, Richard, 184, 207 noncooperative feet/legs, 76—78 nonverbal

behaviors in deception, 205-6, 223-25, 226-30 defining, 2—5 distancing, 31

—32 of the eyes, 170—85 of the face, 195—201 feet/legs involved in, 57—

60, 170 of the hands, 144-47 high/low confidence in, 35 idiosyncratic, 12

interpersonal communications using, 4 of the mouth, 185—95 people’s

thoughts deciphered through, xii signs of, 233—34 stress displayed

through, 29 synchrony in, 211-13 universal tells of, 10—11 upper body, 86

—106 walking style important as, 76 nonverbal communications comfort v.

noncomfort, 15 contextual observation understanding, 8—10

https://www.8freebooks.net

INDEX 247 decoding, 6 decoding ten commandments of, 7-17

eye-blink frequency and, 183—84 eye-blocking as, 3 false/misleading, 15

human body giving off, 17—18 limbic systems responses of, 25—34 poker

players understanding of, 6 successful life learning, 5 tells of, 4 the nose

flaring of, 197 touching of, 222 up gesture of, 202, 202—3 observation of

body language/environment, 7—10, 55-57 concerted/contextual, 8—10 of

human beings, 17 offensive gestures, of hands, 139—41 orbicularis oculi,

186—87 pacifying behaviors, 34-49 discomfort responses and, 218—22 of

face, 45 guidelines of, 49—50 increased use of, 219 in investigative

interviews, 37, 218— 22 leg cleansing as, 46—47 of neck, 42—43, 43 of

self-administered body-hug, 48—49 stress linked to, 50 threatening

experience followed by, 35-37 types of, 39—42 as ventilator, 47—48, 49 of

women, 38—39 palm-up position, 228 patience, in interviews, 220 pensive

displays, 225 personality, borderline, 129 personal space, 33—34

pheromones, 197 physical appearance, 100 of hands, 142—43 preening

and, 101 physical contact, lying and, 215 poker face, 56 poker players, 6

police officers, 122 politician’s handshake, 137—38 positive feelings arms

up for, 110—11 eye behaviors showing, 179 eye flash displaying, 179—82

flashbulb eyes showing, 179, 180 predators eye contact of, 216 walking

speed/direction of, 77 preening, 101, 141-42 pressure marks, 114 primitive

man, 27 problematic issue, 1 1 professionals, 207—8 protection of torso, 92

proxemics, spatial needs, 68 proximity issues, 75 psychological flight, 161

—62 “pugilistic position,” 197 pupil dilation brain’s visual information

increased from, 172-74 factors involved in, 181 positive emotions indicated

by, 179 https://www.8freebooks.net

INDEX 248 pupillary constriction, 172, 172—75 pursed lips

disagreement causing, 189—92, 1 91 problematic issue causing, 1 1 raised

eyebrows, 181—82 “rapport building,” 209—10 real smile, 186—87, 187

Reesam, Ahmed, 24 Reeser, Marc, 173 regal stance, 117 restrained arm

behavior, 115 restraining behavior, 82 restricted movement, 112—15

risorius, 187 rogatory position, 227—29, 228 rolling of the eyes, 199

romance, 72—73 roving eyes, 183 security force, 154 self-restraint, 112

sensuous pleasure, 127 “shake and wait” approach, 75 shaky hands, 145—

47 shielding behaviors, of children, 94 shoplifters, 115 shoulder rise, 105—

6 shrug, 104-5, 105, 230 signs of comfort responses, 182—83, 211—13,

212 of discomfort responses, 213—18 of low confidence, 175 of nonverbal

behavior, 233—34 of stress, 197—98 silent language, xiv “situational

awareness,” 8—10 smile barometer, 186 false, 186-87, 187, 216 lines, 196

—97 real, 186-87, 187 the sneer, 192, 192—93 social harmony, 89, 132

social interactions, 31 social survival tool, 208 society, 206—7

socioeconomic status, 129 sounds, 45 spatial needs, 68 speakers hand

movement of, 134—35 looking away from, 182—83 splay behavior, 101—

3, 102 spreading out, 229—30 squinting, 168, 174—75 different meanings

of, 176 as eye-blocking, 172, 172—75, 174—75 starter’s position, 65, 66

steepling, hand, 148, 149 high confidence behavior of, 147—50 liars using

less, 226 stomach, upset, 96 stress dishonesty and, 208 ejector seat position

indicative of, 227 freeze mode under, 80—81, 82 hand displays of, 157—61

heaving chest during, 103—4 isolating causes of, 222 jaw tightening

indicating, 167—68 limbic system and, 144-45 https://www.8freebooks.net

INDEX 249 nail biting sign of, 197—98 nonverbal behavior

showing, 29 pacifying behavior linked to, 50 signs of, 197—98 women

dealing with, 44 yawning caused by, 45 students/teachers, 2 suprasternal

notch, 38—39, 42, 43 Supreme Court decision, 18—19 survival animal

heritage of, 25—26 communal, 27 swallows, hard, 217 sweaty hands, 143

—44 synchrony comfort levels and, 223—24 in nonverbal behaviors, 211—

13 tattoos, 129 teachers/students, 2 tells. See also multiple tells eye-

blocking as, 178 multiple, 13, 83 of nonverbal behavior, 10—11 of

nonverbal communications, 4 restrained arm behavior as, 115 universal, 10-

11 ten commandments, nonverbal communications, 7—17 territorial

displays, 65—67, 102 of the arms, 119—31 arms spread in, 126 deception

and, 229—30 significant changes in, 128 territorial imperative, 68 Terry v.

Ohio, 18—19 thoughts/feelings, 2, 182 threatening experience, 30—31, 35

—37 thumb displays high confidence in, 150—51 insecurity in, 155 low

confidence in, 153—54 tie, men adjusting, 42 toes, pointing upward, 64

tongue displays, 193—95, 195 the torso adornments, 98 baring, 103 bow,

95-97 breathing behavior and, 103-4 embellishments, 97—100 lean, 86-87,

90 limbic system protecting, 107 protecting, 92 shield, 91—95 splays, 101-

3 true sentiments reflected by, 85 travel, 200 truth of body language, 4

cooperation not equated to, 221 society functioning on, 206—7 the torso

reflecting, 85 “turtle effect,” 29, 30, 106 undesirable images, 176—79

United States, 198-99 universal language, 165—66 upper body, 86—106

upside-down U, 188—89 the ventilator, 47—48, 49 ventral denial/fronting,

88—91 https://www.8freebooks.net

250 INDEX ventral side, pressure marks on, 114 verbal

altercation, 33 voice, 217 Vrij, Aldert, 226 walking different styles of, 75—

76 nonverbal behaviors in, 76 predators speed/direction of, 77 Walters,

Barbara, 79 warning signal, 14 withdrawal, of arms, 111-12 women

pacifying behaviors of, 38—39 stress reactions of, 44 wringing, hands, 149,

157—58 yawning, 45 zygomaticus major, 186—87

https://www.8freebooks.net

About the Authors For twenty-five years, JOE NAVARRO was an

FBI counterintelligence special agent and supervisor specializing in

nonverbal communications. A frequent lecturer, he serves on the adjunct

faculty at Saint Leo University and the FBI. MARVIN KARLINS received

his Ph.D. in psychology from Princeton University and is senior professor

of management at the University of South Florida. He is the author of

twenty-three books and most recently collaborated with Joe Navarro on Phil

Hellmuth Presents Read ’Em and Reap. Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for

exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.

https://www.8freebooks.net

ALSO BY JOE NAVARRO WITH MARVIN KARLINS Phil

Hellmuth Presents Read ’Em and Reap https://www.8freebooks.net

Credits Designed by Susan Walsh Illustrations (except for the

limbic brain diagram) by David R. Andrade Cover design by Victor

Mingovits for Mucca Design Photographs of Joe Navarro by Mark Wemple

https://www.8freebooks.net

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